The Redemption (Charlotte Bloom Book 2) (13 page)

“That’s it?”

He sighed, rubbing his lips with his fingers. It was distracting.

“No. That’s not the entire reason.”

“Do tell,” I said, relaxing back into the barstool, even though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.

“I just wanted closure.”

My heart slammed into my ribs over and over.
What?

“Closure?” I whispered.

“Yes. Closure.” He eyed me suspiciously. “Can you blame me?”

“I thought—” My mind drifted to that night. The flowers. The suit. For what… for
closure
? “You had lilies,” I breathed, as if that was enough of an explanation.

“Charlotte, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought that maybe you’d already moved on, and I was prepared to accept that. I just needed to hear you say it. So that I could move on, too.”

“So that’s why you left?” My voice had grown smaller. I suddenly felt sick.

“Yes.”

“But it wasn’t—I hadn’t—”

“I know that now.”

“I was miserable without you,” I whispered.

He smiled weakly, and suddenly I was aware of just how delicate this time with him was. He had been prepared to move on. He had been prepared to let me go. The thought grounded me, and I knew I had to make it up to him. The last three months played out in my mind, from Alec’s perspective.

Boy meets girl. Girl is married. Girl lives on the other side of the world. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl leaves. Girl ignores calls. Girl ignores texts. Girl ignores romantic, handwritten letters. Boy flies to see girl. Girl is kissing another boy.
Boy is heartbroken.

I owed Alec a lengthy explanation. I sighed and looked down. The fire in my abdomen had been extinguished with his sobering confession.
Closure.

“Alec, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

When I looked up, he was looking at me sadly, and for the first time since seeing him again… he looked vulnerable. The guy was a foot taller than me and could probably take out anyone in this bar and yet, he looked genuinely hurt and defeated, all because of me. I continued.

“When I left Wales, I thought I’d be back in a couple of weeks. But life doesn’t work like that. The divorce proceedings took several weeks, and I had to get a job and an apartment. It was easy to fall back in to my life there. It was familiar. What I felt with you… it scared me. And you’d called, texted, written letters… and I couldn’t bear the thought of talking to you. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. You were making such an effort, and I wasn’t. It wasn’t because I didn’t love you. I love you so much.”

“Then why didn’t you return any of my calls? I don’t understand.”

He looked so desolate that I couldn't bear to look at him
.

“Because I was an idiot,” I said, hoping it’d make him laugh. It didn’t. “I was stubborn. I was afraid that if we tried again, it wouldn’t be the same. I thought that maybe we worked so well because of my… situation. I thought that perhaps
us—
you and me—only worked because it was convenient and temporary. I missed you so fucking much. It was so perfect. It felt too good to be true, and I couldn’t let go of the small, nagging feeling that it was just a vacation fling.”

Alec inhaled a sharp breath of air and looked down.

“Do you still think that?” he asked, quietly.

“No. I can confirm, without a doubt, that it wasn’t a vacation fling. I truly love and adore you, Alec Baxter. I hope to spend the rest of my life proving that.”

There. I’d said it.

He hadn’t said anything, and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
What was he thinking?
I waited, slowly sipping my second beer. He had said that he would forgive me, that he would take me back. But looking at him now… our future was dangling by a very fine thread. I had to tread lightly. He could still walk away. I’d been so obsessed with trying to prove myself to him that I hadn’t taken
his
feelings into consideration. I’d just assumed he would come around eventually. But…
what if he didn’t?
Suddenly, I was so mad at Mary. She said he’d come to L.A. to propose to me. She had definitely been wrong. Tears sprung to my eyes.

“Charlotte, what is it?” Alec wiped a tear off of my face.

“I’ve been so preoccupied with our little game and trying to win your forgiveness that I never even realized that you were prepared to walk away from me. You could
still
walk away. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“It’s not like that. Look, I hoped I wouldn't need closure. I hoped, no, I
prayed
that I would come to L.A. and you would answer the door and we’d be together again. That’s what I
wanted.
You know that, right?”

I nodded slowly, letting his words sink in. He continued.

“That night was weird. You weren’t home, so I waited. I fell asleep in the hallway. I was exhausted from flying all day. And when I woke up, you were kissing that guy. I assumed the worst. I left without thinking there could be a reasonable explanation. I thought—”

“What?”

