The Purgatorium (7 page)

One of the original three performers stepped forward and sang another song, but it was in another language, and, anyway, Daphne could no longer hear the words. She stared at the girl, anxious to see some sign that she was alive.

The cloaked figures laid the stretcher out on the altar.

The base drum beat steadily to the human voices as they joined the other singer.

Then Larry, with his face still concealed by the hood, stepped forward and said, “This is Limuw. She has taken her life, and our prayers are to Hutash. Hutash agrees it is not yet Limuw’s time. She has given us a ritual to bring Limuw back to life.”

Daphne was shocked to see the five performers each pull a pair of scissors from their robes and cut the bright red hair of the girl on the altar. They cut it down to her scalp and then used electric razors to shave her head, arms, and legs. Surely the girl on the altar was an actress and a willing part of the performance and not the girl Daphne had seen running near the grotto.

As the string instruments played a slow and haunting melody, the five cloaked performers rubbed oil and laid long strips of white cloth on her body and sang a second song in Chumash. Toward the end of the song, the girl opened her eyes. She sat up, stared in horror at the audience, rubbed her bald head, and shrieked.

“My hair! What have you done?”

The five actors knelt in front of her as she stood from the altar.

Then Larry said, “Limuw has risen from the dead. You were dead and now you are alive again.”

A new melody rang through the amphitheater, this time uplifting, but the woman playing Limuw continued to look confused. Thinking she was either an excellent actress or a victim of a strange ritual, Daphne shivered in the blazing sun and began to feel faint. When the melody ended, the five figures each put a hand on Limuw, and the members of the audience applauded. Many of them gave a standing ovation, and nearly all had tears in their eyes. Before the applause came to an end, the five performers escorted Limuw backstage behind a building of stacked stones, where the orchestra or the sound system must have been.

“That was different,” Daphne said.

Cam stood and took her hand. “Let’s go to dinner.” As they walked up the stadium-style seats he added, “This might be hard for you to believe: Everybody in the audience this evening but you has played the role of Limuw.”

“You’re kidding! Even you?”

“Last summer. It was awesome.”

“Well, I’m not doing it.”

“No one wants to, but everyone’s always glad they did.”

“Not me.” She couldn’t imagine why any of them would be glad about having their head shaved.

Then a chill made goose bumps appear on her arms as she recalled the bald woman on the pier at Prisoners Harbor. Maybe it hadn’t been chemotherapy. Maybe she’d been Limuw. And maybe the way she had grabbed Daphne’s wrist and had given Daphne that strange look had been an attempt to warn her.

Daphne crossed her arms in front of her chest as Cam led her away from the amphitheater.

They reached the canyon ridge and followed the narrow steps back down to the main part of the resort. As they passed the jeeps, Cam said, “Some of the others are doing another exercise with Limuw right now. It’s the best part. I’m supposed to be there, too, but I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“Why can’t I go with you?”

“First you have to be Limuw.”

“That’s not happening. Cam, seriously. How could getting your body hair shaved off be a rewarding experience?”

“You’ll see.”

“Not in this lifetime.”

When Cam said nothing more, she asked, “They won’t force me, will they?”

“I don’t think so. They don’t do it until the end of—” he stopped, looking past her. “We’ll talk later.”

Daphne looked around but saw no one close enough to overhear them. Then she realized, as they walked through the grounds, that there could be surveillance cameras hidden in the nearby buildings.

After an uneventful dinner, Cam asked her to walk down to the beach with him.

Far off to their right, the sun was setting, and at the top of the wooden steps, Daphne stopped to take in the beauty. Whatever else the resort was for the people who came here, it was first and foremost a beautiful place that brought much pleasure. Daphne suspected this was an important part of the resort’s therapeutic qualities. She and Cam followed the boardwalk down to the sand, where they abandoned their shoes and strolled to the edge of the water. One other couple sat together in the sand by the hill of poppies and a lone woman stood at the top of the chalky bluffs gazing out to sea.

“They can still see us down here, but they can’t hear what we’re saying.” Cam faced the sea.

The sun nearly touched the horizon and sank further by the minute. Orange hues reflected on the graceful waves. The wind was less violent down here near the water than it had been on the boardwalk.

