The Perfection Paradox (14 page)

The
golden-haired parents sat side by side, the mother resting her head
affectionately on her husband’s shoulder as she sipped on a large
glass of wine. Her sons all listened intently as their father
spoke. The only daughter, whose skin glowed like alabaster in the
sun, nodded thoughtfully.

Matt’s
breathing seemed to slow as he watched her. She was mesmerizing,
everything about her. It seemed impossible that anyone so idyllic
could’ve been created by the mere gamble of genetics.

She laughed
and frowned and smiled and furrowed her brow and it was like Matt
was watching it all for the first time, like he’d never seen a
smile before. He felt a sheepish grin spread across his own face as
he watched hers.

Maybe this
was creepy or weird to someone else, but to Matt nothing had felt
more right, nothing made him more happy than watching this girl who
had probably forgotten he existed.

He thought of
her a lot that night, even more than usual. When sleep finally
claimed him, he dreamt of her too.

He was behind
bars, a knot of rope around his throat, growing ever tighter. He
was grasping through the iron bars that held him in, clawing at
her, vying desperately for her attention, but she turned away. He
shouted, he begged, pleading her to take him with her.

But when the
figure turned back to face him, Hunter was smirking at him in
Kennedy’s place. She was gone.

He awoke to a
quiet Sunday morning, nothing to do and nowhere to be, bright
Winter sunlight burst through the windows, blue skies overhead,
fresh and cleansing.

Matt found
himself wandering about the house aimlessly, searching for
something to preoccupy him.

He picked up
a school textbook from the worn wooden desk in his room, its
surface chipped and dented. He flitted through it haphazardly
before dropping it back. He flicked through the television
channels, trying to find an outlet for all this sudden nervous
energy, but there was nothing to watch but banal reality
TV.

Finally, he
settled in the kitchen, smothering a piece of toast in crunchy
peanut butter and nibbling at it. He was bored, it was a Sunday and
he had nothing to do.

His friends
were all busy with homework or family or part time jobs or college
applications.

"Matt?” His
mother hollered from the laundry room “Can you go tell your sister
I need her to bring her dirty laundry down right this minute, I've
been asking her all weekend!"

Matt sighed
and dragged himself to his feet.

Matt wandered
up the stairs to his sister’s room, dragging his feel in a
half-hearted attempt at youthful rebellion.

His sister,
Lisa, was a junior, and desperately trying to work her way up the
impossible social ladder of Rosewell High School.

She was
lounging on her bed, listening to music and socializing on her
laptop under the guise of doing homework.

"Mom wants
you to bring your laundry downstairs”

Lisa exhaled
dramatically, "are you kidding me? I'm right in the middle of my
literature assignment"

Matt
shrugged, " she said she's been asking you all weekend, she wants
it now" he replied simply.

Lisa tore her
earphones out of her ears and got up, her peroxide blonde hair
looked straw-like and frizzy as it swung down past her
shoulders.

She grabbed
her laundry basket and stomped out of her room
impatiently.

Matt turned
to leave, but Lisa’s open laptop caught his eye.

Matt, who had
been slowly making his way to his room, turned and rushed in,
dropping on to his sister’s bed.

Facebook was
open on messages between her and a sleazy senior called Cody. Matt
knew he was on the football team, though he couldn’t recall ever
seeing him with Hunter during school. Girls should know better than
to get involved with Cody Schmidt.

Matt rolled
his eyes, his sister was so desperate it
was embarrassing. 

He clicked on
the search bar at the top of the page and typed in the letter K. Of
course Kennedy's name was the first to appear.

He clicked
her profile. His stomach flipped excitedly, he was so nervous and
scared Lisa would come in without him hearing, but this was
so
worth the
risk.

Kennedy's
profile picture was a black and white image of Brooke and her,
standing side by side at some sort of ball or equally glamorous
event. Her pale eyes burned through the screen into his own. It was
like she was looking right at him.

Her smile
made him feel like he was the only person in the world. There was a
profound wisdom in her eyes, a sharp undeniable charisma and a
touch of something Matt couldn’t quite put his finger
on.

When she
smiled it was like she knew your deepest darkest secret, but was
promising never to tell a soul.

Matt's stomach squirmed as he saw a link to the tagged
pictures of Kennedy.

This
was
heaven
.

He heard Lisa
yelling downstairs "
are you serious right
now?
" and his mother replying
calmly,

"It'll only
take ten minutes, think of it as preparation for
college!"

Matt smiled
to himself,
perfect
.

He clicked on
Kennedy's tagged pictures, and hundreds of images instantly
appeared. He tapped his cursor down on the first one and started
working his way through. Most of them had been taken at parties or
social gatherings organized by her friends and family. Her
face beamed out at him, from various locations, with hundreds of
different people.

Every picture
Matt saw of her entirely astounded him, but the ones that made his
stomach flip, that left him feeling hot and cold all at once, were
the candid shots.

The pictures
of her taken from across the room, without her knowing. The
pictures where she was talking to a friend or companion, laughing
or listening intently.

His favourite was a picture of her in a white
full-length dress that floated like mist, sat at a round dining
table at some charity event. She was surrounded by people, men in
tuxedos and women in sparkling elegant dresses, but she was staring
into the distance, deep in thought. She looked sombre, almost
sad.

So
melancholic, but so bewitchingly divine.

