The Rake Enraptured (6 page)

"Is that what they say?"

"Among other things, she said, exasperated.

"Such as?"

"Indiscriminate, was the term I heard."

"Well that's false. I am very discriminating. Discerning, I would have said." He gave the matter fair consideration. "Definitely discerning."

"Lewd, also."

"We've covered that one already."

"Depraved."

"What depravities must one indulge in, to qualify as depraved?" he asked politely, his eyebrows raised in innocent enquiry.

She scowled at him. "I imagine you know rather better than I."

"Not at all. I have no idea where the boundaries lie. Exactly when is it one moves from natural to depraved?"

"I think the
boundaries are perfectly well known."

"I would argue not so. It depends on one's position. For instance-"

"I am not discussing positions with you. Pray refrain from such crudity."

He laughed. "You misunderstand me. I meant if I take the position that we a
re all by nature filled with the passions and drives God endowed, then our indulgence of them is not depraved but natural."

"Such indulgence is intended to be sanctified by the sacrament of marriage."

"Ah. So anything at all, of any persuasion, may happen within the boundaries of marriage, and cannot be deemed depraved?"

"That's not what I said."

"Pardon my misunderstanding. What exactly did you say?"

"Only that certain things may not happen outside the boundaries of marriage without being depraved."

"What things?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"You keep saying that, when all I am striving for is an education from one as learned as yourself."

"I am hardly learned in this particular subject, Mr
Holbrook!"

"And yet you give your opinions so fervently. Am I n
ot to regard you as some sort of authority, then?"

"Say rather you should let your conscience be your guide."

"No, that will never work," he said after a moment of solemn contemplation.

"Pray and ask for guidance, then. Or consult a man of the cloth. I am
sure they would be able to lead you far better than I."

"But I prefer to learn from you. Your lessons are so much more compelling."
His deep voice caressed the final word, and she saw in her mind's eye an image of lessons given and received, naked bodies entwined. She swallowed hard against the yearning that rose up in her throat, mute and warm.

She had to fight to get the words out. "How can you possibly know until you have tried the alternatives?"
She could hear how strangled her own voice sounded.

"I believe I have an instinct for such things. You were about to tell me what cannot occur outside of marriage without the participants becoming depraved."

"I was not."

"Are you depraved, Miss Preston?"

"I should think not!"

"Then kissin
g is permissible," he said with a firm nod, as if setting down a new law. "Also intimate touching. Intimate, naked touching."

"I said no such thing," she declared hotly.

"But you participated in the same."

"Rubbish. Never."

"You did. I was naked, and you touched me. Let your body lie on mine. Don't fret. We have agreed that it was not depraved."

"I think it was."

"Oh? Then how is it you engaged in such behavior and yet are not depraved?"

"Because I did not wish to engage in the behavior."

"Yet you did not protest. I didn't hold you against your will. There was no struggle. You acquiesced."

"I did not."

"You most certainly did. I am very particular about such things."

"I was dazed. When I was once again thinking straight, I removed myself from the situation.
"

"So you weren't thinking straight? How did that come about?"

"I think you know full well."

"Explain it to me."

"I don't think so."

"Miss Preston," he said in a tone of discovery, "are you implying that you were dazed and not thinking straight because of
me?"

"You are very vain. Also misguided."

"What other cause can there be?"

"Rack your brains. I'm sure you will think of something. You seem to be perfectly inventive. Also deluded."

"Depraved and deluded. What a combination. Such a burden to struggle under. Yet I will take comfort that even so encumbered, still I can daze a woman of your caliber."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"No flattery. My powers of deductive reasoning are perfectly sound."

"I beg to differ."

"There is no need to beg. I prefer my women assertive."

"What on earth makes you imagine your preferences are of any interest to me?" she demanded, freshly thrilled to think she met his preferences, freshly revolted by her overheated nature.

"I don't. That was merely offered in the nature of general information."

"It is completely unnecessary."

"It appears I like sharp-tongued women more than I ever realized." She pressed her lips together, refusing to rise to the lure. "Who would have thought it? I had always imagined joyful compliance to be the most attractive trait. Now I discover I was deceived."

"You cannot expect me to imagine you find conversation with me more attractive than any other trait?"

"Why not?"

"What happened to discerning? You sound like a fool. Ranking either
joyful compliance," she stammered over the evocative term, recovered then continued, "or a sharp tongue over any other consideration."

"What do you think I should choose?"

"How on earth should I know?" She threw up her hands.

"But you clearly have some id
ea. Tell me, how should I choose?"

"You ask me for advice on how to choose bed partners? You boggle the mind."

"Clearly I have been doing it wrong, if it leads to the charge I am indiscriminate and depraved."

"Depravity has nothing to do with the choice of
bed partner-"

"Oh, now it is I who begs to differ."

"Mr Holbrook-"

"Miss Preston. Help me to be more discriminating."

"You should only bed a woman with whom you are certain you could spend the rest of your life."

