The Rivers of Zadaa (36 page)

I didn't follow. I had made a decision. I wasn't going to leave Zadaa before talking with Loor. There was a lot on my mind that I had been holding back because the time wasn't right. I didn't have that excuse anymore. As terrifying as it may have been, I wanted to tell Loor how I felt about her. There was never going to be a better time. The three of us left the flume, headed for Loor's home. When we arrived, I asked Saangi if I could have a little time alone with Loor. She didn't seem too happy about it, but she agreed.

“Then we must now say good-bye,” Saangi said.

I held out my hand to shake hers and said, “You know, you're my hero.”

Saangi grabbed me in a big hug. “Loor told me to put my faith in you,” she said. “At first I did not understand why, but I do now. You will defeat Saint Dane. I have no doubt.”

I pulled away from her and said, “Are you serious? You didn't have faith in me at first?” I tried to sound all insulted.

Saangi frowned nervously. I smiled. She looked down, embarrassed. “Will I see you again?” she asked.

“I hope,” I said.

Saangi jumped back at me, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then turned and ran away. I don't think she wanted me to see that she was crying. Loor and I watched her run off.

“You said she is your sister?” I asked.

“Not by blood,” Loor answered. “She was orphaned, like me. Osa took her in when I was young. She has always been my conscience, and my angel.”

Funny, that's the way I thought of Loor.

The two of us stepped inside Loor's home. My heart was racing. I was about to put myself out there in a way that I hadn't ever done before. I was terrified. With all that I had been through, with all that I had learned, nothing had prepared me for the most terrifying challenge of all—opening up my heart.

ZADAA

L
oor fixed us a delicious dinner of bread, fruit, and some tasty potatolike vegetable. Even though the farms hadn't started to produce, the strict control on food had been lifted. The Batu no longer feared starvation. While we ate we talked about the future of Zadaa, about how the Rokador would rebuild and be governed, and about how the Ghee warriors would protect them from marauding tribes. We talked about everything but what I wanted to talk about. Finally, when the meal was finished, I had to step up to the plate.

“I'm going to leave tomorrow,” I said.

“Do you want me to go with you?” she asked.

Oh man, did I? Of course I did. But the truth was, it was better that I learned about our next challenge before deciding which Traveler would be the best to help me.

“Of course I do,” I said. “But not right away. I think it's best if you stay here to see how things progress.”

Loor nodded. She knew I would send for her if I needed her. I had done it in the past; I wouldn't be shy about doing it again.

“Where will you go?” she asked.

“Home,” I said. “Saint Dane's comment about Courtney has me a little spooked.”

“Do you think his next target will be Second Earth?” she asked.

“I don't know,” I said. “That's what I want to find out…and to make sure Courtney's okay.”

“Ah yes, Courtney,” Loor said. “Do you love her?”

Whoa! That was direct. I no longer had to stress about finding a way to slide into the topic. Loor had taken the lead. I shouldn't have been surprised.

“Yes, I do,” I said. “Courtney is the best. I trust her the way you trust Saangi.”

“Saangi is my sister,” Loor said. “Is that the way you feel about Courtney?”

Oh man, she was really putting me on the spot—not only about revealing my feelings for her, but confronting my feelings about you, Courtney. Forgive me for writing about it here. This is the kind of thing that should be discussed in person. But as always, my goal is to document all that was happening with me. And something was definitely happening here.

“That's hard to answer,” I said. “I don't think of Courtney as my sister. But since we're so far apart, it's hard to see where a real relationship might go. I think that if I never had to leave home, Courtney and I would be together. But with all that's happened, I've changed in ways that never would have happened at home. I'm a different person than the Bobby Pendragon who would have spent the last two years on Second Earth. And I have no idea what's going to happen from here. With all that, I don't see how Courtney and I can be together, and that makes me sad.”

“It is sad,” Loor agreed. “But you speak the truth.”

