The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2) (11 page)

I didn’t even think twice about it.

I climbed into the bed, lined my body up with his as he tucked the blankets around us, and sighed as I felt myself relaxing against him. His hand came up to stroke my hair, and his lips touched the side of my head.

“Sleep now,” he whispered.

So I did.

Chapter
Twelve

Devon

I woke up before the sun streamed into the window and I selfishly took the opportunity to watch Grace sleep. She was beautiful, but she was troubled. Every few minutes the soft skin between her eyebrows would bunch up and I knew she was dreaming. I could only hope she wouldn’t remember the dreams when she woke up.

Eventually I slid out from under her, successfully trying not to wake her, and slipped into the bathroom.

When I walked back into the bedroom, I was shocked by her beauty. I shouldn’t have been; I knew how beautiful she was. But I’d never seen her so beautiful or vulnerable before. She was still asleep, on her stomach, her arms wrapped around the pillow beneath her head. Her hair was everywhere and her face was relaxed, the worry lines gone.

The image of her the night before, her body pressed up against a brick wall, fear in her wide eyes, flashed in my mind. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened, and all I’d wanted to do when I saw him on the ground was beat the shit out of him. The only thing that stopped me was the look on Grace’s face—a look that said she’d had enough, that said she needed someone to support her in that moment, not avenge her. My need to comfort her took over, but I knew if I ever saw him again, he’d need an ambulance to take him away when I was through.

She was still in her clothes from work, and I was still in my jeans and T-shirt, but we’d slept all night that way. I pulled my phone from my pocket, checking to make sure there weren’t any messages, then I placed it on the bedside table and climbed gently back in the bed, trying again not to disturb her. I curled my body around hers, softly draping my arms over her waist, pulling her into me.

I didn’t know if she wanted me to sleep with her to make her feel safe, or just to keep her mind off what had happened, but there was no denying I felt a fuck of a lot better having her in my arms.

I knew there hadn’t been a chance of me leaving her alone the night before. I was fully prepared to sleep on her couch; sharing her bed had never even crossed my mind. But when she asked me to go to bed with her, I didn’t stand a chance. Not that I wanted to.

I faded away again, listening to her slow breaths.

“Devon.”

The soft whispers pulled me from sleep. Halfway between sleep and consciousness I felt the featherlight touches on my skin. Before I opened my eyes, I knew Grace was running her fingertip over my face.

“Devon, wake up,” she whispered again, and I could feel her breath on my chin. Then the minty smell hit me.

“I’m awake,” I mumbled.

“Where are the kids?” she asked urgently.

“With my mom,” I grumbled, then I shot my arms out, wrapped them around her, and pulled her into me, burrowing my face in her wild hair. “Go back to sleep.”

“I’m not tired anymore.” Her voice held an edge of laughter, and damn, I wanted to hear that. Especially after what happened the night before. If she was ready to laugh, I was prepared to be the one to make it happen. I flipped her over so her back was to me again, and pulled her to me, leaving absolutely no space between us. I rested my hand on her waist, giving her a tiny squeeze, and everything inside me lit up when I heard her laughter. “No tickling!” She was shrieking and laughing, trying to wiggle her way out of my arms.

Finally, when she was out of breath and smiling, I stopped, but still held her close. Her breathing slowed, and every few moments a rogue giggle slipped out of her, but she didn’t try to pull away or make me let her go. She relaxed into me, running her fingers softly up and down my arm.

“Devon?” she finally asked.

“Yeah?”

“Why were you at the bar last night?”

I let out a sigh. I’d known this part of the conversation was coming, I had just originally thought we would have had it the night before. Grace rolled so she was facing me, but put a little distance between us. I wanted to reach out and obliterate it, but I let her have her space.

“You blew me off, and I wasn’t prepared to let you go. So I went to find you.” I said the words as though they were evident. Self-explanatory. And to me, they were. She’d pushed me away without a reason, and I wasn’t prepared to take no for an answer. “Somewhere along the line, something got between us, and I’m not sure what it was. But I was sure that if I could talk to you last night, I could make it go away.”

I reached out and tucked away a piece of her hair, gently looping it behind her ear, never breaking eye contact. Her hair was impossibly soft and I wanted to thread my fingers through it, feel it slip between them.

“I knew you’d be at work, and I remembered the name of the bar, so I asked my mom to watch the kids overnight and I went looking for you.”

I watched her eyes change, watched her retreat back into her mind, insecurity painting her face.

“Hey,” I said, bringing my hand to her cheek, trying to get her to look back at me. “Don’t run away from me. I’m right here. What happened between those two text messages that changed your mind about us?” Her eyes met mine again, but her teeth were worrying her lip and her eyes still looked unsure. I trailed my thumb down her cheekbone, trying to coax the words from her. Finally, she spoke.

“I moved to Fairbanks with my husband right after we graduated. We agreed we’d go wherever the first job offer came from. Jeff got an offer first, and I was a substitute teacher for a few years before I got my job. During the first summer we were there I took a job as a receptionist at a salon. Shelby, my best friend since middle school, had just graduated from the beautician academy and I got her a job where I worked. She made a good name for herself and started doing makeup jobs outside of the salon.”

Grace grew quiet, as if she were contemplating the next part of her story, and I couldn’t figure out how any of it had anything to do with us.

“Since Shelby is also a model, she did some work with local photographers. Turns out, she worked with Evie and they were also friends. Still are, in fact.”

I had to admit, that information caught me off guard, but it still didn’t give me the insight I was looking for.

“Anyway, she just happened to call yesterday while you and I were texting and we got to talking, and she eventually figured out that the Devon I was dating was the same Devon her friend Evie had been, um, involved with.”

