The Rancher (15 page)

My mother died when I was
thirteen so it was just my father and me living in a monstrosity of
a house. I was lonely for the most part because father didn't
approve of most of the girls I knew. When Ethan came along, he
swept me off my feet, I guess you could say. When I returned from
college, we set a wedding date. I gave myself to him that very
night as if we were already married."

Leaning back, Laurel looked up,
wanting to see Holden's face. "Two weeks before our wedding, I
stopped by Ethan's office in town to invite him to lunch. No one
was in the outer offices so I let myself in to his personal space
and I saw him with his receptionist. They didn't see me and they
were talking so I didn't want to interrupt. When Ethan kissed her,
I was so shocked, I couldn’t move."

Holden kissed her forehead, his
hand moving to caress her cheek. "What happened after that?"

"I only caught snatches of the
conversation. My ears were ringing by that point. It felt as if I
was standing outside my body watching everything unfold and I was
just a bystander. Ethan and his receptionist were laughing and
kissing, they looked more intimate than he and I ever did, and I
felt like such a fool. After giving myself to him, ruining myself
for him... I knew Ethan didn't love me as I watched them together.
He loved my father's bank account and I was the easiest way to get
to it."

Rolling onto her back, Laurel
sighed again. "I left and went straight home, told my father what
I'd seen and he looked me in the face and told me to never repeat
what I'd told him. That it was a man's right to do as he pleased.
That if Ethan wanted a mistress, or a whole host of them, it was
his privilege to have one. I thought of my mother then, of how
unhappy she looked when I saw her sitting alone in the garden
before she died and knew then that my father had his own
indiscretions. My father had a mistress and my mother died feeling
as betrayed as I did. I refused to live the rest of my life in such
a manner."

Holden shifted and leaned up on
one elbow, looking down at her. "Did you not call off the
wedding?"

"I tried. My father refused to
let me. He said he'd already paid for everything and if I wanted to
remain in his will, I'd do exactly as he said." She laughed
bitterly and shook her head. "I think there was some sort of
business arrangement between the two of them. Something they were
both getting out of our marriage and I saw no way out. I discreetly
sold everything of value I had and tucked it all away into a purse
I kept pinned to the inside of my chemise and waited for the first
opportunity I had to leave. As luck would have it, I was never
alone until the day of the wedding. I told my attendants I needed
to use the privy before dressing and the moment they left the room,
I snuck out the window and ran. I've been running for the last
twelve months."

"Are you going to run
again?"

Looking up at him, Laurel could
see he was scared she'd do just that. She also knew she wouldn't
make it very far. He'd come after her. She knew he would without
being told. The thought thrilled, and terrified, her. "How far
would you let me get?"

He grinned, his eyes lighting
up. "About as far as the end of town." He leaned down and kissed
her, his tongue dipping into her mouth to taste her. "If you never
offer me anything but clandestine meetings, then that's all I'll
ever take from you, but I want more. I want you to be my wife. To
share my life with you and to help me raise Alex. To fill my house
with kids and laughter and to grow old with you. If you can't give
me either, then just say so and I'll leave you alone. It'll kill me
to do it but I will."

He kissed her again, softly, and
so slow it was agonizing. Her heart screamed out to say yes. That
she'd marry him come morning but that part of her that was still
scared of being hurt refused to budge.

"You don't trust me not to hurt
you, do you?"

She sighed and met his gaze. "I
trust you, Holden. I just don't trust myself not to always wonder
when you'll betray me. I can't live like that. It isn't fair to
either of us."

"Then how can I convince
you?"

"I don't know."

* * * *

Holden was gone when she woke,
regardless of his promise not to leave until she accepted his
marriage proposal. Sunlight was streaming in the window through her
curtain and Laurel laid there for another half an hour watching
shadows dance across the walls.

Her body still tingled in
places. Holden had made love to her half the night. He hadn't
brought up the subject of marriage again after their talk and she
was grateful. As much as it hurt to tell him no, hearing him ask it
and not answer, yes, was torture. It would solve most of her
problems by saying yes but she couldn't. A small part of her still
didn't trust men. Even though she told Holden she trusted him, she
knew she didn't. Not truly. She would have said yes if she did. All
men had the ability to hurt her and after being treated so badly by
Ethan, it would take more than pretty words and stolen kisses in
the night to change that.

Climbing from the bed, she
washed and dressed, taking stock of her small food pantry. She'd
have to go to the mercantile today to replenish her food stuff. She
grabbed a small basket from under the bed, grabbed her reticule and
ventured across town.

Mrs. Jenkins smiled at her as
she entered the store. Two other women were near the back of the
store and their hushed whispers died the moment they saw her. They
both smiled but Laurel knew they were just being polite. Apparently
the scene from last night was today's hottest gossip.

She returned the ladies' smile
and browsed the isles, keeping her eyes downcast. The whispers
started again and Laurel ignored them best she could. The bell
above the door clinked as someone entered and warm welcomes were
issued to the newcomer. Laurel looked up and saw Holden's
sister-in-law, Sarah, and his twin brother, Colt, walking her
way.

"Good morning," Sarah said,
smiling. "I stopped by the school for a visit and was disappointed
when you didn't answer your door. I knew there was only a few
places you could be and here you are."

Laurel looked up at Colt, amazed
to see a man who looked just like Holden standing there with his
arm around another woman. Sarah was obviously pleased to have her
husband's undivided attention and she smiled at them both before
securing her basket at the crook of her arm. "Good morning."

Sarah gave Colt a brief look.
"We wanted to invite you to supper. We don't have many guests out
at the ranch and we've not had time enough to sit and talk. I was
hoping you'd join us so we could get better acquainted."

