The Rock Season (19 page)

Aaron opened the back door and ushered me inside. He pulled out a chair for me, humming the whole time.

“You are adorable, you know that,” I asked him and he kept humming, pulling out food from the fridge, and making us plates. He heated them up in the microwave and handed mine to me first.

“Eat, love. You’ll need your strength. You have a full day of mindless shop keeping to look forward to.”

I laughed and thanked him for the food and juice he set before me.

“I’m really looking forward to seeing your store. You really put your heart and soul into this place, didn’t you?”  

He smiled and kept chewing. “Mine and Schroeder’s, yeah. And a shitload of dough. It’s doing ok, mainly because of the online auctions, the instrument sales and rentals. Music sales come and go. We’ve been looking into ways to get the community more interested. We sponsor an Open Mic night at the Bistro next door each week and I’m looking into having some in-store events. It’s just hard. We’re in a strange locale for music. We’ve even looked into stocking DJ equipment.”

Listening to him talk I could tell he had a real mind for business. “You were insanely successful in venture capital, weren’t you?”  

He shrugged. “I did ok. I brought in a lot of deals. I like working with business plans. But the stress of it, the selling of the soul required, and the family stuff...I am less stressed now and I love what I’m doing so it’s worth it, right?”

I touched his hand and said, “If you’re happy, it’s worth it. You deserve happy.”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. “I’m very happy now, love.”

We were still smooching when the grandmas came in.

“Oh! Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted to make sure you were eating.” Grandma McShane had such a knowing look on her face. She was probably going to head out and start crocheting baby booties. Grandma Samadi was going to have invitations to the baby shower written out. I felt a chill and shivered, hugging myself. Aaron quirked his lips into a smile, probably understanding just what my shivers were about.

We finished eating and Aaron ran upstairs to check on the twins. I washed our dishes and chatted with the grandmas. Why did this feel so normal? So natural?

“You ready to go?”  Aaron’s smile was infectious.

“I am. Do you mind if I use your computer while I’m there at some point? I need to post my review and check my email.”

“Of course. You can spend as much time as you need. The computer is in my office in back. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind the walk. I’d rather not have your car parked downtown. I’d feel terrible if anything happened to it.”

Always looking out for me. “I don’t mind walking at all. Let’s get to it!”  

He held my hand as we walked down B Street, across Foothill and past several shops until we came to Vinyl Mine. His storefront wasn’t fussy or slick. It was vintage, old school, classy. I was in love already! We walked around the back of the store and Aaron unlocked the door. He told me Schroeder lived upstairs as he turned off an elaborate alarm system. I was a little disappointed I wouldn’t get to meet him today. He sounded like the Yin to Aaron’s Yang. Kinda like me and Maryland, who I was missing something fierce. I definitely needed to send her a message today and update her.

The back door opened to a short hallway with doors on either side. One led to storage, one to Schroeder’s office, one to a restroom and lounge area, and one to Aaron’s office. I couldn’t wait to spend some time in there and see what I could possibly learn about him.

I forgot all of that when I saw the store. It was a music lover’s dream. Aaron’s dream. Racks of vinyl and CDs on one side, instruments on the other, a baby freakin’ grand piano? Trade counter to the rear, register up front. The high walls and open ceiling allowed for vintage posters and merchandise to be hung. He even had listening stations set up in various spots so buyers could try out their music first.

“It’s awesome! Aaron, I love it!”  

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, kissing my neck. Yes, I purposely put my hair up in a messy bun so he’d have access.

“I’m glad you love it. Now let me get things going here and unlock the front. Feel free to browse.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” I said as he went about his business. I got lost for a long time, browsing his inventory, running my fingers over the guitars and basses he had for sale. The store was perfect. The dark wood he used for his cases and shelves, the hardwood floors...It was old and beautifully restored. A short time later, Aaron’s two employees came in and then they were open for business. They turned on some music and I recognized it as Faith No More’s album Epic. Nice. I watched him go over the day’s duties with the two youngsters who he referred to as the Js-Jared and Jessica- and then he took my hand and led me to his office. It was small! All there really was room for in there was his desk and chair and a stool next to a guitar on a stand. The walls were covered with clippings and old concert posters. He had shelves of books and some vinyl, which I assumed were part of his collection.