Slowly the pieces were falling into place, and the light was growing brighter and brighter in my mind. Her eyes fell away from me again, to look down at her hands, which were fiddling with some imaginary piece of lint. I watched her turn back inward.

“Grace,” I said, wanting to physically take her face in my hands and make her look at me, and only stopping myself because I knew she was in defense mode. “I don’t know what Shelby told you, but Evie and I were never together.”

“I know,” she whispered, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth her eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Actually, I don’t know, because
you
didn’t tell me. And that’s what really bothered me.” Her eyes darted back and forth between mine and it looked as though she were gathering her courage, like she was building up some sort of strength. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to watch, because I knew whatever she had coming, she was aiming for me. “Listen, my ex-husband did a number on me, and in the end I looked like a fool. The last thing I wanted was to go through that again. So yes, anger was my first reaction to learning that you’d had some sort of romantic
thing
happening with the woman I’d spent a day at Disney befriending. The woman who is like an aunt to your kids. And listen,ˮ she said, holding up a hand in front of my face when I tried to interject. “I like Evie, I can see why you’d be attracted to her, not to mention she’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. So I can’t blame you there. It just made me feel really foolish not to know. Like it was a big joke everyone was in on, except for me.”

At that point I did reach out and gently take her face in my hands, scooting closer and looking her in the eye.

“The last thing I ever want to do is make you feel anything but happy.” My words earned me the tiniest smile, but I couldn’t stop. I had to keep going. “I would have told you about Evie eventually, but Disney didn’t seem like the time or place. And since then, well, every time we’ve been together something has happened. But,
believe me
, I would have told you. I wasn’t trying to keep you in the dark.” I paused, sweeping both my thumbs over her cheeks. “Evie isn’t a dark secret. She’s not something to tuck away. She’s important to me and to my kids. But, Grace, you don’t have to worry about my relationship with her.”

“Will you tell me about her?” she asked shyly, her voice nothing but a whisper.

“Yes, of course. I’ll tell you anything.” I took a breath, trying to mentally put all the pieces of Evie and me together in the correct order. There were so many edges of us that never fit just right together, nothing like Grace and me. We relaxed back onto our own sides of the bed, and she looked at me expectantly, begging me with her eyes not to hurt her. “I met Evie one day in college. Some guy bumped into her and soaked her shirt, so I gave her mine. We were young and, sure, there was an attraction there, but we both went our separate ways. A week later I met Olivia. A few weeks after, Olivia and I were already together and I realized her best friend was Evie.  Evie and I both knew we’d been attracted to each other. It was a strange situation, to say the least, but the pull to Olivia, for me, was bigger than my attraction to Evie. There was never any question that I would be faithful to her.” I took another deep breath. I knew the hardest part of the story was coming, and I wanted to make her realize that even though my past with Evie was complicated and messy, our relationship now was simple, easy, and completely platonic.

“But after Olivia passed away, Evie and I fell into a new sort of relationship. She was there for me, there to help with the kids, and she made everything easier. I’ll admit I used her to put off dealing with Olivia’s death. Evie was there and she’d stepped right into Olivia’s role. She didn’t do it on purpose, she wasn’t trying to take her place, she was just trying to help.” I ran my hand down my face, bracing myself for the worst part of the story.

“You can tell me,” Grace whispered. I looked at her and saw wide eyes staring back. She looked open, and I felt as though I could tell her anything. And then, more than ever, I
needed
to tell her. I needed her to know everything so that whatever we had, whatever could grow between us, had a fighting chance.

“One night, I came home from work, and I don’t know what I was thinking, but I saw her there and my instincts took over. I went to her, wrapped my arm around her, then I think I might have kissed her on the cheek. The point was, I’m sure part of me thought it was Liv, like there’d been some miracle and my wife was standing in the kitchen making dinner just like she had for so many years. But there was definitely a part of me that knew it was Evie and wanted her, if only for just a moment.”

“Okay,” Grace said, accepting every single thing I was saying as if I were explaining how to change the oil on her car.

“No, it wasn’t okay. None of it was. We’d spent, shit, I don’t know, ten years dancing around this strange attraction we’d had to one another, and when I lost my wife I lost the ability to make rational decisions and I fucked it up with Evie. I didn’t fuck a relationship up with her, because looking back on it, it never would have worked between us, but I fucked up our friendship. She was so vulnerable. We both were. And we did things we shouldn’t have. We kissed. Once. And it was important, but only because it wasn’t. Evie and I will never be together. If we had spent a little time actually figuring that out, we wouldn’t have spent ten years wondering. Does that make sense?”

“Not even a little bit.”

I dropped my head on the pillow, frustration seeping out of me.

“I’ve told you everything that happened. All the important stuff, anyway. But there’s one more thing. I never cheated on Olivia. Not once. But I did spend a lot of time wondering what my life would have been like if I’d chosen Evie instead. And that’s the God’s honest truth. It wasn’t fair to Olivia and it wasn’t fair to Evie, either. I see that now. I
learned
that. So, I need you to understand that I will never,
never
, spend time with another woman unless I’m completely sure she’s the only one for me.”

“Okay,” she said again.

“It’s you, Grace,” I said, wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her to my side of the bed, pressing her body against mine. “It’s you. No one else,” I whispered, my eyes taking in all of her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking by the clues in her eyes. But then my gaze landed on her lips and only one thought pounded through my head. “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to, you’re going to have to tell me.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

When it was obvious she wasn’t going to stop me, I inched forward, my lips coming softly into contact with hers. This was no banana pancake kiss; that had been spur of the moment, a kiss so quick it was over before I really knew it happened. This kiss, it was purposeful and a long time coming.

I moved my hand slowly up her cheek, then slipped behind her neck, pulling her closer, wanting her as close as possible. Her hands gripped my shirt, her fingers twisting in the material as a soft moan slipped through her lips.