The Redemption of Callie and Kayden (9 page)

considering everything?”

“No, but I’ve never been one for wise ideas,” he says. “I

believe in irrational, fleeting decisions that keep life interesting.

And life needs to be interesting because we’ve got only one of

them to live”

I smile and it almost feels real. “You are the most wise… I

mean, irrational, fleeting person I’ve ever met.”

He wraps his arms around me and embraces me in a tight

hug. I drop my clothes to the floor and hug him back. I don’t

cringe. I don’t panic. I just enjoy it. Because Seth is home. And I

hope one day Kayden will be too.

We hug for a while and then let each other go. I gather up

my clothes and head to the bathroom. “All right, let’s go get him,” I say, knowing it’s not going to be that easy.

Because reuniting with something you’ve lost rarely is,

especially when you’re not sure who exactly you’re reuniting with.

#41 Eat a lot of pancakes

Kayden

My mom came to pick me up the next morning, just like she

promised. They stopped giving me my meds so I feel drained and

piercing on the inside, like shards of glass are roaming through my

bloodstream.

“Are you ready to go home?” she asks as she enters my

room. There’s something in her tone I don’t like, a warning maybe

of what waits for me at home.

There’s an instant where I think about telling Doug what

really happened. At least I’d finally be getting it off my chest. But then I think of what that means—of what I’ll have to admit and

face. Every punch, every kick, a childhood packed with torturous

memories. I’ll have to feel it and I don’t have a knife or razor to

turn it off.

“Yeah,” I finally answer as I fold up a pair of jeans and put

them in the bag.

She looks relieved and horrified. “Good.”

She spends a few minutes chatting with the doctor near the

doorway, collecting the papers they give her with a mildly tolerant

look on her face. I gather the last of my stuff from the dresser

drawer beside my bed. My stitches are out, but there’s still some

pain when I twist my midsection, although the doctors assure me

that I’ll make a full recovery eventually and will probably be able to play football again next season.

I can’t even look that far ahead, because I have no idea what

lies before me. Felony charges? My dad? College? Callie? Maybe

nothing.

I zip my bag up and swing it over my shoulder, deciding not

to think about my future for now. All I need to focus on is getting

out the door and then my attention can go to making it to the car.

My mom and the doctors have disappeared so I head out, unsure

where I’m supposed to go.

Fate takes matters into its own hands, though. I’m halfway

across the room when fate steps into the room in the form of a

short, tiny little thing with big blue eyes and brown hair. She looks smaller than the last time I saw her. Her waist is a little thinner, and she has dark circles under her eyes like she hasn’t been sleeping

very well.

“Callie,” I say, dropping my bag to the floor.

She fidgets with her fingers, wringing them in front of her,

looking upset as she takes in the bandage on my wrist. “Hi,” she

says in her tiny voice as she meets my eyes. Her hair is pulled up

and pieces of it frame her face.

I can’t help it. I smile like a stupid idiot, but then I quickly

frown. “You shouldn’t be here.”

She sucks in a sharp breath. “Seth and Luke and I decided to

come pick you up… I thought Luke told you on the phone that we

were coming.”

“Yeah… but it still doesn’t mean you should be here.” I know

I sound harsh, but I can’t help it. I honestly didn’t really think she’d show up and now that she has… I hate letting her see me in this

kind of place.

Her eyes widen like I’ve slapped her and I feel like the

biggest douche. She takes a step toward me and I ball my hands

into fists to stop myself from touching her, running my fingers

through her hair, kissing her lips. “Luke and Seth think we should

go on a road trip.”

“A road trip?” I say in disbelief. “Right now?”

She shrugs, like she has no clue what to do or say. I opt to let

her off the hook, because she doesn’t need to be standing in a

facility staring at a guy who nearly cut himself to death and who

let his father almost beat him to death.

“Look, Callie.” I pick up my bag and swing the handle over

my shoulder. “I can’t go on a road trip with you.” I feel the

throbbing beneath the bandage and I focus on that, instead of the

glossiness in her eyes and her quivering bottom lip. “I can’t really

do anything with you right now. “ I step toward her and then inch

around to the side. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

It’s the stupidest thing that’s ever left my lips, but it needs to

be done. She deserves better than the broken piece of shit that I

am.

Callie

I’m standing outside the door to his room, fidgeting

nervously as I wait to go inside and see Kayden. His mom’s in the

room with him and I don’t want to go in until she leaves. I’m not

sure what to say or if there’s anything I can say when I get inside.

There’s no magical word that will make it easier, and it’s terrifying.

The hallway is packed with people and chatter, and the chaos

is disconcerting and adds fire to my jittery nerves. I’ve been writing for days in my journal about what I would say to him when I first

see him. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry. Thank you. The last

thought I always feel guilty about, but I can’t get it out of my head.

“You look like you’re going to throw up, Callie.” Seth’s voice

interrupts my thoughts. He’s standing across the hallway, beside

Luke, with his arms folded behind him as he eyes me worriedly.

“Do we need to get you a bucket or something?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. Besides, where would you find

a bucket?”

The corners of his lips tug upward and in three long strides

he crosses the hall and stops in front of me. “You know he’s okay,

right? He’s still Kayden, just a banged-up one who probably needs

you now more than anything.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I fold my arms over my chest and then

uncross them, unable to hold still.

He swings his arm around me and pulls me in for a hug. “Just

take deep breaths and breathe.”

I nod and suck air through my nose and let it out between

my lips just like he instructed. But as the door swings open, my

chest constricts along with my heart as Maci Owens comes walking

out. She’s dressed like she’s going to a fancy dinner and it seems

ridiculous to me. Her hair is done up in a neat bun and she has on

heavy eyeliner and lipstick. She’s wearing a navy blue dress and

black high heels. My dark feelings toward her outfit and looks may

be stemming from the fact that she’s here and doesn’t look the

least bit upset.

