The Real Inspector Hound and Other Plays (34 page)

EASY
: Oh, useless gettie!
(
While
EASY
speaks into the ’phone, the
INSPECTOR
directs the
building of the wall with the help of
BORIS
and
MAURICE,
the
policemen; and
MALCOLM
mounts the platform, taking the
crown off the dead
MACBETH,
and finally placing it on his own
head
.)

MALCOLM
: Nit laughable a cretin awful pig.

EASY
: Cretinous fascist pig like one o’clock. Slab?

MALCOLM
: Prefer availing avaricious moorhens et factotum after.

EASY
: Rozzers. Gendarmes—filth!

MALCOLM
: Centre roundabout if partly lawnmowers rosebush.

EASY
: Blockhead. Brick as too planks. Slab.

MALCOLM
: Gracious laxative. [*Dead butcher.]

EASY
: Fishes bastard. Kick his backside so help me Dogg. See if I
don’t. Normalization.

MALCOLM
: Vivay hysterical nose poultice.

EASY
: Double double toil and trouble.

MALCOLM
: Alabaster ominous nifty, blanket noon
Howl cinder trellis pistols owl by Scone.
[*So, thanks to all at once and to each one,
Whom we invite to see us crowned at Scone.]
(
Fanfare
)

EASY
: (
Over fanfare
.) Double double. Double double toil and
trouble. No. Shakespeare.
(
Silence
)
Well, it’s been a funny sort of week. But I should be back by Tuesday.