The Purity of Blood: Volume I (64 page)

“Us,” he
answered as he turned to me with a small smile.
 
“Talking to you.
 
Having a
conversation with you, with you knowing who I am.”

“Did you ever
tell anyone in the family what happened to you?”

“No, after it
happened I kind of lost it and ran away.
 
I lived pretty wild in those years.
 
When I finally came back to Hopkinton, I discovered that my children had
never given up hope that I’d return someday.
 
I could see they were in a lot of pain, so I faked my death and let them
bury me.
 
After that I left and didn’t
come back for a long time.
 
When I did, I
saw my grandchildren as adults with families of their own.
 
By then so much time had passed that they
didn’t recognize me.”
 

He stopped as if
to let me ask a question, but I wasn’t really in the mood.
 
I already had too much to process without
adding to it.
 
We sat there in silence
for a while watching the dragonflies dart around in the tall grasses of the
field.
 
I knew he was glossing over a lot
of details, but hoped it was because he didn’t want to drop the enormity of it
on me all at once, instead of trying to keep me from discovering more of his secrets.
 
I hoped they’d learned by now that this
wasn’t really the best approach with me.

“So … Tibet.
 
I’m guessing that was you.
 
If you don’t mind my asking, how did you
manage that?”

“It did take
some maneuvering.
 
I took advantage of
the fact that your parents were having some marital problems at the time.
 
I told your father about a place he could go
with Vivy for the summer for counseling, but that they couldn’t take you
along.
 
I had the counselor they made
arrangements with suggest Tibet for you.
 
It took some convincing, but when they found out it was completely free,
they went along with it.”

“I’m sorry; I
just don’t understand how my mother agreed to that.
 
She hates it when I’m out of her sight for even
a minute.”

“That’s true,
but you have to understand her marriage was on the line and she was willing to
do almost anything, including send you off to Tibet to save it.”

“What about all
the other stuff?”

“Yes.
 
That was mostly my influence as well.
 
I hope you’re not too angry with me.
 
I think you can see now, that I was only
trying to prepare you for this.”

“I guess I
understand your motivations, but I can’t say I’m not angry.
 
They may have been your suggestions, but how
much of what I went through did you actually witness?”

“I know and I’m
sorry you had to go through all that, but I loved you too much to leave
anything to chance.”

“I think my
question is
who
do you love?
 
If I hadn’t experienced all … that, who would
I be now?
 
Ultimately it changed me,
changed who I became.
 
If I hadn’t been
subjected to all of it, I’d be a completely different person now.
 
So I have to wonder, do you love the Sara I
was before, or the Sara you molded me into?”
 

“Both, you’re
the same to me.
 
This is who you were
always meant to be.”

“I can
understand most of it, but Tibet?
 
What
was the purpose in that?”
 

I was
surprisingly calm at this point.
 
Ironic,
because I knew I should hate this man with every fiber of my being.
 
He may be sitting beside me all grandfather
like, but deep down I knew he had to be pretty dark and twisted to do what he’d
done to the little girl I’d been all in the name of love.

“Control.
 
You lacked mental control, which wasn’t
necessarily your fault.
 
You were still
young and female.
 
To survive you’re
going to need the skills you learned there.
 
I apologize for putting you on the spot like that in front of him.
 
I guess I’m very proud of you and haven’t had
a chance to show you off before now.”

“That’s
alright.
 
Shau Lang would probably be
upset if he knew how long it had been since I’d last practiced, so it was just
as well I suppose.”

He looked at me
for a long moment then sighed.

“There was only
one thing I was never able to change about you that I wished I’d been able to.
 
But I haven’t given up hope yet.”

“I’m almost
afraid to ask, but what is it?”

“That you don’t
want to have children of your own.
 
I
have to say I find a great deal of irony in a woman almost obsessed with her
family history not wanting to continue the family line beyond herself.”

Suddenly our
strange conversation got extremely uncomfortable.
 
I turned away from him and folded my arms
tightly in front of myself.

“I’m sorry, but
I’m just not the maternal type.”

“Yes well, we’ll
see,” he replied as he looked back out at the field in front of us.
 
This time I was too afraid to ask what he
might possibly do to change my mind.
 
Even with all the tortuous events in my youth, I think the prospect that
he had considered ways in which to change my mind on this subject scared me
more than anything.

We sat there and
watched the dragonflies some more as they danced in the tall grasses that
swayed gently in the breeze.

After a few
minutes he asked “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you going to do about
him?”
 
He pointed over his shoulder back
towards the house.

“I don’t know. –
Tell me; was any of this any easier back in your day?
 
The whole man-woman thing.”

“Yes and
no.
 
Roles were more clearly defined back
then.
 
Round here a man worked in the
field all day to provide for his family.
 
The woman kept the house running smoothly and raised the children.
 
It was simple and worked effectively; the way
God designed it too.
 
But men and women
are inherently different in how they view the world and each other.
 
There will always be times of conflict, just
as there will always be times of peace.
 
I was lucky that I found a woman who complemented me.
 
I like to think I chose well.
 
In the end, I was probably just fortunate she
accepted me.”
 
He sighed and got a far
off look in his eyes for a moment but quickly shrugged it off.

