The Reason Why (18 page)

“Does this mean yes?” Chino asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“Are you crazy? Of course it means yes!” Pam leaned over and fell into his arms. Together they lay on the floor of the Red Lobster and kissed, as if they were the only two people in the entire universe.

Onlookers applauded.

“H
ello?”

“Hello, Mom?” Pam asked.

“Hey, Pammy!” her mother said excitedly.

“Mommy, it's so good to hear your voice.”

“No, it's great to hear your voice,” her mother replied. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“I'm good.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah,” Pam told her. “How have you been?”

“Fine, sweetie.”

“How's Dad been?”

“Worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why?”

“Pammy, you know Dad and I want you to be safe. Chino is almost as young as you, and I don't think you're ready to be living with a boyfriend.”

Pam exhaled. Her life had changed dramatically. She had quit her job, moved into an apartment with a guy, lost her virginity,
and dropped out of college. But she saw where Chino was leading her, and that was to opportunity and the American Dream. Why couldn't her family see this?

Becoming frustrated with how the conversation was going, Pam protested. “Mom, I'm not in high school anymore.”

“Pammy, I'm not trying to be an enemy. I'm . . . I'm so disappointed . . .” Her mother trailed off and quietly sucked in air to control her sobbing.

Disappointed
was a word that Pam hated to hear come out of the mouth of either of her parents, particularly if it was aimed at her. She had worked hard her whole life to keep her parents happy. Pleasing them was what she strived for. It was what pushed her to graduate from high school at the age of sixteen. It was what had kept her in advanced placement classes, in honors classes, and on the honor roll.

“Mom, I'm sorry.” Pam's voice had a tinge of sadness in it.

“Sorry? Sorry, Pammy, ‘sorry' is not going to cut it.”

“Mom, I know. I'm working hard at the salon and I'm going to prove myself to you.”

“Pammy, there is something going on with you, and your father and I want to know what it is. What is going on up there?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“So, what are you saying?” her mother asked. “Are you saying that we have to drive to Ohio to see what's going on with you?”

Getting away from her protective parents had been her
reason for leaving Detroit and heading for Ohio. To have them start coming to Ohio was the last thing she wanted.

“No, Mom. You don't have to do that.”

“Are you sure?” her mother snapped. “Because I can't tell! Right now, it seems like you need some guidance. It seems like you need someone to help you get back on the right track.”

“Mom, I'm okay. Really.”

“Is it Chino, Pammy? Have you gone up there and let some boy control your life?”

“No, Mom, I haven't.”

“Then what is it?”

“I've just been busy with so many things.”

“So many things?” Her mother laughed. “Like what? Which, by the way, brings me to another subject. Your father went to put money in your account, and it was empty. He got a bank statement, and you haven't had any deposits from your job in quite some time.”

Pam exhaled. Her parents would find out sooner or later.

Chino was now her fiancé. In fact, she had called to break the news of her engagement to her mother. She had hoped that the conversation would be different, but this was the conversation that she had been presented with. The best that she could hope for now was to gain control of the situation and present her news in a positive light.

“Mom, Chino is like my best friend. He wouldn't ever hurt me. Actually, he's more than my boyfriend, Mom.”

“More than your boyfriend? Pammy, what are you trying to say?”

Pam swore that her mother had stopped breathing. She
wanted to laugh, but the subject was so serious that she knew she needed to deal with it in a serious manner.

“Chino has asked me to marry him.”

“Marry him?” her mother exploded. “Pammy, are you serious? You're a child! You can't get married. You're still in school! What is this young man thinking?”

“Mom, calm down.”

“I will not calm down!” she snapped. “This is ridiculous! What are his parents saying about this?”

“He hasn't told them,” Pam said softly. “Actually, his mother is dead, and he hasn't talked to his father—”

“Hasn't talked to his father? What kind of young man proposes to a woman without even consulting his family about it? Or your family? What is going on with his father? And what does this young man do for a living? Obviously, he can't be in college, if he's supporting you and him at the same time. Has he graduated from college already? Oh, my baby! If he's finished school, then he's a grown man already, and that bastard is preying on my baby!”

“Mom! Calm down! No, Chino isn't in school. He takes care of me through his job. And no, he is not preying on me, we're only a year apart,” Pam lied.

“So, both of you are still wet behind the ears, and you're talking about getting married? Pam, marriage isn't what the fairy-tale books make it out to be. Marriage is hard work. It's a commitment, Pamela.” Pam rolled her eyes. When her mother called her anything other than ‘Pammy,' she knew Mom was pissed. “It means being responsible for another adult's life! Do you think that both of you are ready for that?”

“I'm not a baby anymore.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Mrs. Xavier blew up again. “You're seventeen! Are you having sex? Is that what you're saying, Pamela Xavier? God, I knew it was a mistake letting you go so far away for college! Listening to your father! I knew better!”

“No, Mom, I'm not having sex and I am okay!”

