The Search for the Dice Man (20 page)

Love, at its best, is, of course, a form of madness. It is a euphoria in which not only the beloved is perfection incarnate but the whole world seems to be shining. It is a state in which we feel we are incapable of taking a false step since the Gods are clearly on our side. And besides, the beloved can and will approve even of our pimples. We can’t lose.

The theory that one can’t lose has, to say the least, a chequered history. In general, those who have lived by the theory have usually been disappointed. The universe, even in its most benevolent moods, tends to let the rains fall pretty much at random on the just and the unjust, on those who know they can’t lose, and on those who know they can.

When Larry and Kim were awakened after three or four hours’ sleep by an aspiring opera singer in the shower next door, they giggled and mooned dewy-eyed at each other and, after Kim had insisted on casting a die, made love again. When they were finished, they became aware that it was 8.30 in the morning and, in theory, they were already late for their breakfast clean-up assignment.

Kim leapt up and ran to the shower to begin the day. Larry, though as sated as a male can be when first involved with a passionate woman, was still inclined to remain in bed and waylay her when she came back again. So he lay back with his hands folded beneath his head and considered what life had wrought. What the die had wrought.

The die had been generous. Kim had been his sexual
slave for two hours and then had commanded them – as if they needed commanding – to make natural and instinctive love. As far as Larry was concerned it was like being released from the anteroom of Heaven into the real thing. For though Kim as sexual slave was incredible, as instinctive woman she was incredibler. The sexual slave bit had let him express an uninhibited masculine power that pleased him considerably, although it sometimes had sadistic elements that disturbed him. And it let Kim express a total surrender of her mind and will that was both intoxicating for him, but again, somehow disturbing. Although in purely sexual terms they didn’t do anything special, it was totally different.

Although at first he enjoyed ordering Kim about, after a while he found himself wanting to order her to be spontaneous, natural, innovative. He realized that he had wanted to make love to her since he’d first met her, but to
Kim,
to a very specific and special Kim, that he wanted to know who she was, to be intimate with her in every way, and the sexual slave game prevented that type of intimacy. He missed sexual initiatives and naturalnesss. Kim never did anything unless he commanded her to. She even suppressed most of her moans and groans until he ordered her to moan and groan. Then, of course, he worried that she was faking it.

And when the die released them from the slave game into naturalness he knew immediately that he was right. Kim threw herself at him with an unrestrained passion that awed him. Within minutes he knew how much he had missed by being her master. Now she would suddenly abandon a perfectly delightful position and manoeuvre him and herself into an even more delightful position. Now she laughed and joked and romped as if she were playing puppy again. Now she loved him with her body, her eyes and her words, and, naturally, Larry found it disturbing.

But marvellous. What a woman. When she finally
appeared out of the bathroom dressed in jeans but with no bra or blouse on, he shook his head again in awe.

‘Come here, my loving slave,’ he growled.

‘Not now,’ she answered, continuing on to the chair where she had put her overnight bag. ‘I want to get

‘Give me a chance,’ he protested.

Kim turned to him with a smile, pulled a die out of her jeans, frowned momentarily in concentration, and then glanced into the palm of her hand.

‘No more this morning, says the die,’ she replied, and turned to bury her face in the blouse she pulled over her head.

And from that moment on, the day was all downhill. The first hint of trouble was that Kim seemed to associate the die with their newly discovered passion for each other.

‘Chance has thrown us together,’ she said gaily as he less than enthusiastically began dressing. ‘And Chance will keep us together. Nothing will ever separate us.’

Larry might have conceded he was in love, but not
that much.

‘The dice had nothing to do with our – or rather they just let us do what we wanted to do anyway,’ he said, pulling on his trousers. He felt groggy with sexual satiation and lack of sleep.

‘They let us discover and express the deepest part of ourselves,’ she insisted. ‘We can freely experiment with other options because they’ll never uncover a more basic us.’

‘Fine,’ said Larry, wondering how Kim managed to look so fresh and trim. ‘In that case we can give up the dice since they’re no longer necessary.’

‘But you miss the point,’ insisted Kim. ‘If our relationship is sound then nothing chance chooses for us can weaken it. We can test ourselves!’

As they left the room and began clumping down the
stairs of the old inn, Larry had not the slightest interest in testing himself or Kim or anyone. All he wanted was breakfast and a chance to go back to bed.

‘Sweetheart,’ he said, ‘I have no –’

‘Larry, Larry,’ she interrupted, taking his arm as they reached the lobby. ‘Remember the challenge! To be the best! Let yourself go!’

Larry let himself be led out the door into the warm sunshine, which immediately had him squinting and grimacing and wondering if he had also drunk too much.