Matt
right-clicked on the picture of Kennedy and typed his email
address, feeling feverishly exhilarated.

He could hear
Lisa talking to his mother in the kitchen again, her voice growing
louder with inclined irritation, he clicked back on the messages
from Cody, making sure the laptop was just as he’d found it, and
rushed to his room. 

He felt an
incriminating jolt of elation as his printer discharged the
photograph, carefully cutting the picture out with a pair of rusty
scissors he'd found in one of his bedroom drawers.

He felt under
his bed and tugged a shoebox from under his bed, pulling a tattered
notebook out of it.

He flicked
through it, the pages plastered with pictures neatly glued side by
side. The same face looked back at him from every snapshot. He
reached the first empty page and grabbed a glue stick, pressing the
picture down carefully, making sure it was stuck on
straight.

He held the
notebook up, admiring his handiwork, before flipping through the
notebook from the first page again, taking time to admire each
picture.

The good
thing about Kennedy attending so many events was that there were
numerous pictures of her posted all over the Internet, from black
tie masquerades to luxurious beach parties. There were also plenty
of pictures of her in the school's database, competing in sports
for the school, winning awards, even one of her with the President
of the country.

Matt had even
found a few by stalking through pictures of her friends and
family.

Sometimes she
was just in the background of a picture, unaware a photo was being
taken. Even when she was in the background, she was never
really
in the
background.

He turned
page after page calmly, sedated by her beauty. Kennedy playing
volleyball, Kennedy cheerleading, Kennedy on the beach, Kennedy
with her family, Kennedy with friends, Winter Kennedy, Summer
Kennedy, smiling Kennedy, serious Kennedy.

Kennedy,
Kennedy,
Kennedy.

18.

Hannah
fidgeted uneasily, adjusting her baggy gym shorts as a means of
distraction.

She watched
the large group of girls approach from the changing
rooms.

She already
wanted to disappear, she hated this feeling of her and them, like
they were all best friends and she was immediately the weird
outsider.

She tried to
shake it, but a lifetime of ostracism meant that some habits were
hard to break.

She tugged
nervously at her greying t-shirt, trying to shake off the January
gloom and the cold chill that crept into the gym from
outside.

Kennedy led
the crowd of teenage girls, her flaxen-coloured hair tied back in a
high ponytail. She wore the same school-issued gym shorts as
Hannah, yet hers seemed to fit in all the right places, while
Hannah's hung loosely down to her knees. She wore a white polo with
the words "Varsity Captain" embroidered over her heart.

Her skin was
sun-kissed and pristine and she laughed like a model in some sort
of high end commercial, showing off two rows of snowy white teeth,
her eyes gleaming with amusement.

If Hannah
hadn't felt inadequate before, she definitely felt it
now. All of a sudden she became aware of how very bloated and
paunchy she felt. She'd never let any of the other skinny
All-American girls get in her head, but Kennedy was just so utterly
effortless, it seemed impossible someone could be so graceful and
cool without even trying.

Every
movement, every expression, it just
worked
.

As the group
reached the centre of the school gym and sat down, Kennedy flashed
a gorgeous white smile at Hannah.

"Okay
everyone, welcome to Volleyball try-outs. My name is Kennedy
Blakewood and I'm Varsity captain” She began confidently, “This is
Veronica Stell, our JV captain”

She smiled
warmly and already Hannah could sense the frosty disposition of the
bitchy junior and seniors melting away as she spoke.

“
This will be
the first of two try outs this week, after which we will divide you
between the Varsity team, the JV team and the volleyball club,
which doesn't compete but just provides an opportunity for
recreational volleyball twice a week. If you make the JV or Varsity
team you will be committing yourself to training three times a
week, and I will really be expecting you to take the team
seriously. Last year we were state champions and I really want the
same result this year. Good luck with your try out"

Kennedy
flashed another blinding smile and joined the rest of the girls on
the floor.

Veronica
stood up.

She looked
like, for want of better words, a massive bitch. Her hair was
blatantly a poor imitation of Kennedy's long blonde hair. It was
bleached and flat ironed, and looked cheap and trashy.

Veronica was
exactly the kind of girl Hannah had encountered a thousand times
before, fake and superficial. High school was the peak in her life
cycle. She was vain and arrogant, to the point where she
surely
believed
she was a girl like Kennedy, that the rest of her life would
be as easy and fortunate as it had been this far.

But Hannah
knew that after school their paths would diverge even further, and
Veronica would be knocked up, probably with a drinking or drug
problem, within the next five years.

Her nasal
voice rung out through the gym, "I'm Veronica, captain of the JV
team.  Kennedy has pretty much covered most of the info you
guys need to know." Even the way she spoke, her twangy
abbreviations, made Hannah cringe.

"You guys,
especially those of you who are trying out for Varsity, should just
know that being on this team is a
privilege
, not a right."

Hannah
couldn't believe this girl.

"We expect
you to be the best, and if you're not the best, we expect you to
train and practice until you are."

She looked at
the group of girls dauntingly, daring them to respond.

"Divide into
pairs and start by doing some basic volleying and digging back and
forth"

Hannah looked
around for Marie, but she hadn't arrived yet. She gulped, desperate
not to be the only girl without a partner. 

Before she
could pick out a girl from the crowd who didn't seem completely
terrifying to approach, the group was divided into pairs and the
girls were passing the ball back and forth to each
other.