The Promise of Provence (Love in Provence Book 1) (28 page)

33

Katherine was out of bed well before her alarm. The suspense had kept her in a state of fitful sleep, with a single thought repeating:
Don’t let me be too late
.

The reply from the Browns was sitting in her inbox. Squeezing her eyes shut, she clicked on it.

They had been thrilled to receive her message. It was a go.

Now they included more detailed information with regard to their daughter and her husband and asked if their son-in-law could come over to see the house. Katherine was only too happy to agree and wrote that she would call him.

Andrea e-mailed to see if the exchange was on and, if so, suggested Kat ask the lawn-mowing company to add garden maintenance to their contract with her for the time she was away.

“That way there’s no pressure on the exchange people to do it. It might not be something that interests them. I know you and I would be out there weeding anyway, but not everyone is that crazy. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else.”

Getting dressed, Katherine was already thinking about being back in France when her cell rang.

“Hey.” It was Molly.

“Hey back. Are you all right?”

“Yup, just got home too late last night to call. I was asked to help judge a music competition at the Royal Conservatory when one of the judges suddenly took ill. We actually had to turn in our cell phones. Hilarious or what?”

“Had you planned to attend?”

“I went in the afternoon to support a couple of my students.”

“With no break?”

“I’m telling you, it was like a frickin’ closed meeting of the United Nations Security Council or whatever! They brought food in. We were escorted to the washroom. No talking. No cell phone.”

“What was that all about?”

“Well, these kids were competing for big scholarships and prestige, so they didn’t want any results slipping out or any collusion. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“They must have been talented.”

“Awesomely! It was a pleasure to judge them, and you know how music feeds my soul. This was
haute cuisine
at its frickin’ finest! But never mind! What’s with you and all your messages? Are you okay?”

“Um . . . yeah, I’m okay,” Katherine began in a restrained voice, before bursting with excitement. “Oh my God, I can hardly stand it, Molly! I’m going to take that three-month exchange in France, and I’ll be leaving in just over a month! Can you believe it?”

“Wha-a-at the . . . ? Start at the beginning, please.”

Katherine filled her in on the conversation at work and her subsequent decision. Molly’s excited and expletive-laced expressions of support put Katherine into an enormous fit of laughter.

“Will you come to visit me if I get you a ticket on points?”

Molly was speechless for a few seconds. “You are such a kickass friend! Are you serious?”

“I still have tons of points, even after my ticket was booked. It would be so much fun for you to come over.”

Molly said nothing again.

“Are you crying?” asked Katherine.

Molly squeaked out a weak-voiced reply. “I was the shittiest travel companion ever when we went to Chicago. Are you sure you want to risk it again?”

“This is France, Moll. You can’t
not
love it. I’ll risk it!”

Katherine had to plead and massage the subject to get Molly to agree to accept her generosity, but eventually was successful.

In the subsequent weeks, everything began to fall into place.

A veil of sadness slipped over the office when Dr. Henderson made his announcement about the funding cut. They had been a good team for a long time and felt proud of the contributions their work had made toward pain management in the hospital programs. Once the shock began to subside, everyone got busy assessing their future plans. Dr. Henderson was determined to retire and actually began to look forward to it now that the decision had been made.

Katherine was relieved that the office was going to be open for several weeks after she left so she would avoid the final inevitable closing-up. They decided to have a farewell dinner before she left, and that would be difficult enough.

Lucy was frantically studying everyone’s chart in the hopes of finding encouraging signs about the future. When Katherine announced her plans, Lucy went silent. On the way to yoga that evening, Kat summoned the courage to ask if everything was okay.

“Oh, there’s really no problem. It’s just that sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the accuracy of my readings, and it frightens me. I knew you were going to be going away again and for a long time, but I didn’t want to say anything, and besides that, I couldn’t imagine what it would be. I was doing some further exploring to make sure I was right.”

“So what else do you know, my clairvoyant friend? Do I have to wait much longer to find out?”

“Not much. But I’m not quite finished. Tell me, is everything good in Molly’s life?”

“For sure! Now that the perpetrator has been caught,” Katherine told her. “Why do you ask?”

Lucy reluctantly said, “I’m seeing something in her chart that concerns me. The numbers aren’t working. Maybe it’s just a holdover from what she went through, but somehow I don’t think so. You know me, though—I’m afraid to say anything like that. Don’t tell her yet. I’ll work on it some more and talk to her.”

34

One month to go. Thirty-one days.

July began hot and muggy, and Katherine fantasized about the Mediterranean breezes that would cool her in Antibes.

The Browns e-mailed photos of their house, and their son-in-law also offered details, having visited there twice. When he came to see her house, he brought a map and more photos and was able to answer every question she posed.

“You won’t believe the location. The house is in one of the oldest parts of the old town, built on what they call the Ramparts. There is just a road between you and the Med and a beautiful little beach. You are going to love it!”

The property was even better than she had first understood, although perhaps not everyone would agree. A three-hundred-year-old
maison de ville,
or townhouse, meant relatively small rooms and narrow stairs—and to Katherine that meant charm.

The ocean view she assumed would no doubt mean hanging your head out a window and craning your neck to see a sliver of blue in the distance. It turned out to be a window on each level that overlooked the sea and a rooftop terrace with a full view across to Cap d’Antibes. Could she get any luckier?

The Browns asked if Katherine’s garage was useable, as they intended to rent a car. After discussing the situation with Andrea and Terrence, Katherine decided to include her car with the exchange even though the Browns did not have a vehicle in Antibes.

The truth was, they explained, that you really didn’t need one in Antibes. The daily market was literally one minute away, as were the old-town shops and restaurants. The train station was a ten-minute walk, and you could travel anywhere along the coast, including Italy. No car was needed unless you wished to explore the countryside, and then a car-rental office was up the street.

