The Registry (31 page)
“He’s a good man. He was going to keep me,” Carter said. “So don’t pity me and don’t blame him; he blames himself enough. That’s why we help people like you, for my mother.”
Mia debated telling Carter about S. He’d just shared something personal; she decided it was her turn.
Before she got the chance, though, the house filled with voices. Rod and Andrew were back. Mia looked at Carter with panic. She knew Andrew was going to make a beeline for the basement. It was always the first thing he did when he got home. She could already hear him opening the door and going down the stairs. She looked at Carter for a plan, but it looked like he had none.
“Rod! Mia’s gone, she’s not down there. I checked her room, the bathroom, my room. She’s gone,” Andrew said.
Mia pushed off of Carter’s bed and ran to the stairs.
“I’m here, I’m here,” she said, still in her pajamas from the night before, wishing she had changed.
“She just came upstairs. I was showing her some drawings. I figured you two would be home soon,” Carter said. He gave a nervous laugh.
Rod looked disappointed and worried, while Andrew was wearing a look all too familiar, one of rage. He darted toward Carter.
“I gave up my
life
to protect her and you care so little for her you risk her freedom,” he said.
“Andrew, my life wasn’t in jeopardy. It’s almost dark out,” Mia said. She tried to defend Carter.
“But it’s not dark out yet,” Andrew said. “I don’t know why I bothered putting any effort into this if you can’t even follow the rules; what if someone saw you? What if someone thought it was weird the curtains were drawn during the day? Do you want that kind of attention?”
Mia stood silent and Carter was speechless as well. “Stay away from her,” Andrew said.
He looked at Carter before grabbing Mia’s arm and pulling her toward the basement.
The main goal of the Registry is to ensure the well-being of Americans. Without the system, improper, unfulfilling matches would be made.
—The Registry Guide for Girls
M
umbled words were firing out of Andrew’s mouth as he led her down the stairs. Mia didn’t care what he had to say. As soon as they rounded the bottom step Mia twisted her arm and pushed Andrew off of her. His mouth hung open as he turned back to face her.
“Don’t grab me! I’m not your property.”
She walked away toward her room.
“You are going to ruin everything. Caution is important,” Andrew said.
“That’s the second time you’ve grabbed me like that. I warned you the first time. You’re not my father, you’re not my husband, and you don’t own me.” Mia could hear her voice rising. “So stop acting like you do. I am sick and tired of you mentioning how I ruined your life. I get the point. I’m sorry it happened. Move on.”
Mia could tell she was being a bit overdramatic. Andrew was having a difficult time forming his response.
“When I agreed to help you, you became my responsibility,” he said.
“Nobody was going to see me.” Mia felt like pulling her hair out. “Are you mad I was upstairs or that I was upstairs with Carter?”
Andrew’s lips tightened. Mia thought about Rod’s comments. She didn’t know why she’d bothered asking. She knew Andrew had no feelings for her; he’d made that clear in Saint Louis. She wasn’t surprised when his face turned cold.
“Who you choose to spend your time with has nothing to do with me. Making it over the border safely requires you not being caught. Please, be more respectful in the future. If not for me, then for Rod.”
And there it was. Andrew was never going to let her see what was inside of him. He didn’t want to kiss her like Carter did. He didn’t want any affection. He’d had multiple chances to share his feelings. Mia didn’t know whether he didn’t have any for her or was just incapable of showing them, but either way was unacceptable to her.
Mimicking his blank face, Mia turned away and walked toward her room. The door was still open from Andrew’s earlier search, and she walked in and began to slide it closed.
“Are you coming up for dinner?” Andrew said.
“No,” Mia said seconds before the door closed.
Pain is your personal proof that you are fighting hard for your country. You should enjoy it and master it. War is difficult, but if you listen to your elders, hone your skills, and control your pain, you will not falter.
