The Proposal Plan (10 page)

She smiled down at her hands. He was right. His lunacy was just what she needed to cheer her up.

When Gabriel parked the car he opened the
door for her, and when she stood up next to him her new heels meant the difference in their height was much more balanced than it usually was. She was used to feeling tiny next to him but now she only had to tip her chin up slightly to look at him properly. She was sharply aware of his hand resting in the small of her back as they walked towards the entrance. The dinner was being held in an exclusive hotel in the city centre and she couldn’t hide a delighted little gasp as they walked through the huge double doors into the ballroom. The room had typically lovely ornate high ceilings, like so many of the beautiful Georgian buildings in Bath. It was dimly lit and large circular tables framed a gleaming parquet dance floor. The tables were set with impeccable white china and linen and silver cutlery twinkled beside crystal wine goblets in the candlelight. A jazz band was playing background music at one end of the room, something mellow with a lot of piano, and later there would be dancing. Lucy couldn’t remember having been in a room that looked lovelier.

Gabriel took two flutes of champagne from the silver tray of a passing waiter and handed one to her.

‘Thanks.’ She took a sip and surveyed the room. The men looked wonderful in dinner dress but it was the women who really caught her attention. There were dresses in every colour imaginable. She looked down at herself briefly, and wished for a moment that she hadn’t chosen black. How predictable. Much as she’d loved her dress, it now felt drab.

As if he could read her mind Gabriel leaned in and whispered in her ear, ‘You look beautiful, by the way. I didn’t get the chance to tell you in the car.’ She felt his breath against her neck and it made her feel suddenly light-headed. A warm tingling sensation made its way slowly down her body. Her legs felt unsteady. She took another, larger, sip of the champagne. What on earth would Gabriel think if he knew she was having to mentally squash the thought of what his hands might feel like if he touched her like a lover instead of a friend? Her face felt overly warm and she was glad the room was dark. She hoped it would hide her blushes.

Gabriel was smiling and nodding as they walked through the room. ‘Must introduce you to a few people,’ he said. Sliding an arm around her waist, he propelled her further into
the room. She was more aware of his hand against her than of anything else going on, as if her senses had been realigned. The music passed her by. The people were irrelevant.

Gabriel was quite proud of the way he was holding it together. Even after an hour in her company he still couldn’t believe how stunning Lucy looked in the silk dress. The fabric clung to her so that he almost felt he could see the contours of her body through it. And the heels made her legs seem to go on for ever. He was actually grateful for the diversion provided by her argument with Ed, much as he hated seeing her upset. At least it meant she hadn’t noticed that he was struggling to keep calm while his heart was thundering in his chest. He’d kept his eyes firmly on the road for the best part of the journey, giving him a chance to get himself under control.
Just friends
, he kept telling himself. Perhaps if he repeated that mantra throughout the evening he would be OK.

Their table turned out to be one of the ones close to the jazz band and Lucy was secretly pleased. It gave her somewhere other to look than at Gabriel. It seemed she couldn’t trust her
body to behave itself and so she would have to rely on external diversions to get through the evening without making a fool of herself. Gabriel would surely think it hilarious if he knew she was suddenly finding him attractive. She tried hard to keep her mind on Ed. Loyal Ed, who’d always been enough for her before. He was obviously feeling very insecure in their relationship and she hated herself for stirring up feelings like that. In fact he probably had every reason to jump to the wrong conclusion about her and Gabriel after the clothes thing, and the fact Gabriel had been around so much in the last couple of weeks. Everything he’d said to her at her flat had been rooted in the truth.

Really, Lucy? Is it really such a wrong conclusion?
She felt cheated that she didn’t seem able to get that depth of connection with Ed that she had with Gabe. She would be mad to still consider marriage when she had these doubts. Why press ahead when her head was being turned like this?
Because these feelings for Gabriel aren’t real, Lucy. No good can come of them
. Ed was real. In the car Gabriel was just so perfect after Ed’s outburst at the flat, knowing exactly how to behave as if he could read her mind. He affected her in so
many ways that Ed didn’t. But things with Ed were surely too good to throw away on something that could never be. She was so confused.

