The River of Dancing Gods (9 page)

JACK li. CHALKER 49 Ruddygore smiled. "It doesn't need to hold anything stronger.

You still owe me, Ratzfahr. You know that..

"Yeah, yeah. Damn. Ask a little favor just one time and they never let you forget it," the demon grumped.

"One! You want the list?.

"Aw, okay, okay." Ratzfahr turned his head completely around without moving his body and looked at the other two, then swiveled back to Ruddygore. "They smell funny," the demon noted.

"So do you," the sorcerer retorted, "but I've never let that come between us..

"This is some nutty language you got us talkin', too," the demon went on. "Where'd you get these two, anyway?.

"Earth Prime," Ruddygore told him. "Where else?.

The head swiveled again. "Well, I'll be a cherub! Earth Prime! Been a long time. You figurin' on screwing up the neighborhood?.

"No, but I have need of them," Ruddygore said. "So don't you try any tricks on them, Ratzfahr. They're my guests..

"Guests." The demon chuckled evilly. "I'll bet. Still, what's your pleasure?.

Page 41 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods "Acclimatization. The works. Physical. Language. No soul, though. That stays Prime..

"Aw, for cryin' out loud!" the demon protested. "C'mon, you old windbag! That's a hell of a lot! You ask too much..

"No matter what, you must return to Hell," Ruddygore reminded the creature menacingly. "It wouldn't do for everyone down there to know the Profane Name by which you were formed!.

The demon looked genuinely shocked. "You wouldn't!.

"You bet I would! And you know it!.

The demon sighed. "All right, all right, you got me where it hurts. You sure about the soul, though? They'll stand out like magnets to them that got the Power..

"I have my reasons," the wizard told him. "Just do as instructed..

"Okay, okay. What language you want?.

"Makti, of course. Unless you'd like to give them 'the Gift of Tongues..

"You gotta be kiddin'," Ratzfahr scoffed. "You know what that would take out of me..

50 JACK L. CHALKER THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS 51 "I do, which is why I ask rather than demand. Makti it is, then..

The demon suddenly floated up two feet in the air, turned, and looked at the man and woman critically. "Yeah, I can see they need work," he commented idly.

Both Joe and Marge were tempted to return the insults, but were a little leery about saying much of anything. The demon was certainly not what either of them had expected, but Ruddygore's warning had been seriously taken.

Ratzfahr gave a low whistle. "Wow. They really have high opinions of themselves, don't they? Oh, well. Here goes nothin'! Raddis on the frabbis! Freebix on the CliveV And with those cryptic remarks he started spinning, picking up speed very fast until he was only a whirling blur of motion in the near darkness.

Suddenly from him emanated two columns of gold and silver sparkling rays that touched and then seemed to engulf the two humans' pentagrams.

They both felt a sudden falling sensation, as in a fast-descending elevator, and a tingling, like electric shock, only all over their bodies. For a moment, it was all either could do to remain standing in the pentagrams, and each had a fear of falling out and into the clutches of the demon; but while both Page 42 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods wavered a bit, they held steady.

There was sound all around, too, now: the cacophony of thousands of discordant voices shouting and competing with what seemed like ten symphony orchestras all playing nonsense and out of tune. It grew and grew inside their heads and all around them until they thought they could stand no more.

And then, quite suddenly, it was over.

Marge shook her head a little as if to clear it, and Joe let out a big "Whew!" Both looked back at Ruddy gore, who was again facing the now stationary demon.

Ruddygore said something to them, and it sounded like nonsense. Idiot syllables that hardly seemed like a language at all, but more like the magical chanting he'd done at the beginning.

They both just looked at him in confusion, and Marge, at least, worried that the demon had played some sort of nasty trick on them.

Ruddygore, however, seemed satisfied. "How's this?" he called to them. "Do you understand me now? By all means, speak up and tell me..

"Yeah, that's fine," Joe called back.