“There's more,” I said. This was it. Time to step off the cliff. I had practiced a dozen different ways of saying it. I rehearsed in my head for every possibility. I needed to tell Loor exactly how I felt. But as I sat there on the floor with her, the words didn't come. She looked beautiful, like the night we had gone to the festival. There were candles burning on the table, which made her look spectacular. I loved her. I loved her strength and her compassion. I loved the way she was fiercely loyal and honest. I loved the way she looked. She was beautiful in every possible way. How could I say all that without sounding like a geek? As we sat there on the floor, in the candlelight, the answer came to me. I could say all that I wanted to say with one small gesture.

I leaned over to kiss her. It was the kiss that we almost had that night at the festival. That night wasn't the right time. Sitting there, in her home, the time felt about as right as possible. I leaned forward…

And Loor turned away. It wasn't a dramatic move, but it spoke volumes. I knew instantly. Loor didn't have the same feelings for me. It took only a few seconds for everything to change. I was crushed. I had gone from thinking I would profess my love for her and we would be together, to feeling totally rejected. We sat there quietly for a few seconds. Then I said, “Wow, this is uncomfortable.”

Loor looked about as awkward as I felt. She stared at the candle flames. I wanted to jump up and say, “Oh well, see ya!” but that wouldn't have been fair. To either of us. As badly as this was going, it had to play out. Now the ball was in her court.

“Forgive me, Pendragon,” she finally said. “My feelings for you run very deep.”

“Not deep enough, I guess.”

“That is not true,” she said. “You told me that you could not be with Courtney because you had become two different people. I am saying that we cannot be together because we are too much alike.”

“Uhh…huh?” I muttered.

“I love you, Pendragon,” she said. “I love all that you are. But love is a powerful emotion. It can cloud thinking. I know you have been wondering if I loved Bokka. I did. I do. But we were never together because of who we were. I always knew that one day, either one of us might be killed.”

I saw a tear grow in her eye. Her fear had come true.

“But it was his love for you that helped us save Zadaa,” I said. “He helped us. He helped you. If not for him, Saint Dane might have won.”

“And now he is dead!” she said, letting her emotions slip. She took a second, got her act back together, and looked me square in the eye. “We are on a mission, Pendragon. No group of people have ever been given such a monumental responsibility. We must prevail. We must stop Saint Dane. That is our quest. We are warriors. We will fight together again. We cannot allow emotions to cloud our judgment in any way. That is why I cannot be with you.”

We let that thought hang there for a good long time. It felt so…final.

Loor added, “I know that when you think about what I have said, you will agree.”

“Maybe,” I said, and gave her a small smile. “But I won't necessarily like it.”

Loor leaned over and hugged me. It was a bittersweet feeling. At least the tension was broken.

“We must enjoy our victory,” she said. “We have earned it. Tomorrow you will leave, and we will take the next path on our journey. That is the way it was meant to be.”

I wanted to ask her if things would be different once the war with Saint Dane was over, but I realized how pathetic that would sound. For one, it would make me sound needy. It would also put her on the spot, and that wouldn't be fair. But most of all, I couldn't think ahead to what life was going to be like when our mission was completed. I had no idea about how things might change.

As crushing as the whole experience was, I don't regret that it happened. I was honest with Loor, and that was good. Instead of blowing me off, she gave me a small peek into her own feelings. She wasn't the totally cold warrior she pretended to be. She cared. She cared about me. She was just better at suppressing her feelings than I was. In some odd way, I felt closer to her than before. I went to sleep that night knowing that we would be bound together forever. What that meant would be revealed in time. I closed my eyes feeling sad, yet somehow more complete.

I also had the satisfaction of knowing that our adventure on Zadaa was finished.

I was totally, absolutely wrong.

