The Purity of Blood: Volume I (51 page)

SARA

To
say it had been an overly emotional weekend for me would be the
understatement of the century.
 
My
emotional highs and lows over the past forty-eight hours had been head
spinning.
 
As soon as my head hit the
pillow that night I instantly fell asleep.
 
I’d felt emotionally exhausted, drained.
 
Too tired to even dream, I only woke when my alarm sounded with the
morning.

I next saw
Daniel in Art History Monday morning.
 
In
actuality, we stared at each other throughout the entire course of the
Professor’s lecture.
 
Was it strange that
each time I looked into his eyes; it felt as if I’d never truly looked into
their blue depths before, and that I could stare into them for such extended
periods with no feelings of awkwardness?
 
I couldn’t read his mind, but somehow we felt connected, of one mind I
suppose you could say.
 
Or one
heart.
 
As I stared down from my seat
midway up the lecture hall and met his gaze from his desk off to the front of
the hall, I knew what I felt was truly amazing and somehow different from normal
human relationships.
 
Perhaps naively, I
hoped it would never end.
 

With a
disapproving expression, Tabitha had leaned over and nudged me a few times in a
vain attempt to get me to pay attention to the lecture.
 
But it did no good.
 
I knew if I missed anything, Daniel would
fill me in later anyway.

When class ended Daniel promised to take me to dinner again,
and kissing me goodbye said he’d pick me up promptly at seven at our usual spot
behind the dorm.
 

The rest of the day was restless
torture.
 
Every class seemed five hours
long, every professor reciting exactly what I’d read in my text books the day
before.
 
When my last class of the day
finally ended, I ran back to the dorm to pick out something nice to wear to
dinner.
 
Of course, I didn’t really have
anything I would classify as nice in my wardrobe.
 
I’d have to force myself to take a trip into
Poughkeepsie next weekend and do some shopping.
 
Daniel deserved to look at better clothes than he’d been seeing on me, a
better variety of them at least.
 
Maybe
Darcy would come with me if I asked.
 
She
had much better taste than I did and I had a feeling she’d jump at the chance
to make me over.
 

When I walked
into my room, Darcy wasn’t around, but I didn’t think she’d mind if I borrowed
something from her closet.
 
After
rummaging around in it for a few minutes, I found a blouse that I hadn’t seen
her wear before.
 
I changed into my good
jeans and shoes and tried it on.
 
It was
a little tight, but it would do.
 
Needing
to keep my mind occupied until seven, I sat down at my desk with some homework
and tried to study.
 
It was a fruitless
effort.
 
I couldn’t concentrate to save
my life.
 
Eventually giving up the
pretense, I got up to look out the window then roamed around the room filled
with nervous energy I couldn’t find an outlet for.
 
As I watched the hands on my clock, I began
to pace the room anxiously.
 

Back and
forth.
 
Back and forth.

When I looked again, it was nearly seven.
 
My pent up energy causing my fingers to
fidget, I stared the second hand down and I felt my heart begin to race.
 
I needed to see him, needed to touch him and
hear his voice.
 

At seven, I double timed it down
the stairs to wait on the steps by the back door.
 

At seven
fifteen, I wandered around the building to check if he was waiting for me at
the front door.
 
Maybe he’d walked over
from his office instead of driven.

At seven twenty,
I called him, but it went straight to voicemail.
 

After that I
started to circle around the building again.
 
He was probably just running late.
 
After all, he wasn’t perfect.
 
True, he’d never been late before, but there’s a first time for
everything.
  
Half way back to the
parking lot I stopped in my tracks.
 
If I
wasn’t mistaken, I’d have sworn I heard his voice off in the distance.
 
After I’d walked a little ways into the quad,
I froze in shock.
 
I’d been right.
 
Daniel was sitting on a picnic table along
with Lucy on the far side of the large quad.
 
They were laughing.
 

Under the cover
of a tree on the opposite side of the quad, neither could see me standing in
the shadows behind them.
 
I strained my
ears to make out what they were saying but it was difficult.
 
I was downwind of them and had the wind in my
ears, scattering the sound of their voices.
  
I had to imagine this wind was what was masking my scent to them as
well.

Suddenly, she
laughed again and I watched as he put his arm around her shoulder.
 
She leaned into him only for him to pull her
closer.
 
Then the wind died down some and
I could begin to make out their words.
 
She said something like ‘
Of course
you do and I want you to …’
Then the downward wind started up again. I
pulled the collar up on my jacket and braced myself against the chill both
physical and emotional.
  
When I looked
back up, Lucy reached over, pulled his head towards hers and kissed him on the
lips.
 

They kissed.

Unable to
stomach any more, I moved behind the complete shadow of the tree and stopped
breathing.
 
Inside I felt as if my heart
had stopped.
 
Not the beating, that
continued, but the part of my heart that beat only for Daniel was fluttering,
skipping every other beat.
 

Thankful that
neither seemed to have sensed my presence, I quietly slunk from my hiding spot,
and as quickly as I could made my way back to the safety of my room.
 

How had I been such a fool!
 
I repeated this myself over and over
again.
 
I took off Darcy’s blouse and
hung it back up only to replace it with an old sweater I didn’t like very much.
 
