The Rabid (16 page)

From the
Desk of Dr. Lisa James

November 20

He
looked so distraught. Every time we bumped into each other at breakfast or
lunch. Every time we'd run into each other around a corner. And every time we
saw each other in the closed garden, it was torture. The kids loved spending
time with him and it was already starting to feel more like shared custody than
anything else. My mother would have called me stubborn. I called it
resourceful. When I made decisions, I stuck with them. It was the easiest way
to keep things in a rhythmic order.

"Where's Uncle Jack going?" Alex stood up from playing in the pond with Rex. I
followed her gaze through the window to the image of Jack with a backpack over
his shoulder, saying goodbye to some of the house guests.

"I don't know."

"Uncle Jack!"

Before I could catch her, Alex fled into the house closely followed by Rex. A
dull ache pulsed at my side as I stood. It was almost as if I were getting
older by the day. I followed them in slowly, carrying my empty tea cup with me.
Tea was the only caffeine I could get.

When I entered the parlor, our gazes met. His instantly petered out into a dark
sadness. I felt it in my heart, but I would not acknowledge it. No matter how
much it hurt, I wasn't going to back down.

"Uncle Jack! Where are you going?" Alex looked up at him as the remaining house
guests filtered back to their tasks.

"Where go?" My son repeated her question.

Jack knelt down and put a hand on each of their heads. "I'm headed out to
explore the world, kiddos."

I leaned against the wall and gripped my cup tighter. He was leaving us.

"When will you be back?" Alex already knew what was happening, but the hope in
her voice nearly broke me.

Jack paused as if he were trying to construct a proper sentence. "Well,
Juliet...I won't be."

"Huh?" Rex's face suddenly turned downward. He knew what going away meant. His
own father had done it and now his best friend was doing it too. Everyone was
leaving.

"I want to go with you." Alex's little voice — filled with sorrow — felt like a
knife in my side. But I was tired of being made to feel guilty for a rational
decision. I approached them and took hold of Lexi's hand.

"You can't go, honey. You have to stay with me." I met Jack's gaze however
difficult it was. There was enough pain behind it to render anyone speechless.

"But I don't wanna! I want to go with Jack!" Tears began to form in Alex's
eyes. Rex had no idea what was happening, but he began to react as well. And I
was too tired to deal with it.

"Kids. Enough. Let's go and let Jack on his way."

He stood up. "Guys, go play in the other room for a second, okay?"

Why was he undermining my authority? He was being ridiculous and the kids were
actually listening to him. They skittered off to the parlor.

"You have absolutely no right to do this." I lowered my voice to a harsh
whisper.

"Do what, Lisa?" His voice was as tired as his face looked.

"Just pick up and leave them like this. They love you. They love spending time
with you. You can't just roll into their lives and then back out again like it
means nothing to you."

Jack closed his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. "I'm not obligated to do
anything for them, Lisa. they're not
my
kids."

His words stung. But he was correct. "You can't just leave because I won't
agree to marry you."

"Is that why you think I'm leaving?"

"Well, it is."

"No, it isn't."

"It absolutely is."

Without warning, Jack grabbed my upper arm and pushed me into the wall. It was
a gentle push, but there was force behind it. He closed in on me until I could
smell him.

"Would you
stop
acting like you know everything? It drives me crazy."

I looked into his eyes. "But that's what this is about."

Defeat flooded him. "Even if it was, would it matter?"

I stayed silent.

"If I said I'd leave unless you agreed to marry me, would you say yes?" He was
searching my face hard for answers.

"No."

November 22

Empty
boxes of soda crackers. Unopened cans of fruit cocktail. A very old, very moldy
potato. A packet of instant coffee. I pocketed that one. Just in case. On my
left there was nothing but a dusty old bar. On my right were empty shelves with
clean circles every few inches.

"There used to be booze here."

My own voice surprised me. I hand't heard it since I'd sat in the car, hitting
the steering wheel and yelling every obscenity I could. That was twenty hours
ago. Twenty hours. it'd felt like a lifetime without her. In that time, I
couldn't even go a mile past the hotel we'd stayed in before finding the house.
I just couldn't fathom being too far.

"Ah-ha!" I noticed the glint of some glass between the open door of a cabinet
below me. Fishing inside, I knew I'd found something good. And what I brought
out didn't disappoint.

"Holy shit. Red Label." My teeth tore into the cork someone had stopped it
with. There was about three-quarters left. Enough to do the trick.

"Bottoms up." I spat the cork onto the dirty counter and downed a quarter of
the liquor. A cough and a hiccup later, my stomach was on fire. But at least I
was warm.

"Man, that is sad."

I jumped onto the counter for a comfortable seat. "Who the fuck invited you?"

Silas stared right through me. There was not a quip or a joke. "Your stupid
ass."

"Oh, so now I'm stupid?" I took another swig of whiskey. "You're the one who's
got half his face falling off."

My dead friend touched the skin around his jaw that had begun to tear. He was
even paler than before. "I'm worried about you, bud."

I laughed, nearly spitting liquor on him. "You? Why?"

"I don't scare you anymore."

"So?"

"I don't give you headaches anymore."

"And?"

"You've gone full circle."

"Meaning...?"

"You're fucking insane." He stared me down for a few silent seconds. "Look at
you... You should change your last name to Torrance."

"Oh, ha ha." My reply was sarcastic. I hopped of the counter and turned in a
circle with my arms spread. "Here"s Johnny!" My shout was muted by the heavy
carpets in the bar.

"Drinking won't solve your problems."

I stopped and put my hands on the edge of the counter. "What, you're playing
conscience now?"

