The Road to Mars: A Post-Modem Novel (1999) (29 page)

“Perhaps he didn’t see you,” said Lewis as he watched the Bodyslogs trying to prise him off the side of the ship with blowtorches.

By the time they disembarked, Alex had his pants on. He had a big shit-eating grin on his face.

The cameras surged towards them. Bright lights lit up their huge smiles.

“We’re back!” said Alex. “No way you can get rid of this comedy team.”

Lewis was smiling broadly, Tay aloft on his shoulders waving at the crowd. People pressed forward to shake their hands.

“Look at her smiling,” said the LOLs.

“Oh bless her.”

Big beaming pictures of them were flashed round the
Diana
. Alex with his arm round Katy protectively. Alex impulsively hugging her. Alex making her laugh. Alex sneaking a kiss.

Keppler watched them silently on the monitor. Katy with Alex. He didn’t need subtitles.

“You coming down, Emil?” asked Brenda.

“No, you go ahead,” said Keppler.

He turned back to the screen. On camera Alex had his arm round her now, gently squeezing. Katy politely disengaged herself. She was looking around for someone.

A blond woman ran from the crowd and embraced Tay.

“Oh Tay,” she said sobbing. “Thank God. Thank God.”

The cameras moved in.

“How do you feel?” the journalists asked. “How do you feel?”

Alex stepped in front of them.

“I feel very lucky,” said Alex, beaming at Katy, “because not only did I escape with my life…”

Katy shook her head.

“Let’s not go public with this yet, Alex,” she whispered. “I need to talk to Emil first.” And when he looked suddenly sad, she said, “It’s only fair.”

“Okay,” said Alex.

The crowd fell silent as the Bodyslogs wheeled Carlton through on a gurney. He had been prised off the side and was being carted down to Electronics. Alex ran over and pulled back the blanket.

“Carlton, Carlton old buddy.”

He saw him lying there frozen.

“What’s the matter with Carlton?” said Tay. “Is he broken?”

“He’s not very well,” said Alex, turning away from the frozen robot.

“Don’t worry, Tay,” said Lewis, “they’ll probably be able to fix him.” Fat chance, he thought. His metal was all oxidized. His circuits were solid ice. There was no light in his eyes. He had never been built to withstand such prolonged exposure to the minus 273 degrees of space.

“Carlton pal, hang in there,” he said.

Alex hugged him. Right there on the gurney.

“Thank you, tin man,” he said. “You saved our lives.”

They silently watched the Bodyslogs haul him off to the workshop.

“Welcome, welcome gentles all,” said a theatrical voice behind them.

Brenda Woolley stepped forward into the bright lights, and the cameras all turned towards her. She beamed. She smiled. She was back.

“I am so glad to see you,” she said, pulling Katy into the shot, but turning her so her back was neatly to camera. “We were so anxious for your safety.
Dearest
Katy we are so happy you are alive.”

She drew her into a tight embrace.

“Emil is particularly glad,” she said through tight, smiling lips.

“Where is he?”

“Oh, you don’t know what he’s like. He hates cameras.” Brenda’s smile was icy. “But what am I saying,
of course
you know what he’s like.”

And now she turned the spotlight of her attention on Alex and Lewis. The cameras turned again to take them in.

“Ah my two
dear friends
,” she said. “These funny, funny men who have already brought their gift of mirth to my Experience.”

Alex squirmed uncomfortably. Lewis smiled grimly.

“I want you to be with me tonight,” she said “on my Refugee Experience.
Who
better to headline the story of the refugees than those who have suffered the same fate. Oh
do
say you will.”

It appeared so spontaneous she might even have just thought of it.

What could they do? What could they say?

“Headline?” said Alex.

“Well, just appear,” whispered Brenda. “Just a few moments. We could do a sketch together.”

Alex’s mind boggled. Doing comedy live with Brenda Woolley.

“Maybe I could sing, you could do comedy, and we could create a whole new refugee problem.”

Brenda looked horrified.

“Just kidding,” he said. “We’ll be there.”

“Bravo,” said Brenda, leading the crowd in moderate applause.

“And now we really have to let them go, the medics are waiting for them.”

