The Road Home (37 page)

I
N EACH OF OUR LIVES
there is a longing, deep rooted and unshakable. It's the longing to return to the place of our birth, the place where we grew up, the place we call home.

Regardless of where we are or what we're doing, the memory of this place of our origin can rise to the surface of our thoughts like a trout rising in a still lake when the sun has just gone down over the mountain, and then a yearning comes into our heart to return, to go back, to turn our steps toward home.

These moments can spring unbidden from the deepest recesses of our being, and when they do, we can be overwhelmed with memories, pictures, and emotions. It's as though we climb the dusty stairs into the attic of our consciousness, open the old chest filled with our past, and take out the quilt of our lives.

In the dim light we kneel in our thoughts and look at all the days we've lived, each day stitched to the one before and the one after. And though each may be different, the whole connection of those days makes a pattern that becomes clear only as we look back with eyes that now know that there is a beginning…and an end.

In this moment, we remember the road we've traveled. As we turn to look, we see our own footprints mixed with those of all who have traveled with us. Then we know that though this road goes on into a future to reach an end we cannot yet see and may even fear, it is also the road home.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY
-O
NE

The Agreement

D
IM LIGHT CREPT INTO THE ROOM
where Jenny lay sleeping. Outside the window a pine siskin sang a song of praise to the rising sun. Jenny groaned, and her eyes fluttered open. She gasped, sat up, and looked around. Then it dawned on her. She sank back down in the bed and pulled the covers around her. She was home, she was warm and toasty, and most importantly, she wasn't afraid anymore. She was safe in her bed in the room she thought she would never see again.

Slowly she took in her surroundings—the oak chest her papa had made, the chair in the corner, her mama's quilt pulled up close around her. Her mama's quilt! She sighed and stretched, and as she did, a pain shot through her shoulder and down into her leg. She raised the covers and saw the cloth splint strapped on her ankle, and then she remembered her papa carrying her out of the cave and the ride to the hospital and the doctor who had put the splint on her.

“It was just a dislocation, Mr. Springer,” the doctor had said. “But we better splint it for a week until we know it's in place to stay.”

Jenny lay back and nuzzled the quilt against her cheek. Then she noticed something different about the quilt. She lifted herself up on
one elbow and looked down. It wasn't her familiar star quilt, it was the Rose of Sharon quilt—the one her mama had wrapped her in to save her so long ago in the big storm. She looked with amazement at the beautiful quilt. The ripped and tattered corner had been repaired. Even the missing piece of batting had been replaced. The red silken petals that had been torn and frayed were restored, perfectly sewn into the beautiful rose design. And the blue silken backing and the white linen were free of every stain. The quilt was whole again!

As she stared in amazement, there was a soft knock on her door, and then her mama peeked in. Jenny felt tears form in her eyes, and she lifted her hands. Jerusha came quickly to the bedside and took Jenny into her arms. She held her daughter quietly as she softly stroked her short, curly hair. Jenny could feel her mama's heart beating, strong and sure, letting Jenny know that she was in the safest place she could be.

“Jenny, my darling girl,” Jerusha said softly as her arms held the girl close.

“Mama, I'm so sorry…I…”

Jerusha pulled back a little and placed her finger on Jenny's lips. “Hush, my dearest, there's no need. We can talk about it later. I understand now, and so does your papa. He's waiting outside.”

“Papa,” Jenny called out, and Reuben came into the room. His head was bare, and his hat was in his hands. He came to the side of the bed and looked down at his daughter with love in his eyes. She shifted her aching body and held her arms out to her
daed
. He came around and knelt beside the bed. He lifted his arms and Jenny came into them. The soft hair of his beard brushed against her face, and the familiar, beloved smells of the farm in his clothing filled her senses.

“Papa…” Jenny said. “Papa, I'm so sorry I caused you worry. I'm sorry I made you so angry with me. Please forgive me.”

Reuben's arms held her tighter for a long moment. “Well,
dochter
, I must admit I was upset when you ran away and very frightened when
you were kidnapped. But I was most upset that you would cause your mama such distress.”

“Reuben, it's not necessary…” Jerusha said.

Reuben looked at Jerusha, and Jenny saw a look pass between them. Then her papa continued.

“I was upset, as I said, but as I prayed and as we searched for you, I realized that I had been unfair with you. Your mama and I have talked, and she's shared some things with me that helped me understand.”

“But, Papa, I was—”

Reuben took Jenny's hand in his. “Let me finish, Jenny. I need to say this.”

Jenny looked at Jerusha. Her mama smiled at her and spoke. “Often it is hard for your papa to tell us what's in his heart. Now is one of those times when it is not, so we need to listen.”

Reuben smiled gratefully at his wife and then looked back at Jenny. “I didn't understand how much it meant to you to know who your birth mother and father were. And, to tell you the truth, I was afraid that if you did find them and they could offer you more than we can, you'd leave the farm forever and go to be with them. But your mama has pointed out to me that you needed to know these things because your life was incomplete in many ways. We see now that things happened to you before we found you, things that hurt you, things that should never happen to a little girl. Your mama saw it in the quilt.”

“The quilt?” Jenny asked.

