Read The Revenge Playbook Online

Authors: Allen,Rachael

The Revenge Playbook

BOOK: The Revenge Playbook
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Advance Reader's e-proof

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HarperCollins Publishers

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DEDICATION

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CONTENTS

Cover

Disclaimer

Title

Dedication

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 1

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 2

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 3

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 4

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 5

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 6

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 7

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 8

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 9

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 10

Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt

Chapter 11

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Copyright

About the Publisher

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RANBURNE PANTHER SCAVENGER HUNT

You will complete the following 14 dares—one for every game the Panther football team won last year. All dares must be photo documented in order to count. The entire team must be present for each dare even if it doesn't take the entire team to complete the dare. If and only if you complete every dare on the list, you may proceed to Catcalls in Slocomb where you can exchange the completed dare list for the Football of '76. Ask for Destiny. Should you fail to retrieve the football before Catcalls closes at 3:00 a.m., you will be walking onto the field naked at Homecoming. Good luck.

In Ranburne:

1.
  
   Fill a condom up with water. Draw a face on it. Put it on Principal Corso's doormat, and ding-dong ditch. (One person)

2.
  
   The egg-on-a-string trick. Hang an egg from a power line by a string and watch a car run into it. (Everyone)

3.
  
   Paint the David Bowie statue at Old Lady Howard's corn maze. (Everyone)

4.
  
   Chair race through Walmart. (Everyone)

5.
  
   Get a picture of the team with the Ranburne Panther. (Everyone)

6.
  
   Go to the Dawsonville football field. Find that stupid rock they touch before their games. Pee on it. (Everyone)

In Nashville:

1.
  
   Visit the illustrious Delta Tau Beta fraternity at Vanderbilt. Have a beer with Panther alum TJ McNeil and take a picture of the legendary scar he got during a game-winning play against Dawsonville. (One person)

2.
  
   Go to LP Field and reenact the “Music City Miracle.” (Everyone)

3.
  
   
Go to Centennial Park and jump in the pond behind the Parthenon. (Everyone)

4.
  
   Go to The Jackrabbit Saloon. Walk to the very middle of the dance floor and attempt to do the worm. (One person)

5.
  
   Go up to a girl who is totally out of your league, get down on your knees, and ask her to marry you. (One person)

6.
  
   Go up to a fat girl and tell her “You're so beautiful . . . for a fat chick.” Bonus points if she throws her drink on you. (One person)

7.
  
   Hug a biker. Bonus points if he has a mullet. (One person)

8.
  
   Get a girl to give you her thong. (One person)

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5:30 P.M.

MELANIE JANE

My hands grip the paper tight like it might evaporate. This is it. The Ranburne Panther Scavenger Hunt dare list. Our best and last chance at revenge.

Every kid in this town has been hearing about the hunt since before middle school, back when the idea of the high school boys doing an annual tear-up-the-town scavenger hunt seemed like the coolest thing you can imagine. Now that I am actually in high school with them, the football team has lost their heroic shine. But the hunt? It's mythical.

“I still can't believe I got her to give us the list,” says Ana.

“Do you really think we can beat them?” asks Peyton.

“I want to read it next!” squeals Liv.

“Here.” I smack the list down on the console in Ana's car where everyone can see it. “It's not going to be easy.”

It really isn't, but after weeks of planning, we are so close I can taste it. I picture us holding that precious football, Weston having to walk onto the field naked at Homecoming, and I grin.

The hunt is football players only—a rite of passage the older Varsity players put the rookies through. Unless you count Destiny, the grizzled stripper who has apparently played the part of list keeper since the beginning of time, no girl has ever held this list before. That's why it's extra important that we beat them.

“I think we have a shot.” I read over the dares one more time. “But we're going to need to plan this really carefully. I think we should go back to Ranburne. We can talk strategy on the way.”

The three of them nod in agreement.

Ana checks the clock on the dashboard. “It's five thirty. Do you think the boys have already started? I can have us in Ranburne by six o'clock, maybe sooner.”

She shakes her black hair out of her eyes so she can check for oncoming traffic before pulling out of the parking lot across from Catcalls.

I frown at the list. “Actually, you know what? Let's go to Dawsonville first. We can get the Walmart chair races out of the way and pick up all the stuff we're going to need for the rest of the dares.”

Liv points to dare number six. “Oh! And we can go to Dawsonville's football field while we're there.”

