The Pirate Loop (14 page)

Martha felt numb with horror as Archibald's body collapsed to the floor. She ran to the Doctor, who stretched his arms around her and held her tight.

'It's all right,' he said. 'I promise it's going to be all right.'

'Yeah,' growled Captain Florence savagely. 'But not fer you!'

The Doctor let Martha go and carefully ushered her round so that he stood between her and the captain. Martha glanced round looking for anything that might help them, but their only possible ally, Jocelyn, was being guarded by two other badger pirates.

'Yeah, OK,' the Doctor said to Captain Florence. 'I was just being optimistic. But that's not a bad thing, you know. And anyway. You think we're in trouble. What are your clients gonna do when they find out you blew up the
Brilliant?'

Captain Florence laughed. 'We got the experimen'al
drive,' she said.

'No,' said the Doctor. 'You've taken the control desk for it. But the drive is a huge great engine at the heart of the ship. Which you've just blown up. Like nicking the remote control, but not the remote-control car. Schoolboy error.'

Martha didn't know if the Doctor was just bluffing – but neither did the badger pirates. The badgers around them, watching from the shadows and from behind the hanging silks, all began to murmur nervously. Captain Florence roared at them. There was a sudden, terrified silence. But Martha could tell that the Doctor had done what he always did, and undermined the tyrant. The badgers who had grown up on this miserable, vicious ship, were now just starting to question if there wasn't more to life.

'The client,' said Captain Florence. 'Said to nick the drive or blow up the ship. An' we done both.'

'Oh yeah,' said the Doctor, loud enough for everyone to hear him. 'I'm sure they'll see it that way. Might even deign to let you live.'

'What?' growled the captain.

'Well, look at it their way,' said the Doctor. 'There's this war coming. They want this experimental drive to use as a secret weapon. And they hire you lot to snatch it.'

'Yeah,' said Captain Florence.

'You're paid for your services. And very well you've gone about providing them. But what happens when
you deliver this top secret experimental drive to them? You're then free to go to their rivals and, for a suitable fee, tell them what you stole.'

'Yeah,' said Captain Florence, her crafty little eyes lighting up at this suggestion.

'Exactly,' smiled the Doctor. 'So you think they're going to let you walk away?'

'What you mean?' asked Captain Florence. 'They're 'on'rable men, our clients.'

'So honourable they hired pirates to do their dirty work!' said Martha. Captain Florence leered at her.

'We're not pirates,' she said. 'We're independent financial wotsits.'

'You mean you're venture capitalists?' said the Doctor.

'Yeah,' said Captain Florence.

'Entrepreneurs?' asked Martha.

'Yeah,' said Captain Florence.

'Saps?' suggested the Doctor.

'Huh?' said Captain Florence.

'You're saps, stooges and patsies,' said the Doctor. 'They've got you doing their dirty work and you think that they'll be grateful!'

'Don't you get it?' added Martha. 'They hired you
because
you're nothing to them. Nothing at all. You've been taken for a ride.'

Stanley, the badger who'd brought Martha aboard and who still lay on the floor in the corner where Captain Florence had hit him, sat up. 'Does that mean,' he said,
'we won't get paid?'

'I assume you got half in advance,' said the Doctor. 'It might be better just to cut your losses and run.'

'Nah,' said Captain Florence.

'Nah, you're not going to run?' asked the Doctor. 'Or nah, you didn't get any money in advance? No don't tell me, I think I already know.'

Captain Florence didn't say anything. Instead she charged at him. The Doctor ducked under her, caught her hairy arm and tossed her lightly over his shoulder. She crashed into the floor, her high-heeled boot smacking into Stanley where he lay.

'Temper, temper,' said the Doctor.

Badgers rushed from behind the hanging silks, but they did not come to apprehend the Doctor. Instead, they gathered in a circle around the Doctor and the captain, all eager to see the fight. It was, thought Martha, like the fights that boys used to have at school. She hurried over to focelyn, their only other ally. Jocelyn's captors seemed to have forgotten her in the excitement.

Captain Florence got to her feet. She reached for the gun at her belt but it had gone. She looked up to see the Doctor holding it, as if he were surprised to find it in his hands.

'Oops,' he said.