—The Boy’s Guide to Service
A
ndrew slammed the door to his room, sat on the bed, and put his head in his hands. He knew he’d gone too far. He never felt sorry for himself. He’d seen the near-starving creatures on his travels, remembered the young boys who fell ill and disappeared from the orphanage, had heard stories of boys who were kept secretly by their mothers only to be tossed out by irate fathers as small children. They’d known love and suffered the devastation of its loss. At least Andrew was strong, alive, and without attachments that would make him weak. Still, being here with Carter, someone who had it better than anyone he’d ever met, was a nonstop annoyance.
What the hell had Carter been thinking? Taking Mia upstairs was beyond idiotic.
Andrew started to cool down. He remembered why he had come down in the first place. He stripped off his clothes and toweled off his sweat before stepping into a pair of jeans and a fresh white tank. He wished he had more pairs of shorts. It was so hot in this area. He reminded himself to get used to it; where he was going the Midwestern snow season didn’t exist.
He walked back into the basement and noticed Mia’s door was pulled shut. He guessed she’d sealed herself in for the night. He walked up to her door and lifted his hand; he was ready to knock but he couldn’t think of what to say. Should he tell her he was sorry? Should he try to explain himself? He pictured her face, the hurt and anger obvious. Waves of guilt and shame washed over him at the thought that he’d caused her such pain.
When he had gotten home and seen she wasn’t in the basement, the worst feeling of his life had come over him. He felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. He was so sure something had happened to her and it was his fault, that he’d failed her. Now he realized that by grabbing her, he’d failed her in another way.
He debated knocking and asking her up for dinner again but wasn’t sure how to phrase it. Instead he lowered his hand and walked away. He hated how uncomfortable she made him.
Facing Carter was going to be difficult. Andrew knew his temper would flare when he saw him. Carter was a spoiled, entitled jerk. He was a lot like Andrew’s original impression of Mia. But she had changed, and Carter would have to as well if he was going to survive life on the run. Andrew swallowed and remembered he needed to change, too.
Putting on the façade of a soldier was more difficult than he’d thought, and the lessons were so tedious. Stand up straight, make constant eye contact, answer questions without thinking. It was like memorizing someone else’s life. He wondered if that was how Mia felt preparing for marriage. He shuddered at the thought; she had been trained to have no personality, but she’d proved them wrong. She was outgoing and strong, her own person.
To Andrew’s relief, when he went upstairs Carter wasn’t around. Rod was seated at the table alone with a drink in his hand. None of the food they’d picked up was present. Andrew became embarrassed. Rod had witnessed his blowup at Mia and his son. Andrew doubted he appreciated that.
“Let’s take a break from lessons tonight, sit outside and have a talk,” Rod said.
He was walking over to the back door and sliding it open before he got a response.
Andrew followed him outside. There was a large deck with a built-in table and benches. It was designed for parties. There was no grass anywhere, just the plain desert ground. The back of the neighbor’s house behind them was visible but too far away to notice any details. It wasn’t as secluded as the farms, but at least there was some space.
Andrew sat at the table with Rod, not looking forward to what was coming. He tried to make it a point to stay off people’s radar. He never handled being yelled at or told what to do well. Andrew was sure he was seconds away from receiving a stern lecture. Rod reached into a small cooler and handed Andrew a soda.
The talk Andrew dreaded never came. The two men sat in silence for a long time, just listening to the noises of the desert. At first Andrew found the sounds of the bugs comforting, but as the blue sky deepened they became maddening. He wished Rod would just get this over with. If it was his intention to create suspense, he was doing a great job.
“I didn’t hurt her,” Andrew said. “If that’s what you think, I would never hurt her.”
Rod didn’t say anything but kept staring into the distance.
“She never thinks of consequences. Everything is a game to her, and she lives in the moment. Being confined to a basement for a couple weeks is a lot better than life in a cell—and not just her life, ours. It makes me think she doesn’t care about us.”
Andrew glanced over at Rod, but again he gave no reaction. Andrew continued. “I knew the moment she asked for my help I was going to help her. Even before she blackmailed me—and in all truth it wasn’t blackmail. I could have taken her back and nothing would have happened to me. I’ve had several chances to walk away since, too, and passed those up. I am here by my own choice. Maybe I should tell her that.”
