The Prodigal's Return (18 page)

God, please don't let it be too late
, she pleaded.

But for the first time she wasn't thinking of the other lives she'd spent so much time and energy helping. As she sat at the picnic table where Neal had kissed her for the second time since coming home—coming home to both his father and her—she realized she was pleading for herself.

Neal wanted to love her. To find a way to be happy again…with her.

Lord, how she wanted that, too. Only she was too scared to even try.

The people she cared so much about were responsible for their own happiness. Her training told her that. But them having their happiness to find meant leaving her to search for her own.

Watching Traci fight for her and her child's future left Jenn shaken. Maybe even made her a little jealous.

What about
her
life? The happiness she'd never stopped to fight for, because there'd always been something else, someone else, that needed every scrap of energy she had. And because she'd known she'd never survive losing anything she wanted as badly as love again.

Nathan had Neal again. Mandy had her grandfa
ther and her new start in Rivermist. And Traci had her baby and the confidence to make her way, even if her parents didn't wise up and decide they needed to be part of it all.

What about me?
Jenn asked herself.

What did she want? And did she have to guts to actually let herself reach for it, believing she could survive if it all went to hell again?

God, please don't let it be too late.

 

T
RACI PULLED INTO
the same gas station parking lot she'd first called Jenn from. She was crying so hard, she couldn't see to drive.

The last time she'd been there Jenn had promised that they'd make this work. That it was going to be okay somehow and that Traci wasn't alone. And she hadn't been, not for a second since she'd turned to the woman for help. Even when she'd packed her bags with every intention of heading for the bus station.

First Jenn and her father, and then Mr. Cain. She'd had adults around her every step of the way, making sure she was okay. Even having Mandy around had been great—as Traci had watched a living, breathing reason why going through with the abortion she'd wanted was never going to happen.

So how did she end up back here at this crummy gas station, feeling so totally alone?

Jenn was trying to make things sound so optimistic still, but even she had looked defeated back at the house. And if Jenn Gardner couldn't find a reason to keep believing, what the hell was the point?

Her friends were gone. Her parents would never accept her child. Even the one boy who'd loved her must have been relieved to get their “talk” out of the way yesterday, so he could get on with avoiding her like everyone else.

It was just her and her baby, and nothing Jenn said was going to make that sound any less lonely. She had years of getting used to lonely ahead of her, whether she was ready for it or not. Her dad didn't even think she could make it through junior college now, and maybe he was right. How the hell was she going to make college work on her own? Forget the school counselor's pep talk that she could do it. She couldn't look to the so-called friends or the guys who'd once swarmed around her for help—not the father of her baby, that's for sure. And she couldn't count on her parents, unless she went back to pretending to be exactly what they wanted her to be.

All she had was Jenn, who had a daughter of her own to worry about.

Traci had nothing.

Panic welled up along with the tears. Her dad was right! What kind of mother had a baby when she had
nothing? Jenn had done it, but Traci wasn't that strong. She hadn't even been strong enough to stay and finish things with her parents. To see through a loser guy who refused to protect her with condoms and then had slapped her in the face instead of taking care of the new life he'd helped create.

Wiping at the trail of wetness running down her cheek, she pulled away from the gas station. Approaching one of the two stoplights in town, she slowed as the noise in her head increased, chanting
loser
and
I told you so
until she wanted to scream.

Night was closing in around her, and so was the future she'd been so sure she was ready for just a few months ago. Sure enough to ignore everything her parents had tried to teach her, throwing away her chance at the carefree tomorrow she'd never dreamed she could lose.

Mesmerized, she watched the stoplight ahead change to yellow, then to red.

Caution.

Stop.

Such obvious warnings.

Except what did warnings matter now, really, when she'd already ignored the most important ones…?

“D
AD
!” J
ENN RACED UP
to her father in the hospital waiting room, Neal's footsteps behind her announcing that he was still there. Thank God he'd been back from his run when her dad called. Jenn wasn't sure she'd have been able to drive herself. “What happened? Is Traci all right?”

Bob and Betty Carpenter were huddled in the corner, distraught and terrified. Despite their public battle with her father, he'd been the first person they'd called.

“She ran the red light at North and Chestnut,” her father explained. “She hit another car at full speed.”

“Oh, my God. How—”

“We don't know,” her dad said. “I got here the same time as the Carpenters, just after the ambulance arrived. The ER staff were already working on Traci, and no one could tell us anything else. Someone from the sheriff's department is supposed to be on the way over.”

“How could you let her drive when she was so
upset?” Bob Carpenter demanded from where he was holding a sobbing Betty to his chest. “The EMT said she must have been speeding through the intersection, given the amount of damage done to the cars. Do you understand? She was so upset, she ran the light on purpose!”

“No.” Jenn's blood froze in her veins. Neal's arm came around her shoulder, encouraging her to lean against him. “Traci didn't run that light. I know her. I know how hard her decision was to keep this baby. To face what she'd done and make the most of it. There's no way she'd harm herself like this.”