Laurel wasn't sure why Sarah had
a sudden urge to be better acquainted but something in Colt's eyes
told her it had everything to do with Holden. Just thinking of him
sent her heart fluttering and it must have shown on her face.
Sarah's smile widened and with a simple nod of her head, Colt
leaned down, kissed Sarah on the cheek, said, "I'll see you soon,
Laurel," and left.

When the bell above the door
chimed again, Sarah, who was still standing there smiling at her
said, "So, is six this evening good for you?"

"Today?" Laurel swallowed the
trepidation she felt. "I'm not sure today is such a good time."

"Why not?"

Why? Had Sarah not heard the
latest gossip? Did she not know Ethan, her ex-fiancé, was in town
and trying to get her to go home with him?

Sarah took a step closer and
leaned down so no one else would hear her. "Don't worry about the
gossips. They'd all shrivel up and die if they didn't have anything
to talk about but don't let that keep you from enjoying your life.
It's much too short to just let it pass you by." She straightened,
smiled again and laid one hand on her rounded belly. "I must go. If
I don't get food into me every two hours, I end up so sick I can
barely stand but please say you'll come tonight."

Laurel wanted to refuse but
Sarah looked genuinely happy to extend the invitation, she hated to
refuse. "Where do you live?"

The smile Sarah graced her with
would have lit a starless night. "I've already made arrangements
for you to be brought to the house. Just be ready to leave by five
this evening. It'll take a while to reach the ranch."

Sarah said her goodbyes and as
Laurel watched her leave, wondered who would be taking her out to
Sarah and Colt's home. One person came to mind and as much as she
wanted to see Holden again, she dreaded it just the same. He'd ask
her to marry him again and telling him no was getting hard to do.
She hoped he'd tire of asking her soon because her heart broke just
a little bit more every time she told him no.

She made quick work of her
shopping, the things that wouldn't fit into her basket were to be
delivered around noon and she was on her way back to the school
when she heard her name being called. The voice shouting it sent a
tremor up her spine.

Stopping, and turning to look
behind her, Laurel saw Ethan running up the sidewalk toward her, a
bouquet of flowers clasped in one hand. As much as she didn't want
to talk to him, she was through running.

When he reached her, he smiled,
wiped sweat from his brow and looked up into the early morning
sunlight. "Pretty day we're having." His smile widened. "Not nearly
as fetching as you are, though. You look like a ray of
sunshine."

"Stop trying to flatter me. It
no longer works."

He looked taken aback. "I wasn't
trying to flatter you. I was just stating the obvious. You look
beautiful. You always do."

Laurel exhaled a deep breath.
"What do you want?"

"A chance to talk to you about
what you think you saw back in Seattle."

"There's nothing to talk about,"
Laurel said. "I know what I saw. I know what I heard. I know how I
feel. I'll not be used and betrayed by anyone, Ethan, least of all
you, so if you'll excuse me, I have things to do today." She turned
and left him standing there gaping at her. She'd only taken half a
dozen steps when he said, "Holden Avery. That's the man you were
with last night."

Laurel stopped and turned back
to face him. He was smiling.

"I hear he's been chasing after
you since the moment you got into town." Ethan laughed and shook
his head. "Heard he's been seen sneaking away from the school,
where you live, in the pre-dawn hours as well." Leaning his head to
one side, he narrowed his eyes. "It's a bit silly to accuse me of
sleeping around when you're sneaking around yourself. Funny, I
thought for sure I was the only man you'd ever been with but seeing
how you've taken up with this Avery character, I have to wonder
just what kind of woman you are."

Laurel's temper flared so hot,
she thought for sure she'd catch fire. She closed the distance
between them, stood nose to nose with him and stared him in the
eye. "What I do is my own business and I'll invite anyone I feel
like to my bed. You lost that privilege when you slept with half
the town behind my back. Do you honestly think I was stupid enough
to think your receptionist was the only one? My father isn't the
only person who has resources. I know of your indiscretions, Ethan,
all of them, and believe me, I look like a saint compared to
you."

He said nothing but the smile
that curved his mouth said enough. He wasn't even going to deny it.
Laurel took three steps back, gaining some distance between them
and narrowed her eyes at him. "I want you to leave, Ethan. I'll not
be returning to Seattle. This is my home now and I'll not be
leaving. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have things to do."

She left without another word
and thankfully he didn't try to stop her. His laughter followed her
down the street and when he yelled, "This isn't over, Laurel," she
quickened her steps. She made it all the way back to the school
before tears of frustration burnt her eyes and spilled over her
lashes. She bolted the door to her room, dropped her basket to the
floor and cried until she thought she'd be sick.

All she'd ever wanted was
someone to love her. To adore her like she thought her father
adored her mother but even that had been a lie. She wasn't even
sure true love was possible anymore. Not the kind she'd read about
in books. The kind that lasted forever and was soul-deep. Maybe her
expectations were just too high. That she should be happy with what
life offered her and be satisfied with it.

Her thoughts went to Holden
then. Fate had presented him to her on a warm fall evening in
Missoula and then again when she reached Willow Creek. Maybe what
she'd been looking for was right in front of her and all she had to
do was reach out and take it. The fear in her heart was still there
but closing her eyes and seeing Holden's face in her mind's eye,
she smiled. He wouldn’t hurt her, just as he'd said, so what was
holding her back?

Wiping her face with the back of
her hand, she sniffled, picked her basket up and blew out an
exhausted breath. She had a lot to think about and the next time
she saw Holden, she'd give him an answer, one way or the other.

Chapter Ten

Holden heard the wagon before he
saw it and his pulse leaped the moment he looked out toward the
road leading to Colt and Sarah's place. Morgan and Abigail, along
with their daughter Elizabeth, were heading toward his brother's
and even though the distance was too great to make her out clearly,
he could see Laurel on the seat beside Abigail.