The evening wore on. The food was delicious. A warm duck salad starter, followed by the most impeccably cooked steak in a delicious sauce. Lucy found she had little appetite, though, and when she looked at Gabriel’s plate she could see he’d barely touched his food, too.

As coffee was finally being served people began to disperse around the room after sitting at the tables for the duration of the meal. Lucy felt nervous butterflies rise a little in her stomach. It had been easy while the food was served. Each circular table seated ten people and the conversation had flowed freely between them. There was no real opportunity for a private conversation. Gabriel had networked furiously and she was beginning to see why he was such a success at work. The couple sitting on the other side of him were looking for new legal representation and by the end of the final course he had them well and truly in the palm of his hand. She couldn’t fail to be impressed. His work was a world away from hers.

Eventually there were just four people left at their table. Another couple on the opposite
side were talking quietly and Gabriel turned to Lucy. She picked up her water glass to keep her hand steady, and took a few sips. The champagne had made her feel light-headed and the last thing she wanted was to get drunk.

‘You haven’t asked me once about Ed,’ she said. Talking about Ed would keep her mind where it ought to be.

‘I know,’ he said. ‘But when we last discussed Ed you asked me to stop meddling. I thought I’d overstepped the mark a bit on that one.’ He took a sip from his own glass and looked at her over the rim. ‘Still going ahead with the proposal, then?’ He raised a questioning eyebrow.

She looked at him. ‘I know we argued before I left the flat, but it was my fault really. Everyone argues sometimes in a normal healthy relationship.’

He nodded, non-committally.

His silence made her feel compelled to press on. ‘Ed is feeling a bit unsettled with me at the moment. I don’t think he’s sure of where he stands any more.’ She looked at Gabriel and shrugged. ‘I can’t really blame him, can I? Suddenly I start dressing differently. I start hanging out with you more. He thinks there’s
something going on between us.’ She let out a little laugh.

‘Would that be so funny?’ Gabriel asked. He was smiling, too, but his gaze was very intense. She felt unable to tear her eyes away from his.

‘No… yes… of course not.’ She struggled to say what she meant without offending him or giving her feelings away. ‘I just meant it was a mad conclusion to jump to, that’s all. Mad for you and me, I mean. To him it seems a logical explanation.’

Gabriel looked at her a moment longer, then shifted his gaze over her shoulder towards the band, who were preparing to raise the noise level of the mellow background music they’d played during dinner.

Lucy took a deep breath and tried to direct the conversation at Gabriel, to take the spotlight away from her. She hadn’t talked to him about relationships since the night she’d mentioned Alison. ‘Did you think any more about settling down yourself, Gabe?’ she asked. ‘Looking for Miss Right? You can’t carry on for ever, you know, the eternal bachelor. One day you’ll meet the right person. Settle down, have kids…’

A shadow crossed his face and he still didn’t look at her, watching the band playing behind her. ‘Maybe I already have met her,’ he said, eventually. Then he stood up purposefully. ‘Come on. You can’t come to a ball and not dance.’ He held out his hand.

‘You know I can’t dance, Gabriel,’ she protested. ‘Two left feet, that’s me.’

‘Rubbish! Just hang on and follow me. No one here really knows what they’re doing anyway.’

After a moment she smiled and gave in. It was dark after all. She’d had a few drinks and the band were playing ‘Moon River’. The perfect tempo for someone like her. All you needed to do was sway a bit and you were there. She took his hand and let him lead her as he picked their way through the couples on the floor. She caught her breath as he slid one arm firmly around her waist and entwined her hand in his.

