The Promise of Rainbows (42 page)

Her mama could only nod, tears in her eyes.

Susannah took off the veil her sisters had arranged since the pins were now digging into her skull. “Where are they? I don’t care that I’m in my wedding dress. I need to go to Jake and his friends.” He would need the comfort. They all would.

Mama rubbed her arm gently. “He is upset, honey. So upset, in fact, that he had another episode.”

Her stomach sunk. “Oh, no.”

When she made a move toward the door, her mama stopped her. “Susannah, I need you to listen to me.”

She shivered at the underlying edge in her mama’s voice. “What happened?” she asked, imagining the worst. Had he barricaded himself in a room? Was he paralyzed again?

“We don’t know as of yet, but J.P. and Rye and his friends are out looking for him.”

“What do you mean?” She stared blankly at her mama. “He left?”

“He took off in his SUV,” Mama told her. “The guys couldn’t stop him.”

Panic rose inside her. She’d seen him this upset before, but for him to leave her on their wedding day…

“I need to go look for him too.” There was no telling what he might do.

“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, sugar,” her mama said, pulling her in for a hug.

Her heart broke clean in two. “Why would you say that?
Mama.
What happened?”

“Honey, he’s all awash in old fears right now. He’s afraid to marry you.”

She finally understood, and the pain of it buffeted her heart like hail. “He’s afraid he’ll do what his friend did, isn’t he? But that’s crazy. Jake would never take his life.
Never.”
Of course she’d never have imagined Monty would do such a thing. Not for one minute.

“I don’t think so either,” her mama said quietly.

Susannah looked out the window. “It’s storming. He shouldn’t be driving. I saw how he can get. I need to go after him.” Lunging for her phone, she tried to call him. But he didn’t answer.

“It’s no use calling him. He gave Rye his phone to hold during the ceremony. Honey, we’re going to find him. And then I’ll talk to him. We’ll sort this all out.”

Sort it out? “But what if he doesn’t change his mind? Oh, my gosh. All the people downstairs…”

“We’re going to give it a while longer before we say anything,” her mama said. “His manager announced there was going to be a delay due to the storm.”

That wasn’t a lie, at least. A storm was raging fiercely outside. Lightning pierced menacing gray clouds, and thunder shook the window panes.

“I can’t just stay here and wait. He’s out there all upset. He needs me. Mama, he needs you too. He can’t pull through this alone.” She was more terrified than she’d ever felt in her life.

Mama pulled her into her arms, rocking her back and forth. “He’s not alone, honey. Right now, we have to trust in God to help him and for the men to find him.”

She clutched her tightly. “Mama. Can we pray for him?”

“You know we can, honey,” she said, and stepping back, they gripped each other’s hands and bowed their heads.

When they finished, Mama left her to tell her sisters and the rest of the women what was going on. Sadie and Shelby came inside and hugged her fiercely, followed by Amelia Ann, Tammy, Annabelle, and Rory.

Fear lodged under her ribcage when J.P. called and asked if she knew of any places Jake would go when he was upset. After beating her brain, she mentioned the couple that came to mind. J.P. said he and the guys had already checked them—with no luck—on the recommendation of Garth and his band members.

Then she remembered his cabin, the cabin where they were supposed to spend a few days for their honeymoon before flying off to the resort in Puerto Rico.

“I’m going to Jake’s cabin,” she told her brother. “Y’all let me know the minute you find him.”

When she hung up, she grabbed her purse. “Shelby and Sadie, would you please go to my townhouse and wait there? I know J.P. said they checked it, but he might go there later. Mama, you stay here in case Jake comes home.”

They all nodded.

“He might go to the cabin if he wants somewhere to think. If his last full-blown episode is any indication, the noise from the storm will bother him. He might want a quiet place to settle.” Please, God, let that be true.

“I’ll go with you,” Amelia Ann volunteered, her face knit with worry like everyone else’s.

“No, you stay here,” she said, wanting to face Jake alone. “I’ll call y’all if he comes to the cabin, and expect you to do the same if you see him first. I’ll be fine.”

As she left the room and hurried down the back steps to the garage where her car was parked, she realized she’d be better off changing her dress. But maybe it would calm Jake to see her in it—to show him the strength of her commitment. Didn’t every married man say he never forgot the first glance of his bride in her wedding gown?

She managed to make it to the cabin in a little over forty minutes. When she opened her car door, the first tears finally broke free. There weren’t any vehicles parked in the drive, but someone had lined the path with hot-pink rose petals. Rain continued to pound the earth, so she did her best to step around them and headed inside. The entry was carpeted with rose petals too, and she followed them to the master bedroom. More rose petals covered the bed. The white sheets were turned down invitingly, and a whole assortment of candles were scattered around the room, waiting to be lit. Fresh wood was laid out in the fireplace.

They were supposed to make love in this room after saying their vows and celebrating with those they loved surrounding them. Now, she wondered if that would ever happen. Sinking to the bed, she put her face in her hands and cried, unable to suppress her emotions.

Even though he had a good reason, the man she loved—a good man—had made her greatest fear come true.

He’d captured her heart, and then he’d abandoned her.

Chapter 31

Jake drove aimlessly in the rain as his inner demons raged like the storm outside his windows. His mind kept playing images of Monty from their recent get-together. His friend had seemed so happy…

Now Monty was dead by his own hand, and his final act had stripped Jake of all hope.

Jake wanted to beat his fist to the sky again. How could something like this have happened? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair.

He’d lost his bearings a while back, but he continued to speed down the country road he was on. Rain pelted his windshield, and over the pain in his head, he wondered if he should pull over and wait out the storm.

