The Quest (2 page)

              Several months ago I signed up for an online dating service with hopes of finally meeting a Mr. Right. So far I had met Mr. Hook Up, Mr. I’m a Rockstar, Mr. Maybe if You Lived In The USA, and Mr. I’m Not Having Sex with Your Sister! And it was the Mr. Sy Psycho that made me really cautious about Mr. Too Little that was just at my door. You see Mr. Sy Psycho seemed like a really nice guy, I knew he wasn’t quite my type but I went out with him anyway. I will tell you about that fiasco later. But this Mr. Too Little guy was as lonely as I was, he just wanted a friend, and all his messages seemed harmless. I could have had dinner with him and been his friend but tonight Radley showed up and threw all my good sense out the window. I didn’t think I was capable of being nice to him. And that Radley. OMG, that Radley! The fact he showed up tonight just set me back a few years. Now I know I’ll never find anyone! You wanna know why? Because from now on I will be comparing that image, that chest, those lips, those dimples, to every guy I meet on these dating sites!

              Yea, I am pretty much screwed!

              I grabbed my fuzzy blanket off the couch and called it a night. I sent myself to bed without dinner. It was my punishment for not being nice to the little guy and handling the Radley situation correctly. Next time I will know better. Next time his sorry ass won’t get that close to my lips, nor that close to me. His hands won’t caress my backside and act like they missed me. No, he will keep his distance at least a good ten feet and stare at me across the room. Next time he will stay. Stay. Stay away. Yes, next time!

***

I
stared blankly at the bright blue numbers trying to make out what they said. From what I could tell they read two a.m. Who would be at my door at that hour? I was afraid to answer it and afraid of who it might have been. He had been known to return at all hours. I remembered he no longer had a key due to the fact I had the locks changed, and felt safe knowing he couldn’t just barge in.

              But whoever they were wouldn’t go away.

              As I tiptoed to the living room the knock grew louder. I peeked through the peephole and hurriedly opened the door.

              “Sofie, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? OMG!”

              Sofie is my best friend, my comrade, my sister from another mister. She had my heart, always had, and we were always there for one another. She lived in Chicago with a beautiful family that she and her husband Chris had created. And even though her extended family still lived in Huntsville she didn’t come home much. If she had I would have seen her more often. But never-the-less we always stayed in touch, she was now at my door, obviously intoxicated, and appeared to have been crying for some time.

              “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

              “Yes, you did, but it’s okay. I don’t mind, really. Where have you been?”

              “Chi-cahgo!” she said with a cackle.

              “Umm, I know that, I mean tonight, when did you get in town?”

              “Dis morning. I need a drink. You gotta drink?” she stammered to the kitchen dropping her purse, keys, and jacket along the path. She opened the door to the fridge and just stared as though she had forgotten why she was there.

              “Here, sit down I’ll find you something.”

              She spotted the unopened bottle of fine wine on the bar and attempted to open it without the opener. Sofie could out drink me, I was the light weight. With that being said, she must have had several drinks tonight because she was wasted. Her prim and proper ways were nowhere to be found and apparently her blonde hair had been dyed red. It’s attractive, but anything is attractive on Sofie. She’s so beautiful, always. Even drunk off her ass she’s beautiful. It’s just who she is: The Beauty Queen.

              “Give me that!” I took the bottle from her and replaced it with a cup of juice. She glared at me so I added, “I’m making coffee hang on.”

              “I don’t wanna coffee.”

              “Yea, well you need it, hang on.” I added a lot of cream and sugar and slid her a cup of pumpkin latte. It was all I had. I had bought the store out of their last clearance stock knowing it wouldn’t be back on the shelves till the fall, so that was her only choice. Sofie sipped staring into nowhere.

              “You gonna tell me what happened?”

              “Yeah.
”

              “Okay.” I said slowly waiting for her to speak. “Sofie,” I finally asked, “what happened to you?”

              She looked at me through broken mascara stained eyes and said nothing. I knew it must have been Chris. Should I ask? What would I say? I suck at advice especially these days. My dumbass man-dar detector had been broke for quite some time and I was not good at figuring out men. And remember, I spent many days curled up on my hardwoods broken, so believe me when I say I suck at telling my best friend how best to live her life with her wonderful husband, three kids, and two dogs in the picket fence. Best thing I could do for her was offer her my fuzzy blue blanket and introduce her to my floor.

              But before I could ask again, Sofie made a beeline to the bathroom. I trailed in after her offering to help. I grabbed a hair clip from the counter and pulled back her beautiful red locks. I made her a cold rag and draped it over the back of her neck. After she filled up the toilet with puke, I sat on the floor and cried with her. And in between her bouts of throw ups I rinsed her rag and patted her head. When she expelled her last, I helped remove her wet clothes replacing them with an oversized T-shirt, and offered her my bed. I tucked her in tight reassuring her tomorrow would be better. Then I made my way back to the couch with my blue fuzzy blanket. I was feeling one of those Linus moments, needing to feel safe and secure. I was also very happy it wasn’t me that was the one who was broken in there. It was selfish of me to feel that way, but I had been there so many times with Radley and then with Ed that the thought of it all was exhausting. I knew not what Chris did that made her act like this, but I knew it must have been something she couldn’t handle.

              You see, Sofie was always the strong one. The brave one. The one who had it all together and everyone turned to her for help. She wasn’t one that was ever out of control. No, she always had her shit together. I admired her for that. I have always wished I could be that strong.