“So my mother put me up to this? She set me up? And my dad?”

Cam nodded. “They’ve been worried about you.”

Daphne hadn’t looked her parents in the eye in months. It had been just like the words in Larry’s song. “How did you find out about this place?”

“My mom knows someone who knows someone who knows Dr. Gray. I’m sorry I lied to you. I was told it was necessary to your therapy.”

“I don’t see how lying can ever be a good thing.”

Cam said nothing.

As they continued down the beach toward the sunset and the chalky bluffs, Daphne asked, “So what was your rough time? Did you try to, you know...”

“No, but I came close. I guess I wasn’t as brave as you.”

Daphne sucked in her lips. It hadn’t been bravery.

“I wasn’t dealt as tough a hand as you,” he said. “I never told you this, but I got into drugs and failed my first semester of college. My step-dad cut me off, even though the money comes from my mom. She supported his decision. I had nothing—no one, no friends, no job, no life.”

“What about me?”

“Kara had just died the year before. I didn’t want to bring you down again.”

“Cam…”

“Anyway, it was a hard time. I finally agreed to go to rehab. This place was part of it. It made me realize how much I wanted to live, and how great life can be if you let it.”

“I knew it. Getting trapped in the elevator and the cave, those things were therapeutic exercises, weren’t they?”

He nodded. Then he faced her. “You have to admit they were exhilarating, like a roller-coaster ride.”

It had all been creepy, but now that she knew for sure that she’d never been in any real danger, she was filled with relief. “I’m not much into roller-coasters.” She gave him a smile. “But if this place helped you, then it can’t be all bad.”

“Then you’re not angry at me?”

She shook her head.

“The whole bit in the valley with the woman being raped and killed was part of it too.”

Daphne knew it. It had been a cruel trick, but she was glad it hadn’t been real.

His smile quickly became a frown. “After tonight, Dr. Gray doesn’t want me to interfere with your progress. She’s putting distance between us.”

“I don’t like that.” She grabbed his hand and filled with anxiety. “What are they going to do to me?”

“Trust me, Daph. Do you trust me?”

She nodded.

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll see.”

Then she asked, “Was Stan in on the elevator incident?”

“No. He doesn’t know it yet, but someone has sent him here, too.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know.”

So Stan was a patient like her. “I suppose it has been fun,” she said, which wasn’t a lie. This was a major gesture on her parents’ part. A lump formed in her throat. “But I’m scared.”

“And excited?”

“I guess so. Yes.” She had to admit she’d felt more alive the past two days than she had the past two years.

“It gets better.”

“I won’t be Limuw, though. I’d like to keep my hair.”

“Okay, but it does grow back. It’s just hair.”

“What’s the point?”

“It’s not why, but what.”

“Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It has to do with living life to the fullest. It’s about
what
life has to offer, and not
why
it does or does not offer certain things.”

“And you have to be bald to do that?”

“It’s symbolic. It gives you the chance to start over.”

“I don’t need to be bald to do that.”

“Starting over isn’t easy. Letting go is hard.”

“Yeah.” She leaned over and picked up a sand dollar, perfect except for one chipped edge.

“Sometimes it’s hard to forgive yourself. Sometimes it takes something really dramatic and painful to help you let go of your mistakes.”

She threw the sand dollar as far out to sea as she was able. “I guess.”

“This place has another name.” Cam stopped and put his hands on her shoulders, his eyes intently looking into hers.

“What?”

“The Purgatorium. Don’t let on you know.”

Daphne didn’t know what to say, but sometimes when you’re burdened with deep thoughts, the only thing left to do is to be ridiculous, so, after a moment, she said, “Let’s go for a swim.”

“Now? Here?”

“Why not?”

“In our clothes?”

“Strip down to your underwear. I don’t care who’s watching. Come on!” She pulled off her dress and ran out until the water reached her waist, then she dived in and swam a few strokes, feeling refreshed and revived.

Cam was close behind her. She turned to him and threw herself on him, dunking him under. They laughed and played together like they had the day she arrived.

That night, Cam didn’t stay long, so she showered and put on her night shirt and lay in bed, thinking of everything she’d been told. She still couldn’t believe her parents had sent her here. Maybe they really did want her to live.

