The Secret Catamite Bk 1, The Book of Daniel (26 page)

Simon felt better in the warmth
of Daniel's praise. "But anyway, it was starting to hurt a bit, the
rubbing I mean," he said.

Daniel thought for a moment. "I
think that's because you're circumcised, so it rubs straight onto
my skin."

"Doesn't it for you?"

"No. I think because I'm not
circumcised that I can make it rub mostly inside, in my foreskin,
so it doesn't hurt. The very opposite!" Daniel smiled.

"I wish I wasn't circumcised,"
said Simon. "I hate it. I know you've got more feeling there than I
have."

"Doesn't stop you coming,
though," said Daniel. "Don't worry so much. You're super."

"How d'you mean?" said Simon,
still wanting reassurance.

"You're clever, funny."

"Funny?"

"Yeah, I don't mean silly funny.
Clever funny, witty and that."

"Telling jokes?"

"Not just that. It's the way you
see things. You come out with some really witty things at times,
from nowhere. It makes me laugh, you know it does. You just seem to
see things from a different angle to most other kids. Ones I know,
anyway."

"You're clever too."

"I know. But your cleverness is
one of the things I like about you. I can talk to you better than
other kid I know, ones in my own year too. And I know you’re a real
friend. Never let me down."

"I would never do that, Daniel.
You've never let me down. Ever. Just think about eleven plus, never
mind scouts and everything."

"I'm just a kid, you know, like
you. A bit older, that's all. I love you being my friend, Simon.
You make me feel good. It's sort of … where I get my strength
from."

"From me?" exclaimed an
astonished Simon.

"Don't sound so surprised. Of
course from you. There's nobody else like you. So don't worry about
not liking being on top. You're such an emotional kid, more than
any I know. But if it's not fun for both of us, what's the point?
Be honest, d'you like it when I'm on top?"

"Yes, you know I do. It feels
right to me. I just feel … sort of … safe. And you know that when I
know you're coming, it usually makes me too."

"Good. I like that. And you are.
Safe, I mean. We don't have to do it that way every time
anyway."

"But we can now, if you want,"
said Simon. Daniel's actions were his answer.

Satisfied, lying together
in the sunshine, Simon felt content. He knew that Daniel would
never demand of him anything he didn't want to give, and in return
he was happy to give Daniel all he wanted. He thought about what
Daniel had said about how he made him feel good. His feeling of
self worth returned. It was true what Daniel had said about his
emotions. They were volatile and Simon sometimes could not control
how he felt, especially where Daniel was concerned. But Daniel's
confirmation of his value, his fitness, his friendship meant more
than anything else because Daniel really knew him. There was no
pretence, no false front, no attempt to impress, just Simon, his
body and soul open to Daniel who knew and saw all, and yet still
was his best friend. They lay together, testing each other from
Daniel's
Flags of the World
book.

Simon followed Daniel in another
respect too. He was chosen to carry the flag at church parade. What
surprised Simon was that Mum and Dad came as well. To see him carry
the Union Flag. Simon was glad it was the Union Flag he was given
because that was the one Daniel had carried. George Morrison, PL of
Eagles, was carrying the Scout Flag. The two stood outside with the
troop lined up behind them, flags in their holders, fluttering in
the breeze. Simon felt Daniel's gaze behind him. He had to do this
well. He had of course been to most of the church parades so he
knew the routine, unchanged since that first time he had come along
to watch Daniel.

John Riley, the Troop Leader,
gave the commands and they marched off, Simon concentrating hard on
keeping in step, back erect, holding the flag high. It was heavy
and the breeze kept wanting it to sway it to one side and then the
other. When it was time to enter the church, he dipped the flag as
it went through the porch, being careful it did not touch the stone
flagged floor. He controlled his nervousness as he saw how full the
church was. He noticed Mum and Dad, there to support him, but
deliberately avoided eye contact. He must keep focused; Daniel had
stressed how important that was. Holding their flags high, with
George on his left, arms level, right elbows out at shoulder height
as trained, they walked down the nave of the church toward the
altar, the congregation watching the regular ritual. Suddenly with
a loud crack, Simon's right elbow caught a wooden staff with a
small cross on top slotted in on the end of a pew. It twanged back
and forth noisily like a ruler flipped on a desk edge. Simon felt
himself flush with embarrassment but kept his steady step alongside
George and reached the altar rail. The flags were taken and laid by
the altar and Simon and George went to their position in the front
pew. The rest of the troop filed into their places. Luckily the
post wasn't broken and was now still again, but Simon's elbow was
sore.

