The Run (The Hell's Disciples MC Book 4) (25 page)

Fuck me sideways. This shit can’t be good.

Tearing into the lot, I try like fuck not to dump my bike when I skid to a stop a few feet from them. Hopping off, I instantly look at Lennon, all in one piece. I can fucking breathe easy. She’s standing there looking slightly annoyed as Jess gives her some crazy eyes.

“Steal my truck?” I accuse Lennon, stepping in between the two of them. It sounds worse than I fucking intend it, but Jesus. I came home to find her and my truck gone. What am I supposed to think?

Cocking her head, Lennon stares at me. “It’s not theft if I have the keys,” she says, pulling the ring from the pocket of her shorts. “I just needed to run a few errands.” She adds, letting the ring dangle from her finger.

This shit is fucking stupid. I have a hard time believing anything anyone says unless I see it with my own two eyes, and the person to blame is standing in front of me, tapping her heels and sighing like she has something better to do, other than causing shit, like usual.

Jess sighs loudly and my attention is turned to the bitch with the big mouth, intent on ruining any chance of happiness I try to dredge up.

“The fuck you doing here?” For the life of me, I can’t figure out what her problem is, other than she’s a miserable shrew. This shit is her fault. “Jess, answer me!” She flinches and frowns. I’m sure I’m getting real loud at this point, but I just don’t give a flying fuck.

“Buck,” she huffs and takes a step back, scared I’m about to lose my shit, which is totally accurate. I hate her and she knows it.

“Get to fucking explaining.” Her shift ended a few hours ago, so she had no damn reason to be here.

“Don’t do this in front of the kids,” she scolds me. Man, she’s got a way with words. The kids, twisting it to sound like so much more that it is. Glaring between her and those kids, Jess gets the hint.

“Go inside and find Uncle Rocky,” she tells them, looking down at the two adorable girls standing next to her. I don’t follow suit. I hate looking at their perfect little faces. I hate them almost as much as I hate her. Is it wrong to hate faultless children? Fuck yeah, I’m sure it is, but tell that to my torn to shit life and crushed heart. Yeah, I said it. That cunt crushed my heart and I didn’t even love her.

Once the little people disappear inside, I turn back to her, ready to rip her a new asshole. “Like I said, what the fuck are you doing, bringing them around here?” She knows the rules. They were set in stone a long time ago.

“Jesus, they’re children, Buck,” Jess growls, stomping her foot for emphasis. I know exactly what they are, but it doesn’t mean they need to be here, rubbed in my face.

“Makes no difference to me. What do you want?” Lennon shifts to my right, the gravel crunching under her feet. Out of my peripherals, I see her chewing on her lip. I hate that Lennon has to witness this because I don’t have the slightest idea how to explain something that sounds so goddamn stupid when told, yet feels fucking horrible when lived. What am I supposed to tell her?

“The kids need pull-ups,” Jess bites out, picking at her nails. She clearly thinks I’m just gonna fork over the cash to get her out of my face like I usually do, but not today. 

“Not my problem. You got your money this week. You need ...” I don’t get any further. Lennon walks off, her shoulders squared and her head held high. Rounding the truck, she hops in, fires it up, and rips outta the lot. Fuck.

“Fuck! Jess, didn’t you get enough from me a few years ago? Why the hell do you gotta keep fucking with me?” I don’t understand her need to continually drag me, bloodied and bruised, through the fucking mud. Wasn’t the damage great enough two years ago? I swear she’s out for that left nut of mine.

“Buck?” She turns on the water works; wet eyes and the sniffles. She’s can’t work me over, never was able to, so I have no idea why she’s bothering now. 

“Just take your kids and go home, Jess.” I’m so beyond fed up with her shit.

“Buck, come on. Let’s―”

“Get the fuck outta here,” I scream at her, cutting off her attempt at making me feel bad.

I don’t give her a second look. Hopping back on my bike, I take off towards the mountains, towards Lennon. 

