The Pull of Destiny (44 page)

Joanna’s eyes
narrowed and she shook my hands off of her. “That’s what you said last time,”
she said in a low voice, conscious of the people around us who were probably
pricking up their ears to listen in on our conversation.

I frowned.
“What last time?”

“When we were
making out in the supply room, you jerk. You took off and said ‘rain check,
babe’. Next thing I know, someone spots you at Baskin Robbins with Celsi
Sawyer.” Joanna scowled at me, red spots of anger appearing on her pale cheeks.

Shit. Now I
remembered. But how did she find out that I had been at Baskin Robbins with
CiCi? Was she having me followed?

“I just have
some things I need to sort out, babe,” I told her as the hallways rapidly
emptied.

“Things
concerning Celsi Sawyer, right?” Before I could open up my mouth to respond,
she continued. “I saw you two passing notes to each other in class. Don’t even
try to deny it.” Her eyes were filled with hurt as she looked up at me. “So are
you gonna hang with your new BFF?”

God, why was
she guilt-tripping me like this?

“Babe-,” I
started huskily, hardly knowing what to say. What could I say? I’m sorry, but
who I choose to hang with is none of your business. We’re broken up, remember?

“You’re acting
weird. Even Wendy and Ahmed have noticed.” She gave me a head to toe look.
“What’s going on with you? You’re not yourself.”

Maybe the
aneurysm has something to do with it.

“I’m surprised
you guys notice anything out of your cozy existence,” I couldn’t help replying,
getting a little dig in. Joanna didn’t rise to the bait. She just stared at me
as the last stragglers slammed their lockers shut and took off into the chilly
air outside.

Stolidly, she
said, “You’re part of that cozy existence. Soon you’ll realize that your
infatuation with Celsi is stupid.” She stepped closer to me, putting her hand
on my chest. “She doesn’t belong in your life. She’s not your type. Once you
realize that, you’ll come back to me. I’ll be waiting.”

How martyrish
of you.

I stared down
at her flawless face, wondering why it was so hard for her to accept the
inevitable. We were never going to get back together. I was just using her for
sex and she was just delusional, as much as it hurt to admit it. I couldn’t do
this friend with benefits thing anymore. If I really wanted to change for the
better, I had to let some of my past go.

And this has
nothing to do with your crush on CiCi, right?

I shook my head
defiantly. Nope. Nothing at all.

“Actually,
Joanna, I- kinda wanted to talk to you about us.”

The hallway was
deserted now. It was amazing how fast students could vacate the school grounds
once the final bell rang.

Looking both
surprised and hopeful, Joanna said, “Oh yeah? Do tell,” in a sexy voice. She
had apparently forgotten that just a few seconds ago, she’d been pissed at me.
After she heard what I was about to say, she’d be even more upset. But I
couldn’t backtrack now. This was the perfect time.

“This-
arrangement we have isn’t a good idea.” Joanna’s eyes widened as I forced
myself to continue. This was painful for me too. But I knew it was the right
thing to do. “I mean, the sex is great, but if Timothy hears about us- he could
really hurt me.”

Incredulously,
Joanna hissed, “You’re scared of Tim?” like she couldn’t believe her ears.

I had to laugh.
Was I scared of that brainless beefcake? Hell no. But I had my own health to
think about. If I got into it with him, I might not be so lucky.

“No way. But I
just- I don’t think this is worth getting beat up over.”

I bit my lip as
Joanna glowered at me, removing her hand from my chest and placing it on her
slim hips.

“You mean I’m
not worth it?” she asked, her voice coming out high and reedy. I swallowed. I
hated hurting Joanna, hated it. Yet I always seemed to do it. Why did she keep
on coming back to me?

“Exclusively,
you’re so worth it babe,” I murmured, reaching out to her. She took a step
back, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.
It’s not fair to me or you. I need to move on.”

Joanna’s eyes
were filled with tears. “You’re dumping me?” Her voice quivered.

Running a hand
over my face, I nodded. I had to be grownup about this. Backing down now would
just make me feel stupid and more of a loser than I already did. “Yeah. I’m
sorry, Jo…”

Her eyes were
cold as she glowered at me. “You son of a bitch,” she croaked, before turning
and stalking away from me.

“Aw, shit,” I
muttered to myself, leaning against my locker. I didn’t love Joanna, I was sure
of that, but it was still painful to go through another breakup with her.
Still, even though I felt bad about hurting her like that, and even though it
cut me like a knife, I knew I’d done the right thing.

CHAPTER 18

all falls down.

Luke's Bucket List- Give Blood.

Celsi's Point of View.

Despite Luke's prior warning, I didn't
realize just how
acute
his phobia
of needles
was
till we walked into the MetLife Donor
Centre. Up until that moment, he'd been all smiles ever since we met at Grand
Central Station,
offering
to buy me the hugest candy apple I ever saw.

“I don’t know if anyone’s ever
told you, but you look so cute when you eat,” he informed me, his eyes glinting
with mischief.

Somehow, I don’t think I
would look very cute with toffee dribbling down my chin. Pass.

Still, it was sweet of him to
say, even though it was a huge lie.