“Uh-huh.” I feel my face tighten. There is no way I am peeing in public. On camera. I can't think of anything less ladylike.

Ana grimaces as she changes lanes. “Some of those dares are really disgusting.”

“Right?” I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is freaked out over this peeing business.

“I mean, telling a girl she's pretty for a fat chick? Getting a thong? I wonder if there's any way we can modify them and still have it count.”

Yes. Modify them. Excellent idea! And let's modify the one about the peeing while we're at it.

“Some of those dares are going to be easier for us,” says Peyton. “Liv, you're out of my league. I could totally ask you to marry me. And it's going to be way easier for us to get a thong.”

“I wonder if she'd think that was cheating,” says Liv. “Maybe we should ask a boy to marry us instead of a girl.”

Ana snorts. “Yeah, but how are we supposed to find a boy wearing a thong?”

Yeah, that's not going to happen. Especially in Nashville. “Maybe instead we get a boy to wear a thong? And, like, dance around in it or something?”

The girls all start cackling.

“That I could get on board with,” says Ana. “I have a feeling Destiny would be okay with it too.”

“Hey, how did you get her to agree to this anyway?” asks Liv. “When she told us no back there, I thought we were done for. What did you say to her?”

The atmosphere in the car changes. I had been wanting to know the same thing, but wasn't sure how to ask.

“Oh, um.” Ana's knuckles tighten on the steering wheel. “I just— We understand each other, that's all. I was able to make her see why this is so important.”

Well, that was the vaguest answer in the history of the universe. None of us press her on it though. Something in her voice says not to.

“So, we still haven't figured out what to do about the fat chick one.”

Ana. Always the master of changing the subject.

The car goes quiet again. Not in an uncomfortable way. Thinking quiet. We're unable to come up with a way to put our own non-evil spin on this one, but we can figure it out later. I put the scavenger hunt locations into my phone, so I can maximize our efficiency. Luckily, everywhere we need to go in Nashville is only five to ten minutes apart.

And then Ana pulls into the Dawsonville Walmart, and I start barking orders like a drill sergeant. “Okay. Let's get the supplies first in case they kick us out after the chair races. Peyton, you get the paint. You're so innocent looking, no one would suspect you of vandalism. Does anyone mind buying condoms?”

“I can do that,” says Liv.

“Awesome. I'll get some flashlights.” I grin. “And a thong. That leaves string and eggs. Ana, can you get those?”

“Sure.”

The second the car comes to a complete stop, we scatter. Run to the entrance. Grab baskets. Like
sweeping through Walmart in every direction as part of a covert mission is something we do every day.

We need to fly through these dares because I have no idea how far ahead the boys might be. One major advantage (other than our inherent awesomeness): the boys don't know they have competition. The rookies do the hunt as one group, not competing against each other. It's supposed to enhance team unity or something. Because I guess slapping each other on the butt all the time isn't enough.

I throw four flashlights in my basket and rush to the underwear section. Granny panties, boy shorts, crazy lace contraptions. Thongs! There they are. I grab the most ridiculous one I can find, pink with lacy ruffles, and sprint to the front of the store. I hope I'm first. Not that it's a race.

Except it is. Because Ana and I burst out of the aisles at exactly the same time, and there is one and only one checkout counter open. Our eyes meet, and we both know this is a showdown, and we go for it. I slap my basket on the counter just in front of hers, and she rolls her eyes like she wasn't competing too. Victory is sweet. We laugh uncontrollably while the Walmart lady rings up our items and stares at us like we are mentally deranged.

Ana and I walk our “groceries” to the car, and Liv joins us a minute later. We have to wait a little bit for Peyton.

“Sorry,” she says. “There was one thing I had trouble finding.”

Um, I thought she was just getting paint, but whatever. We throw everything in the trunk, and then it's back inside for chair races.

“The office supplies are at the back!” yells Liv.

A few shoppers turn to watch the crazy girls run past. We each grab a rolling desk chair, and Ana turns on her video camera.

“We're going from here to the housewares aisle.” She barely gives us time to get into position before she shouts, “Ready. Set. Go!”

I kick off hard and pump my legs. Liv is my real competition. Peyton's spindly legs were not designed for chair races, but Liv's got some quads on her. Ana's more concerned about getting good footage of the race than trying to win, so I think I've got this. Housewares is coming up soon. Just a few more kicks.

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