ZADAA

L
oor brought me to the flume by herself. That was cool. I wanted the chance to say good-bye without Saangi there. I chose to wear the white tunic of the Rokador, rather than my Ghee armor. It was a heck of a lot more comfortable. Besides, once I got to Second Earth, I'd be changing into local clothes anyway. Loor and I made our way past the raging water at the bottom of the restored waterfall, through the abandoned Rokador tunnels, down into the trapdoor that was marked with a star, and finally down through the cleft in the rock that led to the large cavern, and the flume.

The two of us stood near the mouth of the tunnel, not sure what to say. We had triumphed. Again. In a big way. In spite of the awkward conversation the night before, we had grown even closer. Or maybe it was because of the conversation. Zadaa was safe, and I felt as if we had tipped the balance in the battle with Saint Dane. Still, there was more to come. We knew Saint Dane wouldn't crawl into a ball and give up. There were battles ahead, but our confidence was pretty high.

“I want to see Second Earth again,” Loor said.

“You will,” I assured her. “Let's hope it'll be to sightsee.”

“Give my regards to Mark and Courtney,” she said. “And rest, if you can.”

“Yeah, like that'll happen,” I said, chuckling.

I knew we would see each other again, so this wasn't a tearful good-bye or anything. I gave her a quick hug, and was about to step into the flume when the tunnel came to life on its own. I stood next to Loor, watching curiously as the light appeared in the distance, along with the musical notes.

“That's weird,” I said.

“Could Alder be returning?” Loor asked.

I didn't know. Besides you two guys, Alder was the only Traveler who knew I was on Zadaa. Another Traveler might have decided to pay a visit, but I couldn't guess which one. The rock walls began their transformation into crystal as the light grew brighter. Loor and I took a step back from the tunnel to give the arriving Traveler some room. The sound of the musical notes filled the cavern. We shielded our eyes. A shadow appeared out of the light. The Traveler had arrived. Before the light had the chance to shrink back into the tunnel, the shadow leaped out at us. It happened so fast, there wasn't time to react. A moment later the light disappeared, and I saw who it was.

Saint Dane.

He jumped from the tunnel, directly at us, letting out a hideous, guttural scream. He had a sword. A very big sword. He held it high over his head, ready to strike. Loor pushed me out of the way. I stumbled and fell to the cavern floor. As usual Loor's first thought was to protect me. Like her mother before her, the price for saving my life…

Would be her own.

Saint Dane thrust the sword forward. Loor tried to dodge it, but wasn't fast enough. I watched in horror as Saint Dane ran his sword through her chest. I froze. My brain wouldn't accept what I was seeing. Saint Dane drove the sword through Loor. My Loor. The Traveler from Zadaa. I saw the blade come out her back, slick with blood. He drove the weapon so deep that his hands were pressed against her chest. He looked her square in the eye and said with a brutal anger that I felt to the depths of my soul, “Now die!”

He pulled the sword out just as quickly. Loor fell to the ground. For all I knew, she was already dead. Saint Dane turned to me, holding up the bloody sword. I saw the fury in his white eyes. I was next.

“You think you have won?” he seethed. “You think you have outwitted me? We haven't even begun.”

I think I was in shock. Thirty seconds before, Loor and I were talking about her visiting Second Earth. Now she lay dead at my feet. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. It all felt so impossible. But it wasn't. Loor was dead, and if I didn't snap out it, I knew I would be next.

Saint Dane was out of his mind with anger. When I think back on that moment, I realize that our victories on the other territories had pushed him to the limit. Losing Zadaa had sent him over the edge. To win this territory, he had taken off the gloves. He used less trickery. He appeared as himself. He wanted to beat us straight up. He proclaimed this to be a demonstration of his strength. I think the person he was really trying to prove something to was himself. He had failed. He was ready to declare victory in the battle for Halla, but he underestimated the Travelers. He underestimated me. Most importantly, he underestimated the character of the people of Zadaa. He called them weak, and some were, but in the end we never would have saved Zadaa without the courage and wisdom of the people themselves. Saint Dane was losing. After his failure on Zadaa, he knew it. He was like a wild cat that was backed into a corner. In other words, he was dangerous.

