The Pull of Destiny (61 page)

The cab rolled through the
streets of East Harlem, Luke continued yammering on and on and I got madder and
madder. How
dare
he use me like that? He had to have known that I had a
HUGE crush on him, why would he stoop so low and play me out like that?

As soon as the taxi
stopped a block away from my house, I turned to Luke, my hand on the door
handle. Glowering at him as haughtily as I could, I said, "I'm sooo glad I
helped you with your list today, Luke. But next time you plan to use me,
don't."

And with that amazing
(even though I do say so myself) parting shot, I scurried out of the cab, the
sweet feeling of vindictiveness running through my veins. Unfortunately, that
feeling was marred by ice cold guilt.
You of all people shouldn't feel
guilty about letting Luke know that he hurt you.
Still, the look on his
face just before I got out of the cab...shocked, confused and defenseless all
at once. Not your fault, Celsi. He deserved it. Right?

I strode up the sidewalk,
ignoring the wolf whistles from the guys who lounged in doorways of neglected
buildings, selling rock and making deals. All I wanted to do was go home, curl
up on my bed and try to forget about Luke Astor and his tendency to just say
the wrong things at the most opportune times.
Are all guys wired that way?
Probably.
Unfortunately, I nearly forgot about Luke's persistence. As I pulled my jackets
hood up over my head to shield my neck from the chill wind, I heard hurried
footsteps behind me. I walked faster, knowing that it had to be Luke but
getting paranoid at the same time.
Maybe it's that serial rapist I read
about a couple years back.

Luke put both of his hands
on my shoulders all of a sudden, breathing hard into my ear as he insisted on
scaring the crap out of me. Well, can you blame me for being scared? It was
cold, dark and gangsta's were dealing drugs mere feet away from me, course I
was gonna be scared!

"Yo, CiCi, stop
walking," he murmured into my ear, sounding as sexy as hell. Obediently, I
stopped walking and turned around to eye him, one hand on my hips in an
attitude-ridden pose. "What?" I said, almost in a snarl.

Taking an involuntary step
back due to my fierceness, Luke seemed kinda stunned by it.

Good. Let him be
stunned.

"What's wrong?"
he asked in a small voice, looking adorably concerned.

"You don't
know?"

He grinned slightly.
"If I did, I wouldn't be asking. So, c'mon. Tell me why you're mad. I'm
guessing you're mad at me?"

"Yes, Luke, I am mad,
actually," I said haughtily.

Luke covered my hand with
his, shivering slightly. He blinked down at me, biting his lip.
"Why?" he asked simply.

I tossed my head, biting
the inside of my cheek. "Because of what you said in the elevator.
Remember?" I ground out, sighing at the confused look on his face.
Great.
Now he was gonna say no, I don't remember, then I'd have to recap the whole
story when all I wanted was to forget the sudden jolt in my stomach when Luke
had essentially told me he was using me for his list.
If that makes sense.
I hated feeling hurt, especially when it was Luke doing the hurting.
You
should be used to it by now.

Sure enough, Luke had 'no
idea' what I was talking about. "Um... no. I don't remember. Are you gonna
tell me?"

"Is the aneurysm
messing with your short term memory?"

I hated myself for even
saying that, but it was too late. Luke's eyes widened as he stared at me,
looking shocked, hurt- as if he'd just been punched in the face by a good
friend.

Shaking his head, Luke
gave me a crestfallen look. "Not cool, CiCi."

Swallowing, I said
"I'm so sorry, Luke... I didn't mean..."

"Forget it. Just tell
me what I said in the elevator then I guess we can go our separate ways."
He still sounded hurt to the core but this time, I couldn't feel maliciously
happy. Sure, he'd hurt my feelings, but what I said had been a low blow.

Hanging my head, my hands
behind my back, I slowly reminded him of what he had said about his list while
we were in the elevator.

His reaction- a loud
chuckle that really did nothing to lift the hurt and anger I felt towards him.
I raised my head, staring at him incredulously.

"I can't believe you
just kissed me to knock something off your list, and I can't believe you're
laughing about it," I hissed. "I'm getting out of here.
Goodnig-."

As I was twisting away
from Luke, he suddenly let go of my hands, cupped my face with his hands and
brought our faces together. My nose bumped his as his lips brushed over mine,
just before his tongue slipped into my mouth. The kiss was relaxed and
unhurried, filled with soft licks, sucks and nibbles that made things liquefy
in my stomach.

"Do you
still
think I just kissed you coz I wanted to use you?" he asked huskily as he
finally pulled back, his gorgeous green eyes serious.

"Uh... what...
why....?" was all I was capable of saying.

Luke sighed, sticking his
hands into his pockets and shrugging. "You're so smart, CiCi, why haven't
you figured it out?"

"What?" I
breathed.
Could it be?

"I didn't kiss you
because I wanted to strike those things off my list. I kissed you
because..." He hesitated for a second, gave me the most endearing smile
EVER, and then cleared his throat, continuing. "I kissed you because I
wanted to. Because I've been wanting to."

I wasn't equipped to
handle all this in one day. What do girls say when guys tell them stuff like
that?
I wish Robyn was here.

"But then, why'd you
even mention the list?" I asked softly, gazing at him.

He laughed humourlessly.
"Because I was nervous, CiCi, and I didn't know what to say so I just said
the most douchebaggy thing I could think of."

Luke, nervous?
Douchebaggy, a word? Yikes.

I smiled tentatively at
him, my heart thudding with relief. Feeling chuffed that Luke had admitted to
wanting to kiss me definitely wasn't making matters worse.

He grinned back, spreading
his arms. "Are we cool?" he asked.