Lennon is outside in the yard when I pull up. The wind is blowing her hair around. She looks beautiful. Wearing a long, black, flowy skirt and white tank, she looks fucking perfect. Jesus, I traded up, big time.

“Lennon,” I holler, but she doesn’t stop. She doesn’t even look at me. My heart falls straight outta my ass. No woman in her right mind would want an asshole in an MC. We don’t have the cleanest of records, or keep the best company, but add in some baggage like Jess and you’ve got nothing. I’m fucking lucky Lennon even let me put my filthy hands on her in the first place.

I watch her walk off. Walking through the grass, she disappears into the woods, out of sight. I know exactly where she’s going, and it’s the last place I want to visit right at this moment, but I follow her. Everything has already gone to shit in a pretty little handbasket.

“Lennon?” She stops for just a moment before she picks up her pace. “Why wouldn’t you have just told me?” She asks. She turns around, walking backwards, staring at me and waiting for a good answer. “Kids are no biggie.” No biggie, huh.

Why? Why would I have told her? Offered her up my sad little story like a bitch, whining and crying about something stupid. What kind of pussy would that haved painted for her of the big bad biker she feels safe with? There is no easy way to explain that crap.

“Come on, Lennon, just stop,” I plead. The farther away she walks, the less hope my black heart has here. Turning back around, she walks purposefully, away from me, towards my dream turned nightmare. My unfinished life on a cracked foundation sits sadly in the middle of a clearing. How very poetic.

“Tell me, Buck,” She demands. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her demand anything since meeting her.

“Darlin’.” I’m not sure what to say to her.

Walking up the cement steps, she stops and smiles encouragingly at me. Why she likes me so damn much, I’ll never fucking understand. Sitting her ass on the foundation, Lennon pats the empty space next to her. Instead of shutting me out, she wants to hear.

“Sit with me.” How can I deny her?

I do, and I spill my pathetic guts because what do I have to lose? She’s either going to leave or stay, whether I talk or not makes not an ounce of fucking difference.

“Figure you’ve gathered that Rock and Jess are related,” I start at the beginning and she nods. I’ve never actually had this talk with anyone. Most of my brothers know because they lived this shit with me. Some know it all, and some just know the basics. Either way, it’s not something I talk about. It’s not something I want to talk about.

“I met Jess three years ago when she moved back to town to live with her brother. She wasn’t anything special, but she was fun and a challenge at the time. I chased, she ran, we fucked, and she got pregnant.” I stop. It dawns on me that that’s all there was to it. Jess was nothing to me then, and she’s even less of a nothing to me now. Fucking sad how my dick led me astray.

“We knew each other all of two months before there was a baby involved. If it weren’t for a baby, she would’ve been out on her ass because at the time, I sure as shit wasn’t looking for an old lady, but there was a baby, so I did what I thought was right. I married her thinking I’d give my baby a family.” It made the most sense to me then. Now, I figure it was the second biggest mistake of my life, first being fucking that bitch.

Lennon doesn’t gasp in shock or have some bitchy comment. Instead, she just stares straight ahead, listening intently to me lay it all out there for her.

“I didn’t want an old lady, didn’t want kids, but I sure the fuck didn’t want a wife. But I had them in spades at that point. Jess was pregnant and there wasn’t shit I could do about it. Took a while, but I warmed up to the idea. We bought shit; crib, diapers, the whole thing. I started this house, something I’d been saving to do a long time before I met her, but I wanted my baby to come home to something nice, so I started working on it more. Less of a spare time thing, and more of an everyday thing.” And I did. Jesus, I spent a lot of time working on this thing. Clearing the land, laying the foundation, cutting wood, framing, and all that good shit.

Looking up at my half-finished dream, I flinch and look away. Building this place used to make me happy, but now just looking at it makes me sick. I should’ve burned this pile of sticks to the ground a long time ago, after it became tainted. 

“It’s a beautiful spot to build,” Lennon comments, finally speaking. She looks up at the framed walls fondly. Wish like hell I could look at it with untainted eyes.