They walked several strides in silence, an
d she realized she was panting from the effort of walking quickly and talking at the same time. She slowed a trifle. Where were those children? They knew the park too well, hid too well. They could be anywhere by now, could even have circled around at the end of the wilderness, and be back at the house. The entire park was designed to conceal, to delight the visitor with sudden, unexpected vistas. It was easy to pass unseen if one wanted to.

"That is very restrictive," he offered.

"Yes. Quite."

"I can't thi
nk it realistic."

"And yet we are told it is God's will."

"We are told. Yet if one takes the position-"

"Enough of your positions. There are words, and then there are facts, and basic decency. We were made to cleave one to another. Not spread ourselves aro
und like venereal disease."

"Good heavens. You really are a woman of the world, Miss Preston."

"Oh hush. Let me tell you, you will never achieve true joy and satisfaction in life until you discover a loving union blessed and sanctified by God. And since you are obviously incapable of such a state, you shall never be truly happy."

"I am generally acc
ounted a very happy man," he said meekly.

"Delusion."

"Again you seem very certain. Have you made such a study of me, then, to know me better than I know myself? Better than my closest friends know me?"

"I know enough about people, and how we were intended
to live."

"Then how is it you yourself have not attained such a blessed state of happiness?"

"I," she said loftily, "am discerning."

He laughed softly. "Ah. And so we come full circle. I am to be guided by your solitary state of celibacy, I see."

"There are worse fates."

"Not that I can imagine."

"You are harsh," she said, stung.

"Honest. For it is such an intrinsic delight, such a basic life pleasure-"

"Say rather base."

"-that to deny oneself is to deny life itself," he went on as if she had not interrup
ted. "Such denial is a corruption of all that is good in our nature."

"All that is good? How you undervalue humanity, Mr
Holbrook. We are so much more than our base desires. We are-"

"I can only suggest you say such things out of ignorance, Miss Preston."

"Well of course I am ignorant. How else would you have me be? No, don't answer that," she added hastily as she saw him open his mouth, a delighted gleam in his eyes. "I have no interest in your preferences. But I am absolutely certain beyond all shadow of doubt that such congress is a tiny portion of the lives we must lead under heaven."

"And I am absolutely certain such congress is heaven on earth."

"Don't add blasphemy to your other sins."

"Why would the God who so intelligently designed us, craft us to e
njoy this so much if not because it fit his grand purpose?"

"Certainly. Within the bounds of marriage."

"But not all lovers are equal. Some are far more intriguing and delightful than others."

"I would not know," she said forbiddingly.

"Only think how you will have thwarted God's purpose for you if you settle for a mediocre lover as a husband."

"I have greater faith."

"I'm sure. And yet you can't deny you see the results of such unions everywhere you go. Husbands unhappy with wives; wives unhappy with husbands; rampant infidelity. You can't tell me this is a system functioning well. For a surety it is not."

"What would you prefer, then? For us all to try out each and every prospective partner until we find the most . . ." she groped for a word, "suitable? Ho
w repulsive!"

"Perhaps that is what I am doing. I am searching for the perfect companion of my heart."

She could not explain why her own heart gave an odd lurch at his words. "Pretty mouthings cannot whitewash your choices."

"Even I do not know what I seek," he confessed softly, and there was an uncomfortable ring of truth to the utterance, intimate in the quiet of the glade through which they passed, as he sought out her gaze. "I don't know what I'm looking for, beyond the i
mmediacy of mutual pleasure. I don't know the reason for my restlessness. Call me a hedonist if you like, but I truly see no better alternative."

"Try harder," she urged him, caught by this moment of vulnerability. "You could be better than you are."

"You think?"

"Well I . . . I would like to believe there is potential for everyone to move beyond darkness into light."

"But the dark is so warm. So lusciously full of every sweet thing."

She saw again the darkness of his bedroom, felt the hard heat of his naked
chest against her body, his mouth on hers, drawing her in, the most perfect trap. "No. It is all trickery."

"Would you lead me, Miss Preston? Julia? Would you take my hand and lead me into the light?" He reached out
, clasped her hand and brought it to his mouth for a fervent kiss, pulling her to a halt as he looked at her under his brows, as darkly intent as his words.

"I . . . You must find your own way, Mr
Holbrook."

"I cannot. I stumble on the path."

"Try harder."

"I fall by the wayside. Help me, Ju
lia." His voice was husky, and there was a plea in it that was not in his eyes, which commanded her to do she knew not what.

"I can't,"
she said, faltering.

"You will not even try. You will not bring me to redemption."

"I don't have the power. You are sunk too deep."

"Only one such as you could have the power. A strong woman. A good woman. The best sort of temptation."

Oh, and it was tempting. To think that she, Julia Preston, might save such a notorious rake, might guide him, set him upon a steadier life, a truer course. How much good would that bring to the world? Surely she would be selfish to deny him.

But she searched his face, and found no remorse there. Only the subtle hint of satisfied anticipation, like a cat about to pounce. She pulled her hand awa
y, and stood still, facing him.