"I've always been your conscience, you moron. You killed me and that's why I'm
here."

I could feel my face twist into a sneer. "Enough with the killing business!"

"You're a murderer, man. What else can I say?"

"Nothing! You can shut your fucking mouth!" I was beginning to feel a slight
buzz.

"Murderer."

"Stop it!"

"Murderer."

"Shut up!"

Silas leaned forward until he was as close to me as possible. I could smell the
decay on him. "
Murderer
."

"Fuck you!" Without thinking, I closed my eyes and hurled the bottle of Red
Label at him. When I heard the smash of glass, I looked up to find him gone and
expensive whiskey dripping off the mirror across from me.

"Great...now how am I gonna get drunk?"

When no one answered me, I decided to head to the separate cabins in the back
of the hotel to hunt around for whatever might have been left. Darkness had
already settled on the world when I stepped outside. Even soft snowflakes began
to fall from the clouds. The first snow of the season.

The familiar
glint of Huntington's beacon broke my heart just a little more. But I had to
keep going. And as soon as I consumed every single drop of alcohol left in that
hotel, I'd move on. Where? I had no idea.

I was yards away from the cabins when I heard the breaking of glass to my left.
Stopping in my tracks, I pulled the pistol from my belt. Instinctively, I put
an arm out to stop whoever was behind me from moving forward. But then I
realized there was no one left to protect.

Something metallic scraped against the ground. I looked toward a dark corner of
the building. A garbage can fell over and rolled half a foot away. I drew my
weapon and pulled back on the hammer.

"Who's there?" The calm of my voice surprised me. Whiskey really was liquid
courage.

I took a step closer to the garbage as the rummaging continued. The fallen can
rolled a bit more, then settled. After a few seconds, a very thin malnourished-looking
raccoon poked his head out.

"Oh..." Holstering my gun, I crept closer while kneeling down. "Hey, there,
little fella."

The raccoon looked up at me, chewing a bit of something he'd found in the
garbage. Snowflakes collected on the end of his fur. He didn't seem frightened,
so I kept approaching him.

"How'd you get all the way out here?"

He continued to chew as I got closer.

"I don't suppose you found any liquor out here?"

The raccoon stopped what he was doing and scurried away. So much for that. I
took a deep breath and sat in the dirt. With my back to the outside wall of the
hotel I began thinking about next steps. Where was I going to go? I supposed
Braycart. But what if Lisa went there too? I guess it didn't really matter.

Or maybe I could go find Raychel...

Something nudged the side of my leg. I looked down to find a furry animal
looking up at me. It was the raccoon. We stared silently at each other for a
second or two before he stood on his hind legs and offered me something. It was
a can of beer.

"You understood me, bud?"

I took the beer from him and reached out my hand. At first, he flinched back,
but once he smelled me, he allowed me to pet him.

"You sure are lucky to be alive." I popped the top on the beer and began to
chug. It was warm and flat, but it didn't matter, because my buzz was
deepening.

"Jack."

"Fuck you, Silas." I let out a sigh of relief as I emptied the can.

"No, seriously. Look. The beacon is saying your name."

I looked up at him. The blinking light illuminated his face in a familiar
pattern. I counted them. I don't know why. Short blink, three long blinks.
Pause. Short blink, long blink. Pause. Long blink, short blink, long blink,
short blink. Pause. Long blink, short blink, long blink.

"Holy shit." I scrambled to my feet and looked toward the direction of the
beacon. It was dark for about three seconds before it started to repeat my
name. "Lisa?"

"You'd better answer," Silas said.

Without a second thought, I started to run toward the cabins. The first two
doors were locked, so I threw myself in reverse, stepping on the raccoon's
tail.

"Sorry, bud!" I ran past him. "Didn't know you were following me!"

The third cabin was unlocked. I kicked the door open with my foot and ran
inside. Once there, I frantically searched through each drawer, hoping and
praying to find something to signal back with. Somehow, there was a large flood
flashlight in the cabinet near an old dresser. I flicked it on. Still worked.

Running back over to the window, I cleared a small wooden desk of clutter, then
found a paper and pencil to write with. Then, I got to work. The raccoon
watched me curiously.

.-.. .. ... .- ..--..

Lisa?

There was a pause. Whoever had been signaling must have been translating a
response. Did Lisa even know Morse code?

.--- . ... .. -.-. .-

Alex.

Of course.

--- -.- ..--..

Ok?

I hand't taught her much, but at least there was someone real to talk to.

Yeah. What are you doing up, Juliet?

Wanted to sure you were ok.

I'm fine. How's Rex?

Ok. Aunt Lisa sad.

Me too.

Come back?

Can't.

Why?

I just can't, Juliet. I want to, but I can't. You'll understand when you're
older.

There was a long
silence. Just darkness. I supposed she was done. I turned to the raccoon with
too much feeling in my chest.

"At least I'm lucky to have you."

The animal regarded me silently. I wished for a moment it could speak, then
allowed the silly thought to vanish. Then I wished there was more beer.

..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. / -. --- .--

I turned my attention back toward the window.
Understand now
, she'd
said.

I'm sorry, kiddo. I can't explain it.

There was one last
message before the end of the conversation. .. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..-

I
love you.

I felt tears well into my eyes. What was I doing? I'd allowed a little girl to
look up to me so much that she loved me and I left her. But if I couldn't have
been her father, then it wasn't worth watching her grow up. It would have been
too painful. I signaled back that I loved her too and that we'd meet again
someday. Even if it was a lie, I had to tell her something. After a deep sigh,
I set everything down and got ready for bed.