'You gonna shoot me?' asked Captain Florence defiantly.

'Nah,' said the Doctor. 'You've got to have some other way for resolving disputes like this. Haven't you?'
Martha suspected that the badgers did just sort out their arguments by shooting one another.

'We duel,' said Captain Florence. She slid a short, jagged dagger from her belt. 'Can you duel?'

'I expect so,' said the Doctor. And to Martha's amazement he withdrew a matching dagger from the pocket of his suit jacket. 'Took this from Dashiel earlier,' he said. 'Think it's what he would have wanted.' He handed the captain's gun to one of the other badgers.

Captain Florence lunged at him with her dagger. The Doctor dodged, light on his feet like a well-practised wrestler. Captain Florence lunged again, and again she missed.

'Martha,' said the Doctor, enjoying himself but never for an instant taking his eyes off the captain. 'Did I ever take you back to Roman-era Egypt?'

'Er,' said Martha. 'Don't think so.'

'Well,' said the Doctor, dancing nimbly around Captain Florence, making her do all the work. 'When I'm finished here, that's where we should go.'

'Yeah, all right,' said Martha. She glanced round. The badgers watched in rapt silence. The Doctor's quick and nimble movements simply made their captain seem old and slow and stupid. Again, Martha could see their badger brains struggling to make sense of this challenge to everything they'd been brought up to believe. The kind of reaction most people had when they'd spent five minutes with the Doctor.

'Thing is,' said the Doctor, still moving around inside
the ring of wide-eyed onlookers, 'you should spend a day with the captain of Cleopatra's guard. Taught me all my best moves. And won a medal at the Olympics.' He ducked under Captain Florence's arm as she struck out at him, rolling expertly and leaping back on to his feet. A few of the badgers applauded. Captain Florence glared at them and charged at the Doctor again.

'Oh, very good,' said the Doctor, catching Captain Florence's arm in his, sticking out a leg and tripping her over it. 'You nearly had me there.' The badgers cheered – more than half of them now on the Doctor's side. Jocelyn nudged Martha in the ribs.

'You fancy the Doctor!' she grinned.

'I do not!' Martha protested.

'S'OK,' said Jocelyn. 'I do a bit 'an all.'

Captain Florence and the Doctor faced each other. The Doctor stood tall, calm, his hair hardly even ruffled. The captain bent forward, breathing fast and raggedly, her bristly fur glimmering with sweat. She looked exhausted, and it wasn't just the fight. Martha could see her struggling to cope with being so openly challenged, and the Doctor not showing one iota of fear. It was wearing her down. Martha almost felt sorry for her.

'Tell me if you're getting bored with this,' the Doctor said to Captain Florence. 'And we can do something else.'

'Varmint!' roared Captain Florence and charged at him. They grappled, their arms locked together, the captain's jagged dagger just inches from the Doctor's
face. He struggled to resist, pushing and twisting to gain purchase, but she clearly had the weight and strength advantage.

Slowly, slowly, the captain forced the dagger closer to the Doctor. Jocelyn grabbed hold of Martha in her excitement and horror. The Doctor strained, gritting his teeth and he struggled to fend off the knife that almost touched him.

And then he suddenly stopped trying. He fell back onto the floor and Captain Florence, who'd been pressing so hard against him, toppled over too. The Doctor rolled quickly out the way and the captain crashed hard into the ground. She let out a terrible cry of pain, making all those watching flinch. The Doctor got to his feet, the dagger still in his hand.

'Don't we stop for orange squash at some point?' he said, not quite as lightly as before. He wiped the sweat from his forehead on the back of his sleeve.

Some of the badgers gasped. Martha turned to look as Captain Florence rolled roughly over onto her back. The captain grunted, struggled to catch her breath. Her own dagger protruded from her chest, the collar) ess blouse she wore already stained with blood.

The Doctor ran forward. 'I can help,' he said. But she slapped him hard with the back of her paw and sent him reeling backwards. He lay, amazed, his hand up to his cheek.

Captain Florence got unsteadily to her feet. She shook off the badgers trying to assist her. Martha could see the
dagger had gone in deep. And that there was little any of them would be able to do to save her.

'You win the duel,' said Captain Florence, her voice rough and ragged with exertion.

