The Sartious Mage (The Rhythm of Rivalry) (35 page)

For an instant, I didn’t feel her weight pulling on my hand anymore, and I heard her scream. But then the force of her pulling on me came back twice as strong.

Face down in the grass with half my body now on the slope, I couldn’t see what had happened to Lisanda, but I still had her hand in mine. I lifted my head to look and barely made out her light blue dress through the grass. It looked like she was lying down like me, but on her back.

“Jek, don’t let me down another hair!” she screamed. “My feet are right over the water.”

My body was angled downward too much for me to get the leverage I needed to pull her back.

“I won’t!” I yelled back, determined to figure something out. I thought of the simplest solution I could—to pull and figure out the rest later.

With all my strength, I pulled my outstretched arm that held her hand. I managed to drag her only about the length of my forearm, but that was enough to reach her with my other hand. When I locked it around her wrist and didn’t feel myself slipping down the grass, I tried another pull—cautiously at first to make sure I wouldn’t end up dragging myself toward her instead of dragging her toward me. I found that Lisanda moved and I didn’t.

With great relief, I pulled her another arm’s length toward me. I felt her shifting, and then soon I no longer needed to support her weight.

“I’m back on my feet,” she said.

Now with enough slack, I pushed my chest from the ground and used my feet to slide myself back onto level ground, keeping a firm hold on Lisanda’s hand the whole time. Completely above the slope now, I was able to get to my knees and looked up to see Lisanda glancing back at me with fixed eyes over a troubled smile—a look of relief and embarrassment, I figured.

I felt somewhat similar to her, but instead of embarrassment, my relief was mixed with anger that she’d nearly gotten herself killed over a stupid wager.

I pulled her the rest of the way up and we ran, flying past a good ten trees before we finally stopped. I doubted the snake would come after us even if we’d stayed there, but it was better to be safe.

Panting, she nearly fell into an embrace with me, half hanging on my arm, half squeezing her arm around my back. I awkwardly clung to her as well.

Her other hand still held the empty water pouch. We’d left the other pouches near the river. I hoped the snake wasn’t still there.

“I’m surprised to find out you don’t like snakes,” I joked.

Still doubled over, she giggled rhythmically. It pushed my mouth into a wide smile. “Is there
anyone
that likes those things?” Lisanda asked rhetorically.

“Kalli,” I mentioned, not that it really mattered.

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

Lisanda straightened but continued to hold on to me. She stood before me now. My hands shifted to her sides, as hers did to my hips.

“You win the wager,” she said, looking up at me. “I promise not to leave until you have the cure.”

That damn thought of kissing her came back. I knew I should let go of her and step back. An even better idea would be to turn away from her tempting lips. But I couldn’t do either of those things.

“I have no interest in marrying your sister, anyway,” I told her instead.

She held me with her eyes. “I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that,” she uttered softly. To my surprise, she kept her hands on me.

“I can’t help it,” I said, unable to take my hands or my eyes off her.

My heart swelled in my chest to the point of pain. I knew what the ache was from: a screaming urge to lean down and kiss her. I even knew she would kiss me back—I could see it in her eyes. But every other part of me knew I shouldn’t. A voice yelled at me to move away.

I found myself hopelessly weak, praying Lisanda would take it upon herself to peel her eyes from mine or to remove her hands from my hips…something to stop this. Bastial hell, even a slap would be welcomed right now.

In one smooth motion, Lisanda brought both feet toward me, wrapped her arms fully around my body, and went to her toes to slide her chin onto my shoulder. I returned her embrace by holding her close, and together we sighed. In the breath she let out, I could hear the same frustration that I felt. It was like being hungry but knowing we wouldn’t be able to eat anything. It made my whole body tense, strained, desperate for relief.

I kissed her on the top of her head. It seemed to help relieve the ache of my heart at first, but then her smell came into my senses. Memories of her pressed against me atop the horse on the way to my family’s farm flooded my mind.

I pulled her tighter to my chest, somewhat because I wanted to, but mostly because I thought it would help squelch my rushing heart. Of course, her breasts pushing against me had the opposite effect. I knew the best thing to do would be to let go of her, but I couldn’t do it.

“Jek.” Lisanda let her chin off my shoulder to return to her heels. She slowly stepped back from me, and my arms came back to her sides. “We both know how this is going to end.” She looked at me for two slow breaths as I dreaded what I knew she would say. “We’re never going to see each other again, and this is only making it harder to accept.”

Lisanda lovingly held my cheek in her palm. “I’ll admit I’ve started to care what happens to you and your family.” She lowered her arm and peeled my hands from her sides. “But no good will come of this.”

Excuses flooded my mind. We could run…but then I wouldn’t be cured, and what kind of life would we have? One away from my family and hers, on the run from her father…no. Could we see each other after this was over? No, Varth Farro, let alone her father, never would allow the farm boy who’d kidnapped her to visit. If I married Jessend, I might be able to spend time with Lisanda…no, that was the worst idea of them all, completely cruel.

“I can see that you know I’m right.” Lisanda gave a playful tap to my nose. “So stop using your ocean blue eyes to look at me like that.” She frowned and turned away. “It hurts.”

The craziest idea popped into my head then, and I blurted it out before I gave myself time to think it through. “What if we got married after this is over?”

Shock hit her face. My heart was pumping so hard I barely could think. What in Bastial hell did I just say? I waited for her inevitable argument, or insult, or slap even, but it looked like Lisanda was speechless for the first time I could remember. It seemed like I’d broken her.

The shock on her face remained longer than I’d ever seen on anyone else’s. Her eyes were wide, lines creasing her forehead.