“Where I was
weak, Lois was strong.
 
And where she was
weak, I was able to shoulder the burden.
 
Where I led, she followed and supported me so that I was confident and
capable of continuing on.
 

“The women I see
on campus these days are too afraid to let a man lead.
 
They think to do so would diminish their
power.
 
They don’t realize that a woman’s
greatest power is in her ability to inspire a man to be more than he ever
thought possible.
 
Nothing will ever give
either of them greater satisfaction.
 
Try
to tell that to a woman nowadays and you’ll get yourself slapped.”

“A lot of people
would say that’s a very old fashioned attitude.
 
That it was fine a hundred years ago, but times have changed and roles
need to change with them.”

“I was always
glad you and your mother were never big supporters of the feminist
movement.
  
When I look at you, I see a
strong, beautiful, capable woman.
 
I made
sure you knew how to take care of yourself, but only because I feared what
might happen to you one day if I weren’t there to protect you.
 
But I always wanted you to have a protector
in your life, someone who loved you enough to give all that he had to ensure
your safety.
 
You deserve no less.”
 

I looked back
over my shoulder at the house.

“He’d gladly be
your protector if you’d let him.”
 
After
a glance over his own shoulder, he added “I believe he’d gladly lay down his
life for you.”

“Are you
changing your mind about us?”

“Let’s just say
I’m realizing it might be a futile effort on my part.”

Protector.
 
The word seemed so strange.
 
I knew I was perfectly capable of taking care
of myself.
 
I didn’t need a man to take
charge and protect me.
 
But that was a
small voice, one that seemed to be growing fainter by the minute in this new
world I’d found myself in.
 
The larger
part of me wanted to be taken care of, to step aside, allowing a protector to
fulfill his role.
 
This seemed at odds
with the attitudes of the world I lived in and I’m sure would even have angered
some women I knew.
 
But if being, dare I
say, the submissive one in that way made you happy, why would it be wrong?
 
I wasn’t sure why I was thinking about
this.
 
I could only imagine it was
because if Daniel and I did resume a relationship of some kind, I knew these
would be our roles whether I liked it or not.
 
The question was could I live with that.

“You’re thinking
very logically my dear, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to solve this one
with your heart.”

After giving me
a gentle pat on the knee, he turned and hopped off the wall then started back
towards the house.
 
A moment later I
jumped down and followed behind him up the lawn.

“Professor?” I
called.
 
He stopped and turned waiting
for me to catch up.

“You don’t need
to call me professor anymore.
 
I think
we’ve moved beyond that, don’t you?
 
Why
don’t you call me something else?”

“Randall?”

“I suppose.
 
But if you wanted to call me Grandpa, that
would be nice too.”
 

He smiled down
at me sweetly.
 
His gray eyes sparkling
in the sunlight, he really was one of the handsomest men I’d ever seen.
 
Tall, rugged, intelligent and I think a
little bit sadistic as well.

“Well, we’ll try
Randall and see how that goes first.”

“Did you have a
question?”

“I was going to
ask … how many other relationships like ours, Daniel and I, you’d heard of and
how did they turn out in the end?”

“I’ve never
heard of any.
 
That doesn’t mean there
hasn’t been one, but in my two hundred plus years on this earth, you’re the
first I’ve come across.”

“If we were to
proceed, what do you think would be the biggest obstacles we’d have to face?”

Raising his hand
to scratch his chin, he thought about it for a few moments.

“Well, for him …
he’s always going to worry that he’s either going to accidently hurt you like
he did before, or that he’s going to lose control when –”
 
He stopped mid-sentence.

“Control?”

“I’m sorry, this
is not really the conversation you want to have with your daughter – Well,
let’s just say when he’s kissing you,” and he rolled his eyes.
 
“He’s afraid his passions will cause him to
lose control of his ability to repress the animal.
 
It’s hard for him when he’s around you to
remember that that’s something he should do.
 
Anyway, the longer you’re together, the more intense your relationship
would get and the harder this would become.
 
This is a valid concern for him to have.
 
He basically has to say
Okay,
monster, you can set one foot outside the cage, but not the other.
 
It’s a lot easier to keep a tight rein on
your control than to purposefully let go of a little and expect to maintain
that level of measured control with ease.
 
It’s different with Thomas and Lily.
 
They don’t need to – restrain themselves.
 
They’re both vampires.
 
Yours is more of an interspecies problem.

“As for you, one
day you will see the animal inside Daniel.
 
It’s inevitable.
 
When you do, it
will forever change your perception of him.
 
Can you love him after that, knowing what he has to beat down inside
himself?
 
I know you better than anyone
and I have no idea how you’ll react.
 
Of
course there’s also the obvious, that you’ll age and eventually die and leave
him alone again.”

“If I were a
vampire … well, these wouldn’t be problems, would they.”

He froze, his
body instantly tensing up as he reached over and grabbed my arm.
 

“Don’t ever say
that again in my presence! Do you understand me!
 
Life is the most precious gift you have,
Sara.
 
Don’t consider squandering it with
such callousness.”

He turned over
my arm.

“What’s this?”
he asked looking at my rash.
 
He still
sounded agitated, making me feel like a little girl.