“I thought it was Harry. I thought you’d gotten back together with Harry.”

“
What?
”

He shrugged his shoulders. I started laughing uncontrollably.

“
Harry?!
” I screeched, a little too loudly.

“I thought that’s why you’d been ignoring my calls.” Alec looked resigned. I realized this had been bothering him for some time. “I needed to get one punch in before I left,” he said, a small, boyish glimmer in his eyes.

“Didn’t Mary or Henry tell you that I’d gotten divorced?”

“No. I never asked about you. The only thing I’d seen was an email from you a few days before I left for L.A., the one you sent to Katie, saying you were moving on. Katie forwarded it to me. Honestly, I skimmed it. I thought you meant that you were getting back together with Harry.”

“Now it makes sense,” I said, sighing. “I’m sorry it happened. I wish you’d knocked on my door. You would’ve seen the art I have above my bed,” I explained, and he tilted his head, perplexed. “I kept the lilies you gave me on my last night. They dried perfectly in my suitcase, so I framed them. That’s the only piece of art that I have in my new apartment.”

His eyes clouded over and he ran his finger along my jaw.

“Oh, Charlotte. I’ve missed you.”

“Please don’t leave,” I whispered, and I realized suddenly that that was my one true fear: to be without Alec.

“Never.”

He leaned in and kissed me chastely, and suddenly I was aflame. Before I could register what had happened, he pulled away.

“I thought kissing was against the rules?” I asked, breathlessly.

“Just this once,” he said, grinning. “You look so beautiful right now.”

I melted, and I knew at once that things would be OK with us.

We got back to the house just before dinner and I excused myself to go change. My jeans and boots were splattered with mud, and my unruly hair needed a good brushing. I decided to shower quickly. I started the shower and quickly checked my phone. I texted Amara to give her an update.

I am here. In N. Ireland. It’s beautiful. Alec hasn’t forgiven me, but he will. We’re spending every second together. It’s so nice. I miss you already. Xo

I set my phone on the dresser and glided into the shower joyously. Just as I started to shampoo my hair, I heard rustling in my bedroom. Horrified, I peered through the glass of the shower door. Alec was in my room.

He saw me and smiled.
What was he doing?
He walked closer and wrenched the door open. I was naked, but his eyes didn’t travel up and down my body like they usually did.

“Alec, what are you doing here?” I asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Can I shower with you?”

I stared at him, my jaw hanging open.

“If
hugging
is against the rules, I’m pretty sure showering is as well.”

“Fuck the rules!” he shouted. “I won’t do anything,” he explained, beginning to strip.

“I’m not worried about you,” I said quietly.

“Behave,” he clucked. “I just figured we could save some water.”

Before I knew it, he was standing next to me, completely naked. I went still, unsure of what to do next. He leaned over and rubbed some body wash into his hands, forming a lather. He came closer and rubbed my back gently. I groaned. This was too much.

“This is
so
wrong,” I said, barely audible.

“Relax, Charlotte. You’re so tense. Relax…” he whispered into my ear, and I felt my entire body slacken against him as he washed me from head to toe. His calloused hands were surprisingly soft and gentle.

“My turn,” I said, turning around to face him as the last of the soap was washed off. I put some body wash into my palms and rubbed them together. Alec stiffened as I started to wash his chest, and his breathing grew louder and louder the lower I got.

“Play nice,” he warned, swatting my hand away as it dipped lower.

“You’re the one who wanted to shower with me,” I countered, smiling playfully.

He ignored me and stood under the water with his eyes closed, breathing heavily. He must’ve been trying very hard to control himself. His hands opened and closed as he let the water run off of his face.

I shrugged and continued to wash myself, ignoring the handsome man standing next to me naked and wet. Just as I began to rinse the conditioner out of my hair, I felt Alec’s eyes on me. I turned around and he was watching me raptly. My knees got weak.

“Can I try something?” he asked cautiously. “Not
that
,” he added, reading my mind and gesturing to my naked body. “But there’s something I’ve been wanting to do with you.”

“OK.”

