The Road to Omaha (74 page)

“
Two
elevators?”

“Ees
securidad
, chu know wad I mean?”

“Security?”

“Dat’s it, gringo,” answered the man with the missing teeth, as he studied the formally dressed clerk in the cutaway. “Chu got nice clothes like I got
víspera
—dee odder day ago. Chu bring ’em back in d’morning, chu no pay so much rent. I read dat on a sign.”

“Yes, well, these are not rented, sir.”

“Chu
buy
dem?
Madre de Dios
, you gotta good chob!”

“A lovely job, sir,” said the astonished clerk, glancing over at the even more astonished manager. “Your friend went to the ‘droogy’—the drugstore, sir. It’s over there.”

“
Gracias, amigo
. Chu keep dis nice rich chob!”

“Indeed, sir,” mumbled the clerk as Desis One and Two raced across the lobby after Roman Z. “Who
are
those people?” asked the clerk, turning to the hotel manager. “That room key was for one of our better suites.”

“Witnesses?” said the appalled manager, a ray of hope in his reply. “Yes, of course, they could
only
be witnesses. It’s probably a hearing about the mentally impaired.”

“What is?”

“Never mind, they’ll be gone by the day after tomorrow.”

Upstairs in the suite Aaron Pinkus had reserved for Jennifer, Sam, and himself, the vaunted attorney was explaining the hotel of his choice. “One can usually repel curiosity by confronting it and discouraging it,” he said, “especially if you’re dealing with an institution that profits from your patronage. If I had made our requests to an unfamiliar hotel, the rumors would fly.”

“And you’re not an unknown in this city,” added Devereaux. “Can you trust the manager?”

“I would in any event; he’s a fine man. However, since all flesh has its weaknesses and the muckrakers in this town are vultures constantly in search of informational carrion, I made it plain that he was the only person who knew we were here. I felt bad doing so; it wasn’t necessary.”

“There’s ‘safe’ and there’s ‘sorry,’ Mr. Pinkus,” said Redwing, walking to a window and looking down at the street below. “We’re so close—to what I don’t know, but it frightens me. Within a matter of days my people will either be patriots or pariahs, and right now my money’s on pariahdom.”

“Jenny,” began Aaron, a muted sadness in his voice, “I didn’t wish to alarm you, but upon reflection, I think you’d never forgive me if I didn’t tell you now.”

“Tell me what?” Redwing turned away from the window, staring at Pinkus, then glancing at Sam, who shook his head conveying no knowledge of Aaron’s statement.

“I spoke with an old friend of mine this morning, a colleague from the early days, in fact, who’s now a member of the Court.”

“
Aaron
!” cried Devereaux. “You didn’t mention anything about this
afternoon
, did you?”

“Of course not. It was merely a social call. I said I had business here and perhaps we might have dinner.”

“Thank
heavens
!” said Jenny.

“He was the one who brought up this afternoon,” said Pinkus quietly.

“What?”

“
What
?”

“Not in terms of specifics, mind you, only with regards to our proposed dinner.… He said that it was quite possible he wouldn’t be able to make it for he might be hiding and under guard in the cellars of the Supreme Court.”

“
What
?”

“That’s what I said—”

“
And
?”

“He said today was one of the strangest in the annals of Supreme Court history. They’re holding a special session in chambers with plaintiffs over a case that has acrimoniously
divided the justices. None of them knows how the others will ultimately vote, but they’re determined to dispose of their initial responsibility, which is to make public a rather momentous suit against the government. They’ll do so immediately after the hearing is over.”

“
What
?” screamed Redwing. “This
afternoon
?”

“Originally, they kept it off the Court calendar for reasons of national security and the possibility of reprisals against the litigants—the Wopotamis, I presume; then, apparently, the administration demanded that news of the suit be kept secret for an extended period of time.”

“Thank heavens for
somebody
!” cried Jennifer.

“For Chief Justice Reebock,” explained Aaron, “who’s not the most likable fellow in the world, albeit quite bright. Unaccountably, and contrary to his normal disposition, Reebock went along with the White House. When the rest of the justices learned this, the majority simply revolted, including my friend. He made it clear that along with the others, even those ideologically opposed to him, the Executive had no constitutional right to impose restrictions on the Judicial.… Sometimes it all comes down to ego, doesn’t it? Forget checks and balances, ego’s the great equalizer.”