“I know it’s tiny,” he said as he sat down in his desk chair and pulled me down onto his lap. “So what do you think,” he said, very interested in my reaction.

“It’s brilliant! You’ve got a great mix of music, the rare stuff and the popular stuff together. I love the display of instruments. Do you play?”  

He nodded. “I play guitar. I’m not accomplished or anything. I can keep up.”

I smiled. He did have very long fingers. I liked those fingers. I shook myself.

“So what do you do when you’re here all day?”  

He told me about the online piece and that he backed up his employees if things got busy. There was a chime ringing each time a customer came in. After hearing the chime four times, he patted my thigh to let him up from his chair. He motioned for me to take his seat. Once I was situated, he said, “I better get up front. Take your time. The password is P-E-E-P-E-E-1-9-9-6.” Once it was typed in I looked up at him with a snicker.

“Really?”  

He shrugged “Peter and Patrick?”  

I rolled my eyes as he leaned over to kiss the top of my head.

I spent an hour crafting my blog entry, not just about the Heart show, but my feelings on Fate. Some of it I cut out because it was really just my ruminations about where things were going with Aaron. This relationship was exciting and scary and I couldn’t determine which one was stronger. Aaron and I really fit well together physically and we seemed to be very compatible. My future eye could see us having much more fun together. But I was so afraid of making mistakes. I worried about the fact that he was talking permanence and we both used the L-word! We were going to have to come up with some parameters. Maybe that would help. In the meantime, I wanted to see the man at work!

When I stepped out into the store, I saw the Js helping customers and Aaron was having an animated conversation with a man at the counter. He noticed me approaching and his face lit up.

He said, “Hey, come meet an old friend of mine.”

I heard him continue speaking, but I was frozen in my steps. Reality faded into the background as I came face-to-face with my past.

“Stevie, how are you?” The one person I never imagined crossing paths with again was standing in front of me. His tone was friendly, not like the morning he threw me out

“What are you doing here,” I said, noting the acidity in my tone.

Aaron had come around the counter and I could feel his presence next to me. It was probably the only thing that kept me standing.

“I was meeting someone for an early movie and thought I’d come visit an old friend.”

I felt a sharp pain in my hand and realized my nails were dug into my palms. Seeing Ben was bringing up a lot of unpleasantness. Too much for me to deal with.

“Did everything go ok,” he asked, looking really uncomfortable.

I frowned at him, wondering what the hell he was talking about and then it hit me. Nausea. Like a ship tossed on a violent sea, my insides were fighting for survival. I swallowed hard and threw back my shoulders.

“I was going to contact your attorney. My child was stillborn. You will get all of your money back.”

His pleasant demeanor crumbled at my admission. He stepped forward and reached out to touch me. I flinched and Aaron’s arms came around me.

McShane

“Stevie,” I said, concerned. She had gone all-stiff and was glaring at Ben. The realization hit me like a burn from a grease fire. “Ben was...?”

Stevie nodded, still staring daggers at my old friend.

“Was. Yes. Excuse me.” She pulled away from me and walked fast toward the back of the store.

I couldn’t believe it. I turned on the man whom I had once respected and admired. It was all I could do not to beat him brutally for the pain he’d inflicted on my Goddess.

“You sonofabitch,” I said through clenched teeth. “Get the fuck out of my store, Ben.”

All eyes in the shop were on me as I stormed down the hall in time to find Stevie stepping out the back. She wouldn’t look at me.

“Stevie, I am so sorry. I didn’t-”

“You didn’t know, Aaron. And neither did he. Well, now he knows. I’m sure he’ll be feeling better now, knowing he doesn’t have a little bastard running around.” She exhaled loudly and leaned back against the wall, her arms wrapped around her midsection.

