Read The Pigeon Pie Mystery Online
Authors: Julia Stuart
The Pigeon Pie Mystery
Copyright © 2012 Julia Stuart Limited
All rights reserved. The use of any part of this publication, reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of the publisher—or in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, license from the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency—is an infringement of the copyright law.
The Bond Street Books colophon is a registered trademark of Random House of Canada Limited
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Stuart, Julia
The pigeon pie mystery / Julia Stuart.
eISBN: 978-0-385-67661-8
I. Title.
PR6119.T826P54 2012 823’.92 C2011-908599-2
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Jacket design by John Fontana
Jacket illustration © Alison Jay
www.organisart.co.uk
Map illustration by Laura Hartman Maestro
Published in Canada by Bond Street Books, a division of Random House of Canada Limited
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v3.1
For my mother, with love
We look at other nations and we pity them because
They’re not a little patch on dear old England.
Their trades, their arts, their everything are full of faults and flaws,
So different to clever Model England.
—
“MODEL ENGLAND,” HARRY DACRE AND EDGAR WARD, 1892
Contents
Cast of CharactersH.H. the Maharaja of Prindur:
former ruler of the Indian state of Prindur, with a weakness for shirt-sleeve pudding
H.H. Princess Alexandrina:
his daughter, nicknamed Mink, and the best woman shot in England
Pooki:
the Princess’s large-footed Indian maid and defender against moths
Dr. Henderson:
amorous general practitioner and bicycling enthusiast
The Honourable Dowager Lady Montfort Bebb:
once held hostage in Afghanistan, and a horror at playing the pianoforte
The Lady Beatrice Fisher:
devotee of exuberant millinery and doves, whose apartments are haunted by Jane Seymour
The Countess of Bessington:
parsimonious widow in perpetual mourning, with an addiction to ferns
Major-General George Bagshot:
former military man with a roving eye, and a Tudor expert who is writing his fourth history of Hampton Court Palace
Mrs. Bagshot:
his wife and patron of a school for the blind who takes cures in Egypt
Cornelius B. Pilgrim:
the Bagshots’ American houseguest, with a woeful grasp of English etiquette
William Sheepshanks:
Keeper of the Maze and victim of the success of
Three Men in a Boat
, a novel by Jerome K. Jerome with a scene in the palace’s leafy labyrinth
Thomas Trout:
Keeper of the Great Vine, who strives to protect his mighty charge from being felled by rats
Mrs. Boots:
bronchial palace housekeeper and Keeper of the Chapel Royal
Mrs. Nettleship:
Dr. Henderson’s incompetent housekeeper, who’s even worse at matchmaking
Alice Cockle:
the Bagshots’ former parlour maid, since demoted to a maid-of-all-work for the Countess
Inspector Guppy:
police inspector with an inglorious past
Silas Sparrowgrass:
homeopath from East Molesey, and Dr. Henderson’s archrival
Charles Twelvetrees:
solicitor and coroner for West Middlesex, who’s had a gutful of the mysteriously dead
Pike and Gibbs:
the butcher’s and grocer’s delivery boys
The Lord Chamberlain:
the Earl of Kellerton, responsible for the allocation of apartments at Hampton Court Palace, and a laudanum addict
The Reverend Benjamin Grayling:
palace chaplain, with an appreciation for the communion wine, who’s at war with the organist
Mr. Blood:
the myopic undertaker who carries a measuring rule tucked under his arm
The watercress seller:
hawks outside the palace gate and sleeps in a coffin
Mr. Wildgoose:
Dr. Henderson’s tailor and taxidermy fancier
The organ grinder:
street musician paid by the public to keep quiet
Wilfred Noseworthy:
palace turncock and hauler of the push, a sedan chair mounted on wheels used by the palace ladies
Alfred Bucket:
bicycling instructor and fancy riding opponent
Horace Pollywog:
one-legged dancing master, who trod on a sea hedgehog
Barnabas Popejoy:
a butterman of over-generous girth known for his bad jokes
The drunk woman who sells pig’s trotters outside the King’s Arms
Albert:
the Maharaja’s monkey, who suits red velvet trousers
Victoria:
a hedgehog named after the British sovereign, with a penchant for beetles and Madeira wine
Lord Sluggard:
the palace mouser, who wouldn’t recognise a rat if he saw one
Gertrude:
Silas Sparrowgrass’s adored rabbit and reluctant prop for his magic tricks
Trixie:
Thomas Trout’s leech and formidable weather forecaster