Her thoughts eventually drifted to Cam, how much she liked him. He’d been her best friend forever, and now he admitted that he might be in love with her. Could she ever feel the same way about him?

As soon as she considered the possibility, her heart longed for Brock.

The first time she and Brock kissed was the week after his mother died. His mother had fought a five-year long battle with breast cancer and lost. Brock was an only child and was close to his mother. His father had left before the cancer, had moved to Philadelphia and had started another life that didn’t include Brock.

Daphne saw the hurt in Brock’s eyes when he came up to her in the parking lot after swim practice in early March her junior year. She didn’t know what to say, so she stood there, listening.

“You should have seen her,” Brock said. “She looked good.”

“She was a beautiful woman. I’m sorry I didn’t go to the funeral.”

“It’s okay. I was in a daze anyway.”

“How are you now?”

“Still in a daze.” He sort of laughed.

“Wanna grab a bite to eat together?” Daphne couldn’t believe she had asked him on a date. The invitation sort of blurted out of her mouth without her realizing it.

“Sure.”

Later, when he walked her to her door, she took him in her arms for a hug and felt him shudder, felt him lose himself. He cried, the hurt little boy that he was, even as his trembling hands reached for her face. Daphne was helping him to let go of the past by starting something new.  She did it for him without realizing she would eventually have to hurt him.

The next morning, Daphne returned to the glass-bottom pool to swim laps. At one time, she swam a mile daily. Today she settled on half, choosing to dive down to admire her company. As she swam, she thought more about Cam, and the sweet way he had held her the night she nearly offed herself. Then she thought about Brock and the pain in his eyes when he finally gave up and said they needed a break.

Three schools of fish swam in different directions over the colorful coral, sponges, and sea anemone lining the reef. The yellow and white striped fish were the largest in number, but the electric blue were bigger and took up about as much room. Above them floated four tiny creatures Daphne believed to be jellyfish. There was no sign of the moray eel, but another creature slithered along the very bottom of the reef, rust-colored, and odd looking. Before Daphne could get a better look, a silky flash of silver darted into view and took the odd creature in its mouth. The silver flash came from a small shark. It circled the perimeter of the reef cave and then left as quickly as it had come.

After a shower and a bite of breakfast alone in her room, Daphne tried to reach Cam, and even knocked on the door to his room, but he didn’t answer. Next, she tried Stan’s room, but found no answer there either. So, having nothing better to do, and knowing there wasn’t a murderer roaming the island dragging unsuspecting victims by the hair, she took a walk on the beach to enjoy the rising sun. It was a golden circle of warmth above the hillside, which was itself golden, covered in yellow poppies. Two people sat together at its apex on a blanket picnicking.

She neared the end of the beach, where pristine sand gave way to the steep, grassy hillside, and as she turned to walk back, a peal of laughter made her glance over her shoulder at the couple. She shielded her eyes from the sun. The guy was attempting a hand stand. As she looked more carefully at the golden skin of the boy, his blond highlights made brighter by the sun, she realized it was Cam, picnicking with another girl. This must be Hortense’s doing, her way to keep Daphne and Cam apart. But how could anyone have known Daphne would be walking the beach this morning? Daphne hadn’t known herself until moments before she came. She thought it best to ignore them, regardless of their reasons for being there, and headed back to her room.

So much for being in love with Daphne. Despite herself, she was hurt. She’d grown fond of the idea that maybe Cam had deeper feelings for her.

She found
Gone with the Wind
and took it poolside to bathe in the sun. One other girl about Daphne’s age lay on the opposite side, in a red bikini, apparently sleeping, her skin nearly as red as her suit. Daphne thought she recognized her from dinner and considered waking her, in case she hadn’t meant to burn, but decided to mind her own business and began to read.

Before Daphne had gotten very far, the girl in the red bikini sat up, twisted her long brown hair up into a clip, took her towel from the back of the chair, and slipped her feet into her flip-flops. She stopped near Daphne and said, in a low voice, “They’re using you, you know.”

“Excuse me?”

The sunburnt girl looked around as though worried she was being watched. Then she leaned in close to Daphne’s ear and said, “Did they tell you they were helping you? Told me the same. I’ve been here a month now. I ask all the time for a boat off the island. They keep putting me off. We’re stuck here until they tire of us.”