“Mr.
Pinkus
, my people will be in the streets, on the steps of the Supreme Court! They’ll be
slaughtered
!”

“Not if the general plays his cards right, my dear.”

“If there was a
wrong
card to show, he’d
show
it!” yelled Redwing. “That man is instant hate! There’s no one on earth he’s incapable of offending!”

“But
you
hold the deck,” interrupted Devereaux. “He can’t legally do a damn thing without your approval; your contract with him is binding.”

“Has that ever stopped him
before
? From all I’ve learned about your prehistoric
dinosaur
, he tramples over the international laws of behavior, his own government, the Joint Chiefs, the Catholic Church, the universal concepts of morality, and even
you
, Sam, whom he professes to love like his own son! It’s not
you
who’ll climb up on that sacrosanct bully pulpit to denounce injustice, it’ll be
him
, and to make his case he’ll nuke the whole goddamn system and turn the Wopotamis into the biggest threat this
nation has faced since Munich in ’39! He’ll be a bolt of lightning that has to be shorted out,
grounded
, before a hundred other minorities think they see how
they’ve
been screwed by a government, and there’ll be riots in the streets everywhere.… We can correct these things with time and prudence, but not
his
way, which is chaos!”

“She’s got a point, Aaron.”

“Again, a brilliant summary, my dear, but you overlook a fundamental law of nature.”

“What the hell is
that
, Mr. Pinkus?”

“Wrapped in a bagel, he can be stopped.”

“For God’s sake,
how
?”

At that moment, the door of the suite burst open, crashing against the wall as a furious Cyrus stood in the frame. But it was a different Cyrus; he was dressed in an extravagantly expensive pinstriped suit, Bally shoes, and a foulard tie. “Those sons of
bitches
got out!” he yelled. “Are they
here
?”

“You mean Roman and our two Desis?” said Sam, holding his breath. “They’ve
deserted
?”

“Hell, no, they’re like kids at Disneyland; they’ve got to explore. They’ll be back but they disobeyed orders.”

“What do you mean, Colonel?” asked Pinkus.

“Well, I went to—I went to the can and told them to stay put, and when I got out they were gone!”

“You just said they’d be back,” offered Devereaux. “So what’s the problem?”

“You want those grinder monkeys running around in the
lobby
?”

“It might be rather refreshing, actually,” said Aaron, chuckling. “Give a little life to the army of diplomats here, who walk around so rigidly you’d think they were containing severe cases of duodenal gas—forgive me, my dear.”

“Once again, no apologies are necessary, Mr. Pinkus,” said Jennifer, her gaze on the huge mercenary. “Cyrus,” she continued, “you look so—oh, I don’t know what the word is—but so … I guess,
distinguished
.”

“It’s the threads, Jenny. I haven’t worn a suit like this since forty-six relatives in Georgia got together and bought me one at the Peachtree Center when I got my doctorate. Couldn’t afford one before then and certainly not afterward.
Glad you like it; me, too. It’s courtesy of Mr. Pinkus, whose tailors jump through the eyes of needles when he sneezes.”

“Not true, my friend,” said Aaron. “They simply understand the meaning of emergency.… Isn’t our colonel a magnificent sight?”

“Awesome,” agreed Sam reluctantly.

“The Colossus of Rhodes dressed for an IBM board of directors’ meeting,” added Redwing, nodding approvingly.

“Then, perhaps, I should introduce you to your new associate at the hearing this afternoon.… May I present Judge Cornelius Oldsmobile, who will accompany you into the chambers as a visiting
amicus curiae
extraordinary, courtesy of my old friend who’s a member of the Court. He is not permitted to speak, only observe, but he will be sitting next to General Hawkins, who logically thinks he’s there as military security. At the conclusion of the hearing, should our general be determined to add inflamatory comments, ‘Judge Oldsmobile’ has assured me that there are a number of ways to prevent him from doing so, including a metabolic seizure that for one of the general’s age would mandate his immediate removal.”

“
Aaron
, you old fox!” cried Sam, leaping up from his chair.