Reuben looked at Jerusha and nodded. Jerusha went on. “Yes, dearest, the quilt. You know that I made that quilt for Jenna long ago. It was going to be my way to leave the Amish faith after Jenna died and your papa was gone. But then I found you in the storm and I had to choose—save the quilt or save you. I can't believe now that there was ever a moment's hesitation, but in that moment I had a real battle with my pride. I know now that God was reaching for some things deep in
me. So I wrapped you in the quilt and saved you. And then it became your quilt too. But in saving you, the quilt got ruined.”

“What does that have to do with me?” Jenny asked, looking from Reuben to Jerusha. “And why does my quilt look brand new?”

“While I was praying, I truly believe the Lord spoke to me about the quilt. I clearly heard Him say, ‘Jenny's life is like this quilt. Though it's beautiful, it's not whole. Some pieces are missing, and some stains must be washed away. I have given her to you so you can be part of that cleansing. You are a key to Jenny's happiness and wholeness.' When I asked Him what that meant, He told me.”

Jerusha looked back at Reuben and smiled. “You tell her, husband.”

Reuben held Jenny's hand and looked into her eyes. “The Lord showed your mama that when you were little, terrible things happened to you, things you didn't remember until He started showing you.”

“The dreams,” Jenny said. “He showed me in the dreams. And I saw my birth mother and the bad man who tried to hurt me.”

“Yes, Jenny, you did,” Reuben said. “I just wasn't paying attention when you told us about them. I should have listened, but sometimes I can be so pigheaded…” Reuben stopped and swallowed hard before continuing. “When those bad things happened, they hurt you inside and robbed you of your peace. And so all your life, you've been looking, searching, trying to find the answers, but until the Lord intervened, we didn't understand what you were looking for. We just thought you were energetic and high-strung and that you would get over it in time.”

“But I didn't get over it,” Jenny said, “and I caused you and Mama a lot of heartache and trouble.”

Reuben pulled Jenny into his arms again and spoke softly in her ear. “But, Jenny, you were given to us to love and protect and help. Your mother and I failed you in this way because we forgot about the miracle God performed when He gave you to us. We should have remembered every day that there was a purpose and a design in the things
God did for us, starting even before Jenna was born. The Rose of Sharon quilt was part of that. God gave us something to remind us about what happened to you, but we put it away and forgot. And so we went on living as if you were our natural-born daughter without seeing that you needed our help to become complete and whole again. The ruined quilt should have reminded us that there were places in your life that needed healing and restoration. But we were so blind.”

Reuben paused, then said, “We want to ask you to forgive us. Will you?”

Jenny looked from Reuben to Jerusha and back again. “But I'm the one who disobeyed and ran away. I'm the one who needs forgiveness.”

“Perhaps the Lord is asking us to forgive one another,” Jerusha said softly. She moved closer, and Reuben's arm drew her to them. Then they sat together in love's embrace, sharing tears and joy and forgiveness.

After a while, Reuben spoke. “I have something else to say, Jenny.”

They pulled back, and Jerusha passed around a handkerchief she had in her apron pocket. Reuben dabbed his eyes and then said, “Jenny, we want to help you find your mother.”

Jenny stared at them again, amazed at what she was hearing.

“You've already done some research that may lead us in the right direction. If it means that we have to go to New York, I'm willing to take you.”

Jenny could barely speak. Finally she said, “When I was in the cave, hiding from Jorge, I found out that I have never really trusted my life completely into God's hands. I've always tried to solve my own problems. I've always felt strong enough and smart enough to work things out on my own. But I found out that the Lord wants me to stop trying so hard and to let Him be Lord of my life.

“I believe He spoke to me as I was lying there in the darkness. He said, ‘If you will only put all of this into My hands, I will show you the truth.' There was one last moment when I wanted to fight Him and
get out of danger on my own. I tried to move, but He told me to stop and lie still. Later, Jonathan told me that if I had moved I would have slipped down and fallen a long way into the darkness. I might have been killed. Now you're saying you're going to help me do what I set out to do on my own…Surely God is showing me once again to trust Him. Thank you, Papa. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

After another moment of silence, Jenny spoke again. “Papa, what about Jonathan?”

Reuben looked uncomfortable but said, “I like Jonathan. Underneath the hippie clothing and ponytail, he's an intelligent and brave young man. He helped me to find you, and I will always be grateful to him for that. As for you and him…”

Jenny lowered her face and looked at her hands. “Papa, I love him. I can't help it, I just do.”

“I believe you,
dochter
, but I'm not sure what to do. As things stand, you can't be with him, for he's not Amish. If you must be with him, you will have to leave the church. We can't change those rules. But I can tell you that if your mother and I see that this is something that God is doing in your life, we will not stand in your way.”

“Where is he now, Papa?”

“He's staying at Bobby's house. He has been very anxious about your condition and very kind to your mother and me.”

“Mama, you met Jonathan?”

Jerusha smiled. “We met while you were in the hospital. He's very handsome. He's also a Hershberger…and therefore my kin. Yet he's not a believer. It's all very strange. I don't know what to make of all this, but somehow I sense the Lord is in it. On the other hand, I do know this—the Bible says that a person who believes in Jesus should not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever. He says that for our own protection. You must search your own heart and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit. I will support you in whatever you decide.”