Nodding, I stepped into
his embrace, resting my head on his chest as he rubbed my back. "Yeah.
We're cool."

"Good," Luke
whispered into my ear as he smoothed my hair. "Can I call you tomorrow? To
hang out?"

"Okay. But I gotta
get home now."

Reluctantly, Luke let go
of me and I trotted home, trying to ignore the cat calls and whistles I was
getting. Let them jeer at me. Luke Astor just kissed a sista!

***

Unless of course, he felt
sorry for me.

That troubling thought hit
around the time I pulled the covers up to my chin in bed and stayed with me
while I was on the phone with Luke the next morning.

"...And we can plant
a tree. What do you think?"

"Sounds good," I
replied, barely paying attention to anything that Luke was saying. My mind was
busy exploring, going off into tangents that had had me up all night long.

Why would a rich,
handsome, well connected guy like Luke want anything to do with me? As in, why
would he want to kiss me? It didn't make any sense. It wasn't my looks- Dalton
was filled to overflowing with gorgeous girls with money. It wasn't my
personality- I got so shy and nervous around guys that I always could be
counted on to say the wrong thing. So what was my appeal to Luke Astor?

A mercy date.

I tried to tell myself that
I was wrong, that Luke didn't feel sorry for me, but the trouble is that when
you've been up all night convincing yourself that something is true, it's hard
to shake it off. And he'd been in the apartment building; he'd checked out my
room and seen how I lived. Who wouldn't feel sorry for me?

Well, I couldn't have Luke
feeling obligated to hang with me just because he felt bad about the situation
I was in.
No sir.

With my priorities
straight, knowing full well what I had to do, I pulled on a pair of jeans, a
cute sweater and my boots and headed to meet Luke at Central Park. He was
waiting by the entrance, armed with two saplings, gloves and two mini-shovels.
The green Jimi Hendrix t-shirt he was wearing set off his eyes perfectly and he
paired it with dark jeans and Converses.
Pure sexiness.

"Ready to plant a
tree?" he grinned enthusiastically, leading me to 'the perfect spot'.

Once our trees were
planted, Luke suggested a walk to a deli to get something to drink. He chatted
about his dad being out of town for the weekend so he didn't have to deal with
his wrath till tomorrow.

"Why're you so
quiet?" he asked me out of the blue as we walked up the sidewalk to the
Slurpee place.

I was staring at my feet
as I walked, concentrating so hard that I almost tripped when Luke spoke. I
glanced up at him quickly, and then looked down again.

"No reason," I
muttered, wondering why life had to be so complex.

Smirking, Luke stopped
right in front of me, making me stop too. The breeze blew his hair around
wildly and I bit back a grin. I loved how Luke was so cute but didn't know it.

"You have got to be
the most transparent person ever when it comes to your feelings," he told
me, pushing my hair back with both hands and grinning down at me.

I pouted playfully as his
finger traced my cheek. "Really? No fair."

"I can read you like
a book. You're being super moody. What gives?"

Sighing, I decided to bite
the bullet, swallow my pride and just tell him what was on my mind.

"Luke...," I
started, my voice trailing off as he looked down at me, his eyes roaming over
my face.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want you
to... to feel like you owe me anything."

A look of utter
mystification crossed Luke's face and he frowned. "Huh?"

"You know- with
everything that's happened..."

I was totally speaking in
riddles.

"CiCi- what the hell
are you talking about?"

"I don't want you to
be with me coz you feel sorry for me," I blurted out.

Smart.
Now it sounded like I thought we were a
couple.
It was just
one
kiss, Celsi. Get over yourself!

Surprised, Luke raised his
eyebrows. "Why would I feel sorry for you?" he asked, sounding like
he really wanted to know.

I sighed. Now he was just
trying to test me, wasn't he?

"Luke-," I
started exasperatedly, trying to convey the fact that I knew it was almost
impossible for him not to feel sorry for me. I was Celsi Sawyer. I had nothing.
He had everything.

"Celsi, shut
up." Eyes wide, I stood there with my mouth gaping as Luke spoke so firmly
that I had to obey. "How do I even say this?" His eyes roved over me
as he moved closer. "You're beautiful, inside and out. You've got a good
heart and you're super helpful." I gulped, blinking back tears at the
sincerity in his voice. He grasped my hands, smiling at me. "You've got
these beautiful hands filled with talent. And you've got brains. That's
hot." He shot me a crooked grin. "You can be whatever you wanna
be."

I blinked rapidly, tears
threatening to run down my cheeks. That was hands down the sweetest thing
anyone had ever said to me. Add the fact that it was coming from Luke and it
sounded like it was coming from the heart made it ten times better.

"You're just saying
that because you want to get into my pants," I said, then clapped my hand
over my mouth in horror.
You shoot, you score, Celsi.

Luckily, Luke found my
slip funny.

"I would never just
say that, even though I
do
want to get into your pants." The
sexiest
eye contact
ever
. "I don't feel sorry for you. I don't care that
you live in the projects, that you're on Financial Aid or that you're poor.
That's not why I like you. I like you because of what you've got up here-"
he brushed his fingers against my temples, making me shiver- "...and what
you've got down here-." He pointed to my heart. "So you need to stop
worrying about why I like you and just be glad that I like you. Okay?"

I couldn't help giggling
in between my sniffles and Luke wrapped an arm around me, kissing the top of my
head.

"You've got a pretty
high opinion of yourself," I joked. "What makes you so sure that I
like you?"

Luke's answer was vintage
Luke- short, sweet and painfully vulnerable.

"Because I can't
resist you and I'd hate to be alone in this."

He gave me another
crooked, hot grin as I stared up at him in astonishment.