Rod sat in quiet agreement, or at least that’s how Andrew interpreted his silence.
“Telling her anything is hard, talking to her is hard. I can’t say anything important. The words just don’t come out. I end up doing something stupid or saying something mean. I don’t understand.” Andrew looked at a blank Rod. “Will you please say something?”
Rod took a sip from his drink and cracked his neck before speaking. “The way you grew up is the same way I did, thinking of women as either off-limits or inferior, and it’s a hard adjustment when one comes into your life who you can, and want to, talk with,” Rod said. “But women aren’t inferior. They are complex and treated poorly by everyone around them. You need to get that idea out of your head, and realize she is a person and not property.”
“I know that.” Andrew felt Rod was talking to him like he was stupid.
“No, you don’t. If you did you could tell her things, talk to her, and above all listen to what
she
has to say. Trust me, if you realize that too late it will haunt you forever.”
“Why does everyone think I’m interested in her that way? I’m not. My goal has always been to get a wife the traditional way.”
“By purchasing one off the Internet?” Rod asked. He laughed at the ridiculousness of his question. “That’s not your goal. It never was or you never would have helped her. It’s okay to fall in love and it’s okay to see her as an equal. Just be who you are and not who you think you should be.”
Love? Andrew scoffed at the idea. What was there to love about her? She was nosy and controlling. But she was also smart, caring, and nonjudgmental. She always did her best to make sure he was okay. She put herself out there, faced rejection, and continued on with life. She was beautiful and had a certain way of smiling with her entire face so that even her nostrils looked like they were happy. Andrew hadn’t realized it, but thinking about her made a huge smile spread across his face. Then it hit him. He did love her. He was in love with her.
“I’m not one to get too touchy-feely, but if you decide you feel something about her, you need to let her know. Because I’m not getting involved or taking sides, but my son does not share the same hang-ups as you or me. He’s been raised knowing how evil the system is and that women are just people who deserve respect and understanding. That and he’s a natural chatterbox.”
“No offense, but I’m not worried about Carter,” Andrew said. “He’s not her type.”
Andrew couldn’t picture Mia happy with someone who didn’t take anything seriously, someone who did so little with his life.
“And how do you know what her type is?”
Andrew frowned. How did he know what her type was? Maybe she liked Carter’s carefree attitude; maybe she enjoyed how loud he was. He didn’t know what to say, but his concerned face must have said enough.
“Her feelings can always change, but ones that are hurt change faster. After the way things were left tonight, I bet she’s hurting pretty bad,” Rod advised him.
“Do you know something? Are they together? Does Carter want to marry her?”
Rod about spat his drink out of his mouth. Andrew couldn’t tell whether he was choking, laughing, or both. “I don’t think Carter is the marrying type, and you’re all too young to head down that road. He says nothing’s going on, but if you’ve got something to say to her you should say it.”
Andrew nodded at Rod and leaned back into his chair. The sky was dark blue now. He assumed Mia was asleep and he didn’t want to wake her. Tomorrow would be a good time to tell her how he felt. He wouldn’t back down. He would tell her everything, how sorry he was about Saint Louis and Whitney, why he’d helped her in the first place, and why he still did. He’d even tell her about how happy he was to stay with her instead of going into service. He imagined her leaning over him again, their bodies so close and willing. This time he would reach up to her, and he would place his hand on her lower back and guide her on top of him, eager to feel her touch in return.
Beauty is an American pastime. It is important for women to maintain their physical appearance. As a female ages her beauty becomes more defined. A husband always appreciates the time and effort his wife spends on aesthetic upkeep.
—The Registry Guide for Girls
M
ia’s hair had been growing longer each day. She loved having more to play with. She was sure it didn’t look much different to anyone else, but she could tell the difference when she teased it at the crown. Playing with her hair or makeup had always been one of Mia’s favorite pastimes, but since Corinna’s visit she’d tried to avoid her old habits at all costs. She was already out of books to read, though, and needed to keep herself busy. S hadn’t sent a message today, making Mia’s day extra dull.
