THE RELUCTANT BRIDE (13 page)

“
I
wanted things to be right for us. For you. But I was wrong, wasn't I?
I should have just grabbed you. Like
he
did.”

“
It's
not like that -”

“
I
suppose you've already slept with him.”

“
No!”

“
What's
he like, Gabriella?How does he hold you? How does he kiss you? Like
this?” And Bernard's arms were round her, pulling her to him.
She felt the edge of the parapet cut into her back as he pressed
against her. His lips sought hers, ground brutally, and she tasted
salt blood as she struggled to free herself.

“
Bernard!”
She wrenched her mouth away. “Please, you're hurting me

Abruptly
he let her go, stood back. She clung to the parapet, more shaken than
she could have imagined. A shaft of moonlight pierced the clouds, lit
his face, and she saw how desolate he looked.

Poor
Bernard. So calm and sensible, so apparently lacking in ardour. And
yet, what passion hidden beneath that stolid exterior. Their cosy
undemanding relationship had been merely a figment of her
imagination. Shame that she could have so misjudged the depth of his
feelings moved her to embrace him, to tell him that it was all right,
she didn't mean it, she would marry him.

But
she couldn't do that. Even if she were not committed to marrying Rod,
she knew that marriage to Bernard now was out of the question.

“
I'm
so sorry,” she whispered. “I never realised you cared so
much.”

“
Really?
After two years?” He lifted a hand, dropped it. Shook his head.
“I can't believe you could do this, Gabriella.”

She
turned away, gazed over the quiet river. Sounds of music drifted from
the town and a car hooted somewhere, but around them nothing stirred.
“You're better off without me, Bernard. You'll find someone
else, I know you will.”

“
Yes.”

She
shivered and pulled her coat tight across her chest, knowing that
nothing she said now could make it less painful for him. “Perhaps
I'd better go,” she said.

“
Yes.”

“
I'll
get a taxi home. Goodnight, Bernard.”

“
Goodnight.”

She
turned and left him standing on the bridge.

At
home her mother was still awake and more animated than usual.

“
Your
young man phoned!”

“
Bernard?
I've just left -”

“
No,
dear. Rod. Your fiance! We had a lovely long chat.”

“
Did
he say what he wanted?”

“
Do
you know, I don't believe he did. It was just after you left, but he
did say he'd talk to you in the morning. Such a coincidence, dear,
he's a garden lover too. He even offered to take me to the Garden
Festival this summer!”

“
That
was nice of him,” said Gabriella. She would make sure that he
kept his promise.

It
was another twenty minutes before she could retreat to her own
bedroom and relax the tight rein she had kept on her emotions. She
found herself already crying as she shut the bedroom door behind her
and couldn't stop the tears. They poured down her cheeks as she
brushed her hair, trickled into her mouth as she cleaned her teeth,
and she didn't know whom she cried for more, Bernard or herself. Her
movements rough with self disgust, she scrubbed her face and dragged
off her clothes, throwing them into a corner.

She
had been so self absorbed, so bent on ensuring that no man could
pierce her defences, that she had allowed Bernard to fall in love
with her, completely failing to recognise that it had been his own
personal code of conduct, not a lack of desire, that had ruled his
actions. And now she had hurt him.

If
she could be so wrong about Bernard, how could she be sure about
anything? Or anyone? Perhaps even Rod had purer motives than she had
credited him with. On impulse she pulled on her dressing gown and
crept downstairs to the telephone. She dialled Rod's number, hoping
that he hadn't planned an early night.

The
telephone rang three times and she was about to replace it when it
was picked up. In the background she could hear a man's laughter but
the voice that greeted her was female.

“
Hello?
Anyone there? Hello?”

Slowly
Gabriella replaced the phone and mounted the stairs to her bedroom.
As she hung her dressing gown on the hook and folded and put away the
clothes she had flung to the floor, she wondered why it should have
hurt so much to hear Sue Landon's voice.

CHAPTER
SIX

As
soon as she arrived at Englands the next day she dialled Rod's
extension. “I'd like to talk to you.”

“
Darling,
I know none of us are at our best in the morning, but you could sound
a little more loving!”

“
Please,
Rod, I'm not in the mood for play-acting.”

The
teasing note left his voice. He became businesslike. “All
right, Gabriella. I've got to see Transport now but I'll be back in
half an hour. Come and see me in my office then.”

“
I'd
rather you came to mine -” she started to say but he had
already replaced his receiver. Damn him. Sue Landon would no doubt be
at her desk and Gabriella had no desire to see the girl before Rod
had explained her presence at his house the previous night.

She
heard Jenny in the outer office and went through to greet her.

“
You
look awful,” she said, examining her secretary's drawn features
and the shadows beneath her eyes. “You should have stayed
home.”

“
I'm
much better,” said Jenny. “Anyway, I was worried about
that report. I know you needed it urgently.”

“
I
told you on the phone Amanda was doing it.”

“
Yes,
but you know what Amanda's like. For someone born into the age of
computers she gives a good impression of a paralysed rabbit when you
sit her in front of one.”

Gabriella
smiled. “Actually, apart from a mini disaster at the beginning
when she nearly lost the report altogether, she coped well. She could
become quite useful when she's gained a little more confidence.
Anyway, I appreciate your coming in but it really wasn't necessary.
The report's finished and there's not much on the agenda today. Why
don't you go home and treat yourself to a day in bed?”

Jenny
shuddered. “No thanks. I can't imagine anything more boring.
Besides, I wanted to catch up on what's happening with you and Rod.
Are you really getting married?”

Gabriella
pulled a wry face. “I gather a little bird phoned you.”

“
Several.”

“
Well,
it's true. I would have told you first but you know what the
grapevine's like and everything happened so quickly. I haven't quite
taken it in myself.”

“
But
is it what you want?”

“
Oh
yes,” said Gabriella, but she avoided her secretary's searching
glance. Jenny had been with her for more than two years. Although
they saw little of each other outside the office they had become good
friends. If anyone could see through her pretence Jenny would.

“
I'm
so pleased,” the girl said. “I know you don't like to
wear your heart on your sleeve so I won't keep gushing, but I do wish
you all the best. I honestly think you and Rod will be very well
suited.”

“
My
mother said the same thing,” said Gabriella, bu she was
surprised to find sensible Jenny echoing her opinion.

“
When's
the wedding?”

“
In
six weeks.”

“
Not
long.”

“
There
didn't seem much point in waiting. With so many new projects here, we
both thought it made sense to go ahead before we get too busy.”
She hoped Jenny would accept the explanation.

Jenny
nodded. “White?”

“
Yes.
There's a lot to arrange. I may have to take some time off.”

“
Well,
you know you can rely on me to look after things here.”

“
Thanks,
Jenny.” On impulse she said, “I don't suppose you'd like
to be a bridesmaid?”

“
I'd
love it!”