“I think I’m here for therapy,” Daphne whispered.

“They’ll tell you anything to keep you here. It’s not a bad life, as long as you don’t take it too seriously, and as long as you have nothing going for you on the mainland.”

She didn’t believe her, but she wanted to ask her some questions. “I’m Daphne.”

“I know. We met. Emma.” Then the girl looked up, startled.

Daphne turned in the direction of Emma’s gaze to see Hortense Gray walking toward them. She wore a pair of khaki pants, a white long-sleeved shirt with a colorful scarf around her neck, and a forced smile.

“I’ve got to go,” Emma said. “Good luck.”

The doctor and Emma exchanged greetings as Emma passed. Then Dr. Gray came and sat down on the white lounger next to Daphne’s feet.

“How are you today, Daphne?”

“Confused.”

“I should have warned you when you first arrived. I have real patients here on campus undergoing therapy. The woman you spoke with just now is one of them. Unfortunately, she suffers from delusions. You have to take whatever she says with a grain of salt.”

Daphne wasn’t sure if she could believe the doctor. Was this another ruse?

“Cam is also a patient, though he’s progressed wonderfully since last summer,” Dr. Gray added.

“He told me.”

“Oh? That surprises me.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s been in denial for so long. I’m glad to hear he recognizes he still needs help.”

“But I thought…” Daphne stopped, worried she might accidentally betray Cam’s confidence. “Never mind.”

“I’m glad I ran into you, because I’ve wanted to ask if you’ve been enjoying your stay and the exercises we’ve put you through.”

“For the most part, yeah.”

“Good. I’m so glad to hear it.  A group of guests about your age is taking a sunset cruise this evening after dinner. Perhaps you’d care to join them.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Meet up at the jeeps around seven-thirty and you’ll be taken out to dock from Willows Anchorage, our own private pier.”

“Great. Thanks.”

Hortense climbed to her feet and said goodbye, but before she walked away, she said, “Daphne, just remember it’s not ‘why’ but ‘what.’”

Daphne narrowed her eyes, as Cam had told her the exact same line.

“Just think about that.”

Hortense then left Daphne alone by the pool.

Daphne truly was more bewildered than ever. Maybe Hortense meant to undermine Cam’s credibility by insinuating he was still a patient in need of therapy. For now, Daphne held to this belief, keeping her faith in Cam.

All through dinner, Daphne looked for Cam and was disturbed to see no sign of him. She sat at the younger crowd’s table with Emma, who talked about being jilted by a boy in London last year. Daphne half-listened, unsure whether anything she said could be believed. She did not, however, notice any signs Emma was delusional.

Daphne considered herself somewhat of an expert on delusional people, having lived so long with her brother, Joey, whose own delusions began when he was around fourteen years of age, after their grandfather’s death. Who knows at precisely what point his childhood games and creative imagination became sick psychosis?

If only Daphne had gotten out of bed that night. If only she had gone to check on Kara.

“Excuse me, Emma,” Daphne said when there was a pause in Emma’s monologue. “I’m suddenly not feeling very well. I think I’ll go back to my room.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

Not wishing to be rude, Daphne smiled and said okay, and they left the dining hall and took the stairs down to the main floor. As they passed the lobby, Cam and the girl from the picnic entered an elevator together. The doors closed on them just as Cam noticed Daphne. Daphne waited a moment, thinking he’d open the doors and come out to say hello, but when he didn’t, she and Emma went on. Daphne’s stomach formed a knot, and she wanted to cry.

“I feel like I’ve been hogging the conversation,” Emma said as they walked by the pool and tennis courts. “Tell me. Have
you
ever been in love?”

“Yes. Once.”

“What was his name?”

“Brock.”

“Nice name. How did you meet?”

They reached Daphne’s door. “Do you want to come in for a bit?”

“Sure. If you don’t mind.”

They sat on the striped chairs.

“Do you want a soda or anything?” Daphne asked.

“No thanks. I’m full from dinner.”

“Me too.”

“So tell me about Brock. After all, I’ve gone on and on all evening about Drew.”

