The Rival (13 page)

Solanda took a deep breath.  "Without me, you would have died."

"I'm not a baby anymore," Arianna said.  "I can Shift without you."

"Yes, you can, but there's a lot more to Shape-Shifting that settling in new forms."

"What do you know of it?" Arianna said.  "You can only Shift to one form."

"And how many can you be?" Solanda asked.

The question hung between them, the moment of truth.  Solanda was breathing hard, her anger a live thing.  The lump was watching her, but leaning against Arianna.  It was impossible to tell who was protecting whom.

Arianna stared at her, chin jutting out, the birthmark a livid red against the darkness of her skin. The mark had always changed color with Arianna's moods, but it was worse here, now.

"Ari?" the lump said.

"Shush," Arianna said.  "This is between me and Solanda."

"But  — "

"Shush."

"How many?" Solanda asked.

"What does it matter to you?" Arianna asked.  "You didn't need to know before."

"I didn't know you could Shift like that before."

"Yes, you did."  Arianna spat the words out.  Solanda hadn't see the girl that angry since she was a child.  "You always said it.  When I was a baby, I Shifted all the time into all sorts of different forms.  Remember?  Did you think that changed?"

"You told me you had chosen one form.  That's natural for a Shifter.  You said you were a cat."

"Because you wanted me to be one.  Like you."

The lump's lower lip was trembling.  "Ari  — " he said again.

"Wait, Sebastian.  Let me finish."

The lump bowed his head.  Solanda glanced at him.  She hadn't seen him that animated in a long, long time.

"I wanted you to be safe.  You didn't have to be a cat."

"What about the time I Shifted to look like nurse?  You yelled at me."

Solanda smiled involuntarily at the memory.  She had yelled, and then she had laughed.  Arianna's playfulness got her into so much trouble.  Solanda had simply wanted to head off more trouble.  "Think about it," Solanda said softly.  "If a child could look like her baby-sitter, then no one would ever punish her."

"I realized later that's why you yelled at me," Arianna said.  "But what it did was made me think you wanted to control me."

"I did want to control you," Solanda said.  "You were a child.  Do you know how many times you nearly died from your Shifts?"

"More than you know."

Solanda gasped.  She hadn't thought of it.  Arianna had Shifted into other forms without Solanda's help for years.  A child shouldn't have done that. 

"It's natural," Solanda said, "for a Fey Shifter to try all sorts of forms before settling on one.  Then that one becomes the only Shift after time.  A Shifter can either do dozens imperfectly, or one perfectly."

"Was my robin imperfect?" Arianna asked. 

Solanda looked away.  Through the window, the sky was clear.  The sun was setting, and clouds the color of amber were floating over the river.

"Was it?"

"No," Solanda said.  "Except that you didn't anticipate an attack by a cat."

"By you," Arianna said.  "I knew it wasn't any old cat."

"Are you hurt?" Solanda asked, remembering finally the reason she had come up.

Sebastian raised his head.  His movements were glacial.  By the time he had turned to look at Arianna directly, she had raised the sleeve of her robe. 

Small chunks of skin were missing all along her right arm.  The wounds were superficial  —  probably from the places she had lost feathers.  One long gouge ran from her elbow to her shoulder.  A toothmark that would have been small on the bird looked large on Arianna's skin.

Solanda bent over the wounds.  "Does it hurt?"

"A little," Arianna said.  "I've had worse."  And then she let her sleeve fall back into place.

The lump took one of his hands off hers.  "Ari … what … ?"

"I'm fine," Arianna said.  "Just fine."

"You didn't know what you were doing," Solanda said.

"You didn't know it was me until too late," Arianna said.  "You chased after a flying bird, and then when you discovered it was me, you stopped."

Solanda shook her head, wondering how she was suddenly on the defensive.  "I knew it was you from the start.  Do you think I'd run into the center of town for a bird when I can catch as many as I want in the garden?"

"So I was right.  You knew that Fey boy.  You stopped me on purpose."

"Yes, I did," Solanda said.  "You didn't know what you were doing."

"I was saving my brother."

"Ari … ," the lump said.

"Sebastian, please," Arianna said.

Solanda looked at the lump.  He knew.  He knew who Gift was, and he was trying to tell Arianna.