“It is.”

Looking at the surrounding landscape, with Lennon here next to me, I see some of that beauty I once did. The snow capped mountain range off in the distance, rolling hills, miles of open fields to one side, and dense forest on the other, and the river running right down the middle. Lennon brings a lot of that missing beauty back for me.

“Keep going,” She urges, leaning into my shoulder, giving it a little bump. I’d rather sit here and revel in Lennon and all that happy shit she seems to bring with her wherever she goes. Lil was right about her. There is something about Lennon, something special, something otherworldly. Wherever she goes, she brings euphoria with her, leaving you utterly infatuated with her. Even in the worst of situations or memories, Lennon is that bright spot. She’s the sun and moon.

“Buck?” Right. The story of my untimely fall from shit to hell.

“So, I got used to the idea of a baby. Jess was a bitch, but she was the mother of my baby, so I figured I could deal. I wasn’t happy with her, but I was cool with the idea of a baby. Hell, over a few months, I even started to fall in love with the idea of that little person ... my little person. That little person turned out to be two little people.” What a goddamn shock that was. Not one baby, but two. Jesus, what luck, huh?

“Twins,” Lennon whispers, touching my arm. First time she’s touched me today, and that shit is like a balm to a burn.

“Two little people to love.” Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Loving something that was never yours is a tough pill to swallow. It hurts and stings, but it’s survivable. I survived, but came out jaded in the end.

“They aren’t yours, are they?” Lennon’s put two and two together. She knows the answer to her question. They aren’t now and they weren’t back then. I’d never turn my own damn kids away. I don’t want children, but if I had them, I’d love them.

“Do you think I like that my old lady cheated on me, constantly, and that the babies I’m bragging about, building and buying shit for, aren’t mine? I spent nine months falling in love with a lie. So yeah, I don’t like talking about it. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I don’t fucking lie, but I don’t broadcast it either. It’s fucking embarrassing how she played me.”

I let it sink in, let Lennon digest it and make up her mind if it’s worth hanging on to me, or if she’s better off cutting her losses. Both of us are staring off into the woods. Lennon’s comforting hand is still on my arm, neither of us with anything meaningful to say.

“That’s terrible,” she finally says. Not what I was expecting her to say. I figured she’d have questions and complaints, something to bitch about. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” I’m not. I dodged a bullet.

“Don’t wanna know why the bitch is still around?” Besides the fact that she’s Rock’s sister. She was an old lady, my old lady, her loyalty would have been with me and her cheating would have got her eighty-sixed for life, but I just couldn’t do that to the two little people I once thought I loved.

“Only if you want to tell me.” I do want to tell her. I want her to know that I try, even if it kills me, because I might be a royal asshole, but I’m not nearly as cold-hearted as Jess.

“Jess is a shit mom. Those girls would go without if it weren’t for me and Rock.” If it weren’t for Rock, the club, and me, those kids would be in rags, starving to death in an alley somewhere.

“Even though they’re not yours.” It’s not a question. I might be a prick, and I might hate the idea of those girls, but I just can’t let myself let them hurt.

“We let her work there so Rock can watch her, make sure she comes to work. I give her money because those girls need something out of a shitty situation.” If I can make their lives just a little better, I will, even if I got the shit end of the stick.

“Are you in their lives?”

“No. They’ve only seen me a few times, and they don’t know who I am. I don’t want to confuse them. They’ve got Rock and their grandparents in their lives. They don’t need me.” And I don’t need the reminder when I see their faces.

“How’d you find out they weren’t yours?”

“Had a paternity test done in the hospital. Rock suggested it, just to cover my ass.” Thank fuck for that. Three days later, I found out and that was that. Moved Jess into her own apartment, left her some cash, gave up my patch for a nomad one, and hit the road. I went running.

“Wow,” Lennon breathes, resting her head on my shoulder. Yeah. Wow is a goddamn understatement.