She picked the conversation back up where they’d left it. After the night when they’d looked after Steven, she knew now he wouldn’t bite her head off if she mentioned his past. ‘You can’t carry on letting what happened with Alison affect you for the rest of your days,
Gabe.’ He was holding her hand tightly but she still managed to free a finger and point it at him. ‘I should know that better than anyone after the last week or so. Who’d have thought I could see a future with my parents back in it? I know it’s hard but sometimes you have to let go of the past and move on. For years I thought I had moved on but it turned out I was dragging all that baggage along with me. Ignoring it instead of really sorting it out. I’m actually lighter now. I really am.’

For a moment Gabriel said nothing, and without talk to distract her she became acutely aware of how close he was to her. She could feel the hard muscles of his thighs, strong from all that rugby in his youth and from the gym now, hard against her own through the thin silk of the dress. He let go of her hand and moved it around her to join the other one, pulling her even tighter to him. She rested her hand against his chest, acutely aware of the breadth of his shoulders, the strength of his arms encircling her. His breath was warm against her hair as he spoke.

‘When I said I’d already met her, I wasn’t talking about Alison,’ he said.

He pulled back from her far enough so he
could look clearly and deliberately into her face. The words, the way he’d spoken them, full of meaning, resonated in her mind. She felt as if the moment lasted minutes, not seconds. Every nerve ending in her body was totally aware and fine tuned. Every touch of his body against hers sent dizzying sparks to her stomach, her heart, her mind. The touch of his fingers lightly stroked her bare spine, the other hand folded tightly around her waist so as to hold her close against him. His aftershave, woody and spicy, filled her senses and she felt literally weak at the knees, as if she might suddenly fold into a puddle on the floor.

‘Gabe…’ she tried to say. She wasn’t sure herself what words she would follow his name with. His name filled her mind leaving no room for anything else. He leaned slowly forward and his mouth perfectly caught the curve of hers. His grip tightened on her as if he wanted never to let her go. The music filled the room but the band could have been playing anything or nothing at all. She took none of it in. There was nothing but the feel, the smell, the touch, the taste of him. There could have been a million people in the room, but for her
there was no one else but them. Nothing else but this kiss.

As they broke gently apart he didn’t speak or even look at her, he simply held her close against him and continued to move gently. For Lucy it was as if the music had suddenly been turned back up. With a jolt she became aware of the room again, the people, the sounds. And her mind suddenly had room for everything else. What the hell was she doing? How could she have allowed this to happen? Where was her resolve? She felt a wave of sudden anguished guilt. Ed had been right to be suspicious of her. Poor Ed, how could she behave so badly towards him? The man she was supposed to love. And Gabriel. Their friendship. What damage had they gone and done? The thought smashed into her mind, chasing out all the warmth, all the delight from moments before. She pushed Gabriel away from her, eyes wide, rubbing her hand across her mouth as she did so, as if she could erase what had just happened, go back to the way they were before.

She saw his eyes widen, a worried expression surfacing, but she wouldn’t allow herself to stay and see more.

‘Gabe, I’m sorry, this isn’t right. I… I have
to go,’ she said finally and turned before she could give him any chance to speak. Whatever he had to say she didn’t want to hear. The damage they had just done to their friendship. How could she have let it get this far? She must have been giving him unconscious signals. What would he expect now—a three-week fling? She wasn’t about to waste the last twenty-three years on that. There was only one thing to do to try and save the situation and that was get some serious distance between them. Right now. She ran from the ballroom, down the stairs and into the darkness, leaving Gabriel standing alone in the middle of the dance floor.

G
ABRIEL
stood outside the hotel and pushed an exasperated hand through his hair. Where the hell had Lucy gone? He looked left and right but the road in both directions was empty except for parked cars vaguely visible in the streetlights. She must have found a taxi from somewhere. It was beginning to rain but he was oblivious to it as it soaked his hair and dampened his designer suit. What the hell had he gone and done now?