‘OK’, she said as she released his arm. As they headed towards the café kitchen where they were already a half-hour late, she took out a die. ‘If it’s odd I’ll spend every second of the morning with you; even, I won’t.’ Before Larry could muster more of a protest than a groan, Kim shook a die and revealed the result in her palm: a ‘six’, even; she wouldn’t.

In the hundred paces it took to reach the café she consulted her die two more times, and matters only got worse. First it picked a one-in-six shot and said in the morning she should do something outrageous. Then it picked another one-in-six shot from among several vaguely outrageous things and said she should try to proposition Michael Way.

That little gem came just outside the café. They both stood looking down at the stupid die in the palm of her hand absorbing what it implied, Larry so dull-witted from the night’s exertions that it took him several seconds longer than Kim.

‘Satisfied?’ he said dully. ‘The die is destructive. It can’t be trusted any more than human beings.’

Kim stood in the sunlight looking down at her palm with a puzzled expression. Then she shrugged.

‘It’s stupid,’ she said, ‘but it must mean something. I suppose it’s a test,’ she added, shrugging again, and smiling

‘I want to eat,’ announced Larry, assuming they were through with the dice business for a while and that Kim was aware, or soon would be, of her folly.

Although the café manager that morning insisted Larry do some dishes before having a cup of coffee or breakfast, Larry managed to sip some dregs from someone else’s cup and filch three slabs of bacon and generally sample the café wares before officially being seated and granted his own plate and cup.

Kim did her assigned chores and ate her breakfast separately, but they left the café together and headed for the orientation centre. Larry didn’t know whom he would question about what he and Kim had seen on the mountain, but it would be someone, and soon. Although slightly revived by coffee and food, he still felt dull. He took Kim’s hand as they walked and, just outside orientation, whispered into her ear, ‘You were magnificent.’

‘You too.’ whispered Kim and stretched up to rub her nose against his.

Inside her training room Larry was glad to collapse into the nearest chair, but Kim strode up to the front of the room to talk to Kathy. She returned a few moments later.

‘He’s working at home today,’ she said.

Larry stared at her blankly.

‘Who?’ he asked.

‘Michael. He’s working at home.’ She leaned over and kissed his forehead. ‘Have faith. See you at lunch.’ And with her usual energy she strode from the room.

Neither before, during or after lovemaking is the human mind a thing of great speed and precision. It tends to take a holiday during such periods, or certainly should, figuring correctly that other elements of the being are on duty and the mind would just get in the way. So Larry sat a full ten seconds before his mind managed to make it clear that Kim was apparently on her way to proposition Michael Way. How could she!?

His head aswirl, he remembered their night together,
the fall of the die that had ignited it, and now of Kim letting another die send her off to Way. Was it all just a game to her!? Kim last night had been everything he had always dreamed of – and more, since his dream life was rather limited – yet she was going to try to see Way. She had told him with starry eyes and a juicy pussy that she loved him, yet she was going to see Way. She was the most fascinating, creative, uninhibited, warm, loving woman he’d ever known. And was going to see Way. Chaos had come.

That morning Macavoy had bad news for Agent Putt. He had been unable to relocate Luke Rhinehart. Someone else was now staying at number six Boxcars Street, and Rhinehart had failed to show up at the orientation building.

Putt took it calmly. He ordered each of the two new agents and Hayes out into the field to seek out Rhinehart in what Putt considered the four key areas: the orientation building, the parking lot (Rhinehart senior might make a run for it), the Hazard Hotel (the heartland of his demonic creation), and the guard gate (Rhinehart senior might make a run for it). Macavoy was to move around the town in general since only he might be able to recognize their prey. Each of the others was to pretend to be a seeker after the ultimate dicelife and express a longing to meet the real Luke Rhinehart. If anyone found him they were to stick to him until 14.00 hours and then either entice Rhinehart on some pretext to come to Putt’s temporary headquarters in the Hazard Hotel lobby, or, if enticement didn’t work, to bring him there by force. At 14.00 hours all agents were to report back to the lobby.

Agent Hayes was to go to local police headquarters and request that they send two men to the lobby at 14.00 hours to help control any disturbance from his followers when they made the arrest.

At 11.18 the agents dispersed on their assignments. Putt
remained behind, seating himself in a comfortable lobby chair and puffing on his morning cigar. He didn’t even let himself get upset at the sight of an elderly man dressed as Superman.

A few minutes after Kim had left I wandered out of the classroom into the bright sunshine of Lukedom, Kathy making no effort to stop me. I was headed down the street towards where I knew Way lived when Rick, dressed all in black leather, including a black leather riding cap and dark sunglasses, came up to me.

‘I didn’t know your father was in town,’ he said. ‘I’d really like to meet him.’

‘What do you mean?’ I asked, stopping.

‘Some guy in a business suit said he’d heard the great man himself is here today,’ said Rick. ‘He wanted to meet him. Asked me where he was.’