'Let's call it a draw,' said the Doctor from where he lay.

'Hah,' said Captain Florence. 'Good plan.' And she lunged for one of the badgers stood beside her, and snatched her heavy gun.

'Thanks Isobel,' said the captain.

'Er,' said Isobel, terrified. 'S'OK.'

Captain Florence jabbed the gun towards the Doctor, her eyelids flickering as she fought to stay conscious. 'You can live,' she told the Doctor, 'if you come 'ere an' kiss my boots.'

The Doctor gaped at her. He straightened his tie, then looked up at Martha.

'Do it,' Martha told him. 'Please.'

He grinned at her. 'What time do you make it?' he asked.

The question completely threw her. 'What?' she said. 'Doctor, she'll kill you!'

'Oh yeah,' said the Doctor. 'She'll probably do it anyway. I just wanted to know the time.'

Despite everything, Martha glanced down at her watch. 'Nearly half four in the morning,' she said.

The Doctor nodded. 'How nearly?' he said.

'Twenty-eight minutes past,' she told him.

'Right,' said the Doctor. He got slowly to his feet,
brushed himself down and then looked up at Captain Florence. 'You can't win,' he told her. 'Your pirates have had a glimpse of another life, and that'll never go away. Your clients are going to kill you if you go back to them. And you seem to have a dagger sticking out your front.'

'Can,' said Captain Florence. 'Can. Still. Kill. You.'

'Yes you can,' said the Doctor. 'But didn't I say? If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.'

'Doctor!' said Martha. She could see that the dying captain had nothing left to lose.

The Doctor turned to her and grinned. 'I always wanted to say that. Don't worry, Martha, it's all going to be fine. Really – all going to be fine.' He turned back to Captain Florence. 'I can help you, if you'll let me. Show you a better way of living. What do you say?'

Captain Florence stood, blood pouring from her wound, and it looked like she was considering. Then she shrugged.

'Nah,' she said, and shot him.

Martha screamed, running forward. Captain Florence fell backwards, her body limp. And the Doctor stood quite calmly as the pink light consumed him.

'All right, dear?' said a voice he recognised. The Doctor opened his eyes to see a cartoon sheep smiling back at him. It had been drawn on the side of a chipped mug of tea, which was being held in front of his face. He struggled to sit up and gladly took the tea.

Thank you,' he said. He found himself in the alleyway between the huge and noisy machines of the engine rooms. The TARDIS stood in the space where it had first materialised, and in front of it stood several of his friends. Mrs Wingsworth had handed him the tea. Behind her stood Archibald and Dashiel and several mouthless men. Archibald waved. The Doctor grinned back at him, at them all.

'Well,' he said. 'That's a relief. I wasn't sure that would really work!'

The badgers stood in silence, not sure what to do. Martha stared fixedly at the spot where the Doctor had died, the pink light having eaten him up entirely. She felt nothing, nothing at all. She was dimly aware of a hairy paw taking her hand, of Jocelyn saying something to her. She was dimly aware of hot tears scoring down her cheek. She was dimly aware that nothing mattered any more.

'Right,' said Stanley the badger pirate. 'I'm captain now.' None of the other badger pirates protested. He leered at them. 'An' that means you do what I say!' he roared. A few of the badgers nodded. 'Good,' said Stanley. 'Now, we're gonna shoot these two.'

Martha and Jocelyn were pushed forward into the open space where the Doctor and Captain Florence had fought. Stanley raised his gun at them, then lowered it again.

'Nah,' he said. 'I don't do the shooting. I just give the
order. Isobel! You can shoot 'em.'

'Er,' said the badger pirate Isobel. 'Captain Florence took my gun.'

'Huh,' said Stanley. 'Right. Ruby Tulip. You can shoot 'em.'

A small badger woman with wide and lustrous eyes stepped forward. She raised her gun.

'Er,' she said. 'Which one first?'

Stanley scratched his hairy face with a paw. Then he ip-dipped between Martha and Jocelyn. And chose Martha to die first.

'I'm not scared of you,' she told him.

'Yeah,' he said, awkwardly.

'You just killed the one person who could have changed your lives,' she said.

