The Robber Bride (64 page)

Tony snaps to attention. The word
West
cracks across her mind: that’s the key, that’s what Zenia really wants, and how does Zenia know that West has a study, and that it’s on the third floor? She’s never seen the inside of Tony’s house. Or has she?

Tony stands up. Her legs are wobbling as if she’s just been pulled back from a crumbling cliff-edge. How nearly she was taken in, again! The whole Gerry Bull story is nothing but a huge lie, a custom-designed whopper. Anyone could have cobbled such a thing together just by reading
Jane’s Defence Weekly
and
The Washington Post
, and Zenia – knowing Tony’s weaknesses, her taste for new twists in weapons technology – must have done just that.

There is no vendetta, there is no
them
, nobody’s after Zenia but the bill collector. What she wants is to break into Tony’s castle, her armoured house, her one safe place, and extract West from it as if he were a snail. She wants him fresh and wriggling, speared on the end of her fork.

“I don’t think that will be possible,” says Tony, trying to keep her voice even. “I think I should go now.”

“You don’t believe me, do you?” says Zenia. Her face has gone still. “Well, help yourself to some righteous indignation, you little snot. You always were the most awful two-faced hypocrite, Tony. A smug dog-in-the-manger prune-faced little shit with megalomaniac pretensions. You think you have some kind of an adventurous mind, but spare me! At heart you’re a coward, you hole yourself up in that bourgeois playpen of yours with your warped little battle-scars collection, you sit on poor West as if he’s your very own fresh-laid fucking egg! I bet he’s bored out of his skull, with nobody but you to stick his boring dick into! Jesus, it must be like fucking a gerbil!”

Zenia’s suave velvet cloak has dropped away; underneath is raw brutality. This is what a fist sounds like just as it smashes. Tony stands in the middle of the room, her mouth opening and closing. No sound comes out. The glass walls are closing in on her. Wildly she thinks about the gun in her purse, useless, useless: Zenia is right, she could never pull the trigger. All her wars are hypothetical. She’s incapable of real action.

But Zenia’s expression is changing now, from angry to cunning. “You know, I’ve still got that term paper, the one you forged. The Russian slave trade, wasn’t it? Sounds like your brand of displaced sadism, all those paper dead bodies. You’re an armchair necrophiliac, you know that? You should try a real dead body some time! Maybe I’ll just pop that paper in the mail, send it to your precious History Department, stir up some shit for you, a tiny scandal! I’d like that! What price academic integrity?”

Tony feels the blunt objects whizzing past her head, the ground dissolving under her feet. The History Department would be pleased, it would be more than happy to discredit and disbar. She has colleagues but no allies. Ruin looms. Zenia is pure freewheeling malevolence; she wants wreckage, she wants scorched earth, she wants broken glass. Tony makes an effort to step back from the
situation, to view it as if it’s something that happened long ago; as if she and Zenia are merely two small figures on a crumbling tapestry. But maybe this is what history is, when it’s really taking place: enraged people yelling at one another.

Forget the ceremony. Forget the dignity. Turn tail.

Tony walks unsteadily towards the door. “Goodbye,” she says, as firmly as she can; but her voice, to her own ears, sounds like a squeak. She has a moment of panic with the lock. As she scuttles out she expects to hear a feral growling, the thud of a heavy body against the door. But there’s nothing.

She goes down in the elevator with the odd sensation that she’s going up, and meanders across the lobby as if drunk, bumping into the leather furniture. There’s a bunch of men checking in at the front desk. Overcoats, briefcases, must be a convention. In front of her looms the dried flower arrangement. She reaches out, watching her left hand reaching, she breaks off a stem. Something dyed purple. She makes for the doors, but finds herself at the wrong set, the ones facing the patio and the fountain. This is not the way out. She’s disoriented, turned around in space: the visual world looks jumbled. She likes to have things clearly sorted in her head, but they are far from sorted.

She stuffs her filched sprig into her tote bag and aims for the front door, and wavers through it, and is finally outside, breathing in the cold air. There was so much smoke up there. She shakes her head, trying to clear it. It’s as if she’s been asleep.

