The Pretty Committee Strikes Back (15 page)

“Ew,” everyone moaned.

“
Now
do you understand why my first lesson had to be on oral hygiene?” Massie was proud of herself for making that connection. This was going to be easier than she'd thought. “So, can I assume everyone except Alexandra has been flossing and brushing?”

Everyone nodded.

“Good.” Massie smiled. “Then please apply your Glossip Girl so we can get started.”

All at once the girls dug into the pockets of their tight jeans. Once their lips were shiny, Massie leaned down and picked up the moose head.

“Meet Doose, our super-cute movie star boyfriend,” Massie said.

The girls giggled.

“He kind of looks like Ross from
Friends
,” Dylan said.

“Ithinkit'smorelikeSandraBullock,” Carrie said.

Everyone cracked up.

“Okay, focus.” Massie clapped her hands, then proceeded to give them the same lesson Claire had given her. She taught them to wait for the moment that didn't need words, to inch in, and to close their eyes like they were being controlled by a switch. Everyone passed Doose around and did their best despite the wiry whiskers around his lips.

“Very nicely done,” Massie congratulated them.

“Now that our lips are on his, what do we do?” Livvy scraped the gloss off her lips with her teeth, then reapplied more.

“Well that's up to you,” Massie said. She was very impressed by how well this was going. They were definitely looking to her for the answers, and she had them. “This is where you have to decide if you want to keep it a closed-mouther, which is fine, or if you want to take it to the next level and go for tongue.” Massie avoided Claire's eyes. It was one thing to fake like you had experience but it was another to do it in front of someone who
knew
you didn't. It was like openly cheating on a test while the teacher was looking.

“Tongue.” Olivia beamed. “Teach us about that.”

“Ew.” Livvy winced. “Can you end up with food in your mouth?”

“Only if you're kissing Alexandra,” Massie joked.

Everyone laughed while Alexandra ran her fingernail across her braces. Her face was bright red.

“When using tongue,” Massie became serious again, “it's important to keep it relaxed. No guy wants a stiff, pointy tongue poking around the inside of his mouth. You have to soften it and follow your partner's lead.” Massie made a mental note to write author William Cane a thank you e-mail when she got back home. She'd sign Olivia Ryan's name, of course. “Everyone stick out your tongues,” she insisted. “Now relax them.”

They did what they were told.

“Ood.” Massie responded with her tongue sticking out of her mouth. “Now move it around ut eep it re-axed.”

Massie pulled her tongue in so she could speak clearly. “Now move it left, center, right, center, left, center, right, center.” She clapped out the beats and they followed perfectly. “Do your best to avoid the igloo's walls or you'll get stuck.” She gave them a few more minutes to practice, then told them to relax. “Those of you who want to tongue-kiss should be running these drills at least three times a day.”

Livvy's hand shot up in the air. “What about those of us who just want to lip kiss?” she asked shyly.

“I suggest you put a little Vaseline on a toothbrush and scrub your lips twice a day to keep them supple. Oh, and work on holding your breath. When you're dealing with the closed-mouth variety, you've basically taken an oath not to breathe. If you do, you run the risk of being labeled a dragon, which is just as bad as having a stiff, darting tongue. So practice, practice, practice.”

Carrie raised her hand.

“Yes.” Massie pointed to her.

“HowlongdidyoupracticebeforeyoustartedkissingDerrington?”

“Unfortunately, I didn't have that luxury,” Massie replied. “He caught me off guard and I just had to wing it.”

“When exactly did this happen?” Dylan asked. “Was it at the OCD Tree-lighting Ceremony?”

“No, I bet it was after the tree-trimming gala,” Alicia jumped in. “There was tons of mistletoe around.”

Massie looked at Claire and then at the sheepskin rug below her feet. She hadn't prepared for these questions.

“I'd rather hear about the kisses, not the parties.” Claire came to her rescue.

“Me too,” Alexandra agreed.

Massie looked at Claire and thanked her with a soft half-smile. Claire gently closed her eyelids to say, “You're welcome.”

“Did you go straight to tongue, or did you stay closed for a while?” Livvy asked.

“We went straight for the tongue,” Massie said. “Thank Gawd he knew not to poke or dart, or I would have dumped him on the spot.”

“How did
you
know?” Livvy asked.