“Then explain it to me.” The man pushed to his feet. “Explain to me how such a violent accident could have happened on one of our safest streets! Both cars were totaled. You convinced my daughter everything was going to be okay.” He pointed a shaking finger at Jenn. “You let her believe that this would all magically work out. And when it didn't, she…she—”

“Bob.” Jenn's father laid a hand on the man's shoulder. “Let's hear what the sheriff's department has to say before jumping to conclusions.”

“What other conclusion is there?” Mr. Carpenter grabbed her father by the shoulders. “My daughter might be dying…. She's tried to hurt herself…. Because I made her feel like she couldn't come home. I made her…I made her think I didn't want her anymore….”

The sight of Traci's father weeping, the ugliness of what he was saying, memories of another father's grief in this same waiting room, ripped the floor out from under Jenn. Neal caught her against him, turned her to face him and held on, never saying a word.

He didn't have to. All he had to do was be there for her, and he was everything.

Everything she'd been afraid to believe in again.

Traci couldn't have…. She just couldn't have….

“Bob?” Sheriff Hamilton said from the doorway of the waiting area. Brett was standing just behind his father, worry and shock clouding his handsome young face. “Do you and Betty want to do this now, or do you want to wait until after you hear about Traci?”

“What happened?” Betty rushed across the room. “Can you tell us anything about why Traci would have done something like this? Could something have been wrong with the car?”

“What?” Sheriff Hamilton steadied her with a touch to her elbow. “No. Best we can tell, the car Traci was driving was running fine. She tried to brake. There were skid marks. But there was no way to stop at the speed she was spinning into the intersection.”

“Spinning?” Bob joined his wife. “We were told she'd run the light.”

“Yes, because of the other car that—”

“What other car?”

“The one that caused the accident.” The sheriff shoved his hat back from his forehead. “What exactly did the EMTs tell you?”

“Nothing,” Jenn's dad replied. “We made it here after they left.”

“Then I think you folks need to sit down.” The sheriff glanced toward Jenn, including her in his warning.

The Carpenters returned to the waiting room couch. Jenn couldn't sit. Sitting meant moving away from Neal, and she couldn't do that. Not now. The sheriff took his hat off to twirl it between his fingers.

“There was a third vehicle involved,” he said. “Besides the one your daughter was driving in and the one her car hit. We have an eyewitness that saw Traci slowing as she approached the intersection, then another driver pulled into the passing lane and appeared to be trying to run her off the road. Traci must have accelerated or swerved, or both. She lost control of the car and spun through the intersection.”

“Oh, dear God.” Betty grasped for her husband's hand. “Who would try to run my daughter off the road?”

The sheriff glanced Jenn's way a second time, hesitating before answering.

The sick feeling that had been building in Jenn's stomach made a startling lurch upward.

“Your daughter was driving Ms. Gardner's car,” the sheriff explained. “We think Jenn might have been the intended target.”

“Someone was coming after me?” Jenn asked, horrified by what the sheriff's explanation could mean. “Oh, my God—Jeremy?”

“Yes, ma'am,” Sheriff Hamilton confirmed. “Jeremy Compton just blew point-eight on his Breathalyzer test. He's been drinking all day, according to the bartender over at Bandit's. And for some reason he got it into his head to try and stop your car while Miss Carpenter was driving. When I left the scene he was babbling something about his kid and you living with Neal.”

Everyone in the room was staring at Jenn, waiting for an answer. Everyone but Neal, who stood strong behind her, his support the only thing keeping her from collapsing on the floor.

“Are you telling me that my daughter's in there,” Mr. Carpenter said, staring at Jenn, “because of you?”

“I…” She had no idea what to say, no idea how to process what was happening.

Jeremy… He wouldn't—

“Answer me!” Traci's father raged, shock giving way to anger.

“Bob.” Jenn's father sat beside him. “I'm sure—”

“I've heard the rumors that boy's been spreading all over town,” the other man said. “About Jenn and Neal, and how she slept with Jeremy years ago. If this was some kind of lovers triangle and—”

“Damn, Bob. You got this all figured out, don't you?” Nathan Cain of all people stepped into the room, Mandy at his side.

“What are you doing here, Dad?” Neal asked.

“I still have one car that's drivable,” he said. And Jenn could have sworn his eyes twinkled as he glanced at his son. “I wanted to see how the Carpenter girl was doing.”

The girl he'd been nothing but crotchety with from the moment she'd stepped foot inside his house.

“Nathan.” Jenn's father crossed the room, his hand extended.

The warm shake that followed stunned everyone but Jenn. Her dad had found a way to visit Nathan last week, making her love him even more because of his concern for his old friend, rather than for whatever they'd argued about or what the community would think if he was seen at the Cain house. Now the two men were coming together out of concern for another man's child.

“It's good to see you again, Joshua.” Nathan turned to the Carpenters, his demeanor that of the distinguished lawyer from years ago, instead of the grumbling hermit who'd been as vulgar as it took to
run the entire town away. “Bob, Betty. I'm sorry to hear about Traci's accident. But—”

“I…I appreciate that, Nathan.” Bob Carpenter took Nathan's outstretched hand and shook. “But we're—”

“If you think Jenn Gardner had anything to do with what's happened to Traci, you're full of crap.”

