The Primrose Bride (31 page)

“
But it was the sight of Rita looking cosy with Clive that started you off,
”
he persisted, his glance keen.
“
It may have been subconscious, but you compared the scene you saw through the window with a few scenes you
’
ve had with me. You wondered why that couldn
’
t happen to you—a man at your feet. Any man, so long as he wouldn
’
t be awkward in his demands; a dumb adorer is what you want, not a husband.
”

She let out a quivering sigh.
“
You
’
re being cruel again. I can
’
t help being the person I am. You just didn
’
t take long enough to get to know me.
”

“
How right you are.
”
Angry with himself now, he drew in his lip. His tones were less steady than usual.
“
I can assure you that if it were as easy as falling on my knees at your feet, I
’
d have done it long ago. And if it were simply a matter of telling you a thousand times a day that I
’
m in love with you, I
’
d have done that too. But from me you don
’
t want either. You just want your freedom. Well, I don
’
t give up as easily as that. We
’
re going to Hill Lodge tomorrow.
”

“
I see. And when we come back?
”

“
We
’
ll come back married.
”

Her hands, still within the sleeves, were suddenly burning hot. Her mouth trembled, but before she could reply he was talking again, with bewildering urgency.

“
Don
’
t answer that. All I really meant was that that
’
s what I want, and it
’
s what I
’
m desperately hoping you
’
ll want too. I know you
’
ve magnified a good many things you
’
ve heard since you came here, and it
’
s hurt you that I wouldn
’
t do any explaining. I
’
m afraid that I needed far more from a wife than you were willing or able to give
—
blind trust, for one thing.
”

“
I was certainly blind in the way I trusted you in England.
”

“
That
’
s the hell of a thing to say! You told me you were in love with me—you were shy about it and I
’
m not even sure you knew what it meant, but you certainly said it.
”

She moistened her lips.
“
You said the same, and there was nothing shy about you. A ... a minute ago you said you could have told me a thousand times a day since we
’
ve been here. That
’
s been the root of the trouble. You
’
re capable of putting on any kind of act you please, for your own ends, and if I were to stay with you I
’
d never know if there were anything real in our relationship, or whether I were living a sham life for the sake of your career.
”

A pallor showed about his mouth.
“
All right. You win.
Y
ou want proof and I
’
ll give it to you. I
’
ll resign from the Service and take you back to England. We
’
ll settle at Welhayes and make something of the estate. I can
’
t be free for a few months yet, but you
’
ll have it to lo
ok
forward to.
”

Her hands fell to her sides, her lips parted and she gazed at him in utter consternation.
“
You ... you can
’
t do that,
”
she breathed.
“
I couldn
’
t possibly demand a thing like that of you, or live with it myself. You belong just where you are. I
’
m the one who
’
s out of place.
”

“
Your place is with me,
”
he said abruptly,
“
but if you resent my job
...”

“
I don
’
t. I don
’
t even resent the fact that it has to come first sometimes. What I can
’
t bear is ... is the reason you married me, the reason you won
’
t let me go.
”
She paused and looked at him pleadingly, but he said nothing and she asked quietly,
“
Is that what you were after—my hurried refusal of your sacrifice?
”

He shook his head and spoke a little thickly.
“
Every day since we arrived here I
’
ve spent hours wondering just how I could get through to you, make you believe I love you and get an unreserved admission from you that you love me. I was determined to make no explanations and no apologies till I was sure of you. Perhaps it was foolish and autocratic, but I was almost fanatically opposed to outside influences making any difference whatsoever to you and me. Either you loved me or you didn
’
t; the things that happened before we met couldn
’
t alter that. Discovering them might hurt you just a little, but it couldn
’
t possibly lessen what you felt for me.
”
He sounded a little bitter as he ended,
“
You couldn
’
t believe in that kind of reaction from me, could you? You
’
d already decided I wasn
’
t capable of the youthful romance you were ready for, and wanted. But you didn
’
t marry a boy; you married a man who thought he knew exactly what he was doing.
”
He paused, and ended a little roughly,
“
Well, there it is. I won
’
t face living without you. I promise I
’
ll take you back to England and do my utmost to make you happy for the rest of my life. I don
’
t even have to make the choice between you and my job. The fact that I love you so much has made it for me.
”

Karen swallowed painfully, looked into his eyes and felt some hard thing beginning to crumble away, inside her.
“
I ... I don
’
t know what to say.
”

“
That
’
s a change. Say nothing. We
’
re about two strides apart. I
’
m not going to stipulate that you come halfway, but for heaven
’
s sake don
’
t shrink back. I can
’
t stand any more of it!
”

She moved hardly at all, and the next second his arms were round her, gently, though his fingers were excruciatingly tight on her shoulder. He just stood there, his cheek against her hair and the feel of her in his arms.

“
Andrew,
”
she whispered eventually.

“
Stop worrying,
”
indistinctly.
“
There
’
s nothing whatever to be afraid of.
”

“
I
’
m not frightened—not very. Please look at me.
”

He drew back his head, saw a tremulous smile on her lips, and sparkling, tear-filled eyes that were full of incredulity and entreaty and need. With hardly any explanation or apology, he had got the surrender he
’
d wanted with such angry desperation. But there was no anger in him now; only passion and tenderness and an immeasurable thankfulness.