“I have been studying the art of kissing forever,” Massie said. “I've picked up some pointers from
Passions
and
One Life to Live.”

“Likewhat?” Carrie asked.

“Like always tilt your head right.”

“But what if you both go right?” Olivia was confused. “Won't you bump noses?”

“No, Oh-livia.” Massie rolled her eyes. “His right and your right are opposite if you're facing each other.”

“Right, but what if you're
not
?” Olivia looked at the others with a cocky grin, like she had just found a big, gaping hole in Massie's theory.

Massie paused while the others laughed at Olivia's stupidity. Eventually Olivia laughed with them, but it was obvious from the flat expression behind her eyes that she had no idea why.

The drops of water started coming down a little faster now, and the girls were getting distracted. They'd have to pat their heads dry before their hair frizzed and their mascara ran.

“What'sgoingon?” Carrie asked.

“It's getting hot in herrrrrre,” Alexandra sang.

Suddenly everyone broke into Nelly's old hit.

“Shhhh,” Massie hissed. “We'll get busted.”

“Ehmagawd.” Alicia lifted her gray cashmere Ralph Lauren coat over her head. “It's pouring on me.”

A steady stream of water was falling on Alicia's head.

“Turn off the heaters,” Dylan yelled. “They're melting the igloo.”

“And blow out the candles,” Claire added.

Streams of water were pouring down all around them.

“Ehmagawd,” Massie shouted. “Abort, abort!” She blew out her candles. “Everyone grab a beanbag and a rug and get out!”

“What about Doose?” Claire joked once they were all outside.

“Women and children first,” Massie said.

“That lesson was killer.” Alexandra shook the water off the top of her head.

“Itreallywas,” Carrie agreed.

“I still want to know
when
you got all of this experience,” Dylan said.

“Given,” Alicia said.

At this point, Massie didn't care what they wanted. She had given them their twenty dollars' worth and was back on top. Her work here was done.

“Oh no,” Livvy squealed once they were safely outside. “There are boys over there. Do you think they heard us?”

In the distance Kemp, Plovert, Cam, Josh, and Derrington were playing Hacky Sack with an ice ball under the porch light in front of the dining pavilion.

“No way, they're too far. Look.” Dylan cupped her hands around her mouth and softly said, “Hey, boys!”

They all stopped and turned to face her.

“I guess sound really travels out here in the wild.” She shrugged.

“What if they heard?” Alexandra said.

“Impossible, we were inside,” Massie said. “Now let's get away from the igloo before Mr. Myner catches us. If he knows we melted it, he'll—”

“Hey, Block,” Derrington shouted. “How about that kiss now?” The boys laughed. “Look.” He pointed to the sky. “It's dark out.”

Massie felt the heat of everyone's stare on her cold cheeks.

“It's not classy to do it in public,” Massie shouted.

“Always an excuse.” Derrington turned his back on her.

“Hey, that's not cool,” Alexandra shouted. “She didn't give you an excuse at the holiday parties.”

He turned back to face them.

“And she went straight to tongue,” Livvy added. “You skipped right over the close-lip stage, so what are you complaining about?”

Massie appreciated the MUCK girls coming to her rescue but they needed to stop.
Now.

“What are you
talking
about?” Derrington started walking toward them.

“Come on,” Massie said to her friends. “Let's go. The last thing you girls need is to be sucked into one of our lovers' quarrels.” She pulled Livvy's arm and started walking toward her cabin. Her heart was pounding and her mouth went dry. Massie suddenly felt disconnected from her body, like she was watching herself from above.

“Massie, what are they talking about?” Derrington insisted. “Have you been kissing someone else?'

Massie cringed when she heard Derrington call her by her first name. He must have been really pissed. “Keep walking,” she told the girls.

“I swear, if you've been making out with some other guy while I've been waiting, I'll—” Derrington continued.

The girls stopped. “Let's go,” Massie insisted.

“Whatdoeshemean
waiting
?” Carrie asked.

Derrington was standing beside them now. Clouds of steam shot out of his mouth as he fought to catch his breath.

“I want to know who you've been tongue-kissing.” Derrington looked deep into Massie's eyes.

“Just you.” Massie's voice quivered.

“Me?” Derrington lifted his eyebrows.
“Ha!”

Massie's throat got even drier as she felt the tears gathering behind her eyes.