“Excuse me?” Bob flushed. “Where do you get off—”

“I've spent more time with the woman in the last few weeks, and your child for that matter, than you have. So take my word for it. Jennifer Gardner's not to blame for a single wrong thing that's happened. Bad things just happen, Bob. Seems to me blaming anyone for it only causes more bad to follow.”

You could have heard a pin drop. No one in the room could recall the last time they'd seen Nathan in public, let alone heard him wax philosophical about “live and let live.”

The man winced, and some of the punch went out of his posture. With a sigh, he headed for the closest chair and sat.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asked when Jenn couldn't find her voice.

Nathan's complexion had grayed since he walked in the door. His hands were shaking now.

“Never been better,” he said, regardless, nodding his head in Jenn's direction, “thanks to that girl over there. You two gentlemen, take care of your daugh
ters.” He took Mandy's hand as she came to stand beside him. “'Cause look what they go and make for you if you're lucky.”

The longing in his words caught at Jenn's heart. So did the expressions on Bob and Betty Carpenter's faces as they finally let themselves see in Mandy what their own grandchild might look like.

“I'm going to take this little one to get some ice cream while we wait.” Nathan made it to his feet again. “Seems to me I remember the cafeteria in this place having some pretty good ice cream.”

Neal squeezed Jenn's shoulder as they watched his father go. When Nathan stumbled around the corner, Mandy helped steady him, then charged forward like the trouper she was.

Just helping a friend.

It's my turn.

Jenn looked up to see Neal's eyes glittering with unshed tears.

“Mr. and Mrs. Carpenter?” asked the doctor who stepped into the waiting area. He nodded at Jenn's dad and the sheriff as he walked over to Bob and Betty, then consulted the clipboard in his hand. “We were very lucky. The surgeon who consulted found no sign of internal injury, though we'll want to keep her under observation for at least twenty-four hours to be sure. She suffered a concussion and two broken ribs, but her seatbelt kept her away from the steering
wheel.” He dropped his clipboard to his side then, apology written all over his face, even though he'd just told them their daughter was going to be fine.

Jenn's head was slowly shaking. Her heart shattering for Traci. She knew what was coming, and she couldn't be there to hear it. She just couldn't.

“Your daughter mentioned her pregnancy to the firemen that cut her from the car,” the doctor was saying as Jenn ran, leaving Neal's strength and warmth behind. “I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but…”

 

N
EAL FOUND
J
ENN SITTING ON
an empty bed in a corner ER alcove, silently crying her eyes out.

Alone.

“You've got to stop this,” he said. “You're not doing Traci any good hiding in here.”

Her shoulders stiffened.

“Any good?” She jerked away when he wiped at the tears on her cheek. “Jeremy came after me, and now Traci's lost her baby.”

“And she's going to need you there when the doctors tell her. You've been with her every step of the way during this pregnancy, and—”

“And now it's over, because of me!”

“You know better than that. You're a trained social worker. Do you take on the guilt of every young mother you know who loses a child?”

“No.” She sprung off the bed, looking ready to hit
something, hit him for understanding. “I usually save it for the ones who miscarry because some creep from my past gets them mixed up with me!”

“Damn, Jenn. If Bob Carpenter knew you were this good at blaming yourself for everything, he wouldn't waste nearly as much time pointing his finger at you.”

“Neal, stop—”

“No, I've been stopping. I've been jogging two and three times a day, leaving the room when you come in, trying to stay out of your way because that's what you needed. Now you stop!” He was done watching her slip away and pretending he was okay with it. And he was done watching her lose herself in other people's lives, when what she needed—what
he
needed—was for her to start living her own. “No one's blaming you for Traci's accident, except her terrified parents. A drunk took a swipe at the girl, and what's happened is horrible. But thinking it's your fault is just selfish.”

“Selfish?”

“Yes, selfish.” She might never forgive him for what he was about to say, but at least he'd know he'd tried. He was going to fight for her this time. Damn it, he was done running. The rest was up to her. “As long as you're mired in Traci's problems, you don't have to deal with feeling anything else, or take a chance on the life you're too afraid to want for
yourself. You think I don't know that? That I don't know just how much wanting anything scares you to death?”

“You… I… I'm not using Traci…”

“You're hiding, same as I did, Jenn. You make your life about caring for everyone else, and I push people away while I help from a distance. But it's the same thing. We both end up alone in the end, exactly the way we want it.” He needed to hold her, to make her listen. But this had to be her choice, or it would never work. “I used my dad's anger and then my work to push everything about this place away, and I waited too long to make myself come back. I've lost the last years of my dad's life, years I can't go back and relive because I'm so damn sorry I could puke. And now I'm pretty sure I've lost my chance with you, too, and….”

“Neal…” She reached for him, fresh tears falling.

He pulled her against his chest, cherishing her instinct to comfort him even though he knew it terrified her.

“And that's all right,” he assured them both. “That would be okay, if we couldn't be together because we couldn't handle what happened to Bobby, or the years we've been apart. If it really was too late to try and start again. But every time I hold you I can feel how much you still love me. How much you still
need what we had, just like I do. But then you pull away, because you're too afraid.”