He grabbed my hand and led me out of the shower, placing a large towel around me. He rubbed my arms to dry me off. I was delightfully reminded of the time I fell off of the horse and Alec saved me. He’d placed my dry jacket over me and rubbed my arms then, too.
Oh, how far we’d come.
I pulled the towel around me as he quickly dried himself and wrapped a towel around his waist. He grabbed my hand and led me out the door.

“Alec!” I hissed, looking around frantically. “What are you doing? We have to go to dinner in a few minutes.”

“We can be late,” he said, his voice thick with longing. He pulled me into his room and shut the door quickly.

I realized this was the first time I’d been in his bedroom. I looked around. It was sparsely decorated—a shell of a former life—and I realized most of his possessions were with him in Wales. A simple, double bed with white bedding and raw wood framing stood to the left, underneath a window. A white desk, white shelves, and a navy blue armchair made up the rest of the furniture. He had a table lamp on the floor, along with stacks and stacks of books on top of the desk. It was Alec’s childhood room.

Alec dropped his towel and went into his closet, emerging shortly thereafter with two t-shirts and a pair of boxers for him. He threw one of the t-shirts to me.

“On,” he commanded, while putting on his boxers and then the t-shirt. I stood still, stunned. “That—you—you’re too distracting. You need a shirt.”
Oh, OK.
Like
that
explained it.

“Alec… what is going on?” I was mystified but I obeyed, dropping my towel quickly and throwing on his t-shirt. It covered me, but barely. I suddenly felt very sexy.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, running his hands through his wet hair. God, he looked fucking glorious. “I know this has been hard for you, and god knows it’s been hard for me. I’m just playing it by ear. Please lie on the bed and close your eyes.”

What?

I quietly walked over to the bed and lay down on my back, closing my eyes. My heart was beating quickly, sending my pulse whooshing through my ears.

“You’re so tense, Charlotte,” he said, and I felt him climb on to the bed beside me.
Fuck.
“Don’t open your eyes.”

“Yes, sir,” I whispered. My breathing had become labored. I could barely speak. I couldn’t move.

I felt his warm legs straddle my middle, and his hands reached down and began to massage my shoulders. The weight of him on top of me made me bite my lip to keep from moaning, but pretty soon it became unbearable to keep quiet. I began to moan as he touched me, kneading the skin between my neck and shoulders. Instinctively, I bucked my hips. I needed more.

“Don’t,” Alec warned. “Still.”

“This is against the rules,” I breathed out, sucking in air quickly now.

“Like I said earlier…
fuck
the rules.”

“Does that mean…” My breathing stopped altogether. Could it be?

“No.”

“Oh.” I tried to hide my disappointment.

“On my terms, Charlotte. Like I said, I just want to reward you for being so patient.”

“OK.” I couldn’t think of a rebuttal. I couldn’t think straight at all.

Suddenly, he moved his hands lower, and now he was massaging my lower stomach, gently, along the sides. It felt
so good.
My eyes fluttered open momentarily.

“Shut your eyes, Charlotte,” Alec whispered. “Or else I’ll have to blindfold you.”

Wait… what?
I closed my eyes.

“Alec…”

As if he was answering my question, he shuffled lower, straddling my knees now. His hand went lower, underneath the t-shirt, and he began massaging my thighs. I gasped. His movements slowed as he trailed his fingers up, up, up…

My eyes flew open. He was looking at me with carnal desire now. What the hell was going on? I thought this was against the rules? He stopped and got off, and I watched as he retreated back into his closet. I was panting now. I knew I was wet—my entire being wanted him. He came back out carrying a black tie.

“I told you to keep your eyes closed,” he murmured as he tied the fabric over my eyes. I’d never been blindfolded before. As he secured it over my wet hair, he continued his massage in the same order as before. Neck, shoulders, stomach, thighs… and then he stopped. I waited. What was he doing?

“Spread your legs,” he purred softly, and I submitted.

I suddenly felt very vulnerable. I was lying on Alec’s bed with no pants, spreading my legs.
On my terms, Charlotte.
Alec’s words came into my mind. What did
that
mean?

Without warning, I felt his thumb start to massage my clitoris.
Oh. Oh, my.

“What are you doing?” My tone was accusatory, but I hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. He stopped, and I whimpered in protest.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” I panted, hoping my longing would be apparent. “Please keep going.”