He stalked me with the bloody sword. I got to my feet and turned sideways, taking a defensive stance that reduced my target area. Loor's lessons were well learned. As Saint Dane stalked closer, his body transformed. He changed from his normal image into that of the Ghee warrior who had beaten me so badly. My knees went weak. History was repeating itself. The moment I dreaded was here. I was going to have to fight this guy again. Saint Dane knew how to get into my head. I had nightmares about that fight. This time there was no chance of a last-minute rescue. One of us wasn't getting out of that cavern.

I wished I had decided to wear my Ghee armor. I didn't even have a weapon. Saint Dane didn't care. This wasn't about sportsmanship. It was about revenge…and death.

This is what I trained for.

“I will give you this much credit,” Saint Dane seethed. “You are stronger than Press said. But that means nothing to me now. If killing you is meant to be, I am more than happy to be the executioner.”

He lunged at me. I ducked and rolled toward Loor's body. I had to stay focused. I couldn't think about her. I needed her weapon. While jumping back to my feet, I grabbed her wooden stave. I was now armed. I spun to face Saint Dane, who held the sword high once more.

“You have been practicing,” he said. “No matter. You are still a weak boy. I should have killed you on Denduron.”

He came at me with the sword. This time his movements were shorter, quicker. He slashed the weapon back and forth. I deflected the blows with Loor's stave. He wanted me dead. I wanted me alive. If I was going to beat him, I was going to have to use his anger against him. But I had to be smart. The last time I tried that, it backfired and I landed in the hospital. This time I would end up dead.

I ducked away from his attack and spun toward the other side of the cavern.

“It's over,” I said. “You can't outwit me. This proves it.”

“Ahhh!” he ran at me and chopped down with the sword like a lumberjack. I ducked away, but couldn't counterstrike. He was too good. He may have been making bad attacks, but he kept recovering in time to block my counters.

“Go back to whatever cave you call home,” I taunted. “You have no chance of controlling Halla. We're too strong. The people of the territories are too strong. You're in way over your head.”

“Rahhhh!” he bellowed, and unleashed another attack. I blocked two of his shots, spun, and cracked him on the back of his head, knocking him off balance. My confidence grew. I had to force myself not to think of this as revenge. I had to stay in control. I couldn't think about how he nearly beat me to death. I couldn't think about Loor. I had to be the warrior she taught me to be.

“Your bravery is impressive, but foolish,” Saint Dane said as he circled back for more. “You are not invincible. You will meet the same fate as Press, and Kasha…and Loor.”

I attacked. I faked a shot to his gut, then spun and drilled the other side of my stave for his head. He was ready for me. He didn't go for the fake and knocked my second shot aside. He followed by lashing at me with the sword. I moved quickly enough so that I wasn't sliced, but the blade smacked me in the back, stinging. I had committed the number one mistake. He had goaded me into making the first move. It nearly cost me my life. I wouldn't do it again.

“You're running out of territories, Saint Dane,” I said. “Your campaign is running out of steam. We are all over you. We know your tricks. We know how you think. And…we're the good guys.”

Saint Dane thrust his sword at me. I knocked it away, spun the stave, and hit him square on the side of his head. I heard him bellow in pain. I didn't stop. I hit him again, straight in the gut. He doubled over and dropped the sword. I wanted more. All the anger, all the frustration, all the hatred for this guy poured out of me through Loor's stave. It was payback time. I had no sympathy. I pummeled him. I hit him in the head, the knees, the gut. I gave him every bit the beating he had given me, and more. I had won, but that wasn't enough. I wanted to kill him. Yes, I'll say it. At that moment I wanted to kill him.