The pain in his head had lessened to a medium throbbing, and while he couldn’t draw a full breath yet, he wasn’t panting like he’d been doing after he left the house.

The full import of what he’d done finally dawned on him as he squinted through the windshield wipers.

He’d walked away from Susannah on their wedding day. He was despicable. A coward. She was more than better off without him. Especially since he couldn’t guarantee her that he wouldn’t end up like his friend.

His chest felt as empty as if someone had filled it with bullets from an AK-47.

The sound of his wheels hitting the rumble strip on the road filled the car. He jerked on the steering wheel to re-center the SUV and felt the wheels skid. He slowed down and pulled over to the side, realizing it would be safer if he stopped.

There was a fenced-off field beside him, and he turned off the car, breathing deep. He was sweating, and he felt like he was about to have a heart attack. He tapped a pressure point on his hand—a method of easing anxiety introduced to him by one of his doctors—and closed his eyes.

Help me. Please.
Some part of him prayed as he inhaled deep gusts of oxygen. The more he breathed, the more the pain in his head lessened. And so he filled his lungs, calling back his tools of mindfulness, focusing on his body sitting in the chair.

I need help. Really bad. I messed everything up.

He continued the litany, not knowing what else to do. Part of him wondered if this was how Monty had felt in his last moments. The darkness seemed to be swallowing him up.

Tears filled his eyes, and he hung his head.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.

Warmth touched his shoulder, and it took him a moment to realize there was a bright light behind his eyes where before there had been only darkness. He opened them and squinted at the sunlight reflecting off the rain-washed road. It was bright enough to be blinding, but as his eyes adjusted, he took in the scene before him.

Half of the land was covered in darkness, and from the blur up ahead, he could tell it was still raining in the west. But the other half… The sun had broken out of the thick, gray clouds and was shining on everything in its path. The green of the grass on a nearby hill was brilliant, and the blue, eastern sky looked like the waters of the Caribbean. And it wasn’t raining on him. Not anymore. Then he saw a shimmer of color in the blue sky and squinted to make it out. But whatever it was had disappeared. Seconds later, there was another flash. He tilted his head, searching the sky, but it still eluded him.

He got out of the car with an urgency. There was something there, something important, and he had to see it.

As he stood in the blaze of sun on the wet pavement, the shimmer converged again, and this time stayed. Lines of red, blue, purple, yellow, and green appeared in the sky.

Jake stumbled back, leaning against his car.
A rainbow,
he thought.
A great, big giant of a rainbow.
It stretched across the sky and grew in size as the sun melted away the dark clouds in the west. The rain seemed to stop mid-drop. Everything around him seemed to still, as if all of nature was watching, listening.

The quiet of the moment rolled over him as he stared at that rainbow.

There’s always the promise of rainbows,
he remembered Susannah saying on her first visit to his home.

His heart had stopped racing in his chest, he realized, and his head didn’t hurt anymore. The numbness he’d felt had been replaced with warmth, and it wasn’t from the sunlight. Then he realized what it was. That feeling was grace, the kind Louisa had preached about months ago. The kind he felt when he was sitting in front of the fire alongside Susannah, singing her one of his songs.

The rainbow captured his attention, and on the quiet country road, he felt something powerful growing inside him. It seemed to fill his whole body, and he finally realized it
was
himself. He was coming back to himself, and all he felt was peace.

In his whole life, he’d never once seen a rainbow.

Today, in one of the worst moments of his life, that rare beauty of nature had finally appeared in the sky over
his
head.

It was a sign.

He had to go back. Had to face Susannah and beg for her forgiveness. He hoped she could forgive him, but regardless of what she chose, he would continue to be relentless about his therapy. Although he didn’t judge his friend for the choice he’d made, he would
not
end up like him.

Louisa had once told him the reason his life was improving was because he had chosen life. It seemed he had to choose it again, and if he had to keep choosing it again and again, well, he would. Life was a gift. Being with Susannah, playing his music, and helping people had taught him that.

The news about Monty had almost made him lose sight of that, but God had saved him from the abyss so he could make this choice yet again.

His life did matter. It mattered to him, and because he shared himself with the world, it mattered to a whole lot of people. Susannah and Louisa flashed to mind. Then Frankie, who’d gone to Disney World with his family a couple of weeks back. And the waitress in Sweetwater and her brother, who thought he was a hero.

He stayed until the rainbow faded, and after casting up another thank you to the blue sky above, he got into his SUV and started down the road. At a roadside gas station, he asked the attendant if he could use their phone since he’d left the house without one. Jake knew how he must look in his wet groom’s suit, but the older man thankfully didn’t say a word.

He called J.P. first, not knowing if Susannah would welcome his call just yet. His friend assured him she was deeply worried and that she’d gone to the cabin in the hopes she would find him there.

He got back in his truck and drove there immediately.

Susannah’s car was parked on the gravel driveway when Jake arrived at the cabin. He firmed his shoulders as he stepped out of his truck, throwing his damp tuxedo jacket over his shoulder. Patting down his wet hair, he scanned the two-story cabin. There were no lights on inside, which concerned him.

Susannah loved the light.

He’d brought the darkness to her again, brought it to her on their wedding day. Burning with shame now, he started down the flagstone path to the front door.

Halfway there, he spotted a couple of pink rose petals. Pausing, he picked one up. He’d asked Shelby to line their bridal path with Susannah’s favorite flower, but only a few of the petals were left. Had Susannah swept them up as she’d waited to see if he’d return?