Katherine faced a sudden bout of mixed emotions. As excited as she was about her exchange, she was feeling stressed about her office closing. It had been such an integral part of her life for so long. Feelings of great sadness engulfed her for a few days.

She met with Dr. Landman and the HR people at the hospital, and they agreed to consider holding the position for her until November.

“It would be good to know I was returning to that job,” she told Dr. Henderson.

“Yes, it would, but my dear, take it from me when I say that life passes in a heartbeat. There will be other jobs. Take a chance. See this entire situation as a tremendous once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”

I’m trying to do just that . . . but I’m struggling . . .

Although it hadn’t occurred to her before she invited Molly to come to France, Katherine realized how relieved she was that her friend was going to be with her for the first ten days.

As exciting as this exchange seemed, there was now an underlying anxiety as the entire structure and predictability of her life was disintegrating.

“A two-and-a-half-week vacation was one thing, but leaving for three months is a whole different story,” she told Andrea, anxiety obvious in her voice.

“Are you going to get in touch with the family you met on your last exchange? You enjoyed them so much.”

Katherine paused for a moment. “I’ve been thinking about it, but then I waffle and think I really don’t know them that well. I feel kind of shy about just writing out of the blue. I think I’ll wait until I get settled and then let them know. See? I feel unsure about everything right now.”

“I really think you should see your counselor,” Andrea advised when Katherine called on another day to tell her she was seriously thinking about canceling the exchange.

“I just don’t know if I can go through with it. I’m wavering after all my bravado,” Katherine admitted, her voice breaking. “I’ll call the office in the morning for an appointment.”

Dr. Olson pressed the tips of her fingers together as she leaned back in her chair, carefully observing Katherine. A canceled appointment had allowed Katherine to see her immediately.

“I’m so confused,” Katherine confessed, “and don’t know if it’s because I’m having a delayed reaction to the divorce or something else.”

“What else do you think it might be?”

She sat silent for a few moments before answering. “Well, leaving my job after all these years will be a huge adjustment. It has defined me in many ways, and God knows I struggled with losing a big part of my identity when James left me.”

Dr. Olson nodded. “Anything else?”

“I’m also feeling as if I’m leaving my mother behind, silly as that might sound. She’s been gone for months now, but the act of leaving the house for such a long time makes me suddenly feel her loss more acutely.”

“There is logic to that because symbolically you are giving her home to strangers. Even though you did do that for two weeks, this longer period represents something more permanent. The decisions about the house no longer have anything to do with your parents.”

Katherine nodded solemnly.

“I would also suggest that accepting the challenge of going so far away on your own—again, for the extended time—very clearly says you are independent . . . on your own. You are in charge of every decision, every choice, you make.”

“But I already did that and I was fine.”

“You did it for two weeks and could ride along on the euphoria of the adventure during that time. It’s almost as if you had something to prove that time and it all worked out very, very well. This longer time means something quite different.”

The rest of her appointment was spent discussing all the pent-up anxieties Katherine still harbored over being left by James. She was surprised at the lingering animosity when forced to confront it.

“You are looking at accepting several major changes in your life—the end of your marriage, the death of your mother, and the loss of your job. Even though you may feel you have come to terms with all of these. Bundled together, they are quite an explosive package.”

Examining each issue, with Dr. Olson’s guidance Katherine began to feel calmer, although she still wondered if it might be best not to do the exchange.

“I may have bitten off more than I can chew,” she said sadly.

Dr. Olson gave Katherine some journaling exercises, wrapping up the session.

“Let’s meet again in a week,” Dr. Olson suggested, but Katherine asked to come sooner.

“If I’m going to cancel this exchange, I have to do it now. Even so, it will be so inconsiderate of me and will cause a difficult situation for the other people.”

“Well, that’s something you seriously need to consider along with what we have been discussing.” Looking at her appointment book, Dr. Olson agreed to squeeze her in three days later.

Long, tearful talks with Andrea and Molly occurred during the next forty-eight hours as Katherine finally let go of emotions she had been storing deeply inside. In return they gave her the gift of honest feedback and opinions she trusted and valued. Katherine was so thankful to have this kind of friendship in her life now. She couldn’t believe how helpful it was to talk things through with them. Expressing her thoughts in the journal helped immensely. Finally she sat and looked at the photos of her wonderful two weeks in Provence.

I know I felt like that was the promise of a beginning for me, the acceptance and embrace of change as I move forward. Why am I fearing it now?

Taking a long bike ride, Katherine let the satisfaction this gave her add its healing powers.

She recognized that the emotional turmoil of her divorce and the grief of losing her mother had been abating for months. She understood how the unknown of stepping out of her normal environment and routine for the extended time of the exchange could resurrect anxieties.

I’m not going to let the fear factor kick in here. Talking to Dr. Olson reminded me I can handle the challenges that lie ahead, and I will.

The next day, she returned to the chair in the doctor’s office with renewed confidence and resolve.

“You’ve come a long way in the past few days, Katherine. I actually think you had already come to terms with the issues we discussed. I believe you had an acute case of cold feet.”

Katherine agreed, feeling somewhat sheepish. “Our mind does play games with us. I’ve never made a decision like this in my life, and it scared me. You’ve explained how change can be positive and a great opportunity to move in different directions. I want to do that in spite of the risks.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Talking through these matters, as you have, can be the conduit needed to get yourself to a better place. Remember, you can Skype with me at any time while you are away if you feel you need to.”

Shaking hands, Katherine left the office feeling ready to move on as Dr. Olson added, “It’s a new world, a new journey. Embrace it, Katherine. Think of it as synchronicity.”

Katherine determined to do just that.