He hadn’t meant to kiss her; he truly hadn’t. From the moment she’d stepped out of her front door earlier he’d had to keep himself on constant guard to hide his attraction and he’d been doing a pretty good job, if he said so himself. It was the dancing. He should never have asked her to dance but he hadn’t liked the way the conversation was going and it had been all he could think of to do to divert her and stop
her talking. He’d known the instant her body was against his that he had no hope left. He rubbed his fingers slowly across his lips as if he could still taste her on them. The softness of her skin under his hands and the delicious scent of her hair had removed all the control he’d had in place. The thin fabric of her dress had meant he could feel every contour of her body against his. The kiss had been the most natural, most right and perfect moment of intimacy he could ever remember having. And now he’d screwed it up.

He turned and walked back into the ballroom to make his excuses and leave, walking the perimeter of the room to try and avoid one of his ex-girlfriends, who was making a beeline for him. He needed desperately to think. One thing was certain though. The way he felt right now he wasn’t going to let her go. Not without a fight.

Lucy let herself into her flat with shaking fingers. Her curls were damp and beginning to frizz from the rain. For one awful moment she wondered if Ed would be there waiting for her but the place was quiet and in darkness. She heaved a sigh of relief.

She was shaking all over. The combination of the freezing weather and the after effects of that kiss. She’d never felt such an acute physical response to anyone before. She’d been powerless to stop it. She was staggered by just how right it had felt. Especially when her head had been—and still was—telling her constantly that the whole thing was totally wrong.

She turned on the light in the sitting room, kicked off her high heels and went to slump on the couch. And it was then that she saw it. A piece of paper left on the coffee table.

‘Sorry. Call me,’ she read, in Ed’s scrawling handwriting. Her eyes filled with tears that quickly blurred the words. What had she done?

Gabriel tried for what felt like the hundredth time to call her but the landline at the flat simply rang endlessly and he assumed she must have unplugged it. He’d been pressing redial since he’d walked back through his front door. Her mobile phone informed him that it was switched off and suggested he try later. It was no good, and he had no idea why he had expected anything else. Why would she react differently to this than she did to every other
difficult issue or encounter in her life? He’d known her since she was six and her policy in all that time had been the same. Disengage from the rest of the world until you’ve worked out what to do. Except he was very worried that if he didn’t get to talk to her soon her choice of what to do might not include him at all. He picked the phone back up. He’d just have to keep on trying.

Lucy stood under a steaming shower, letting the water pour down over her closed eyes. She struggled to understand what the kiss really meant to her.
He feels the same way as you do
, her mind whispered. And if that was true, it put things in a whole new light. Should she just brush it off as one of those things, a slip-up? Did Gabriel want her as more than a friend? And if he did what did that mean? A short-term fling before he backed off just as he always did? Their friendship might be able to survive a slip-up of a kiss but it could never survive more than that.

Then there was Ed to think of. Her heart twisted when she thought how hurt he would be if he knew what she’d done. She’d been so happy with him for a long time. She had such
plans for them. How could she ever make him understand or forgive her? And even if she could, what hope of a future was left for them now? Crushing her feelings for Gabriel felt like an impossible task; even shoving him out of her mind for a few minutes wasn’t achievable at the moment. Her guilt was growing; she felt she was adding to her betrayal just by thinking about him.

She climbed into bed. It was late and she was tired out from the stress of the evening. But sleep was a long time coming. She finally fell into a thin doze at about three and was awake again by six. Throwing on some old jeans and a T-shirt, she went straight to the kitchen and began lining up sugar, eggs and flour on the worktop next to the mixing bowl. She needed to think things through.

Gabriel was up early on a Sunday for the second time in a month.
And both times it’s been Lucy’s fault
, he thought wryly. He couldn’t let things lie. Not the way he felt now, and not the way he’d felt last night. It had gone too far. He climbed into his car and started the engine. Whether she was ready or not, they needed to talk.