Her high heels click as she exits beside one of the nurses.

She has her phone in her hand and a pair of leather gloves in the

other. She passes by me and the woman who once greeted me

with a cheery smile barely acknowledges me. She’s probably still

upset about how I reacted when she tried to tell me Kayden

injured himself.

I keep my gaze fixed on her as she walks down the hall, and

then Seth nudges me with his elbow and I tear my gaze away from

her and fix it on him. “Huh?”

He nods his head at the doorway. “Quit worrying about her

and go in.”

I glance at Luke. “Maybe you should you go in first.”

He quickly shakes his head. “I think he’d rather see you first.”

I’m not sure if he’s right, but I decide to go in. I inhale

another breath in preparation and then enter the room. I’ve always

thought that hospital rooms were the most depressing rooms that

existed, but this facility is much worse. The walls are

unembellished, the floor is blemished, and the bed is made up

neatly for the next patient.

Kayden is standing in the middle of the room with a bag

over his shoulder. In my head I’d been picturing that he’d be lying

in a bed, looking helpless and scared. He’s taller than I remember

and I instantly tip my head up to meet his emerald eyes. His brown

hair is a little longer and shaggier, hanging over his ears and in his eyes and he looks like he hasn’t shaved in a while, his face scruffy.

There’s another scar on his cheek and a bandage on his wrist along

with an array of rubber bands. His body looks solid, but his

expression looks breakable and fragile.

“Callie,” he says, looking stunned and a little upset to see me.

His bag falls down his arm and hits the floor.

“Hi.” It seems like the silliest thing I could ever say, but it’s

the first word to pop into my head.

The corners of his lips start to turn up, but then it vanishes

and I question if I ever really saw it. “You shouldn’t be here,” he

says.

My heart tightens, twines into knots, binding so tightly it

begins to wilt into pieces. I don’t know what to do or say so I tell

him about my road trip. He’s not happy and suddenly he’s leaving,

walking past me with barely a glance. Then I’m alone, unable to

move or breathe. All I can think is that this is the end of it. The end to my happiness.

After standing in the middle of the room for an eternity, Seth

finally walks in. He approaches me like I’m a skittish cat and I

glance down at my nails, wondering if he thinks I’m going to

scratch him.

“Hey.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets and takes cautious

steps until he’s right in front of me. “You want to go get that

breakfast? The first set of pancakes is on me.”

I love that he doesn’t ask what happened. If I had to speak

I’d probably crumble into teeny tiny pieces that would get stuck in

the dirty cracks of the floor. I nod and he swings his arm around

me and leads me outside, holding me together.

* * *

The restaurant is crowded and filled with the voices of

people enjoying their breakfast with their families. Dishes clank in

the kitchen and the air smells like coffee and waffles. Luke came

with us, but he’s been distracted by one of the waitress behind the

counter pretty much since we walked through the door. I wonder if

he did it on purpose, to distract himself from what happened at

the clinic. Luke actually tried to chase Kayden down after he ran

out of the room, but he came back minutes later, looking upset,

but he never said what happened.

“You know what I just realized?” Seth points a syrupy fork at

me as he chews a mouthful of pancakes. “This needs to be added

to our list.”

I glance down at the barely touched stack of pancakes on

the plate in front of me. “What? Eat pancakes?”

His neck muscles move up and down as he forces the overly

large mouthful of pancakes down. “No, eat a lot of pancakes.”

I pick up the bottle of strawberry syrup that’s in the tray at

the end of the table. I press my thumb down on the handle, tip the

bottle, and douse the pancakes with red syrup. “That doesn’t seem

significant enough for the list.”

Seth stabs his fork into his pancakes as he shakes his head.

“No way. Everyone in the world should sit down and stuff

themselves with pancakes at least one time in their life.” He shoves

a bite into his mouth and then closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

“Especially ones this damn good. I swear I’m having a foodgasm.”

A laugh flees from my mouth and he opens his eyes looking

happy. It’s the first time I’ve shown a sign of life since I left the facility. “Foodgasm?” I ask.

He nods his head and swallows his food with a forceful gulp.

“The gasms of champions.”

“Champions of what?”

“Life.”

I can’t stop smiling as I shovel up a forkful of pancakes and

stuff them into my mouth. “All right, we can add it to the list and

then cross it off because we’re doing it right now.”

He grins from ear to ear, then grabs a napkin from the tin

case and dabs the syrup off his lips. His fingers circle the glass of milk in front of him and he wraps his lips around the straw and

takes a sip. He sets the glass down, wipes his mouth off with the

sleeve of his shirt, and then leans back in the booth and drapes his

arms over the back of the seat. He watches me eat with an anxious

expression on his face.

I cram my mouth with pancakes and then look up at him.

“What?”

His shoulders move up and down as he shrugs. “I was just

wondering if you wanted to talk about what happened.”

I extend my hand toward the butter in the middle of the

table beside a plate full of toast and a bowl full of jam packets.

“With Kayden?” I ask and he nods. I grab the knife and slide it

through the butter, getting a thin slice on the blade. “Nothing. I

just messed up. That’s all.”

“You looked like you were going to cry,” he says. “And

Kayden, well, he looked upset when he walked out. I mean, he

practically ran away from me when I said hi.”

I smear the butter all over the pancakes and it makes a mess

with the syrup. “I just didn’t approach him like a skittish cat. I threw the road trip idea out there way too quickly and he freaked out. At