‘It’s all just more bullshit,’ I said, starting to walk further along the sidewalk towards Way’s.

‘Yeah, maybe, so my dice told me to tell him I’d last seen Luke in the Do Dice Inn hanging out with you. But then another well-dressed guy over at the pool hall asked me the same thing, said he
knows
Luke is here. Both the guys looked to me like narcs. Is your big dicedaddy really here?’

Looking at him, I wondered if Rick were playing another random role. There was no sense in asking him, of course, since whatever Rick said would be unreliable. The FBI stepping up their looking for my father?

‘Yeah,’ I said to Rick. ‘My dad’s here. But he’s trying to

‘Hey, man, sure! That’s great! Where’s he at?’

‘Can’t tell you, pal,’ I said, punching him playfully on the chest. ‘It’s a kind of test. My father wants to see who recognizes him first.’

‘Excellent!’

As Rick turned and rushed off in the opposite direction, I continued on until I’d come to the small recently-built house of Michael Way. It was at the end of a street of the usual old renovated miners’ houses – two-storey clapboard affairs with all the charm of shoeboxes. Way’s house was a modern one-storey ranch house with a lot of glass.

There was no sign of life. No one there? I suddenly realized I didn’t really want to find out. After a few seconds I turned around to walk back towards the centre of town. It was time to talk to Jake about the airfield and doors in the mountain.

When I located him in a large meeting room of the church, Master Ecstein was busy teaching three youngsters dice proverbs. The kids looked barely eligible for kindergarten.

‘You’ve been playing games with me,’ I said, ignoring the fact that I was interrupting.

‘You bet!’ said Jake. ‘What does Luke have to say about playing games, boys?’ he asked his three charges, who looked at him with adoring eagerness.

‘We’re all playing games,’ answered the oldest boy brightly. ‘But the wise man … learns to make his own rules.’

‘You know where my father is,’ I insisted.

‘I do?’

‘He’s here. In Lukedom. Now.’

‘He is?’

I couldn’t be sure from Jake’s responses whether he was lying or not.

‘Say,’ said Jake, shooing the boys off to another corner of the room. That lovely woman you brought with you phoned once last night and three times today.’

‘Honoria?’ I asked, momentarily knocked off track.

That’s her name,’ said Jake. ‘Great gal. Little highstrung maybe.’

‘Did she say what she wanted?’

‘Said to tell you – and this is the exact quote: “All
forgiven. I want to have our baby.” Jake beamed at me. ‘Congratulations.’

Jesus. What next? Jake’s round grinning face stared up at me like some troll.

‘The FBI is here in Lukedom,’ I said to wipe the smile off the troll’s face. They’re about to arrest my father.’

‘Hey. how about that!?’ said Jake. ‘Exciting times.’

‘You don’t believe me?’

‘’Course I do,’ said Jake, taking me by the elbow and steering me out of the meeting room and into the hallway, glancing back at the boys as he did so.

‘Aren’t you going to try to protect him?’

‘I’ll certainly think about it.’

‘And you might mention to him that I’m trying to see him.’

‘If I see him,’ said Jake, as we strolled down the hall.

‘And do you think you’ll see him?’ I asked sarcastically.

‘I doubt it,’ said Jake.

‘Damn it! I’ve been here almost a week!’ I said, pulling myself out of Jake’s grasp and halting. ‘I’ve worked with diceguides and played some of your damn games. Now the FBI is here and you still haven’t told me anything!’

‘Four of them, right? And one has been here as long as you have.’

‘You knew?’

‘Oh, well,’ said Jake, looking modest, and moving again down the hall. ‘Not everything that happens here escapes our attention.’

‘Does all this have something to do with the secret airfield and secret underground building up on the mountain?’

Jake came to a halt again, his cheerful, unperturbed manner at last broken. He had arrived at his office, which was open.’

‘Airfield?’ he said with a frown. ‘Underground building?’

That’s right,’ I said, triumphant. ‘A secret door in the
wall of that old mine entrance on this side of the mountain, and undoubtedly another secret door on the other side where the airstrip is. And my father is there!’

‘Wow. That’s terrific! When did you find this out?’

‘Yesterday afternoon,’ I said.

‘Actually.’ said Jake, now moving briskly into his office, ‘it was the early evening, wasn’t it?’

Losing my smile I followed him slowly into the office.

‘You acknowledge, then, that there’s a secret building up there?’ I pressed.

Jake sat down at his desk and pulled out a large wooden drawer on the right-hand side. He then swung around in his swivel chair and looked up at me with more seriousness than I’d ever seen in him.

‘Sit down. Son,’ said Jake. ‘It’s time we had a talk.’

‘You’re damn right.’ I pulled a chair briskly over and sat opposite Jake.

