The Right Kind of Wrong (22 page)

"And what about my father, Charlie? Did he get a say in what happened?"

Grandma starts to say something, but Charlie pats her hand. "It's okay, Elaine. I deserve that. He's right." He looks back to my father. "I was a selfish, stupid man. I was so in love that it blinded me. I can't tell you that I would've made a different decision because there's not a day that I haven't woken up still loving your mother, but I would've accepted responsibility. I would've done the right thing is what I'm trying to say."

"How do you know I'm his?"

"I didn't get pregnant until after your father left for the war. When I found out, I decided to go stay with my sister Emily during the pregnancy. She was kind and quiet and didn't ask me questions which I appreciated at the time. I stayed with her until your father came back from war."
 

"So you abandoned your brother's pregnant wife—" He points to Grandma. "And you… I can barely look at you. What you did to Dad is despicable. Did he even know the truth?"

This question sits in my stomach, laden with meaning. I'd assumed Grandpa didn't know otherwise or we wouldn't be in this situation, would we?

Grandma speaks for Charlie. "I never told Charlie that I was pregnant. He was gone before I found out. And your father. Lord, your father was the most amazing man I've ever known. He knew about you. He knew something happened before I even fessed up. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. I think he had his suspicions before he ever left. Why he trusted me here, I'll never know."

I step away from the wall and ask, "You mean he knew and didn't care?"

Grandma smiles but the corners of her lips turn downward as if it's too painful to do anything but frown. "That's why he was an exceptional man. I wouldn't say that he didn't care, but his love for Jack was enough to forgive me. He had enough love in his heart to make up for the hurt. And he spent his life making sure you two felt every bit of his love."
 

My grandmother walks over and puts a hand on my father's shoulder. "Just because Wesley isn't your biological father doesn't mean he stops being the father you knew. He believed you were his, and he loved you so much. You know that. If he were alive, he would say the same thing."

Then my father does something I've never seen him do, not even when my mother died. He breaks down sobbing. His body jerks with the intensity of the sobs and it breaks me into a million pieces.
 

Why didn't he cry this much over me? Why is he so sad over his own father but doesn't shed a tear when it comes to his own daughter?
 

It's storming when I race out the front door but I don't care. I let the rain pelt my skin, relishing in the way it stabs through my flesh like pinpricks. I'm so alive out here, drenched, wet and hurting. I'm so aware. I close my eyes and spin in the rain until I fall in the grass and let the rain splash against my face. I look towards the sky and imagine my grandfather has a direct line to me. I whisper the same thing over and over. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The rain subsides to a drizzle and I hear someone walking toward me, the wet grass squishing under their feet. I don't open my eyes. I figure it's Vince, out to save me again. Someone lies down next to me.
 

"This is really messed up, huh?" My dad.

I turn my head to look at him. "Yeah, it is."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this."

"Me?" I laugh. "I'd say it affects you a little more."

He turns his head and looks at me then. "Okay, maybe it affects us both a lot."

I don't say anything but look back towards the sky. The clouds are curdling and the sun is trying to peek through and make an appearance.
 

"What happened to us, Kara?"

"You didn't want a daughter, or did you forget that?"

"What are you talking about?"
 

I sit up and cross my legs. "Are you kidding me? Once Mom died, you were like a workaholic zombie. All you did was work. And you left me."
 

He sits up, too, and tries to put his arms around me but I jerk against his chest. "You just left me. Where were you when I needed you?"

He doesn't let go even though I'm trying to get out of his embrace. He holds me tighter. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve a father like me."

"Any kind of father would have done!" I scream, but it's muffled by my sobs. Snot runs down my nose and I don't care. I wipe it with the sleeve of my shirt. I'm delirious with all the things I've wanted to tell him and never have.
 

"I needed you, Dad. But you never cared. And then in there, with Grandma, you were crying and it made me feel like shit because not once did you ever cry like that for me."

He tries to rock me in his arms but I pull away from him. "Oh, honey. I did. I cried for you so many times, just never in front of you. Everyone told me I needed to be strong for you, so that's what I was doing. I didn't know how to take care of you the way your mother did. We never talked about it you know?"
 

I don't answer him.

"Kara, do you understand that I love you? I've always loved you, but I couldn't take care of you at the time. Your mother and I didn't think we'd ever have children and then you surprised the hell out of us. I didn't expect to raise a child, let alone raise one alone."

"You should have tried harder, asked for help. You just let Grandma and Grandpa take me, and you were off scot-free. No more kid, time to play."

"That is not the way I thought at all, Kara. It's because I loved you so much that I let your grandparents take you. I knew you deserved a better life than what I was giving you. And I think you had a pretty damn good life."

I pull away from him. I choose my words carefully. I aim right for his heart. "It's been a
great
life. A better life than you could have ever given me."

My father flinches, and the color drains from his face. His green eyes—my grandfather's same eyes—glaze over and I've hurt him. I thought it would feel better than this.
 

"You're right. I hope you know that's why I did what I had to. Not because I didn't want or love you. I did it so you could have a life I couldn't give you."

"So, I guess I should thank you?" Sarcasm oozes from my lips.
 

He smiles then but it's laced with the hurt I've inflicted. "You know, I can't believe you and that boy put this entire thing together. It's impressive."

Nice deflection, Dad. I wipe the snot with my sleeve again and I've cried so much the salt has rubbed the skin of my cheeks raw and it stings when my sleeve rubs against it. "I guess."

"You guess? I don't think so. I think you solved this thing like a Pierce."

"I don't even know what that means."

He laughs. "Think about it. Think about all the things the Pierces have gone through. We are the definition of adversity. Not always in the most admirable ways, but we persevere."