“You wouldn’t have to marry Varth Farro,” I blurted next. Why was I still trying to convince her to agree? I should be shaking my head and telling her I didn’t mean it. No, too late for that now. I obviously had.

“That’s no longer my choice,” she answered. “I’ve already agreed to that marriage for the sake of my family.”

“Can’t Jessend marry him instead?” I knew she would prove me wrong the moment I’d said it. I was beginning to feel like a sniveling child who’d misbehaved and now was trying to argue out of it even though all words were clearly futile.

“Jessend will find someone much better than Varth Farro. She’s very good with men, and I would never force him upon her.” Lisanda took my hands. “Jek, stop making me give you excuses. It’s causing me to feel like the villain. You know as well as I do this isn’t going to work. And you’re being silly to think either of us is ready to marry the other.”

She stepped toward me again, going to her toes to kiss me on the cheek. It was a long kiss, long enough for me to feel the heat from her mouth against me. Strangely, I didn’t go into the frenzy I thought I would as soon as I saw her lips coming toward me. I was too defeated, too suddenly aware of my thirst and weariness. I felt myself frowning.

“You really do tend to act without thinking.” She pressed my nose with her finger once more. “But it’s sweet for you to suggest that…completely mad, but sweet.”

“You’re right. It’s mad.” I sighed, somewhat relieved to be out of that conversation. “Let’s retrieve the water pouches we dropped, and we’ll find a safer place to fill them.”

Lisanda nodded. “And it would be wise to make an effort to stop touching each other.” She tilted her head to look at me from the top of her eyes. “Right?”

I couldn’t agree. My body became flushed with a rush of heat starting from my chest and spreading quickly to each limb. It pained me to look at her and think of never feeling her hand in mine again, of her never touching my cheek as she’d just done, of never feeling my lips against hers.

I realized then I’d always figured we would kiss again. I just didn’t know when.

I wished I could tell myself that I acted without thinking, but that would be lying. I made a decision this time, even thought about it for a few rushed heartbeats—giving myself enough time to know it was a bad idea but that I was going to do it anyway.

After two quick steps toward Lisanda, I ran my hand through her hair to hold on to the back of her head and used my other hand to wrap around her back, pulling her close. I leaned down to kiss her. Because of our height difference, she had to tilt her head to the sky to reach my mouth, but she did, immediately throwing her arms around my neck the moment our lips met.

It was just one long kiss. Our lips pressed firmly and held in the same way our hands clung to the other’s body. It was sad, the kind of kiss you’d expect a man and wife might share before being separated. It was the kind of kiss that spoke: I would miss her; I would miss this.

I let my lips say it, and I could tell hers said the same.

Chapter 29: Secrets

Carrying six full water pouches, we wouldn’t have been able to touch on the way back even if we’d tried.

As I’d suspected, it was a poor choice to kiss her. Little did I know I’d gotten somewhat used to not kissing. But now that I’d felt her lips again, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It made it even more clear how right she was—that the more physical we were with each other, the harder it would be to part.

At least the conversation between us was lively. We sang and laughed and shared humiliating stories, and then we told tales about our sisters when their toughness got the better of them. I never would’ve guessed I had so much in common with a Takary princess.

Soon, we got to talking about magic. Lisanda seemed far more interested than she’d let on before.

Eventually, she surprised me with a tough question: “What will you do with your life if the cure does take away your ability with magic?”

I thought for a long while before finally admitting, “I always told myself I’d figure that out if it actually happened. Some part of me thinks I’ll never be cured, making me believe I won’t have to worry about that.”

It was always hard to think of myself in the future and infinitely more difficult to wonder what I would do without magic.

“Is this part of you still as loud as usual?”

“No, it’s quieted some.” I took a moment to gaze at the clouds between the tops of trees, calmly drifting with us back to camp, as if eavesdropping. Then I checked around us for Exo. I’d hoped to find him before we returned, but the chances of stumbling into another person in this great forest were slim.

“I realize I should figure out my plans for the future if I can’t use magic, but the truth is that I honestly don’t know.”

“What about working with that blacksmith in The Nest? Did you learn how to do anything besides fill wands with Sartious Energy?”

“I did, but that work wouldn’t suit me. Anyway, I doubt your father will let me back in the city. And even if he did, people would visit expecting me to perform high-level magic. I would grow very weary of their disappointed faces.”

Lisanda’s face tightened with intrigue. “Are you sure you want to give up your magic ability to be cured of the darkness?”

“Yes…what was the phrase you used earlier? A thousand times yes?”

She nodded with a wry smile.

“Then my answer is a million times yes.”

There were few things in the world worse than my darkness, one being what nearly had happened to my family at my doing. I used to think the most lurid afflictions were those that torment consistently, like an illness, but now I knew that nothing would be worse than the blood of a loved one on my hands.

My darkness was unfair, infuriating, and one day it may even kill me. But no amount of frustration and pain ever could hurt me as deeply as the stark self-loathing that would overtake me if getting my cure led to Kalli or Sannil’s death.

Knowing all this now, I realized that if trading Lisanda for the cure would put her in danger, I would be far more likely to give her up without it. I even felt somewhat disgusted with myself for taking her in the first place—and then there was Harwin! I couldn’t let myself forget about him. I’d put too many people in danger already for this.

I made a decision. This was the last thing I would do to get the cure. No more kidnapping, nothing to put others’ lives at risk. I’d rather live with the darkness than be responsible for any harm dealt to an innocent person.

Terror hit me when I didn’t see Kalli back at camp. I could see the same terror in Lisanda’s face.

“Kalli?” I called, feeling as if the ground was about to open up beneath my feet.