The Reluctant Bride (28 page)

Welt and Buck left and Tardy settled down on the couch without taking off his clothes. Russ followed Tanzy to the kitchen. Even his inexperienced eye could see everything was cleaner, more neatly arranged. He found that comforting. Odd how things were affecting him.

“Thanks for making the men so comfortable,” Russ said.

“I grew up in a house full of men.”

“Still, it can’t have been easy.”

“I enjoyed it. My family never appreciated anything I did.”

“Maybe if you teach Welt to cook like you, they won’t desert me after you leave.”

“With all this teaching you want done, I ought to ask for double pay.”

“Then you’d be able to leave sooner.” She looked a little disconcerted by his response.

“I was just making a joke,” she said.

“Sorry. I’m not used to evenings like this.”

“Have you always been this serious?” she asked.

“No place can be entirely dull with Tim around.”

“Is he always this way?”

“No. He’s showing off for you.”

She turned away. He wondered if she was blushing, if she felt uncomfortable with compliments, if she felt uncomfortable with him.

“I just want the men to relax and be themselves.”

“They are.”

She had no idea what a difference her presence made. She brought ease and harmony rather than strain and rivalry, had enabled them to enjoy the pleasure within and concentrate less on the danger without. That was something no one had ever been able to do for him before.

“I like your men,” Tanzy said.

“They like you.”

“They’d like anybody who fed them, didn’t argue with them, and generally stayed out of their way.”

“That’s a nearly perfect description of what all men want.”

“I know. Pathetic, isn’t it? Now I have to get to bed if I’m to have breakfast ready before you ride out in the morning.”

Russ didn’t want to leave even though he could hear Tardy snoring softly on the couch, didn’t want to break the spell that had settled over the evening. Tanzy picked up the small lamp and turned toward the other end of the house.

“Will you have time to help me with my reading tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yes. Now go before the men start wondering what you’re doing here. They all know Tardy was so tired a herd of cattle could run through here and he’d never wake up.”

“They know you’re safe with me.”

He wondered if she was just a little bit disappointed she was so safe. He was beginning to feel a bit disappointed himself. He bent, kissed her lightly on the lips.

“Good night.”

He turned and left before he could see her reaction.

Chapter Eighteen

All day long Tanzy had been unable to stop thinking about what Welt had told her of Russ’s past. Everything he said, everything he did, even things he failed to do, took on a new meaning. How could Welt have thought a man so disillusioned with women would have married a stranger? Russ wasn’t rejecting Tanzy. He was rejecting all women. The two most important women in his life had brought disgrace and tragedy. With the women of Boulder Gap treating him as if he was some kind of criminal, how could he possibly want a woman in his life?

He would never get married—or, if he married just to have children, be able to have anything but the most superficial relationship with his wife—until he could believe women could be genuine, honest, trustworthy, capable of measuring up to his own high standards. More than that, he had to believe someone could love him, that he was worthy of love.

There was a great deal of love inside him. No man could feel as passionately as Russ felt about things and not be capable of great love. He also had a tremendous ability to draw men to him, to inspire loyalty. And he had great kindness. She’d never expected him to be so understanding of Tardy or to accept the challenge of turning him into a cowhand. There was simply too much that was wonderful about the man to allow him to waste himself. But she had to be very careful. It wouldn’t be easy to encourage Russ to let himself fall in love while making sure he didn’t fall in love with her.

She also had to make sure she didn’t get so soft on him that she forgot her own reasons for not marrying him. It wouldn’t be hard. He was just too good-looking, too
manly
to ignore. He could charge the atmosphere of a room just by entering it.

But the thing that had eaten away at the foundation of her determination to keep her distance from him, that had most likely been responsible for her decision to be his cook and housekeeper, was his writings. As few and short as they were, they showed a very different man from the one he allowed others to see. It was that man who fascinated her, intrigued her, caught her interest, aroused her curiosity, invited her sympathy, deserved her help. It was that man who was the
real
Russ Tibbolt, and he would never be happy until he could reveal that part of him.

He wouldn’t verbalize his thoughts, but he seemed comfortable committing them to paper. The man inside was struggling to get out, probably had been for some time. The more Russ explored himself in writing, the more he would continue to open up to others, the sooner he would become the man his creator had meant him to be.

Then maybe he would tell her why he kept kissing a woman he had no intention of marrying.

Tanzy put down the latest writing Russ had done. “You’ve been inside long enough today.”

“It sounds like you want to get rid of me so you can have the cabin to yourself,” Russ said.

“You’re wrong. I need your help.”

“I didn’t think you needed a man for anything,” Russ said, a faint twinkling in his eyes.

“Okay, I don’t really
need
you in the strictest sense.”

“I knew it.”

“But your help will make my task a lot easier.”

“A significant admission. What is this important task?”

“I want you to help me pick some berries for a pie.” Tanzy laughed at his dismayed expression. “You don’t have to pick any if it offends your masculine pride. Welt told me there are currants in the valley, but he didn’t tell me how to find them?”

“They aren’t close. You’d have to ride.”

“That’s fine, but I still don’t know the way.”

“You really want to do this?”

“Are you going to help me?”

“I guess I don’t have any choice.”