“You mean you two have never kissed?” Alicia said. “At all?”

“She won't even let me give her a peck on the cheek-” Derrington unpinned Massie's rhinestone
M
brooch from the bottom of his shorts and threw it in the dirt. He lifted his Timberland and crushed the
M
into the cold, hard ground, then turned away and stormed off.

Massie bent down to rescue her pin. She hoped a brilliant explanation for all of this would come to her before she straightened up again. But it didn't.

“I want my money back,” Carrie whined. It was the first time Massie actually understood what she was saying.

“You are more fake than those designer handbags on Canal Street,” Alexandra said.

“I love those bags,” Olivia piped up. “They really look real, don't they?”

Alexandra glared at her.

“I am not
fake
,” Massie responded deliberately. “He's lying because he's upset.”

“Puh-lease,” Livvy scoffed.

She turned and walked away. Carrie, Alexandra, and Olivia followed.

Dylan, Alicia, and Claire stayed behind. They stared at Massie while the others marched off in a huff. Despite the crisp night air, Massie's armpits were sweating. She was beyond humiliated and fought the desperate urge to drop to her knees and beg for forgiveness. At this point she didn't care if they revoked her alpha status forever, as long as they didn't give up on her completely.

“I know what you're thinking, and I can totally explain.” Massie knew the only way she'd ever win them back was by telling the truth. But could she really admit that she felt threatened by Nina? Or that she'd been scared to kiss Derrington? Or that the thought of not being on top was more terrifying to her than pretending to be something she wasn't?

Dylan and Alicia glared at her. They shook their heads like disappointed parents and slowly walked toward her. Claire inched forward with them but looked more strained than angry, like she was holding in a poo.

Massie quickly glanced over her shoulder, hoping Mr. Myner might be nearby just in case the girls saw to it that she never moved again without the help of a full-time nurse and a wheelchair. But they were all alone … surrounded by miles of dense forest … where no one would ever hear her scream … or find her remains or—

All of a sudden, Massie felt Dylan's arms tighten around her torso. Her grip was so tight, Massie thought she might have punctured a lung.

“I'm so glad you were lying.” Dylan bear-hugged Massie.

“
What
?” Massie sniffled, then wiped her eyes on Dylan's green cashmere scarf.

“I hated that you had all of this boy experience and didn't tell us.”

“Me too.” Alicia pouted and jumped in on their hug. “I was so sad. I totally thought we were drifting.”

“Puh-lease! We're so not drifting.” Massie wanted to cry with relief. “I would never make out and not tell you. I just didn't want the other girls to know our private Pretty Committee business, so I was throwing them off the trail. I thought you knew what I was doing. If I knew you believed me, I never would have—”

“Oh, puh-lease.” Dylan chuckled. “We totally knew. You're just such a good actress we started falling for it.”

“Yeah.” Alicia widened her eyes. “You're incredible.”

Claire smiled softly, shook her head, and looked out at the lake.

“I promise, I'll tell you when it happens.” Massie paused and looked back at Derrington's cabin. “If it ever does.”

“It will.” Claire finally spoke.

“Yeah, don't worry.” Dylan threw her arm around Massie. “Come on, let's go back and get changed for the bonfire reading. We'll make you look ah-mazing so Derrington will beg for your forgiveness.”

“Nah, you guys go ahead.” Massie smiled. “I don't feel like sitting in the cabin right now. I'll meet you at the fire pit.”

“You sure?” Alicia sounded concerned.

“Totally.” Massie tried to sound chipper so they wouldn't suspect that she was afraid to face the angry MUCK girls. “I just need some fresh air. It's good for the pores.”

Alicia gave Massie a hug. Claire and Dylan joined in.

Massie, who was usually the first one to break away from a hug, held on to her friends as tight as she could.

Claire was the first to loosen her grip. “We'll see you at the fire pit,” she said.

“Cool.” Massie smiled as her friends turned to walk back to the cabin.

Massie waited until they were out of sight before making her way back. She was furious at herself but wasn't exactly sure why. Was it because she felt the need to be something she wasn't? Or was it because she was stupid enough to get caught?

She crept behind the cabin and found a lone birch tree that looked like it needed some company. Massie ran her cold palm along the soft white bark but immediately stopped when she chipped her French manicure. Couldn't
anything
go right?