Someone called, “One more, Brenda,” and she put her arms around her boys and they all smiled for the cameras. Somehow Katy was squeezed out of the shot.

Keppler looked down on his wife and her impromptu press conference on the deck below and felt sick. So Katy was with that comedian now. To make matters worse he suddenly spotted Josef in the crowd beneath. So
he
’s here, he thought. Perfect. He left the deck and went up to his suite and locked the door behind him.

“I don’t want to be disturbed,” he said to his manservant. “By anyone. Or anything.”

The message was conveyed to the bridge.

“The old man’s in solitary,” said Mitchell.

“Didn’t look too pleased to have his girlfriend back,” said the first officer.

They both smiled. There are no secrets on a ship.

It was indeed Josef that Keppler had seen. He was attempting to squeeze through the crowd when he glanced up and saw Keppler looking down at him. He ducked his head and moved on hurriedly, but he thought Keppler had seen him. Did it really matter? He would know soon enough they were on the ship. He couldn’t turn them in. How would he explain the arms on his ship? Not to mention the money. Keppler’s price had been extremely high. But they had met it. He seemed most anxious to have the money. No, Keppler would play along with the script even though he might not like the rewrite.

The bright lights flared up and the crowd surged forward again, carrying him with them. A little way off he saw Brenda Woolley embracing the two comedians. So they
had
got away safely, and that Wallace woman too. That
was
a problem, he thought. Somebody would have to do something about them and pretty damn quick. Thank God the watchers are here, he thought. They can take care of it. That’s what they’re good at.

He managed to extricate himself from the crowd, slipped down the companionway, and jumped onto an express people mover. In five minutes he was at the park. Surfacing, he glanced round him. The streets were deserted. Everyone was inside watching the screens as the drama unfolded. He found McTurk’s apartment crowded with about a dozen of the watchers. As he entered, McTurk rose.

“Peter,” said Josef.

“Have you seen this circus?” said McTurk.

They were watching the monitor. Brenda was holding the comedians captive in the glare of the lights. They blinked uncomfortably, trying to maintain their smiles.

“So join me in my Concert for the Refugees, in five hours, live, with my favorite comedians, Muscroft and Ashby. It’s going to be a very special Experience.”

“Jesus,” said Josef. “They’re on the show?”

“That’s not the worst of it. Look.”

An old man was standing at the edge of the screen. They could see his lips muttering.

“Katerina, Katerina,” he was saying as he tried to get through.

His path was blocked by Brenda, who deftly turned him round, so the cameras could see him.

“This, this is why we are here,” she said as tears ran down his face.

“You brought
Comus?
” said one of the watchers.

“Pavel insisted,” said Josef. “Didn’t you, Pavel?”

Pavel said nothing. Just looked pissed.

“Well, gentlemen, as you see, we haven’t very much time.”

“Shouldn’t we postpone?” asked McTurk.

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re all here. The snowball’s in place. What’s changed?”

“All this,” said McTurk, gesturing at the screen. “Brenda Woolley giving you cold feet, Peter?”

“It’s not that.”

“Are you with us?”

“Of course.”

“I think this Brenda Woolley thing can be an advantage, Peter. But first I think we need to pay a visit to our friend Emil Keppler.”

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

—
Edward De Bono

After Brenda had finished with them and they had mugged and nodded for the cameras, Alex and Lewis were turned over to the custody of the waiting medics. They were taken to the hospital, where they were probed and prodded.

“Thank you,” said Alex after reluctantly submitting to an internal probe, “that was good for me.”

“Okay. Pull up your pants. You can go,” said a severe doctor.

“So soon,” said Alex, “without even a kiss good-bye.”

Now he sat with Lewis in the waiting room, waiting for Katy and Tay to be released. Bethany, Lewis’s ex-wife, sat a few seats behind them, flipping disapprovingly through a magazine. It was a strangely familiar feeling for Lewis. To be disapproved of without quite knowing the cause. At the back of the room an old man was the only other occupant of the waiting area. He looked up in expectation each time someone came in.

“Who’s grandpa?” said Alex.

“Never seen him before,” said Lewis.

An unshaven orderly in a white lab coat came in and looked around.

“Alex Muscroft?” he said.

“Yes.”

The orderly glanced at his electronic clipboard.