“Don’t be so gloomy. I’m looking forward to seeing this valley I’ve been hearing so much about.”

“It’s a long ride.”

“I’ll take a picnic so we don’t have to come back for lunch. I don’t want you eating all the berries.”

“Would I do that?”

“I don’t know. Actually, I don’t know much about you at all.” That took the edge off his pleasure.

“I’m sure people would be glad to tell you anything you want to know.”

“Opinion is widely divided.”

“Not if you discount Tardy.”

“What about Welt, the others? How about Archie?”

“A rebel, three ex-cons, and a clerk. Don’t you know their opinions don’t count?”

“They do to me. Now stop being argumentative and saddle me a nice, gentle horse.”

Russ’s laugh provided no comfort.

“You do have a gentle horse, don’t you?”

“I have half-wild mustangs that run free much of the year. They like to start an argument every time a man gets on their back.”

“Then you ride it first and give it a good talking to.”

Tanzy hummed as she made her preparations. She was determined that today she’d force Russ to open up about himself. He had to get over the fear that everybody he met was going to disapprove of him. If she emptied her mind of everything she’d been told, there would have been very little about Russ to take exception to. There was the feud with Stocker, of course, but she kept remembering that he’d backed off, thought of protecting Tardy before shooting Stocker, when he had a perfectly good excuse to do so. She was sure that if a feud was thrust on him, he wouldn’t back down, but she was beginning to see that feuding wasn’t a black and white issue. She realized, much to her embarrassment, that she’d been as black and white about feuds as the town had been about Russ.

She was beginning to think his lack of respect for women stemmed from the fact that he’d never met any woman who was kind enough to him to earn his respect or affection. She realized her father’s treatment of her and her mother had caused her to feel the same about men. Maybe both of them needed to have a more open mind.

“That horse doesn’t look very gentle to me,” Tanzy said when Russ introduced her to the ugly brute she was to ride.

“He was a little frisky so I took the edge off him.”

Tanzy had an idea that Russ’s notion of
frisky
wouldn’t be the same as hers. “Lead him over to the fence,” she said.

“Why?”

“So I can climb the fence and get on him from there.”

“It’ll be a lot easier if I lift you into the saddle.”

“And see my skirts flying in the wind? It would give you something to laugh about all day.”

“I wouldn’t laugh at you.”

“Maybe not, but you’d get a great deal of pleasure out of remembering it.”

“I promise not to see a thing and wipe it out of my mind if I do.”

“I begin to wonder if your reputation for untruths is entirely unwarranted.” The smile left his eyes, and she regretted her words immediately. “Not that I believe you would lie about anything important, just fudging the corners a bit to put a greenhorn like myself in her place. You can lift me if you promise to close your eyes.”

The sparkle was back in his gaze. “How am I supposed to know where to set you down? I might put you on the fence instead of the horse.”

“Stop trying to frighten me and let’s get this over with.”

“You aren’t looking forward to being in my arms?”

“I learned long ago to take the bad with the good.”

“What’s good?”

“If you manage to put me in the saddle without mortifying me, maybe I’ll tell you.”

Russ put his hands around her waist. “Take hold of your skirts. When I lift you, make sure they don’t get doubled up under you. They’ll give you a chafed bottom otherwise.”

“How do you know what chafes a woman’s bottom?”

Russ flashed a wicked grin. “If you tell me something you like about being here, maybe I’ll tell you.”

“If you keep talking, it’ll be noon before we get started. And people say women do all the chattering.”

Russ looked a bit startled, but his grin won out. “They say men either become tongue-tied around beautiful women or talk too much. I guess we know where I fall.”

“They say a woman can’t trust even a good man to be good all the time. I think I’ll keep that in mind. Now put me on that horse before he decides our proposed trip is just an elaborate hoax to disturb his peaceful morning doze.”

Russ lifted her so high her breath caught in her throat. She barely had time to get control of her skirts before he settled her in the saddle. The material was spread smoothly over her bottom.

“Are you comfortable?” Russ asked.

“I’m fine. This horse isn’t nearly as big as Papa’s mules.”

“He’s a grass-fed mustang. They’re never as big as grainfed animals, but he’s tough and can run all day.”

“I’d prefer a gentle canter.”

Russ chuckled as he settled astride his mount. “We’ll see what we can do.”

It turned out to be a magical day. Tanzy hadn’t gotten over her amazement at the sheer size of the Rocky Mountains. They looked magnificent in the sunlight, their bare peaks etched in minute detail against the clear blue sky, their flanks clothed in rich greens of ponderosa and lodgepole pines, firs, and aspen.

The valley itself stretched out nearly flat before her as though some primeval force had leveled any hills with a giant hand and smoothed the earth’s surface so the stream that flowed through it moved with a languid pace along its meandering path.

Birds fluttered among the branches of the cottonwoods and willows that clung to the edge of the creek, cooling its waters and providing shade for man and beast. Overhead a bald eagle circled lazily in the air, its huge black wings supporting it effortlessly on the thermals that rose from the valley floor. The cattle, scattered over the valley, seemed almost static as they cropped the thick grass nourished by rich volcanic soil and subterranean moisture. It was truly a mountain paradise. She could understand why Russ was determined to take any risk to defend it.