Lucy made sponge cake mixture on autopilot. She was barely aware of what she was doing, but as usual with her hands busy she was able to think clearly. Guilt gnawed away deep in her gut. It was all Gabriel’s fault. She’d had everything under control and he had to ruin it. She passed a flour-covered hand over her eyes.
Don’t lie to yourself, Lucy
. There was nothing to be gained in trying to make herself feel better about what she’d done.
The only person to blame for all this is you. You could have pushed Gabriel away, laughed it off. Instead you played as much of a part as he did
. More, in fact, because Gabriel was a free agent and she was supposedly on the brink of marriage.

She tried to think clearly, work out how she felt. She took the two ends of the spectrum in turn. Ed. Reliable, kind, loving. Clumsy but endearing. Ambitious in his own haphazard way. She’d always know where she was with Ed; he was predictable, and that made him safe. And to someone with a background like hers those things were to be prized, treasured.

Gabriel on the other hand. Incurably, undeniably ambitious. He’d clawed his way up in legal circles. Partner of the leading firm of
solicitors in Bath. Now courting senior partnership and still not even thirty-five. Interesting that he’d rejected London after his initial training contract, wanting to work his way to the top of a smaller firm where he could have some major influence from very early on. He thrived on the buck stopping with him. Inescapably unreliable. Fickle, commitment phobic. Best friend anyone could ever want. Better brother than a real one could be. Sparky, inspiring, challenging. She never felt as if she would win hands down with Gabe, whereas with Ed she was always firmly in the driving seat.

She wondered how Gabriel was feeling, what he wanted from her. For all she knew he could be filled with regret right now. Maybe he’d drunk too much champagne and was now cursing the demon drink for getting him into this mess. While she tortured herself about her behaviour he could be embarrassed and wondering how to let her down gently. Her instinct was to call him, find out what he wanted from her, but guilt wouldn’t let her do that. Infidelity had played its part in the demise of her parents’ happiness and in her eyes it was symptomatic of a ruined relationship. It hurt
to think of herself and Ed like that. Whatever Ed’s faults were, he didn’t deserve to be treated so shabbily. And she felt so low about herself. She who prided herself on her total control of her life and her destiny, acting on impulse like that. She shook her head. She simply didn’t
do
impulsive; she did rational.

She knew one thing. She couldn’t have Gabriel near her until she’d sorted this out. It was all she could manage right now to stop thinking about him, about how he felt and tasted. To speak to him or meet him would qualify as infidelity in her eyes now, after what had happened between them, and she wouldn’t do it. She owed it to Ed to sort things out with him before she did anything else. That could be the only way she had of feeling good about herself again.

She reached across the counter and turned on her mobile. The second it found the network there came beep after beep of text alerts. Just as there always was when she and Gabriel argued. He never could let it lie. She knew him well enough to be certain that before long he would give up on the telephone and come to find her in person. She couldn’t have that. She would have to call him and tell him to give
her some space. But before she could decide whether to read his texts or go straight to the point and ring him, the phone itself broke suddenly into Elvis singing ‘Blue Suede Shoes’. Ed must have reprogrammed her ringtone again. An incoming call. She glanced at it and her pulse increased and not in a pleasant way. Caller ID showed her that it was Ed on the line. She felt absurdly exposed, as if by her picking the call up Ed would by some sixth sense be able to tell that she’d kissed Gabriel. That she’d betrayed him.

She pulled herself together. She just needed to get this conversation out of the way and then she could get her head straight and work out how to make things right. She picked up the phone.

‘Ed, hi!’ she cried, in an overly bright tone of voice, which belied the guilt that stuck like a bone in her throat.

‘Lucy.’ He sounded a little confused. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d pick up after last night.’

Her heart pounded. What did he mean ‘last night’? Had he somehow heard what had happened?