“The first time I met Brock, a kid threw up on my foot.”

“Yuck.”

“We were both on the high school swim team. He was a senior and I was a junior and we had gone to mentor some elementary kids after school. I’d seen Brock around, but we never really talked. We were in the library at the elementary school sitting at tables reading with the kids, helping them with their homework and stuff for community service hours when this second grader leaned over and threw up all over my shoe.”

“What did you do?”

“It’s funny, because I sat there for a minute, like a statue.”

“Poor thing.”

“Before I could react, here comes Brock with a towel. He squats at my feet, removes my shoe, cleans my foot, and then takes my shoe to the bathroom to rinse it under the sink.”

“That’s sweet.”

“No guy had ever taken such good care of me before.”

They laughed.

“Was it love at first sight?”

“It was for me.”

“So did you ask him out, or did he ask you out?”

“I guess I asked him, but not for months after that happened with the kid.”

“Why’d you wait so long?”

Daphne didn’t know how to explain what it was like to feel bad about being happy. “I don’t know. But when his mother died, well, I felt bad for him.”

“Are you two still together?”

“No.”

“What happened?”

“It’s a long story. I don’t want to get into it.”

“We should head out to the jeep. You are going on the cruise, right?”

“I guess so.”

Daphne and Emma were the first to arrive at the clearing, even before Roger, but he wasn’t long after them. He said good evening and climbed behind the wheel of the jeep, waiting for one other to arrive before heading out to Willows Anchorage. A second jeep full of people gathered behind them and left shortly after. Daphne recognized Vince and Dave with another boy she hadn’t met but was disappointed not to see Cam among them.

They drove up the canyon ridge toward the valley, but doubled back, curving around the amphitheater, and headed south, west of the chalky bluffs. The air was muggy this evening, but there were no clouds in the sky, and the sun baked them. Sweat pooled around her hair line, and she wiped it with the back of her hand.

Willows Anchorage was a short dock, half the size of Scorpion Anchorage, and a quarter of the pier at Prisoners Harbor. Sparse blades of grass grew between the rocks along the trail. One boat, a catamaran, drifted in the harbor, and as the party neared the dock, the boat moved toward them. The first to board was the new boy. He had black kinky hair and black eyes, and his skin was the color of weak coffee.  He held out his hand and helped each of them onto the boat, giving them a charming smile.

“Gregory Gray,” he said to Daphne as he helped her board. “Nice to meet you.”

“Daphne Janus. Are you…?”

“Yes. Hortense is my mother.”

As the boat pulled from the dock, two more ran down the trail from the jeeps calling out to the boat.

“Wait for us!”

Cam held the hand of the girl from the picnic, as blond and tall as he, clinging to her sun hat, her slim legs visible through the thin cloth of her sundress. She had beautiful lips and a small mole on her right cheek.

“This is Bridget,” he said when more introductions were made.

Daphne expected Cam to say something to her, something to indicate he was her best friend, and when he didn’t she assumed he couldn’t because he was told to keep a strict distance from her. Although she couldn’t blame him for following the doctor’s orders, it bothered her that he was so friendly with Bridget, and she hated herself for it.

Daphne stood between Emma and Gregory, striking up a conversation with the latter.

“How come I haven’t seen you before?” Daphne asked.

“I only arrived this evening. Have you been here long?”

“A few days. Do you work for the resort?

“No. Just visiting. And you? Are you a guest or an employee?”

“A guest.” She wanted to say, “prisoner,” but she held her tongue.

“I hope you enjoy your stay.” His eyes were like chocolate pudding—deep and sweet. She instantly liked him and felt he was nothing like his mother.

The whole group seemed in a joyful mood of hyper-excitement, including Emma, who now took over the conversation with Gregory, turning on charm Daphne hadn’t yet witnessed. Daphne couldn’t resist taking the opportunity to steal surreptitious glances at Cam, who continued to give Bridget his full attention.

Why did she have to be so beautiful?

Now Cam was pointing to a distant rock. Daphne followed his finger to see a group of sea lions sunning there. Despite her foul mood, she was delighted by the animals and clapped her hands, asking if they could get a closer view. Cam turned to her, giving her a brief smile.

So his indifference
is
an act, she thought.