Marge said, "I thought for a minute something awful had happened..

Ruddygore nodded, mostly to himself. "Good job. Ratty.

Now, go! I banish thee back to the realm whence thou didst come! In the name of Hagoth and Morloch, I do send thee to thy world and charge thee remain until called once more! Go!.

Ruddygore paused for a moment. "A case of cigars will be sent to you. Enjoy..

"Thanks, T.R.!" the demon responded—and vanished.

"Hold up!" Ruddygore called to the two humans. "Don't go yet. He sometimes likes to pull a fast one!" With that, the sorcerer commenced a long, unintelligible chant.

Suddenly in the air very near them, the demon's voice came.

"Aw, shit!" it said, and the sense of presence vanished.

All at once, all the lights, flames, and torches in the room flared back into life. There was no sign of the demon. Still, Ruddygore completed the chant, then looked around and seemed to relax visibly. "It's all right now. Let's take a look at you!.

But they were already looking somewhat awestruck, staring at each other.

"Come!" the sorcerer invited them both. "Stop staring and walk with me back here to where the mirror is..

Both hesitantly waited until the sorcerer had walked from his pentagram and crossed the outer one before following, but that didn't keep them from rushing to the mirror once they were assured in their own minds that they were safe.

They stood there, next to each other, gaping at their own reflections as they had gaped at each other.

Page 43 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods Joe had been a big man, but now he was even larger. Six foot six, perhaps, in bare feet, and built like a man of iron, muscles rippling with every movement, his skin a smooth, metallic bronze. His face was strongly chiseled, an Indian warrior's face, rugged yet strong and handsome. A young Geronimo, perhaps, or Cochise, with a great mane of shoulderlength, jet-black hair.

Marge, too, had thought taller, but she barely came to his shoulders. Still, she was a vision of her mind—long, pure, strawberry-blond hair, enormous, deep green eyes, with an angelic face and perfectly proportioned supple, athletic, and definitely sensual body.

52 THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS Joe's voice was now a deep, rich baritone; Marge's, a strong but inviting soprano. It was Joe, after perhaps four or five minutes, who spoke first.

"Hey! We're stark naked!" he exclaimed.

Ruddygore summoned Poquah while he cleaned up his lab, and the Imir took them back to two wardrobes, one with a vast assortment for men, the other for women. The extensive clothing, in a wide range of sizes, told a little more about the land of Husaquahr. Jerkins, tights, and other fashions more at home in a medieval costume epic seemed the rule, although there were hundreds of variations, including elaborate robes, long, satiny dresses, and very ornate male and female clothing.

Everything was well made but obviously hand-done in all respects.

Poquah told them to select whatever from the wardrobes they would feel most comfortable wearing and assured them that later on they would be allowed to pick more extensively.

Right now, this was just to get them started.

Both discovered that undergarments either were not the fashion or hadn't been discovered here. Oh, there were underclothes —more or less full-body types—but they seemed to go with the fancy and uncomfortable-looking royal garb.

Marge finished first, then made her way back to the library, where Poquah had coffee, tea, and pastries waiting. "It is best to eat something, although lightly," he told her. "Your digestive system will need a little help in starting up again without your getting ill..

She accepted his advice, pouring some lightly sugared tea and nibbling on a small croissant. She looked around for a mirror, but there were only books about the place. Too bad, she thought. / still can't believe that that image in the mirror back there is really me. Still, she had to admit she felt—well, different. Lighter, more agile, more nubile and nimble, and disgustingly healthy.

Page 44 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods "Almost feel like a kid again, eh?" came Ruddygore's voice behind her, and she jumped slightly in surprise and turned to him.

"Yes, that's really it," she answered. "I don't think I've ever felt this good. And—do you read minds, too?.

"When I have to, but it took no sorcerous turns to guess your thoughts this time," the wizard responded lightly. "I as- JACK L. CHALKER 53 sume Poquah has cautioned you against overindulging for a while?.

