The Princess (36 page)

“Well, one man anyhow,” she said with a smile.

Nikolai leaned close, and Shelby, thinking he was going to tell, leaned toward him.

“No,” he whispered in her ear.

Murdock appeared before Shelby could cry in outrage. His presence, however, seemed to be some sort of signal.

“Are you done eating?” Nikolai asked solicitously.

“Yes. Am I going to find out now?”

“Yes. Just head into the dining room. They’re waiting for you.”

Shelby stood to leave, but Nikolai grabbed her for a kiss before she could get away.

“Have fun,” he bid her with a smile. Shelby followed Murdock from the room.

What she found in the dining room was the last thing she expected.

“Surprise!” the women shouted.

Standing around a huge table stacked with decorating supplies of every kind were her mother, her mother-in-law, the queen regent, all the ladies from her Bible study, and even the queen mother. In a matter of seconds they had brought Shelby into the room, each one talking thirteen to the dozen. It wasn’t two hours before she and Nikolai left for the lake; it was more like four.

“So what did you choose?” Nikolai asked almost as soon as they were in the limo, his hand already having claimed Shelby’s. Even though it was just before noon, they were in the formal limo, giving them added comfort and privacy for the drive to the lake.

“Well, I like the navy in your room,” Shelby began.

“Our room,” Nikolai corrected.

“Our room,” Shelby rectified. “So I’m not making many changes in there, but my old bedroom will have a contrasting navy print on the walls and windows, with cranberry accents to go with my mahogany trim and furnishings. How does that sound?”

“Beautiful. I was thinking that enlarging the door between the two rooms might be nice. Would that work with your plans?”

“I think so. I hadn’t thought of it, but a double door would be lovely.”

“Oak on my side and mahogany on yours.”

“Can they do that?”

“With veneers, yes.”

The word veneer stopped Shelby for a moment. She had just that morning been asking the Lord to help her talk to her husband about some things that were on her heart. At times she didn’t feel she was completely herself with Nikolai and wondered if that constituted a veneer.

She glanced in his direction, but he wasn’t looking at her. There was no way he couldn’t know that she held back from him;
he was too astute for that. But how did she tell him she wanted to change?

“Feel free to take a nap,” Nikolai said as he laid his head back against the seat. “I’m going to.”

“Tiring morning?”

“Um hm” was all Nikolai had to say on the subject. In truth, he thought the evening might be more tiring and knew he would need every ounce of rest he could get. He only hoped Shelby would be up to it as well.

It was a chilly night, so a fire popped and crackled in the fireplace, casting a warm glow on the couple who sat side by side on the large sofa at the lake house. The staff had all disappeared after dinner, Nikolai having told them that if he needed something he would call, and now the royal couple sat in silence. One was a little tired and contemplating an early bedtime, the other was busy trying to control the wild racing of his heart.

Shelby was staring absently into the flames when Nikolai turned to her.

“I love you, Shelby,” he said softly.

For a moment the princess didn’t move. She sat up a little, lay back again, and then turned to him.

“What did you say?”

“I love you.”

Shelby searched his eyes, her breath growing rapid over what she saw. She turned fully to her husband, working to tamp down the panic rising within her. When her hands had grabbed the front of his shirt, she said, “Why, Nicky? Why today and not yesterday?”

“I loved you yesterday too,” he explained gently. “And for many days before that, but the timing to tell you was all wrong. I
wanted us here, away from the phone and distractions, so we could talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, panic now evident in her voice. She began to scramble from the sofa, but he put his arms around her.

“Shelby, don’t run from me,” Nikolai whispered gently. “I’m still the same man who was with you in the hospital. I’m still the same man who holds you when you cry and puts you to bed when you’re too tired to move. I’m still the same man who fell asleep in the car and probably snored all the way up here.”

Shelby looked into his eyes again, her breathing labored. Finally she admitted, “I always thought the most terrifying thing would be to love alone, but this is worse. What if I can’t ever say the words to you? What if I never feel them?”

Nikolai settled her a little more closely against him and waited for her to relax in his embrace. “I do think you’ll feel them, but you might need to realize what I did, Shelby: Love is a choice. I didn’t know I could love you, certainly not this swiftly after our marriage, but then I chose to love you.”

Shelby blinked. “I keep hearing that, but I’m not sure I know how.”

“For me, it meant getting into your world. It meant being thankful for you all day, every day. Does that make sense?”

Shelby nodded.

“I also continued to remind myself that your parents trusted me to take care of you, and I began to take that responsibility very seriously.”

“And when you went to see them, was that part of it?”

“Yes. And I’m also trying to understand your world. Keep in mind, Shelby, that I didn’t spend any time in your home. If we had gone through a normal courtship, I would have known you and your family very well. I’ve had to do this backward.”