The service was now more
familiar to Simon, and he followed it. From his front pew he was
able to watch as the sacraments were prepared, and at the time of
communion as the vicar took the bread and wine followed by the
choir; then it was Simon's turn. As before, Simon knelt at the rail
and kept his head bowed and hands by his side. He felt the priest's
hand on his head.

"The Lord bless you and keep
you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to
you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you
peace."

Simon felt that same warm
tingling suffuse his body as he had the first time and every time
since. He felt at ease in some way he could not explain.

"The body of Christ keep you in
eternal life."

Simon realised that George was
taking Communion. He risked a sidelong glance, and saw him take the
wafer, and then sip the wine. Simon waited until he had done that
and then moved back to his seat, past the line of waiting scouts.
Daniel gave him a quiet dig in the side as he passed.

Back in his seat, Simon watched
as Daniel knelt among the scouts at the rail and received the wafer
– "The body of Christ keep you in eternal life " – and then sipping
from the silver chalice - "The blood of Christ keep you in eternal
life" – and remained kneeling while other scouts received either
the sacraments or a blessing as Simon had. Since his confirmation,
Simon had seen Daniel take communion at Church Parades before, and
he wondered if he ever would. If Daniel was going to get eternal
life, Simon wanted to be there too with him. He turned round to see
Mum and Dad sitting further back. He caught their eye and
smiled.

At the end it was time to take
the flag out again, Simon this time careful where his elbow was. He
and George led the troop, under the orders of the Troop Leader, for
the parade round the church, watched by many of the congregation.
Many of course were family of the scouts, but many were not.

The double column came to halt
and turned to form two rows as usual. After dismiss, Simon and
George took the flags to Skip's estate car. Simon was nervous about
what might be said about the wooden staff. He decided to speak
first.

"Skip, I'm sorry about hitting
that pole thing."

"Made me jump out of my skin,"
commented George.

"It's called a churchwarden's
wand, Simon. You both did very well," said Skip. "And Simon, forget
about hitting the wand. You did extremely well not to panic, you
kept your head and simply carried on without missing a step.
Excellent. Both of you did us proud today. Is your elbow all right,
Simon?"

"Yes, it's OK, Skip."

"Good. Off you go then."

Simon saw Mum and Dad waiting
for him. He looked round for Daniel, and saw him with his
parents.

"Is your arm hurting, Simon?"
asked Mum.

"No, it's fine."

"You hit that pole with an awful
clatter," said Dad. "But you just carried on as though nothing had
happened. Great presence of mind, Simon. Well done."

Simon smiled at this praise from
Dad.

"What do you have to do now?"
asked Mum. "Only I should go and get the lunch ready or it will be
teatime by the time we get it."

"No, we're finished now," said
Simon. They walked from the churchyard, over the footbridge and up
the hill. Daniel with his parents was several yards in front of
them.

"Daniel!" shouted Simon.

Daniel stopped and waited, Simon
ran ahead, and they walked up together, between the parents.

"What happened with that post
thingy? It made a hell of a racket," asked Daniel.

"I just clipped it with my
elbow, made it twang. It's called a wand."

"I thought it was never going to
stop. Didn't you see it?"

"I suppose so, just didn't
realise it was so close."

Daniel punched Simon playfully
and shook his head. "Simon, you're such an idiot. But you did
really well not to drop the flag or something. Super Second."

"Perfect PL," responded Simon,
happy with this praise from his Patrol Leader and best friend.