'Yeah,' said Stanley. 'We kinda know that.' He nodded to Ruby Tulip. Martha braced herself, determined not to scream. And Ruby Tulip pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened. Ruby Tulip stared at her gun, shook it around a bit, and tried again. Nothing happened.

'Gotta do everythin' myself,' muttered Stanley, and he raised his gun at Martha. Nothing happened. 'Er,' he said.

He glanced round at the other badgers, and those with guns tried to shoot Martha. Nothing happened. Jocelyn ran to Martha and threw her arms around her, so hard it almost winded her.

'We're gonna be OK!' said Jocelyn.

'Er,' said Martha, utterly baffled. 'Yeah, I think we are.'

'Wha's goin' on?' snarled Stanley, thumping his gun against the floor and trying to get it to shoot.

'An' where's the captain's body?' asked Isobel beside him.

They all turned to look. Captain Florence had lain at their feet, the dagger protruding from her chest. And now there wasn't even any blood on the floor.

Martha felt something turning over in her stomach. A sudden rush of excitement. They were still stuck in the time loop! 'Look,' she told the badgers, pointing to the great bay window that looked out into the vacuum of space.

Space crackled with pink and blue energy. The pink and blue began to swirl like a whirlpool, getting ever brighter. The badgers shielded their eyes as it exploded white. And from the ball of white light, crackling with pink and pale blue lightning, emerged the Starship
Brilliant.

Its solar sails glittered silver, the hull and the long fin hanging underneath it sparkling in the starlight. There were no red jelly blotches along it – there was no sign of any damage at all. It was pristine, perfect, good as new. And that could only mean one thing...

'Allo, allo, allo!' called a voice from all around them. 'This is the good ship
Brilliant.
Can someone say something back?'

'Doctor!' laughed Martha, recognising his voice.
'You're alive.'

'Oh yeah,' he said back to her. 'Never been better. Told you it'd all be fine. In fact, we're all fine over here. Having a bit of a party. Hope you weren't worried.'

'Course not,' she lied. 'Anyway, I thought you said you were going to get us out of the time loop.'

'Well, yeah,' he admitted. 'And then I had this better idea.'

'So you made the time loop bigger so that it included the pirate ship.'

'I suppose I did,' said the Doctor. 'Now, there's canapés for everyone over here. Think your badger friends might like to join us? See you in a bit!' And the line to the
Brilliant
went dead.

The badgers all round Martha began to murmur to each other. Stanley threw his gun to the ground at his feet, and there was sudden silence.

'I give the orders!' he yelled.

'Er,' said the badger woman, Zuzia. 'Can we go to the party?' She furrowed her hairy forehead as a thought came slowly to her. 'Please,' she added.

'No!' shouted Stanley. 'I'm in charge! I'm the captain!'

The badgers shuddered with fear of him. But Kitty Rose raised a paw nervously.

'What?' snapped Stanley.

'Er,' said Kitty Rose, with all the other badgers looking at her. 'What can you do to stop us jus' going?'

Stanley's jaw dropped open in amazement at the very idea. And in the moment that he didn't say anything,
that he didn't shout her down or lunge at her, the other badgers knew the answer. They dropped their guns, they laughed and cheered, and hurried away to the lifts.

Martha, Jocelyn and Stanley stood alone together in front of the great bay window. Tiny capsules were already zipping away from the pirate ship and they watched them clustering round the
Brilliant.
A bay door opened in the side of the starship and the capsules queued up in an orderly fashion to be allowed aboard.

'You should come with us,' said Martha to Stanley, and put her hand on his shoulder. 'Join the party.'

'Huh,' said Stanley, shaking her hand away.

'She's right,' said a voice that Martha thought for a moment belonged to Jocelyn. They turned to see Captain Florence walking down from between the passageway of hanging silks. Her collarless blouse was torn and bloodstained, but otherwise she looked just fine.

'Captain,' said Stanley quietly, knowing his brief time as boss was now over.

Martha gazed at the captain. 'You can't do anything to hurt us now,' she said.

'Yeah,' said Captain Florence. 'Can't beat ya. Might as well come to this 'ere party.'

Martha, Captain Florence, Jocelyn and Stanley made their way to the lift. As it took them down to the hangars where the capsules awaited, Captain Florence turned to Martha.