52

T
his is not how Tony tells it to Roz and Charis, exactly. She leaves out the part about the term paper, although she conscientiously includes all the other bad things Zenia said about her. She includes the gun, which has a certain serious weight, but leaves out the cordless drill, which does not. She includes her own ignominious retreat. At the end of her account she produces the purple branch, as evidence.

“I must have been a little crazy,” she says. “To think I could actually kill her.”

“Not so crazy,” says Roz. “To
want
to kill her, anyway. She does that to people. You were lucky to get out of there with both eyes, is what I think.”

Yes, thinks Tony, checking herself over. No obvious parts missing.

“Is the gun still in your purse?” Charis asks anxiously. She wouldn’t want such a dangerous object colliding with her aura.

“No,” says Tony. “I went home after that, I put it back.”

“Good plan,” says Roz. “Now you go, Charis. I’ll be last.”

Charis hesitates. “I don’t know whether I should tell all of it,” she says.

“Why not?” says Roz. “Tony did. I’m going to. Come on, we have no secrets!”

“Well,” says Charis, “there’s something in it you won’t like.”

“Heck, I probably won’t like
any
of it,” says Roz jovially. Her voice is a little too loud. Charis is reminded of the earlier Roz, the one who used to draw lipstick faces on her stomach and do the bump-and-grind, in the Common Room at McClung Hall. Maybe Roz is getting overexcited.

“It’s about Larry,” says Charis unhappily.

Roz sobers up immediately. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she says. “I’m a big girl.”

“Nobody is,” says Charis. “Not really.” She takes a deep breath.

After Zenia turned up at the Toxique that day, Charis spent about a week wondering what she should do. Or rather she knew what she should do, but she didn’t know how to go about doing it. Also she needed to fortify herself spiritually, because an encounter with Zenia would be no casual thing.

What she foresaw was the two of them locked in a stand-off. Zenia would be shooting out blood-red sparks of energy; her black hair would be crackling like burning fat, her eyeballs would be cerise, lit up from within like a cat’s in headlights. Charis on the other hand would be cool, upright, surrounded by a gentle glow. Around her would be drawn a circle of white chalk, to keep the evil vibrations at bay. She would raise her arms upwards, invoking the sky, and out of her would come a voice like tinkling bells:
What have you done with Billy?

And Zenia, writhing and twisting and resisting, but mastered by the superiority of Charis’s positive force-field, would be compelled to tell.

Charis was not yet strong enough for this trial of strength. All by herself she might never be. She would have to borrow some weapons from her friends. No, not weapons; merely armour, because she did not see herself attacking. She didn’t want to hurt Zenia, did she? She just wanted Zenia to return stolen property: Charis’s life, the part with Billy in it. She wanted what was rightfully hers. That was all.

She went through some of the cardboard boxes in the small room upstairs, once a storeroom, then Zenia’s room, then August’s nursery and playroom, now a spare room, for guests if any. It was still August’s room really; that was where she stayed on weekend visits. In the boxes were a bunch of things Charis never used and had been meaning to recycle. She found a Christmas present from Roz – a horrifying pair of gloves, leather ones with real fur cuffs, dead animal skin, she could never wear those. From Tony she found a book, a book written by Tony herself:
Four Lost Causes
. It was all about war and killing, septic topics, and Charis has never been able to get into it.

She took the book and the gloves downstairs and put them on the small table under the main window in the living room – where the sunlight would shine in on them and dispel their shadow sides – and set her amethyst geode beside them, and surrounded them with dried marigold petals. To this arrangement she added, after some thought, her grandmother’s Bible, always a potent object, and a lump of earth from her garden. She meditated on this collection for twenty minutes twice a day.

What she wanted was to absorb the positive aspects of her friends, the things that were missing in herself. From Tony she wanted her mental clarity, from Roz her high-decibel metabolism and her planning abilities. And her smart mouth, because then if Zenia started insulting Charis she would be able to think up something really
neutralizing to say back. From the garden earth she wanted underground power. From the Bible, what? Her grandmother’s presence alone would do; her hands, her blue healing light. The marigold petals and the amethyst geode were to contain these various energies, and to channel them. What she had in mind was something concentrated, like a laser beam.