“It pained me to even conceive of such an action, but one must consider the alternative, as the lovely Jennifer suggests.”

“
God
, I wish you were thirty years younger!” cried Redwing. “Hell, even
twenty
!”

“So do I, my child, but I’d be grateful if you never mentioned such a thought to Shirley.”

“Maybe
I
will, if Pocahontas doesn’t behave,” said Devereaux. “You know, it could have been ten, maybe fifteen miles in the storm, but I’m too modest to talk about it.”

Arnold Subagaloo wriggled his broad beam into the captain’s chair, secure in the knowledge that the tight-fitting arms would hold his body firm as he indulged in his favorite office pastime. When he raised his arm to throw his
darts, his pear-shaped frame was confined to the parameters imposed, ensuring a better aim, as there was a minimum of lower lateral movement. After all, he was an engineer par excellence, with an IQ of 785, and knew everything there was to know about everything except realpolitik, courtesy, and a diet.

He had pressed the button that pulled back the flushed curtain on the wall, revealing an enormous photographic tableau stretching from corner to corner with the enlarged faces of one hundred six men and women—
enemies
all!
Liberals
in both parties,
environmentalist
loonies who could never understand a profit and loss statement,
Feminazis
who were forever trying to emasculate God’s order of masculine superiority, and, above all, those senators and congressmen who had the temerity to tell him he
wasn’t
the President!… Well, maybe he wasn’t, actually, but who the hell did they think
thought
for the President? Every hour, every minute!

As Subagaloo began to throw his first dart, his private telephone rang, causing the sharp, pointed missile to deviate and go through an open window on the left, resulting in a loud scream from a landscaper in the Rose Garden.

“That motherfucker’s at it again! I
quit
!”

Arnold dismissed the gratuitous remark out of hand; he should have hit the man between the eyes—obviously a member of some socialist-communist union expecting two weeks’ severance pay for a lousy twenty years on the job. Unfortunately, Subagaloo could not get out of the chair; his swollen hips were unable to negotiate the tight-fitting arms. As there was no other choice, he waddled across the floor, chair and rump temporarily attached, to the incessantly ringing phone.

“Who
are
you and how did you get this
number
?” yelled the Chief of Staff.

“Easy, Arnold, it’s Reebock, and we’re on the same side on this one.”

“Oh,
Mister
Chief Justice! Are you about to give me another big problem I don’t need?”

“No, I just solved the biggest one you’ve got.”

“The
Wopotamis
?”

“They can starve to death on their stupid reservation,
who cares? I had a little barbecue at my house last night, the whole Court. Naturally, as my wine cellar is the finest in Washington, everyone got pissed to the antlers except the lady, and now she doesn’t count. We had a very American,
intellectual
conversation around the pool. Very erudite, very judicial.”

“
So
?”

“Six to three against the Wopotami savages, guaranteed. Two of our brethren wavered, but they saw the light when our nubile lady caterers took off their clothes and went for a swim. Our two would-be bleeding hearts claimed they were pushed into the pool, but the photographs don’t show that. Such injudicious behavior—the tabloids would go wild, I made that rather clear.”

“Reebock, you’re a
genius
! Not on my level, of course, but not bad, not bad at all.… But let’s keep this between ourselves, all right?”

“We speak the same language, Subagaloo. Our job is to keep the un-American deviates out of the mainstream. They’re dangerous, every
one
of them. Can you imagine where we’d all be without the income tax and those civil rights laws?”

“In heaven, Reebock, in heaven!… Remember, we never talked.”

“Why do you think I called you on this number?”

“How’d you get it?”

“I’ve got a mole in the White House.”

“
Who
, for Christ’s sake?”

“Come on, Arnold, that’s not fair.”

“I guess it isn’t, because I’ve got one in the Court.”

“
Stare decisis
, my friend.”

“What else is new?” said Arnold Subagaloo.

12:37
P.M.
The huge Trailblaze bus, leased and paid for by no one the company had ever heard of, stopped in front of the imposing entrance to the Supreme Court. The driver fell over the large circular steering wheel, anguished tears flowing from his eyes, grateful that his full load of passengers was about to depart. Miles back he had yelled,
screamed, and finally shrieked in panic that “Fire—
cooking
—is not permitted inside the bus!”