Luke seemed to be in an
amazing mood despite the frigid air and the frosty sidewalk. While I was
walking as slowly as possible to avoid slipping on black ice and falling on my
booty (my boots are
old
)
, he was practically bouncing around in
front of me, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans and Converses, cracking
dumb jokes.

“Okay, I got another one for
ya,” he said as he held open the entrance door leading to the lobby, standing
aside so that I could walk in before he did. “What kind of Christmas present do
you give a man who has everything?”

I shrugged, making a beeline
to the building tenant listing, searching for New York Blood Center. “I don’t
know,” I replied, my eyes glued to the colorful directory as expensively
dressed business people milled around the lobby.
Why are these dang things
always so complicated?

Undeterred by my obvious
enthusiasm (yeah right), Luke came up behind me.

“Give up?” he pressed,
sliding his hands slowly onto my shoulders.

“
Yes
,” I said in a
tone I always hear frazzled mothers use towards their chatterbox toddlers.
I
didn’t know I had it in me!
But really, today Luke was kinda acting like
one of those annoyingly adorable little kids that never shut up.

Sliding his hands up and down
my upper arms in a smooth, sensuous way (does he ever realize what he’s doing?)
he brought his lips so close to my ear that I could feel the warmth of his
breath fluttering against my neck.

“Want me to tell you?” he
asked softly, a faint teasing sound in his voice as though he knew that the way
he was touching me was giving me butterflies.
He probably does know. And he
probably likes it, too.

My voice came out breathless,
and I wasn’t trying for sexy, which is unfortunate because I could have worked
it. I just couldn’t breathe right when Luke touched me like that.

“Okay.”

Just don’t let go of me!

Brushing his lips (purposely,
I’m sure) against my ear, Luke replied, “Crack, so that next year he doesn’t
have anything.”

And on it went.

By the time I figured out how
to get to the donation center from where we were, Luke had told me a variety of
ridiculous Lady Gaga jokes (how do you make Lady Gaga cry? You ‘poke her face’)
laughing all the while.

“Why are you in such a good
mood?” I had to ask, feeling slightly jealous. I’d just found out that Nino, my
boss, had to cut my hours at work and I wasn’t too happy about that. It meant
less money at a time when my family needed it most.

Luke gave me that hot crooked
grin and I almost melted. “I don’t know. I just feel free.”

Way to be vague, Astor.

However, the instant we
started walking towards the donation center, all signs of happy camper Luke
flew out of the proverbial window. He suddenly clammed up, staring at the floor
as he shuffled his feet, something I could do without.
I hate when people
shuffle their feet.
And even though the main reason I was supposed to be
there was to support him, I took one look at the terrified expression on his
face and burst out into a fit of giggles.

Luke shot me a reproachful
look. “You’re not helping.”

Leaning against the wall, I
wiped my eyes as my shoulders shook with laughter. “I’m sorry,” I spluttered,
trying to compose myself. “But you’re joking, right? You can’t be that scared
of needles!”

“I told you its crippling!”
He glanced nervously around us in the deserted hallway (what was it with me,
Luke and deserted hallways, anyway?) and took a couple steps towards me. “When
I was a kid, the nurses had to tie me to the bed and blindfold me just to give
me a shot.”

The image of a trussed up,
blindfolded baby Luke thrashing around on a bed as nurses fought to hold him
down set me off again. Tears of laughter rolled down my face as I clutched my
aching stomach. It wasn’t that funny, but it was hilarious, know what I mean?
Luke didn’t seem to think so.

“Where‘s moral support when
you need it? My dad would be more comforting than you are.”

A hurt frown on his face,
Luke folded his arms over his chest, looking steadfastly away from me. My mirth
slowly dried up as I realized that he was well and truly miffed by it.

Buuurn.

Still, I guess I deserved
that, after laughing at a very valid fear of his like that.
Time to get
serious, Celsi.

I put a hand on his shoulder,
feeling the tense muscles beneath the soft fabric of his White Stripes t-shirt.
Poor baby, he really is worked up about this, isn’t he?

How would he feel when the 16
gauge monster was stuck in his arm, sucking out a pint of his precious blood?

I bit the inside of my cheek
hard to stem my laugh.
This is not the place or time.
I had to be a
supportive friend, even if the need to laugh killed me.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated,
looking up into those green eyes of his. “No more laughing, I promise. I’ll
hold your hand. I’ll even tell you a story to take your mind off things.”

Luke gave me a grateful
smile. “Thanks. And thanks for showing up.” He heaved a heartfelt sigh. “None
of my friends would have taken me seriously enough to come here with me.”

I smiled back. “That’s why
you have me.”
 Celsi Sawyer said what?
Hastily, I continued, lest Luke
take what I had just blurted out straight out of context. “Helping you with
your list, I mean.”

You just had to tack on the
‘I mean’, didn’t you?

As I opened my mouth to save
(more like ruin) my own skin, Luke ran a shaking hand through his hair.

“Dude, I think I’m
hyperventilating.”

Drama queen.

“Just breathe slowly,” I
instructed him, glad that he changed the subject.

He shook his head, staring at
the door to the donor center. “I think we should go. I can’t do this.”

I rolled my eyes, wondering
why I was saddled with such a big baby.