Through that Summer, the boys
made a real effort to improve their fitness. They devised a
programme of exercises; sit ups, lifting using various household
objects, and Daniel's bedroom became a makeshift fitness room. His
mother had to keep retrieving the 2lb bags of sugar from the
bedroom. They went out running, the bike rides continued and of
course Daniel's swimming club kept his body perfectly toned.

But it wasn't just the physical
that improved. Daniel had watched Simon get narrowly beaten in the
100 yards at school, and he knew why.

"It's like swimming, Simon.
You've not just got to be fast, you have to concentrate. He beat
you because he got a better start."

Simon nodded, the memory of the
defeat still vexed him. "I went as soon as I heard the gun."

"You didn't. I was watching. You
went when the others went."

"That's the same thing, isn't
it?

"No. If you wait to see them
move there's a split second delay that puts you behind."

"But I don't want to be
disqualified."

"Thought so. Forget the others.
Look, I was the same when I started racing at swimming. You're
scared of going too soon so you wait too long. When I'm waiting for
a race, I don't think about anything else. You have to really focus
your mind on the gun, or when the swimmer touches if it’s a relay.
Nothing else matters in the world. When I'm like that, the bomb
could drop and it wouldn't make a difference."

Simon knew what Daniel meant, he
knew that ability of Daniel's for fierce concentration, not just at
swimming galas, but in his piano playing, his work. Everything.
Simon wished he had it. "Yes, you're good at that," he said.

"So can you be. You've got to
want to win so much you don't care about anything else at that
time. I'm going to teach you to get a good start."

In Daniel's garden, in the
street, Simon did start after start, Daniel acting as starter,
using two wooden blocks he had found to simulate the crack of the
starting pistol. Simon learned to train his mind to exclude all
else, his whole being concentrated on the starter's orders, and the
loud crack that meant 'Go!'

Daniel cheered at the next house
races, when Simon made a perfect start and won the 100 yards by
several yards, beating a boy from Daniel's house. Daniel got some
comments about cheering a boy from another house, but he didn't
care. He could see the change in Simon's start. He knew he had
helped and felt proud of that. For Daniel, it was a success by
proxy, and Simon's happiness made him happy too.

1. 1959/3 Nearly
   caught
   

Simon decided to wait for the
next bus. He was at the main road, waiting to meet Daniel back from
his Saturday morning swimming club, and he had not arrived on the
expected bus. It was a chilly March day, but Simon was wearing a
warm coat with scarf and hat. He stomped up and down by the bus
stop, stepping back when a bus arrived to indicate he did not want
to get on, even though it was not a request stop. At last another
bus that might be carrying Daniel arrived, and there was his
friend, getting off the bus. But he didn't look especially pleased
to see Simon.

"Hiya, Daniel," said Simon
hesitantly, catching his friend's mood.

"Hiya," said Daniel curtly.

"What's the matter?"

"Layton, that's what's the
matter, if you want to know," came Daniel's gruff response. "Come
on, let's go."

As the two walked up the hill,
Simon wondered what had happened to upset Daniel. He could guess,
because Daniel had talked of Layton before, and indeed when Simon
had gone to watch and cheer Daniel on at swimming galas, he had
seen the boy in question, undoubtedly a big and strong swimmer.

"He is older than you, though,
isn't he?" offered Simon in consolation.

"Not the point, I'm better than
him." Daniel hated not being first.

"But it was just a practice,
though?"

"Again, not the point. And it is
for the county team."

They walked on in silence until
they got to the corner.

"See you later?" said Simon
cautiously.

Daniel stopped. "I'm sorry,
Simon, it's not your fault. You were waiting for me and all I've
done is be bad tempered with you. Come in with me. Please?"

"'Course I will," said Simon,
gratified. So they went to Daniel's house and entered through the
back door into the kitchen. Mrs Gray was there, putting things in
her handbag.

"Hello, darling, how did you get
on?"

"Don't ask," said Daniel,
dropping his bag and taking off his coat. Mrs Gray looked
questioningly at Simon.