'The canner-peas,' she said quietly. 'You're gonna 'ave to show me what to do.'

Martha grinned at her. 'Don't worry,' she said. 'Everything's going to be fine.'

Music played all through the
Brilliant,
lively, poppy stuff. On the bridge and in the passageways, the Balumin taught badger pirates how to dance. Captain Georgina, Thomas and the rest of the human crew were no better at the complex dance steps. Gabriel and the other robots tried to serve drinks and nibbles but got grabbed by the dancers and made to join in.

Martha made her way through the laughing, chatting, dancing party and headed for the cocktail lounge. Mrs Wingsworth was regaling Dashiel with tales of her adventures aboard the pirate ship, and he tried not to be rude about getting up when Jocelyn walked into the room. Martha watched Mrs Wingsworth gape in astonishment at such terrible manners, then turn to the badger woman sat next to her and continue with her story.

The Doctor stood behind the bar, busy making milkshakes. 'Martha!' he said.

'Hiya!' she said, sitting on one the tall bar stools. He handed her a glass of pink and yellow milkshake.

'Haven't done this in ages,' he said. 'And they've got really good ice cream!'

She was happy just to sit there and let him make drinks for everybody. The party tumbled all around her, wild and mad and fun. And far too full of different people.

'The
Brilliant,'
she said to the Doctor. 'You made it bigger on the inside.'

'Well,' admitted the Doctor, scraping chocolate sprinkles onto six milkshakes all at once. 'A bit. The maths works out. If you're not using time, you can stretch space around.'

'Right,' she said, not needing to understand him. 'And you're gonna tell me how you made their guns stop working?'

'That was good, wasn't it?' said the Doctor. 'I left a note for Gabriel earlier. Said the guns were being used on the passengers, and wouldn't it be better if their power was used for something else.'

'So when the
Brilliant
came back it used the power in the guns?' said Martha.

'Aw,' said the Doctor. 'There's only a tiny bit of power in a gun. So it didn't
need
the extra energy. But since the
Brilliant
was warping stuff anyway, it seemed like a good idea.'

'Right,' said Martha. 'And you didn't break us out of the loop. You just extended it.'

'Yeah,' said the Doctor. 'I was in the TARDIS and the problem wasn't to get us out of the time loop, it was fixing the gap. Which the TARDIS could do with a little bit of effort, warping space and time a bit until things lined up nicely. Soon as you hit a point where the numbers balance out, the loop takes over for itself. And while I was at it I extended the loop so it lassoed the pirate ship in with us. So we're in it, the pirate ship's in it and so's
everything in between. And now it's a complete loop, it will just run and run for ever.'

'But there was a delay,' said Martha. 'Before, people came back if you just looked away.'

'Yeah,' said the Doctor. 'That's because the loop was broken and the
Brilliant
was always trying to fix it. Now if they die or they run out of canapés they'll all come back in one go. Every hour or so.'

'Which is why you wanted to know the time,' she said.

'Yeah,' said the Doctor. 'We were just coming up to the end of the hour when Captain Florence shot me. Another few minutes and I'd have had to wait for the next go round. Which would have looked less clever. Now. Make yourself useful.'

He had loaded a tray with tall glasses of milkshake, each glass festooned with straws and paper umbrellas. She gathered up the tray carefully and he pointed to the table of mouthless men in leather aprons and Bermuda shorts, all looking slightly uneasy. She guessed that, like the badgers, they'd never been invited to parties.

While the mouthless men drank their milkshakes – using the straws provided – Martha watched Archibald giving lessons to other badgers on which canapés were best. She went to join them, kissed Archibald on his hairy cheek, and took one of the cheese and pineapple sticks from him.

He grinned at her. 'This is Toby,' he said. 'An' Oliver and Patrick. They're learnin' about blinis.'

Martha shook the paws of the three badgers, then nodded at the female badgers who watched her with fascination. 'Who are the girls?' she asked Archibald.

'Er,' said Archibald coyly. 'Tha's Zuzia and Kitty Rose,' he said. 'They don't say much. They jus' watch us and whisper.'

Martha watched Zuzia and Kitty Rose whisper to one another, and then giggle like teenage girls. Archibald, she realised, was something of a hit.