I moved to her side slowly, gutted by her words. I desperately wanted to pull her into my arms, but I didn’t know how she would react.

“Of all the times for this to be a small world,” she laughed humorlessly.

I ran my hands over my head and paced in front of her. I wanted to tear him apart with my bare hands for hurting her.

“God, Stevie. I had no idea. Ben and I used to work for the same firm. I haven’t seen him in-”

“Two years? Yeah, a lot happened since then. Look, I’m going to go, Aaron. I’m sorry I brought my drama to your shop.”

This time I wasn’t going to hold back. I hurried to her and took her hands in mine. “Stevie, don’t go like this. I’m so sorry.”

She gave me a small smile and said, “I just need to go. I had a wonderful time with you, but I have to go.” She turned to walk around the building and I stepped in front of her, my heart racing.

“What do you mean you have to go? If you need space, I understand. If you are saying goodbye…Stevie?”

She looked up at me with determination in her eyes. “It’s not goodbye, Aaron. But I can’t do this. If I stay here with you one more second I’m afraid I’ll never do what I need to do. It’s obvious I need to heal. I can’t fall apart every time I’m faced with the reality that I lost my child. I’m not better enough to be a good partner to you and I want you to have a good partner.”

Her eyes were welling with tears and I felt her pulling away from me with every word she spoke.

“I want you to heal, love. I do. But I want you, Stevie. I love you! Please don’t walk away without giving us a chance.”

She put her arms tentatively around my waist and rested her head on my chest. “We’ll still be concert buddies. You call me when there’s a show you want to go to and I’ll do the same. We have the fall and winter season to experience. If you want. If you want me, that’s all I can be for you right now.” She pulled away and looked up at me, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Stevie,” I breathed. This couldn’t be happening. “You’re breaking my heart right now,” I whispered.

She shook her head. “And that’s why I have to go. I need to be better. When I get there, if I get there…” She was backing away from me and we were right back to that first conversation when she walked away from me.

“Stevie, wait,” I called as she reached the corner of the building.

“Call me when you want to see a show,” she said and turned the corner.

I fell against the wall and all the breath left my lungs. The pain in my chest was so much I thought I was going to die. I welcomed it. If my Goddess was walking out of my life, I just didn’t want to feel that void.

I sat on the grimy ground behind my building for what was probably only a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. I went through the motions the rest of the day and ignored the texts blowing up my phone. When it was time to close up I locked the security gates and walked home in a complete daze. I didn’t even want to go home. I went straight up the steps to my apartment. Once inside I sank down on the bed and tried to ignore her scent still permeating the air.

She left a note on the bedside table with my key:

Aaron

I hope you can forgive me for the way I left things today. I hope you can understand what I was trying to tell you. These past couple of days were such a precious gift to me. You made me feel loved, cherished, protected…things I haven’t felt in a really long time. I am grateful to you and pray that if I ever get to a place where I can do those things for myself that you will still want to share them with me.

When you accepted the position of concert buddy, you agreed to be patient with your buddy. I’m asking you to please…please be patient with me.

Love,

Stevie

I wiped the tears from my eyes and put her note back on my bedside table. Patience? I’d been patient for so long… with my family, with my business…I knew she was fragile when I met her. Mom even told me that she might not be able to have a relationship with me right now and I foolishly believed I could settle for whatever she could give me. That was before I made love to her, before she won over my family with her charms…I had to have her, that was my bottom line. I needed her like I needed water or oxygen. So how the hell was I going to be what she needed me to be? Of course I wanted to see her, but how long could I go on without her? I’d already waited so long for her to come into my life. Now that I’d had a taste, I needed a steady diet of Stevie. Everything was brighter with her here.

I was still sitting like that hours later when I heard a soft rapping on my door.

“Son? Are you here?” When I didn’t answer, Mom let herself in and came to sit next to me. “Are you alright, Aaron?”