“We should drive up there and put an end to this nonsense!”

“No, Mother, don't. I'll be there soon.”

“You'll be here for Christmas, right?”

“Yeah,” Pam lied.

“Bring this young man with you. Perhaps your father and I can talk some sense into him. Both of you are so young.”

“I will, Mom.”

“Okay, call me soon, sweetheart. Your father and I are here for you and we love you dearly.”

“I love you too, Mom,” Pam said. She hung up the telephone and lay back on the bed. She loved her mother, but parents were parents, and they could be overdramatic and nerve-wracking. She would always be their little girl, no matter how old she got. But still, she wished that they would let her grow up just a little.

P
am pulled her legs close and rested her chin on her knees. The wind was blowing gently, providing a nice cool breeze off the Scioto River. Summer had turned into fall again, and Pam would be eighteen in a few months. Chino's game was getting better and better, and the salon was up and running. Soon they would be free to move anywhere and do anything they wanted. Pam breathed in deeply and was overcome with an overpowering feeling: she was happy.

She watched as Chino ran along the bank, chasing one of the large white ducks that called the place home. Watching Chino play around made her wonder what kind of father he would be if—or better yet, when—they had a family. He was certainly a good provider. He had given her everything that her heart ever desired. Although he would have to quit his profession before she finally walked down the aisle with him, they hadn't had that conversation yet. She would deliver the ultimatum: stop selling drugs so we can move forward, marry, and start a family.

Pam thought about the families she knew that had absent fathers. She was determined that that was not going to be the fate of her family. Her children were not going to learn about their father through pictures, or get to see him only on visitation days, or have to say good-bye to him at the end of an eight-hour supervised visit. That was not going to be her touching a jailhouse glass and wiping tears from her eyes.

No, if Chino really wanted it all, he would have to take steps to make sure that he was going to be around. And the way to do that would be to stop all his illegal activities. She didn't know how Chino was going to take the conversation, or how he was going to react. Sure, she should have given him that ultimatum when he proposed, but she had been caught up in the moment. She had been so happy that the only thing she could see at the time was their future together. She could only see the white house, the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, the two cars, and the family dog. She wasn't thinking about the slammer, the bars, the long drives to a remote prison farm.

Watching Chino run around and act a fool told her that he would be a great father.

There were so many questions that had to be answered, so many variables. Chino could act a fool, and he could make you laugh, and he could make your heart soar with emotion. He could bring tears of joy to your eyes, or tears of laughter. He could be charming, witty, sarcastic, spontaneous, adventurous, and so many other things. He was always a breath of fresh air, but what would it be like raising a family with him?

Pam burst into laughter as Chino squatted, flapped his arms, and got in line behind a team of marching ducks.

“If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then what?” Chino shouted to her.

“Then it's a crazy-ass fiancé who needs a paddy wagon!” Pam shouted back.

Chino quacked and quacked, picked up one of the ducks, and headed toward Pam.

“Don't bring that thing over here!” Pam shouted.

“Oh, you scared?” Chino asked with a smile.

“That thing might bite!” Pam got on her feet to run if need be.

“How is a duck going to bite you, girl? It's a duck, not a pit bull!”

“It's got teeth!” Pam said, backing away. She scanned her surroundings, looking for a safe place to run to.

“Ducks don't bite,” Chino said laughing. “C'mere!”

“Chino! Ahhhhh!” Pam screamed and took off running.

“C'mere, girl!” Chino shouted, chasing Pam around with a quacking, flapping duck.

Pam ran until she became tired. She stopped, exhaling heavily. “Chino, if you put that duck on me, I swear I'm gonna cut your nuts off while you sleep.”

“Girl, it's not going to bite you,” Chino told her, seriously. “Do you think that I would let something hurt you?”

“Get that thing away from me, Chino.”

“Pam, you have to face your fears.”

“My fears, I can face. I just don't wanna face that damn duck.”

“Pam, I want you to meet Psycho, my killer duck.”

“Chino, I will fuck you and Psycho up!”

“That's it, Pam. You shouldn't have threatened him.”
Chino held the duck up to his ear. “What was that, Psycho? You want to fly into her hair?”

“Chino, no!” Pam shouted. She covered her head and took off running again.

Chino put the duck down and rolled on the ground laughing. The duck raced off into the river. Seeing this, Pam walked up to Chino and kicked him.

“Asshole!”

“You should have seen the look on your face, Pooh!” Chino said, laughing hysterically.

“You think that's funny?”

“Pooh, you took off running like you were Flo Jo!” Chino told her. “I'll put you in the Olympics, put my killer duck behind you, and sit back and rake in the endorsements.”

“That's not funny!” Pam said, laughing.

“I can't believe you threatened to cut off the family jewels.”

“I would have chopped the suckers right off.”

“Then how would we have fertilized your eggs?”

“Ain't nothing getting to these eggs, mister. None of your crazy-ass sperm anyway. My eggs will grow up scrambled, just like their daddy!”