"You don't own me," Arianna said.  "You shouldn't even control me.  You're not family.  You just have this thing in common with me.  And I hate it."

Solanda frowned.  This was all going too quickly for her.  "You hate it?  Arianna, it's what makes you special."

"No, what makes me special is being the King's daughter.  What makes me different is being so tall and so dark and so strange.  Everyone looks at me funny, and no one would even talk to me if I wasn't a princess.  They all hate me because of what I am.  And if they knew I could be anything I wanted, they'd hate me more."

"Can you be anything you want?" Solanda asked, almost afraid of the answer.

Arianna shrugged.  She had lowered her eyes, as if she were ashamed of her outburst.  Solanda wondered how long that had been building, and how come she hadn't seen it coming.  Being a teenager on Blue Isle was different than being a Fey teenager.  A Fey teenager had to cope with getting her magick and with finding her place in life.  Her magick determined that.  Solanda had skated over that part of growing up.  A Shifter knew what she was from birth.  So while the others were agonizing and learning, Solanda was moving forward, acting like an adult.

The Fey didn't care if they were liked.  They grew up in communities where they were often hated.  And they didn't have popularity contests with each other.  Some personalities worked well together and others didn't.  Some magick types worked well together, and others didn't.  Budding Charmers always offended Leaders, and attracted followers.  Always.  But once a Leader knew that the Charmer had come into his magick the antagonism went away.

"Arianna," Solanda said, "can you be anything you want?"

"Only if I practice," she said.

"Anything?"  Solanda couldn't believe that.  The magick didn't work that way.

Arianna was obviously uncomfortable with the questioning.  Her head came up and her face was flushed with anger.  "Now, obviously, I don't know that, do I?  I haven't tried to be everything."

"But have you ever failed to become something?" 

"Lots of times.  But I keep practicing until I succeed at it."

She kept practicing until she succeeded.  Solanda grabbed her chair, the fight gone out of her.  She put the chair upright and sat on it properly.  The lump watched her as if she were going to hit him.

"I'm asking you what the limitations are," Solanda said, in her best, most patient voice.

"I'm telling you I don't know," Arianna said.  "I haven't found any.  I've tried to be everything I could see.   Except my father and you, of course."

Of course.  Solanda didn't know why she and Nicholas were so obviously not a choice. 

"Magick always has limitations.  If you're not limited as to form, you're limited somewhere else."  Solanda kept her hands open in her lap.  She made certain her voice was calm.  This both distressed her and pleased her.  There were a lot of possibilities if what Arianna said was true.  A lot of possibilities and a lot of dangers.

Arianna sighed and extracted her hand from the lump's grip.  She leaned back on the bed as if she too were pretending to be calm.  But her young body was filled with tension, and her bare foot tapped nervously against the side of the bed.

"If I'm not careful, I'll lose weight," she said. "And if I try too many forms too fast, I can't change at all for about a week."

"You could be stuck in your Shape," Solanda said.  She shuddered.  Much as she loved her cat Shape, she liked being able to change it whenever she wanted.

Arianna nodded.  "It happened once.  I was ten.  Sebastian hid me until I could change back."

Solanda glanced at the lump.  He was quite a little pocket of secrets.  He was watching her, the cracks in his face showing more than usual.  Strong emotion made him look like a shattered stone.

"You were ten?" Solanda said, sure she would have had memory of this.

Arianna nodded.  "I talked to you, but I wouldn't show myself to you.  You didn't get it, even then."

Solanda didn't even remember the incident.  Arianna had been adept at fooling her from the beginning.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Solanda asked.

Arianna bit her lower lip.  "I wanted to handle it myself."

"How did you change back?"

"I kept trying and finally I was able to."

Such terror.  Solanda remembered being stuck in her cat form at the age of seven.  She had had help Shifting back, but still there was a morning of fear lodged in her memory forever.

She bit back recriminations.  Five years had passed. She couldn't do anything about it now.  "What other limitations do you have?"

"I have to get enough rest," Arianna said.  "If I don't, I'll Shift without planning to."

Like she did as a baby.  All those sleepless nights where Solanda and the nurse, and sometimes Nicholas watched Arianna, fearful that she would Shift and kill herself before anyone even noticed.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Solanda asked.  "I would have helped you."