“You’re with Katy Wallace, right?”

“That’s right.”

“Is she a junkie?”

“Excuse me?”

“Does she take drugs?”

“No, she does not.”

The orderly looked puzzled. “Then why? These results show—”

“Somebody pumped her full of Corazone.”

“No shit.”

“We found her whacked out of her skull on H9.”

“Oh, that’s it,” said the orderly, “her blood sugar levels are crazy.”

“You should see them when they’re excited,” said Alex.

Everyone looked at him. Alex frowned.

“Sorry,” he said. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“I gotta report this Corazone shit,” said the orderly, leaving.

They watched the large screen for a while. Brenda Woolley was singing. Alex turned the sound down and began lip-syncing in a deep baritone.

“Hello, I’m Brenda Woolley and so are my legs,” he said.

“Hey, look,” said Lewis.

“What?”

“Behind her.”

“Jesus, that’s the ship that almost creamed us.”

They could see the word
Iceman
clearly. Alex shuddered at the memory. They had passed within inches of it. The promo mixed pictures of Brenda singing with the refugees coming aboard.

“I don’t believe it,” said Alex, “there were people on it.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Look.”

They watched in disbelief the party of men disembarking.

“What the hell were they doing, taking a nap?” said Lewis.

“Maybe the ship was disabled.”

“You still carry emergency lights, emergency radar. They were switched off cold.”

“There’s something not right about that,” said Alex.

“Yeah. Whoever was on there is on here now,” said Lewis.

“Who put the bug on board?” said Alex. “Who wants us dead?”

“Ask your girlfriend.”

“You think she brought it on herself?” said Alex. “Be serious.”

“Maybe she brought it inadvertently.”

“Someone planted it on her?”

“Something like that.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know. All I do know is something very strange is going on and she is mixed up in it.”

“I’m calling Rogers,” said Alex.

“Yo,” said Kyle, his face appearing on-screen. “Wassup?”

“Yo, yoself,” said Alex. “Where’s the brains of the outfit?”

“Oh, my man the comedian? So you managed to survive. Too bad.”

“It was close,” said Alex. “Rogers around?”

“He stepped out. What you want anyway? Gonna confess you offed that girl and then blew up H9 as a diversion?”

“Yeah, something like that,” said Alex.

“Well, come on down. We ain’t got nothin’ better to do than listen to your bullshit,” said Kyle, and he gave directions. “He won’t be but a few minutes.”

“We’re on our way,” said Alex, rising.

“Where are you going?” said Bethany sharply as Lewis stood up.

“I have to see someone right away.”

“You can’t even wait for your own daughter.”

“Bethany, it’s very important. Lives are at stake.”

“Daddy!”

Tay came running out into his arms. Her mother snapped the magazine shut.

“Come along, Tay,” she said, “your father has something more important to do.”

“Aren’t you coming with us, Daddy?”

“Not right now,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Don’t be a brat,” said Bethany sharply.

“Honey, I have something very important I need to do. It won’t take long.”

“When will I see you again, Daddy?”

“Soon, Tay.”

“I want you to come with me now,” she said. “Tell him he has to come, Mommy.”

“He doesn’t listen to me, Tay.”

“Thanks,” said Lewis.

Tay broke into a loud wail. “I am not going anywhere without you,” she said.

“This is how she behaves with you?”

“Bethany, will you stop it, you’re really not helping.”

“Daddy, puhleeze. I want you to show me my room.”

She held onto his hands. Tears sprang up in the corners of her eyes.

“This is awkward for me too, Lewis,” Bethany was saying.

“But I have to go see the cops.”

“Just do something for her for once.”

“All right,” he said, relenting. “Sure. Alex you go ahead and I’ll join you.”

“You bet,” said Alex.

“Yay,” said Tay. “C’mon.” And grabbing hold of his hands, she pulled him out of the waiting room.

Alex was about to leave when Katy emerged in a medical robe.

“Oh, I
love
the outfit,” said Alex, lapsing into broad camp. “And Katy has chosen the green medical wrap that allows her delicious young derrière to butt out.”

“You ain’t kidding,” said Katy. “I daren’t turn round.”

“Oh, let it all hang out, baby,” said Alex.