They left earlier on Saturday morning than they had at first intended, and half the people who came out to wave goodbye and throw flower petals were in their dressing gowns. So were the Governor and Lady Prichard; they blew kisses to Karen from their balcony, and as the car sped away from the Residency they told each other that they couldn
’
t have given those two a more valued wedding present. Karen was radiant, and Andrew
...
well, they wouldn
’
t have believed he could look so serene.

To Karen, as she sat beside Andrew, he looked handsome and arrogant and incredibly dear. And when he gave her a sideways glance and a wink she knew there would never be another time just like this; the new and glorious knowledge of each other, the sensation of beginning the splendid, passionate adventure of shared living.

Halfway to Hill Lodge they stopped for an
i
cy cold drink from one of the coolers. At least, Andrew said that was why they were stopping, though warm kisses seemed to be more in demand
th
an a cool beverage.

She lay back at last in the shade of a tree, and looked up into his face. Mischievously she said,
“
Now that your male ego is appeased by my admitting, in no uncertain terms, that I think you
’
re the most wonderful man in the world, we might have that lit
tl
e talk, don
’
t you think? You did get your own way, you know, in the most dastardly fashion. But I still feel I
’
m entitled to an explanation. In fact, I still think you married me because you needed a wife out here.
”

He smiled down at her, flicked at a honey-gold curl.
“
I have to confess it was one reason. You heard rumors, but
I
didn
’
t know the whole truth behind them. Not long
bef
ore I went on leave, Sir Wallace made the genial remark at one of our meetings that if I were married I
’
d be leaving Nemaka some time for a top job elsewhere. Afterwards he saw me privately a
n
d repeated it, much more seriously. I told him, half in jest, that I
’
d see what I could do about it in England. The whole of Government Road heard about it and during my last few days I was treated to facetious remarks and given names and addresses of suitable women. What none of them knew, except the Prichards and myself, was that when I dined at the Residency a couple of nights before I left, I found that the Governor had discussed the business very thoroughly with Marcia, and that she had decided I must get to know a niece of theirs.
”
He shrugged.
“
You know Marcia; she married the Governor when he was a young official and helped to push him into the position he now holds.
She
’
s very fond of him, but I think it
’
s true to say she
’
d be fond of any man she might have chosen so long as he lived up to her expectations in a worldly way. That happens to be her nature.
”

“
What about this niece? Who was she? Where did she live?
”

“
Hold on, I
’
m coming to that. You have to appreciate the nuances of the situation. Marcia and I were very good friends and she knew that at that time the Service was the most important thing in my life. You
’
ve called me ambitious, and I suppose I was—but no more so than if I
’
d been a doctor or an architect. Whatever my profession
,
I
’
d have gone all out to get to the top. Personally, I can
’
t see anything wrong in it, but since you do
...”

“
Not so
much,
now. I just didn
’
t want to be a sort of rung on the ladder
.
”

He laughed.
“
I
think
you
’
re now convinced that you re a trifle more than that! Anyway, when I left Nemaka to go on leave I was stuck with a promise to get in touch with the Honorable Letitia Felman.
”
He gave a rather too masculine imitation of Lady Prichard
’
s smooth, cultured tones:
“
‘
Just the wife for you, Andrew. She has breeding, a level head, a fine, sporting Gloucestershire background and two brothers in the Guards. Bring her back as you
r
wife, or even as your
fiancée
, and marry her here. Both the Governor and I would be immensely pleased.
’
”
He dropped the mimicry, and smiled.
“
I had to keep the promise, so I did it at once. I met the honorable young lady and found nothing wrong with her. She was twenty-six, not bad-looking, had a good skin and rather nice brown hair; you can tell
I
had a really good look at her! I might have liked her a little better if she hadn
’
t been quite so poised and
certain
of herself, but even then I wouldn
’
t have fallen in love with her. She had too obviously been educated for some sort of position in life; as a diplomat
’
s wife, perhaps, or even a politician
’
s. She was like Marcia—admirable in almost every way but deficient in humanity.
”

“
Did you see her often?
”

“
Once at her London house, and then her father invited me down to Gloucester for a weekend. It was more than enough. She must have written at once to Marcia, because within three weeks I had a letter from the Governor, telling me his wife was inviting Letitia Felman to Nemaka as their guest, and they would like me to escort her when my leave was over. I
’
m afraid that made me mad. I at once replied that the girl was nice but she left me cold; that they needn
’
t invite her for me and that in any case I
’
d prefer not to commit myself even to the extent of escorting her. After that I was treated to frigid silence.
”

“
Gracious. I
’
ll bet you wondered what you were in for!
”

“
I didn
’
t care enough for it to spoil my leave, but I did get to thinking about the future. This is the part you
’
re going to dislike, my sweet.
”

“
Then you
’
d better hold my hand while you tell me.
”
He did hold it, between both of his, and as he spoke he watched her face as she lay looking up at the vivid green fans of the palms.

“
I knew the Governor had been right when he said that to increase my chances of quick promotion I needed a wife of the right sort, so I started looking up old friends whom I knew to have sisters. You have to realize that I didn
’
t expect to fall in love; the best I expected was to find someone mature who
’
d be a help in my career and a good companion besides. Sounds cold-blooded, doesn
’
t it?
”