Without saying anything, he continued, thumbing me slowly, in circles. I arched my back, my whole body clenching in unfulfilled yearning.
Holy. Shit.
He was massaging me at the perfect tempo and pressure. How did he know? It wouldn’t be long now… I moved my hips into his hand, silently asking for more. Alec read my mind and slipped two fingers into me, curving them perfectly, hitting just the right spot. I arched my back again and cried out loudly. I felt Alec’s hand clamp down on my mouth: a silent gesture to shut me up. He continued thumbing me in circles, digging his fingers in and out of my sex rhythmically. I bit his hand. I was close. He went faster now, his breathing loud and labored.

“Harder?” he asked, and hearing him speak it sent erotic thrills down my spine. I nodded enthusiastically, and he upped the tempo and pressure.
Oh. My. God.

I felt myself climbing, higher and higher, crying out against Alec’s warm hand. My whole body tensed, anticipating, and then, I was falling into a sweet, sweet heavenly release. My body bucked and I heard him moan.
Yes! Yes! Yes!

He slowed, and then he removed his hand from my mouth and my sex. He slipped the tie over my head. I threw my arm over my eyes and started giggling uncontrollably.

“Alec, you’re crazy,” I whispered, watching his eyes shine with amusement.

“I believe I promised you as many orgasms as possible. Three a day, if I wasn’t mistaken.”

I grinned, remembering that morning.

“Thank you,” I whispered, stroking his thigh. He was still straddling me. “Are you…?” I trailed off. I didn’t know how to ask the question I wanted to ask.

“I’m fine,” he sighed. “This was about you, OK?”

“Are you sure?”

“As much as I want to fuck you, Charlotte, I’m not going to. I’m going to make you wait.”

“You’re quite the hypocrite, you know,” I said, ruefully. “
That
was against the rules.”

“I call the shots. I say that the rules can be overlooked this one time.”

“OK. Fine. So we’re still playing the stupid game?”

He looked wounded.

“Yes,” he whispered, getting off of me. “Now, get dressed.”

Before I had a chance to get off of the bed, I heard a loud knock on Alec’s door.

“Alec? Honey? Dinner’s ready! Can I come in?”

Shit. It was Ennis!

Alec locked eyes with me, clearly entertained while I looked at him in horror, mouthing expletives. I knew we were adults, but I was very clearly “just fucked”—my almost-naked body and flushed face were proof.

“One sec, mum,” Alec yelled.

He threw me a pair of sweatpants and I pulled them on quickly before taking a seat at his desk, even though they were five sizes too big. I hoped to disguise that fact by sitting.

Alec swung the door open and Ennis stood there with oven mittens still on.

“Have you seen Charlotte? I was just at her room and—” her eyes found me sitting quietly at Alec’s desk chair, while Alec now sat on the edge of his bed. “Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“No, Ennis, we were just talking,” I said sweetly.
Please ignore my “just fucked” hair and the fact that I’m wearing your son’s clothes.

“Right, well, dinner is ready.” She looked at me, and then quickly winked at Alec before leaving, shutting the door behind her. I exhaled a loud breath of air and jumped up, intending to follow her out of Alec’s room.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Alec strutted over to me and placed both of his hands on my arms.

“Alec, you heard your mother, dinner is ready,” I explained, exasperated.

“Are you OK?” He was looking down at me now, and one of his hands had found its way to my cheek. His eyes bore into mine, burning with sincerity.

“Never better,” I whispered, standing on my tippy toes to kiss him. He accepted my kiss, cupping my face in his hands as he placed his lips gently on mine. The room became a blur as I leaned into him, clutching his shirt as I pulled myself closer. He pulled away, but I wasn’t finished. I looked at him crossly. He smiled and walked me to the door.

“I’ll see you downstairs, Charlotte,” he said, before he turned and walked back to his closet. I harrumphed and crossed my arms before stalking back to my room, unclaimed desire invading my brain. All of this teasing was making me crazy.

***

I’d awoken suddenly to a warm body cradling me. I slowly opened my eyes and glanced at the bedside alarm clock. It was only midnight. My legs already ached from gripping the motorcycle for so long today. I felt Alec wrap one arm around me, and I twisted around so that I was facing him.

“Hi,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

“Hi,” he said, brusquely.

“Did you really come to L.A. for closure? Were you really coming to say goodbye to me?”