At work, Shanita notices that Charis is more absent-minded than usual. “Something bothering you?” she says.

“Well, sort of,” says Charis.

“You want to do the cards?”

They are busy designing the interior for the new store. Or rather Shanita is designing it, and Charis is admiring the results. In the window there will be a large banner made of brown paper with the store name done on it in crayon, “like kids’ writing,” says Shanita:
Scrimpers
. At either end of the banner will be an enormous bow, also of brown paper, with packing-twine streamers coming out of it. “The idea is, everything needs to look totally basic,” says Shanita. “Sort of homemade. You know, affordable.” She’s going to sell the hand-rubbed maple display cabinets and have different ones made out of raw boards, with the nails showing. The orange-crate look, she calls it. “We can keep some of the rocks and herbal goop, but we’ll put that stuff at the back, not in the window. Luxury is not our middle name.” Shanita is busy ordering fresh stock items: little kits for making seedling-transplanting pots out of recycled newspaper, other kits for pasting together your own Christmas cards out of cut-up magazines, and yet other card kits involving pressed flowers and shrink wrap that you do with a hair dryer. Kitchen-waste corn-posters with organic wooden lids are an item; also, needlepoint kits for cushion covers, with eighteenth-century flowers on them, a fortune if you buy them already made. Also coffee grinders that work by hand, beautiful wooden ones with a drawer for the ground
coffee. Minor electrical kitchen items, says Shanita, are no longer the rage. Elbow grease is back.

“What we need is stuff that makes stuff you’d otherwise have to pay a lot more for,” says Shanita. “Saving, is our theme. God, I know this junk backwards, been doing it all my life. Thing is, nobody ever told me what you can make out of a million rubber bands.”

She’s decided to change their outfits, too: instead of the flowered pastels they’ll be wearing canvas carpenter’s aprons, in beige, and square caps made of folded brown paper. A pencil stuck behind the ear will complete the look. “Like we mean business,” says Shanita.

Despite the admiration she’s giving out, because all creativity should be supported and this is certainly creative, Charis isn’t sure she’ll fit in. It will be a tight squeeze, but she’ll have to give it a try, because what other jobs are out there, especially for her? She might not even be able to get a job filing; not that she wants one, she doesn’t consider the alphabet to be an accurate way of classifying things. If she stays she’ll have to be more forceful, though; she’ll have to seize hold. Get a grip. Actively sell. Shanita says that service and competitive pricing are the watchwords of the future. That, and keeping down the overheads. At least they don’t have debt. “Thank God I never borrowed a lot,” she says. “Banks wouldn’t lend it to me, is why.”

“Why wouldn’t they?” says Charis.

Shanita tosses her hair – worn hanging down today in a single long shining curl – and gives her a scornful glance. “Three guesses,” she says.

They take a work break in the afternoon and Shanita makes them some Lemon Refresher from their stockroom and lays out the cards for Charis. “Big event, coming up soon,” she says. “What I see is – your card is the Queen of Cups, right? It’s the High Priestess crossing you. Does this mean a thing?”

“Yes,” says Charis. “Will I win?”

“What is this
win?”
says Shanita, smiling at her. “That’s the first time I ever heard that word from you! Maybe it’s time you started saying it.” She peers at the cards, lays down a few more. “Looks something like winning,” she says. “Anyway, you don’t lose. But! There’s a death. Just no way around it.”

“Not Augusta!” says Charis. She’s trying to see for herself: the Tower, the Queen of Swords, the Magician, the Fool. But cards are a thing she’s never been able to do.

“No, no, nowhere near her,” says Shanita. “This is an older person. Older than her, I mean. Related to you somehow, though. You are not going to see this death happen, but you’re going to be the one finding it out.”

Charis is dismayed. Billy, it must be. She will go to see Zenia, and Zenia will tell her that Billy is dead. That’s what she’s always dreaded. But it will be better than not knowing. There’s a good side to it, as well, because when it’s her own turn to make the transition and she finds herself in the dark tunnel, in the cave, on the boat, and sees the light up ahead of her, it will be Billy’s voice she will hear first. He will be the one helping her, on the other side. They will be together, and he wouldn’t be able to meet her like that if he hadn’t died first.