She nodded. "That's all right. I don't really feel hungry.

Just a bit dry..

"That's natural," he assured her. "Drink anything you want, but stay away from ales and other heavy stuff until you have a few meals in you. I might warn you, too, as a matter of general principle, not to drink any water you haven't boiled, here or anywhere. Fermented stuff, boiled hot drinks, and fresh fruit juices, though, are all right..

"I'll remember," she promised. At that moment Joe entered, and she turned to look at him. She couldn't suppress a chuckle.

"Well! Look at you!.

"Look at you, too," he retorted, and seemed to mean it.

"What do you mean by thatT Ruddygore decided it was time to step in, although he was vastly amused by the reaction. "Welcome to the Rules," he told them. "Come—sit down and I'll explain what this is all about..

Poquah hastened to give Joe the same cautions he'd given Marge. Joe, though, seemed more disturbed by the exchange than by any cautions.

Marge continued to stare at him. She had hardly gotten used to the rough, burly, dark truck driver, and now here was this young, muscular—savage? No, that wasn't the right word. But Joe had gone along with the body and the image. First he'd chosen a crimson headband to keep his unaccustomed long hair in place, and beyond that a wide leather belt—perhaps four inches or more—with small bronze studs or rivets going evenly around near top and bottom. Aside from the belt, though, he'd chosen a long, thick cotton loincloth, leather sandals—and that was it.

As for Joe, this new, strangely beautiful woman didn't bother him much, either—after all, it had been probably no more than a day and a half since they'd met for the first time—but he could hardly understand why a woman wearing a pretty revealing cotton-lined leather halter and a "skirt" apparently made up of thousands of strands of individually strung red and purple beads that showed practically everything every time she moved had any right to comment on his garb.

Page 45 Chalker, Jack L - The River of the Dancing Gods Ruddygore, still wearing his golden robe, took a couple of 54 THE RIVER OF DANCING GODS JACK L. CHALKER 55 large, fat pastries and sat back down in his chair. Marge sat in a chair to his right, legs slightly crossed, and Joe sat facing them, noting that, from almost any angle, the woman might as well have nothing on at all as that "skirt," whose strands fell away to reveal all, being connected only by a slim and nearly invisible waistband.

"Your reactions to each other's choices are natural, but I can explain it," the sorcerer assured them between bites. "First of all. Marge, you're surprised that Joe chose what he did, so let's take care of that. Joe—why did you choose the sword belt, loincloth, and sandals over all the rest?.

Joe looked blankly back at them. "Why, I dunno, really... It just seemed... right, somehow..

Ruddygore nodded. "Volume 46, page 293, section 103(c)— the Books of Rules." He gestured back at the wall of red-bound volumes. "Your mental image, Joe, was, in the parlance of this world, the classical barbarian hero. Now, don't get mad at that word 'barbarian.' It's simply a word applied by a culture to anybody who obviously comes from a different one, one they feel superior to—and which may well be superior to theirs.

Get used to it..

"I kinda like it," Joe responded. "Barbarian. Yeah. That's about right. But what was all that volume and page stuff?.

"That particular section, Joe, says, 'Barbarian male heroes in southern temperate climes shall wear their hair long, nor shall they shave their beards, and will dress appropriately in sword belt, loins, and sandals.' And that's what you did. Of course, since you chose an Oriental barbarian, basically, you won't have a beard or much body hair. But, you see, that's how the Rules work. They don't order you to do something.

They just make it so you naturally want to do it..

Joe chuckled. "So that explains it. Still, it feels right. I don't mind." He had a sudden thought. "But what if I have to go where it's cold?.

"Don't worry about it. Section 103(b) covers it. You don't have to know it. You'll just do it when the time comes. You'll know. That's the most positive thing about this land, Joe. You know. And if you meet someone similarly dressed, you'll know what he is, too..