‘I’m really sorry for everything I said,’ he went on, and she suddenly realised he’d just
meant that he was expecting a frosty reception. After all, the last time they’d spoken had involved her slamming the door on him and then swiftly leaving in Gabe’s car. Any lingering irritation she might have felt about yesterday’s argument had since been beaten into submission by her new guilty role in the situation. But Ed didn’t know that, of course, and she needed to inject some normality pretty quickly if she was going to avoid him guessing something was up. She wanted to talk to him calmly about this once she’d had time to think it through, not blurt it out over the telephone and end up with another flaming row.

She covered her eyes with one hand. ‘Ed, it’s fine. Really it is. It was my fault, not yours. I was so preoccupied with getting ready to go out that I never thought how it might make you feel.’

‘Don’t say anything else. I saw you looking so beautiful and I got jealous. That was all. Jealous that you’d be spending the evening with Gabriel and not with me. I had no right to shout at you. I know Gabriel is just a friend, I should never have implied anything else.’

Her face burned with shame at this. How was she ever meant to make this right?

‘How was the night out, anyway? Did Gabriel make senior partner?’ He sounded genuinely interested, eager to hear all about her evening and make up for the things he’d said.

‘It was rubbish,’ she said quickly. ‘Boring group of dull career-obsessives.’ She tried unsuccessfully to push the image of Gabriel’s kiss out of her mind.

He sounded mildly surprised. ‘Shame. I know you were looking forward to it. Well, maybe I can make up for it tonight. And it’ll give me a chance to say sorry properly for yelling at you.’

She couldn’t bear this. Couldn’t bear him being so apologetic when she’d betrayed his trust without a second’s hesitation. Her eyes filled with tears and she swallowed hard.

‘Ed, please. I’ve told you there’s nothing to make up for.’ Her discomfort came out in her voice as irritation and it only made him even more persistent.

‘There is. I insist.’

She clutched at her hair in frustration.
Stop apologising!

‘Come to The Abbey with me tonight,’ he coaxed. ‘Have a fun time, talk things through,
eh?’ The Abbey was the bar they visited most often together.

She leapt on this. Talking properly was exactly what they needed to do. Not some stilted excuse for a heart-to-heart over the phone. She knew she had to tell Ed what had happened. She had known since she’d left the party. The kiss weighed on her conscience like a stone. She could spend today thinking how best to handle it, find some way to try and make things right. And perhaps being on neutral ground instead of in her flat or his place would help.

‘OK, that would be good,’ she said. ‘Can I meet you there, say seven-thirty? I need to drop some things off at the shop on the way and I’ll come straight there.’

‘Great!’ The delight and relief in his voice compounded her sense of discomfort even further. She couldn’t bear being in the same room as herself right now. Her mind refused to quit the endless reruns of Gabriel’s kiss, which seemed to make her heart race even harder every time she relived it. She had to get things straight. Now she just needed to keep Gabriel away until she’d seen Ed and her mind was clear. As Ed cut the call off she took a deep breath and clicked speed dial for Gabriel.

She didn’t get far. As she waited for the line to connect the entry buzzer sounded suddenly in the hall, making her jump. She walked down the hallway as if in a dream, her hands covered in flour, and picked up the intercom.

Gabriel stood outside on the step. His heart pounded as he waited for her to speak.

‘Yes?’

‘It’s me,’ he said simply. There was no need to say any more.

Her voice was laced with panic and he longed to give her a cuddle and tell her everything would be fine. ‘I can’t do this right now, Gabriel. I need to sort things out with Ed.’

‘Just ten minutes. Please. You know we need to talk.’

‘I need you to stay away from me…’

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sort things out with Ed? He had to get her to talk to him, let her know how he felt before she stormed ahead with the proposal to Ed on some guilty impulse.

‘What? Don’t be so ridiculous. You can’t pretend nothing has happened, Lucy.’

‘I’m not pretending!’ Her voice took on an angry tone. ‘But until I’ve seen Ed, talked
things through, seeing you will just be cheating on him. Even more than I already have. And I won’t do that. I won’t make things worse than they already are.’