I hadn't seen it that way before. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"I know."

"Dad? What are you going to do?"

He puts his arms around me so we're side by side looking out at the endless hills and valleys around us. "I think we have some catching up to do."

"Yeah, like fifteen years worth."

"That's a lot of catching up."

"It is," I say. "Just because all of this happened though, doesn't mean everything's all okay. You've been out of my life for a long time. I can't just forgive you."

He stands up and pulls me up with him. "I know that. But I promise, I'll try to make it up to you."

I won't give into the sliver of hope he's radiating. I've been down that road before. But if Grandpa can forgive the love of his life for something so awful, maybe it's time I think about the future with my father. I could end up like Charlie, alone and pissed off at a life I missed out on.

I look up to him. "I'll hold you to that."

He pulls away from me and looks at the house where Grandma, Charlie and Vince are all huddled together looking out at us. "Guess we better get back in there. Apparently, you have some project you need to get done."

"And you need to talk to Charlie."

We walk side-by-side, father and daughter, and I wonder how long he can keep this up before he disappoints me. I look to Vince, and his smile gives me the confidence to think, maybe he won't ever disappoint me again.

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY
-N
INE

Charlie and Grandma stand next to my idling car while Dad heaves the suitcases into the trunk.
 

"You check the oil?"

I roll my eyes. "Of course."

He looks to Vince who's packing up the last of his camera equipment. "You'll take care of her, right?"

Vince smirks. "I'll do my best. She's pretty good at taking care of herself."

"That's a Pierce thing." Dad puts his hand on Vince's shoulder. "It was nice to meet you. You're a good kid. Be careful with my daughter."

"Yes, sir." Vince says and slides in the front seat to let me say my goodbyes.
 

When I turn to face my dad, we don't hug or make any physical contact. I can't do it comfortably yet. This whole 'I-want-to-be-your-dad-now' thing is surreal. Instead I say, "Uh, thanks for helping with the suitcases."

He nods. "You take care of yourself, kiddo."

"Okay."

Grandma walks up and wraps her frail arms around me. I take in the scent of lavender and vanilla and close my eyes. I spent last night tossing and turning trying to put my feelings together enough to tell my grandmother how I really feel, but they're as jumbled now as they were last night.
 

"I love you so much, Kara," she whispers. "Your grandfather would be so proud of you."

I hug her tighter. This project opened up a part of my life I never expected to find and yet—I finally believe it when she says those words. My grandfather would be damn proud of me.
 

I release her and then it's Charlie's turn. My chest tingles when his arms circle around me. He feels so much like my grandfather that for a moment, I pretend.
 

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me," he says. "You've given me things I never thought I'd have again."

"What's that?"

"Hope and forgiveness."

I smile at him warmly and kiss his cheek. "I was just following the truth."

We hit the California line and I've never been so glad to see palm trees and California license plates in my life. I stretch in my seat and roll down the windows.

"I loved going to Iowa to see your family and all—but I'm glad we're home now."

"You read my mind."

When we pull up to Vince's house, I help him get his bags out of the car. "So I'll be around your place later tonight?"

A jolt of excitement runs through me. "Yes."

He leans over and kisses me. "Great. See you then."

I drive to my apartment, exhausted. I could use a hot shower and a long nap but when I unlock my front door, a large brown envelope stares right at me. It must have been slid underneath my door while I was gone.
 

I open it and cover my mouth. My source left me the biggest piece of information I need to put together the fraud ring story. I can't believe I didn't see it before now. A slip of paper falls to my feet. A time and date. A meeting. I fold it up and put it in my pocket. I pull out my cell phone to call Roderick and then I remember there is no Roderick anymore. I quit. I fucked up my chances of running this story.
 

Actually, there's only one person who'd be able to help me with this. But I really don't want to talk to him.

And I have no choice. I pull out my phone and text Kyle.
Remember that fraud story I was telling you about?

Waiting for his response is like waiting for paint to dry.
Why are you talking to me now?

I ignore his question.
I need your help with the fraud story.
 

His response is quick this time.
Why would I help you?

I cringe thinking about his name on my story. The story I discovered. The work I've put in. But without Kyle, this thing won't see the light of day. And he already knows about it. I grimace before I send the text.
You can have half the credit.

I wait. And wait. And wait. Then it comes.
I'll be over in ten.
 

Oh shit. I didn't think he'd want to meet right now. I slide my bags into my room and change out of my scuds so I'm at least presentable. I stop.
 

What am I doing? Why do I even care what Kyle thinks? This isn't like before. This is strictly business. I see Vince's face in my head, the way he knows me without saying a word.
 

I hear the knock on the door and answer it.

Kyle stands there looking every bit as put together as always. Something different happens though. I don't get weak knees. I don't fall over myself to see what he'll do next.
 

"Well, it sure is nice to have you crawling back."
 

I laugh meanly. "Don't confuse me with one of your trampy groupies. You used me, and now it's my turn. I need you to help me with this story, and you'll want the credit when this comes to blow. Trust me."

"What's stopping me from just taking all the credit?"
 

I knew he'd ask that. "Oh, don't worry about that. You'll never get my sources. And as we both know, no source equals no story. So you can either take the deal or leave it."
 

He squints at me. "Fine. What's the news that you think will blow this thing wide open?"

I hand him the file and when he reads it, he smiles so wide, I see every single pearly white. "Holy shit!"

"I told you."

"So basically, a professor at Sacramento State is running the identity fraud ring?"

"Makes sense. Who would know how to scam the system better than a technology fiend with an advanced degree? I couldn't figure out what connected all the students together, but I guarantee when we cross reference members of the ring with students in his class, we'll have a match. The kicker? His wife is head of the criminology department, too."