The Regal Rules for Girls (8 page)

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE:

There are literally
hundreds and hundreds
of words that are different in the UK: A cookie is a
biscuit
; a Band-Aid is a
plaster
, a shopping cart is a shopping
trolley
, and so on. I’m not going to list them all here as you will discover these as you go along and there are plenty of books supplying entire US-UK glossaries for you to peruse. Instead, I’m going to list a few important British words that you should be careful never to use incorrectly:

LEARN:

ENJOY USING:

NOTE: When it comes to British conversation, discussing money is to be avoided (just like in the US, talk of any kind about how much things cost is considered vulgar); yet discussing the weather is highly encouraged. In America, if you want to describe someone as boring you might say, “She is the type of girl who enjoys discussing the weather.” In England, you are probably seen as a boring person if you do
not
enjoy discussing the weather.

Pronunciation

One of my favorite nail polish colors (the perfect 1950s red, perfect for toenails) is called “Edinburgundy.” Needless to say, it’s a US brand because I’m afraid the Scottish city of Edinburgh does not rhyme with Pittsburgh. The correct pronunciation is
Ed-in-burra
—to rhyme with Ventura.

But really, how are innocent Americans to know? The answer is you’re not. There are hundreds of similarly tricky words seemingly designed purely to confuse anyone not born and raised in the UK.

And so on and so on. It would truly be impossible to list them all. I’m not asking you to fake an English accent; I’m just asking you to be vigilant about correct pronunciation. Keep your ears open and listen to how native speakers pronounce things before attempting them yourself.

Your Accent

This is one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you: do
not
attempt to fake an English accent. It just sounds silly and it will
not
endear you to the Brits. I can
always
spot an American who has lived in London for less than a month yet is trying to sound as if she’s lived here her whole life. I’m telling you, not only is it glaringly obvious, it’s extremely embarrassing for everyone around you. And this is mainly due to the simple fact that a proper English accent is extremely hard to replicate correctly.

While it is correct UK English to pronounce “bath” so that it rhymes with “sloth,” most Americans tend to overdo this particular vowel sound, and more often than not, they overdo it in the wrong way. For example, Americans attempting to fake a “posh” English accent usually pronounce, “relax” so that it rhymes with “fox,” or “understand” so that it rhymes with “pond.” (Both would be incorrect. And both would sound ridiculous.)

Since words like “cancer” and “dancer” do not rhyme in the UK like they do in America, guessing which sound to use for which words can be a minefield. So unless you’re Gwyneth Paltrow or Anne Hathaway and have endless Hollywood voice coaches at your disposal,
don’t do
it
.

Instead, soften your American accent a bit—lower the volume (then lower it again). In England, speaking loudly is a sure sign of ill breeding, and in fact, the best compliment you can possibly receive from a Brit is that you “seem
quiet
for an American.”

Tone down the nasal, whiney sounds (we all have them), and work on pronouncing those pesky t’s. (It’s water; not
waa-der
. It’s tomato; not
toma-doe
.) If you do these simple things, you’ll be surprised at how many
compliments
you’ll receive on your gentle American accent. Some will call it sweet. Some will even call it sexy! Don’t try to be or sound like something you’re not; instead make the most of what you have.

R
EQUIRED
V
IEWING:

My Fair Lady

This happens to be my favorite movie of all time. It’s based on George Bernard Shaw’s play
Pygmalion
and is the story of an impoverished young girl named Eliza Doolittle (played by Audrey Hepburn) who sells flowers on the dirty streets of London. When a wealthy linguistic professor named Henry Higgins hears her piercingly crass working-class accent (sounds “like chickens cackling in barn,” he says, “I’d rather hear a choir singing flat”), he makes a bet with a friend that a few weeks of speech coaching is all it will take to pass off this “guttersnipe” as a duchess. Eliza agrees to participate in this wager, and by the end of the movie everyone at the Embassy Ball is convinced that she is of royal blood. And Henry falls in love with her of course. But the most important part is that everyone thinks she’s royal just because her accent changed, when only months ago she was a common ruffian living on the streets.