Jake nodded, then turned back and pressed a button under the overhang of the desktop. He then reached into the large open drawer and seemed to slide something forward from the rear. He groped around for a while and then pulled out a small mahogany box. Swinging back to face me, he held the wooden box on his lap.

‘You’ve done a fine job,’ said Jake.

‘Where’s my father?’

‘You’re absolutely right about there being a building in that mountain,’ said Jake, ‘though we’d appreciate it if you’d keep it to yourself.’

‘That depends. Are you going to tell me where my father is?’

Jake looked at me for a long moment and then sighed. He looked down at the mahogany box, jiggled it slightly there in his lap and sighed again.

Yes,’ he said. ‘I am.’

‘Well?’

Jake cleared his throat, looked again down at the box and then back at me.

‘He’s here,’ said Jake.

‘I know that. But where?’

‘I mean here,’ said Jake and he nodded at the box in his lap.

I looked at the box, then back at Jake. ‘What are you talking about?’

Jake cleared his throat again, then slowly undid the tiny gold latch on the lid and opened the box. He then pulled his chair towards me and placed the open box in my lap.

Inside were two small worn green plastic dice and a larger bronze die of about two inches in each dimension. There was also an envelope.

‘What’s this, some sort of corny symbolism?’ I said. ‘My father exists in dice?’

‘Actually,’ said Jake. ‘Your father is sealed up in that bronze die. His ashes, that is. Your father is dead.’

On the surface I felt only the tiniest of tremors reverberating at some level so deep I was only vaguely aware of it.

‘Really,’ I said coldly. ‘How convenient.’

‘Yes. It is convenient in some ways.’

‘Why hasn’t the waiting world been told?’ I asked

‘Oh, rumours of Luke’s death abound. He’s died at least a dozen times since he disappeared. Apparently one of the deaths must have taken.’

‘You don’t seem very disturbed by it.’

‘No, no. not at all. Anyone who uses the dice is, as you know, quite a pain in the ass.’

‘So why didn’t you tell me this when I first arrived?’

‘Ah, well,’ said Jake, leaning back in his swivel chair and grinning. ‘Luke always liked complications. He didn’t want to keep things simple. This box and its contents are for you.’

Still not knowing what to believe, I looked down at the box: two plastic dice, the bronze die supposedly with Luke’s ashes, and the envelope. I looked back at Jake.

‘My father left these for me?’

‘That’s right.’

‘The bastard!’

‘He certainty didn’t treat you right,’ said Jake amiably, ‘that’s for sure. But still, you ought to open the envelope.’

I took the envelope out of the box. It was unsealed. I slid my finger into it and pulled out the contents: a single handwritten page with Luke’s signature at the end. I looked up at Jake.

‘Read it,’ said Jake.

‘You know its contents?’

‘He consulted me about it,’ said Jake. ‘Yes, I’ve read it.’

I looked down and read the note:

I think I remained with my head down and eyes on the page long after I’d finished reading. A part of me felt that this was all a hoax, that this was just another test that my father and Jake had prepared for me as part of some initiation into God knew what. But I was also feeling a weight in the tummy that I supposed might have something to do with grief. I became aware I was violently jiggling my right foot. I finally looked up at Jake.

‘Such a heartfelt apology,’ I said. ‘Such an outpouring of parental love.’

Jake shrugged.

‘You have to read between the lines,’ he said.

‘That’s for sure. There’s certainly nothing in the lines.’

‘Your father never was big on saying the obvious,’ said Jake.

‘Is that supposed to mean it’s obvious that he loved me?’ I said bitterly.

‘Maybe,’ said Jake. ‘Not many daddies think enough of their kids to want to leave their kingdom to them.’

‘What’s he mean he’s been following my life?’ I asked, stuffing the letter back into the envelope.

‘Can’t say,’ said Jake. ‘I guess it means what it says.’

‘And if he knew I’d reject his offer even after you think I’m ready, then why make the offer?’

‘Well, if I’d sent this to you three months ago, you’d have sneered and been happy your daddy was safely out of the way of your social life,’ said Jake. ‘Now, because of the things you’ve done and had happen to you lately, you may sneer, but your curiosity has been whetted. You now know your daddy hasn’t just been playing games for twenty years – or rather the games he’s been playing may be a little bigger than you thought.’

Still holding the box, its lid now closed, I stood up.

‘No,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry … if my father is dead … but all the rest is … meaningless.’

‘Yeah. I suppose so.’

‘They’ve caught Luke!’ said Rick, bursting into the
room, out of breath. ‘They’ve got him!’

I looked from Rick back down to Jake, who looked both surprised and worried.

‘When? Where?’ barked Jake.

‘Just now,’ said Rick, still gasping for breath. Two of those narcs were taking him to the Hazard Inn.’

I looked once more at a frowning Jake and then, tucking the wooden box under my arm, stepped around Rick and began running down the hall.