Standing in the middle of the room, I closed
my eyes tight, but every part of me was screaming.
 
I needed to drown out the sound of my anguish
or I was sure I’d go insane.
 

Without
thinking, I went over to Darcy’s desk and opened the bottom drawer.
 
Reaching deep into the back, I pulled out what
Darcy called her
Break Glass in Case of
Emergency
bottle of peppermint schnapps.
 
Staring at it in my hand, I shoved what I was sure was all rational
common sense to the side, pulled out a glass and poured myself a shot.
 
I’d never tried schnapps before but at that
point was game for anything that would deaden the pain.
 

I took a swig,
swallowing the whole thing in one gulp.
 
It burned on its way down like fiery mouthwash, but it momentarily
distracted me from the screaming in my heart.
 
I poured another glass, this time a bigger one and downed it before I
could talk myself out of it.
 
I fell down
in my desk chair and sat there for a few minutes, experiencing the sensations
it gave me.
 
Things were starting to
tingle that hadn’t before and … God help me, I liked it.
  
It was distracting.

A half an hour
later, half the bottle was gone.
 
Way
less than two hours later, it was almost completely empty.
 

Yes, this was good
, I thought to
myself.
 
I need more of this.
 

I stumbled over to my closet and clumsily slipped on my
shoes.
 
Grabbing some money out of my
wallet, I shoved it in my pocket and shrugged on my coat.
 
I was about to walk out the door but stopped
short.
 
My father’s words echoed in my
head.
 
Something about it being bad luck
to leave less than a full glass of anything in a bottle.
 
Feeling the full weight of my bad luck
crashing down on me, I went back and took the last swig out of the bottle.
 
This stuff wasn’t half bad once you got used
to it, I thought.
 
It’s actually kind of
nice.
 

I walked out the door and was
half way across the quad when I heard my name carried on the wind.
 
I cringed.
 

Oh, God!
 
No!
 
Please don’t let it be
him.
 
I can’t handle that.
 
Not now
.
 

But it wasn’t,
it was Ben’s voice.
 

Almost as bad,
I thought as I started to
walk faster.
 
Why does he always have to see me at my worst?

“Sara!
 
Didn’t you hear me calling you?”
 
He must have ran to catch up with me and was
walking along side me now.
 

“Where are you
going at this time of night?
 
I saw your
light on and was going to come talk to you about some questions that came up on
our project.”
 

Putting his hand
on my arm he stopped, bringing me to a halt as well.
 
I was looking everywhere except up at his
face, but I could still feel his eyes boring into me.
 
Then unable to take it any longer, I looked
up.
 

“What’s wrong,
Sara?”

“I’m going into
town,” I snapped, turning on my heels and picking up speed as I walked away
from him.
 
He quickly caught up and paced
alongside me once again.

“Why?”

“I have to get
out of here for a while.”
 

I wasn’t looking
at him, just the path in front of me.
 
I
was too busy concentrating on not falling down as I speed walked along.

“Pardon me for
asking, but – have you been drinking?
 
I
think I smell mint.”

“Can we talk
about your questions tomorrow?” I sped up again, hoping he’d get the hint and
go back to Gage.

“Sure.
 
Will you slow down?”

“No,” I grunted
back.
 

I was really
speeding along now as we passed Old Main Hall and crossed the road off
campus.
 
As we started to walk through
the side streets of New Paltz, I could hear him struggling to keep up with me.

“Will you at
least tell me where you’re going?” he demanded.

I could hear the
rising anxiety in his voice.
 
I could
hear it, but I didn’t have time for anyone else’s anxiety but my own at the
moment.

“Does it
matter?
 
Go back to Gage.
 
I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said as I stumbled
on some uneven sidewalk.
 
He put his arm
under mine
to steady my footing, but I shirked it away and
sped blindly into the night.

“I think I’ll
stay with you if it’s all the same,” I heard him mutter from behind.

“Do as you
please,” I mumbled back.
 

Rounding the
corner onto Main Street, I started down the hill.
 
I almost fell a few times and I would have if
Ben hadn’t caught me by the arm each time.
 
At the bottom of the steep hill, I bounded up the steps of The Gryffon
and right past the bouncer.
 
Ben came in
a few paces behind me, but was stopped in his tracks when the bouncer put his
arm out.

“Where’s your
I.D. son?” he asked in a husky voice.

Ben hesitantly
went fishing for his wallet, but I knew perfectly well he wasn’t twenty
one.
 
I’d have rather he went home, but I
didn’t want him to get arrested either.
 
Trying to wipe the frown from my face, I unbuttoned the top two buttons
of my sweater, sashayed back and smiled up at the bouncer as I’d seen other
girls do.

“Oh, he’s with
me” I said giving the bouncer my most flirtatious smile.

“Too bad” he
replied darkly.
 
“Next time, come alone.”
 
Reluctantly he let Ben pass.

It was a little
after eleven by now and the bar was packed with rowdy students and men who
looked a little too old to still be in school.
 
The way the music seemed to pulsate through every inch of the building
was disconcerting.
 
It almost seemed
alive, like the building had a pulse.
 
Strange as it was, it was also comforting at the same time.
 
Maybe because I was too busy concentrating on
the music to hear the cries of my own heart as it broke inside my chest.