I had lost control. I was in a frenzy, beating him mercilessly. It was exactly what he wanted. When I was in control of my emotions, I was in command of the fight. As soon as I let my emotions take over, Saint Dane turned it around. He took the beating, backing into the far wall of the cavern. He looked as if he were ready to pass out, but he wasn't. He surprised me by ducking down, reaching into his Ghee armor and pulling out a short, three-bladed knife. It was a weapon from Eelong, the three claws of a tang beast. He lashed out with the knife, catching my forearm. I screamed, and lost control of the stave. He lashed at me again and I dropped it. It clattered to the cavern floor, out of my reach. I was about to be skewered.

Without thinking, I threw myself backward. Saint Dane slashed with the knife again, catching and slicing the front of my tunic. I did a full backward somersault. Saint Dane got his feet back under him and charged. This was it. He was coming in for the kill. He let out a roar of bloodlust. I finished the somersault and landed on my back. I saw Saint Dane charging with the tang knife held high, ready to plunge down at me. I didn't move. There was no way I could get out of the way fast enough. He was coming in full throttle and I was on my back. I had only one chance left.

Without taking my eyes off him or moving my body, I reached out and grabbed the sword that had fallen to the ground. The sword that had killed Loor. Saint Dane's eyes were locked on mine. They were on fire. He had a single-minded purpose—kill Bobby Pendragon. I felt the handle of the sword…Saint Dane lunged at me…I brought the point of the sword up and…Saint Dane impaled himself square on the blade. His eyes stayed locked on mine. I saw his look change from rage to shock. The unthinkable had happened.

I had killed Saint Dane.

His body transformed from that of the Ghee warrior back to his normal self. But the agony and shock were still there. The blood-red veins on his bald head seemed to glow. His white eyes grew dim. It was over. It was all over.

Or so I thought.

Saint Dane hung there for a moment, then his body turned to black smoke before my eyes. The dark cloud floated away from me and moved quickly to the mouth of the flume. There it grew and transformed back into solid form. Saint Dane stood there, looking totally fine. He wasn't hurt. Not even a little. Making things worse, he was strangely calm. Gone was the anger. He even had a small smile on his face. I lay on the ground, still holding the bloody sword. My brain had frozen. I couldn't move.

“I see you are capable of rage,” he said cockily. “I will remember that.”

“How could you…?” was all I could gasp.

“Didn't Press tell you how futile it would be to try and kill me?” he said with a smirk. He kept his eyes on me and shouted into the flume, “Quillan!”

The flume came to life. He was getting away. I didn't have the strength, or the will to try and stop him. Truth was, I didn't know how.

“This has been such an amusing diversion,” Saint Dane said. He was back to his old, confident self. “In spite of what you may think, Pendragon, this isn't over. I can lick my wounds and move on.” He glanced down at Loor's body and added, “The question is, can you?”

The light from the flume enveloped the demon Traveler. He took a step back and was gone. As the light disappeared, I could hear his laugh fading away.

I dropped the sword. My mind was reeling. What had just happened? One minute Saint Dane was dead, the next he wasn't. One moment he was desperately trying to kill me, the next he was back to his old self, as if his attack had all been a planned stunt. Maybe it was. Maybe this was one more way of throwing me off balance. If that was the case, he'd done a pretty good job. I had discovered that under the right conditions, I was capable of taking a life. Or maybe I was only capable of taking Saint Dane's life. But his life couldn't be taken. My head hurt.

That's when I remembered Loor. I rolled over onto my knees and crawled to her.

“Loor!” I shouted. “Loor!”

The Ghee warrior lay still. The front of her black armor was slick with blood. Lots of blood. I lifted her head. There was no sign of life. I wouldn't accept that. I couldn't. I felt her neck for a pulse. There was none. I lifted her eyelid. She stared ahead, looking at nothing. It was impossible, but true.

Loor was dead.

I was brought back to the moments when life abandoned Osa. And Kasha. And my uncle Press. I had been there for all of them, and I was there for Loor. I cried. No, I sobbed. Not Loor. Never Loor. It wasn't right. I put my hand on the wound that Saint Dane's sword had made. The wound that had spilled her blood. It was warm.