“But I am in your world!” Shelby suddenly burst out. “I’ve seen every photo album and scrapbook your grandmothers have. I’ve seen you on ponies and at your first skeet shoot.”

Nikolai smiled. “It isn’t going to be the same for you, Red. You are in my world, but I think your heart has been waiting for a signal from me. I’m now trying to give you that.”

Shelby wanted to fly from his arms again. The pressure felt horrible. She didn’t know if she could explain it, but it felt as though she’d been given a timer that ticked off the seconds very slowly in her ear. Shelby’s hand came to her face as she told herself to breathe.

“I’m going to fail,” she said softly.

“Why would you say that?” Nikolai asked.

Shelby looked at him, surprised that he’d heard her. All she could do was lick her lips and stare at him.

“This is not some test, Shelby, not at all. If anyone’s failed, and I don’t know that we have, it’s I who have done the failing.” He looked helpless for a moment. “Maybe I should have found a way to tell you sooner, but then the accident happened and I was afraid that you—”

“You loved me before the accident?”

“Yes.” He kissed her softly. “And I loved you even when I found out about the baby but you didn’t tell me. And I loved you when—”

“You knew about the baby before the accident?”

Nikolai nodded. “Your parents told me.”

Shelby tried to take it in. “All this time. You knew everything all this time. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nikolai smoothed the hair from her brow. He needed to see the little scar that sat above her eyebrow. It was a good reminder.

“Shelby, I almost lost you. You could have bled to death. You’re just now starting to feel like yourself again. What kind of selfish monster does that make me if I have an agenda to cover with you, and no matter how fragile you are, we’re going to go over it?”

Shelby looked into his wonderful face, so close to her own. His eyes didn’t give away his heart like hers did, but they were often full of caring, caring for her. Right now they were full of yearning—yearning that she would understand. And she did.

“Thank you,” she said softly, leaning to kiss his cheek.

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“I want more than anything to start making promises to you, Nick, but that would be foolish.” Shelby slowly shook her head. “I’m confused right now.”

The prince moved so that Shelby could stretch out next to him. He held her close on his chest, wondering when she would gain the pounds she lost and have full color in her face again.

I had no warning with Yvette, Lord, but maybe this is Your way of telling me I won’t have her. Or maybe it’s just Your way of showing me that I could choose to love. I can hardly bear the thought of not having her, but You know best.

“What are you thinking?” Shelby asked suddenly. “You feel tense.”

“I’m thinking about your health and asking myself what I would do if God would ask me to give you up.”

Shelby moved so she could see his face. “You’re always telling me not to rush the healing process.”

“And I don’t want you to, but you’re still a little thin, and sometimes the imagination does crazy things, especially now that I love you.”

“And this time you pictured my never getting better and dying.”

“That about sums it up. If I’m being logical and not emotional, I can honestly say I don’t think God has that for us, but if I hold onto you too tightly, I can lose my focus.”

Shelby settled back against him. “You always say the right thing, Nick.”

“Oh, Shelby,” he sighed, “you know better than anyone how untrue that is.”

Shelby had nothing more to say to that. She had been so tired, but now she was wide awake and ready to tackle this problem of loving her spouse. Shelby was good with problems; she always had been. She would handle this and love her spouse. That was all there was to it.

“Why do I get the distinct impression that you’re plotting something?” Nikolai asked softly.

“Because I am.”

“Are you going to tell me what it is?”

“No. At least not now.”

Nikolai angled his head until he could see her face, but other than a determined frown, it gave nothing away. He figured the best thing he could do was pray for her. Ten minutes later he changed that to the best thing he could do for her was get her to bed. She was as relaxed as a cat and not answering to the sound of his voice. The nap in the limo had been hours ago, and the prince was tired as well. Nikolai lifted his wife’s limp form, wishing the stairs to the bedroom were not quite so steep.

Shelby woke on Sunday morning to find herself alone. The clock told her she had plenty of time to get ready for church. Dragging on enough clothes to be presentable, she made her way downstairs, surprised not to find Nikolai around. She didn’t spot him until she’d taken her coffee onto the deck. He was down by the water, not walking or skipping rocks, just standing, his gaze across the lake. Shelby’s first temptation was to join him, but in watching him, she had the impression he was enjoying his solitude.

What if he’s thinking of Yvette?
her mind asked without warning. With the knowledge that Nikolai loved her, she was being
tempted to doubt him. Shelby worked to put her thoughts aside and concentrate on how thankful she needed to be. Yvette lingered in her mind but not in a negative way. A glance at the clock told her the conversation she wanted to have about Nikolai’s first wife would have to wait until after church. She moved back up the stairs to shower, reminding herself that she had all week to talk to Nick.