"Helped me what?  Lose all this ability?  Deal with it better?  You taught me how to control Shifts.  That was enough."

"But when you were stuck  — " Solanda said, and then bit it back.  She hadn't meant to say that.

Arianna shrugged.  "By then, I didn't want to tell anyone."

"You told Sebastian."

Arianna leaned on her elbows.  She glanced at the lump.  He looked at her, like a puppy would look at its human companion.  "He's different," she said.  "Like me.  There's no one else like us.  We're not Islander, and we're not Fey.  And we're strange.  He's really smart, but he can't talk right and he can hardly move.  And I'm  — " Her voice lowered.  "I'm a monster."

Solanda shuddered.  The kitchen staff had called Arianna that from the moment she had been born near the hearth fire.  The staff had seen her Shift during birth, and didn't know what it was.  But Solanda thought they had stopped calling her names when they saw what a beautiful baby she was.

"Who called you that?"

Arianna shrugged.  "No one.  Everyone.  They always said it when I walked by.  And some of them held out those religious swords.  Those tiny silver ones they wear around their necks, as if it would keep me away from them."

"Did you ever tell your father?"

She shook her head.  "Just Sebastian.  He says they do that to him too.  Only they don't call him a monster.  They think he's too stupid to harm them."  Arianna glared at Solanda.  "You think he's stupid too."

"I don't," Solanda said, hoping the lie sounded convincing.

"You call him a lump."

"He is," Solanda said.

"He is not," Arianna said.  "No more than I am a monster.  We're not hideous. It's not our fault that we have parents from different races.  It's not our fault we look like this.  How come everyone blames us?"

"You think I treat you differently because of your parentage?"

"You worst of all," Arianna said.  "You call me Fey.  You teach me to act Fey.  I'm not just Fey, Solanda.  I'm Islander too.  I'm both."

"I know that," Solanda said.  She wanted to return to her cat form, to lick her paws and clean her face.  She stifled the urge.

"You don't remember it," Arianna said.  "You talk about how stupid the Islanders are or how backwards they are.  You used to call Nurse 'that woman' and you wouldn't leave me alone with her if you could help it.  And you always said Dad was pretty good, for an Islander."

"He is," Solanda said.

"But don't you know what that means?  How that sounds?  I'm like them.  I have their blood, too.  So does Sebastian."

Solanda ignored the part about Sebastian.  "Shape-Shifters treat everyone with contempt, even other Fey."

"Even each other?" Arianna asked.

Solanda shook her head.  "I never meant to speak that way of you.  You're a Shifter.  You're Fey."

"And Islander."

Solanda took a deep breath.  Much as she hated to admit it, Solanda knew Arianna was right.  "And Islander."

Arianna smiled, the first real smile Solanda had seen from her all day.  She sat up.  "All right," Arianna said.  "Now you can tell me who that Fey man was, and what he wanted with Sebastian."

The lump looked at Solanda.  Solanda thought she saw pleading in his eyes.

She closed hers.  The moment she'd been dreading had finally arrived.

FIFTEEN

Nicholas hurried up the stairs.  His long blond hair was pulled back, but he still swiped at it with his hand.  The lace fell against his wrist and made him itch.

 Nervous habits. 

The talk with Lord Stowe had left him unsettled.

And behind.  He had wanted to check on Sebastian before now. 

Over the years, he had grown to love the boy.  At first, Nicholas had been extremely disappointed with Sebastian  —  his looks, his lack of intelligence, his physical slowness.  Jewel had said that when Fey mated with non-Fey, the magick was always stronger, a counterintuitive notion that Nicholas hadn't believed then.   He had hoped for it, though.   He had hoped his son would combine the best of them.  When it became clear, a few days after Sebastian's birth, that the boy would never be more than a place-holder, a half-wit that took years to learn how to smile, Nicholas withdrew.  It wasn't until night of Arianna's birth that he looked at his son, his wailing, tearful son, and realized that the boy was more than a disappointment.  He was a living being, a being Jewel had loved, and even though he hadn't fulfilled her hopes either, she had cared for him.  Nicholas could do no less.