              The woman who was in my bed tonight wasn’t the Sofie I knew. She was broken. My anger rose at the thought of someone breaking such a beautiful creature. Men have no clue how much they damage us. But then again why do we allow them to break us? We shouldn’t but we do. We allow them to destroy us to the core, to the point of no return, to the depths of our soul. Then we are usually left alone to rebuild ourselves. Luckily some of us come back stronger. But sometimes some of us don’t come back at all. Sometimes we are left right where they broke us afraid to love again. So when we are denied of that forever love, we are denied to be whole, to ever be
one
with anyone again and then sometimes we chose to forever live alone. It’s a tragedy. Such a tragedy to never fully heal.

              “Men. Hmph.
”
My disgust with Chris was rising as so was the sun. The reminder that I was sent to bed without dinner was back and I was starving now. I slipped into my bedroom, being as quiet as a mouse, found some sweats and slippers, and vacated the area. I figured I’d run to the store and grab a few bagels and cheese, Sofie would need the carbs when she awoke, and some Gatorade to replenish what she lost in my toilet.

              Around noon, Sofie emerged from my bedroom with a big oversized navy T-shirt and crumbled up red locks. She stopped short of the kitchen crossed her arms across her chest and glared. She had no words. Of course, I didn’t either. I wasn’t sure if she even remembered coming here last night. The look on her face told me she didn’t remember much. I scooted over to her and just hugged her. She hugged me back and I heard her sniffle. I guided her to the bar in silence and pulled a Gatorade out of the fridge for her to drink while I made her a bagel. After slapping it with some cream cheese, I passed it to her on a napkin. I stood behind my sink and watched her, sipping my cup of pumpkin latte while waiting for her to speak. I hadn’t had much sleep, my brain was in overload with concern, and I was on my second cup of coffee which was very rare for me. But functioning without the help of caffeine wasn’t an option either.

              Quietly I watched her eat waiting for a moment when she would open up and talk about it. I stood there wondering was this what I was like when I was broken? Was I this bad? Then I figured I was probably worse. At least Sofie wants company; I for sure didn’t when I was broken. No, I just wanted to be left alone to wallow in my own self-pity. Yea, pathetic I know, but at least I do know how she feels. Not sure I can help her, but I was determined to be there for her if she thought I could.

              I watched Sofie drink all of her Gatorade and eat a couple bites of the bagel. She never made eye contact with me. She sat there in silence until she left the bar. I waited for her to return to the kitchen hoping she would be ready to talk, get it all out, cry again, or open up to me, but she never returned. After a bit, I scooted down the hallway with concern in search for her calling her name in hopes she was okay. I found her passed out in my bed again. I guess she wasn’t ready to face the day and I’m sure she figured going back to bed was the easiest option. I covered her up and closed the door behind me.

              With my fuzzy blue blanket, I settled back down on the couch again. About the time I got comfortable it started to rain outside. From where I lay, I could see the rain beating down on the streets surprising those that were caught out in it. Funny, I had no idea it was to rain today either. The sound of the rain was soothing so I opened a window to let more of the sound in. I closed my eyes for a moment and was asleep for hours.

              When I awoke, it was still raining and a familiar knock was on my door. I reluctantly left my couch to answer it. I really didn’t want to deal with anything else today. Having Sofie here was flooding my head with memories and it wasn’t helping that it was raining outside or the fact that Radley came by last night with that kiss. I could tell by the knock he was the one on the other side. I stood staring out the peephole trying to decide whether to open the door or not. I wondered if I just ignored him would he go away? I figured he would have to right? So I chose to ignore him and shuffled back to my couch. I flipped through the channels and turned the sound of the TV up louder to drown out the knocking. Yeah, he knew I was home, but Sofie was here. I just didn’t have the strength to deal with them both.

              “Did you know someone’s knocking on the door?” Sofie scooted to the door and peeked through the peephole.

              “Yea. He’s been here a while.”

              “Wow! It’s Radley! Aren’t you gonna let him in?”

              “Nope.”

              “Really? Why not?”

              “Don’t care to see him again.”

              “I didn’t know you were seeing him again.”

              “I’m not,” I said matter of fact still flipping channels.

              “Then… what’s he doing here?”

              Sofie stood staring at him through the peephole but she didn’t open the door either. She scooted to the kitchen making herself a glass of water, all the while asking me questions about Radley at my door, and then found her way to my couch to join me.

              “He still looks good. Looks like he’s back to training again too.”

              “He always looks good.”

              “So why is he here if you’re not seeing him?”

              “I dunno, he showed up last night saying he missed me.”

              “Wow. You know what?”

              “What?” I knew what she was going to say and I agreed.

              “You’re never gonna get rid of him. Never.”

              “I know. Then get this… he showed up unannounced right before my blind date arrived. I thought it was the little man at the door so I opened it. I should have looked through my peephole first but for some reason, I didn’t. Ugh!”

              “How long did he stay?”

              “Not long, I made him leave.”

              “Good.”

              “Oh, but before he left he kissed me.”

              “Kissed you? Did you kiss him back?”

              “Hell,
no!
”

              “You did, didn’t you?”

              “Sorta, I guess, but no not really.”

              “Uh huh, well that’s probably why he’s back today then.”

              Radley has always been a persistent soul. He was still at my door knocking and I’m sure he heard us inside chatting or something. I doubt he knew it was Sofie I was chatting with but I know he could hear us. His knocking would stop for a minute like he was listening, then it would return when he’d hear us talk again.

              “He’s very persistent!” Sofie smiled for the first time since she had arrived.