The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (36 page)

Everywhere I looked, I saw happy smiling faces and youth and beauty in abundance and I could not help looking about myself in pleasure. The Cardinal smiled benevolently as he led me into the palace and then took me through several light filled, beautifully appointed reception chambers to the splendid rooms that had been prepared for me and which overlooked the river. 'You are come amongst us like Spring itself,' he said, kissing my hand. 'I do believe that the city of Strasbourg has given you its heart.'

'And in return you have mine,' I assured him as Madame de Chaulnes flung open my tall bedchamber windows so that we could hear the cheers and acclaim outside. 'I do not think that I could ever have expected such a wondrous welcome.' I looked about myself with real pleasure as I went from room to room, especially appreciating the enormous bedchamber with its white and gilt paneled walls, crimson brocade hung four poster bed and stately gold balustrade that separated the bed from the rest of the room.

'This is the
chambre du roi
,' the Cardinal explained with a smile, noticing my look of delight. 'I hope that you will make yourself comfortable here.'

Later, after a banquet and a trip to the theatre that I was too tired to fully appreciate we all went to the Salon d'Assemblée and stood at the windows that overlooked the square, which was illuminated with hundreds of red, yellow and orange lanterns with even the beautiful cathedral opposite lit up from the tip of its spire to the ground so that it shimmered like a candle flame in the darkness. The people of the city swarmed below, shouting and singing as they freely drank the wine that flowed like water from the fountains and ate meat from the oxen that were roasting on enormous spits on the street corners. There had already been an enormous firework display that had filled the ink black night sky with light, colour and the heavy scent of gunpowder.

'I have never seen anything so wonderful,' I whispered to Madame de Mailly, hugging my velvet cloak close as we stared down into the square. 'How happy they all look.'

The Comtesse smiled kindly. 'That is because we are all just so thrilled to have you here.' She hesitated for a moment and frowned as if unsure about what to say next before continuing: 'After Madame la Marquise de Pompadour died the court became impossibly dreary and then even more so after the poor, dear Queen passed away also and I am afraid that we have all been stagnating somewhat, waiting for something or
someone
to come along to shake us all up again.' Again that careful pause. 'I fear that things will not be as you expected.'

Before I could ask her what she meant by this rather cryptic utterance, the Comtesse de Chaulx-Tavannes advanced upon us and gave Madame de Mailly's arm a sharp rap with her ivory handled fan. 'Shush now,' she hissed with a glittering and eminently false smile, 'let's not frighten the little bride shall we?' And with that she remained steadfastly at our side until it was time for me to withdraw to my bedchamber.

It was not pleasant to be prepared for bed by almost total strangers but I think I endured it quite well and did nothing that could give rise to offense or, worse, malicious comment. I find that the ladies here are very quick to be offended, apt to perceive a slight where there is none and very jealous of their rights so that it is too easy to say or do entirely the wrong thing.
 
They are also extremely eager to gain precedence over each other, which I find amusing although this will probably soon get tiresome.

Madame de Mailly is the kindest of them all and also the most useful when it comes to imparting information to a novice like myself as she is very friendly and also seems to absolutely understand how lost I feel at the moment. I think that perhaps we might become friends.

Tuesday 8
th
May, after breakfast.

Madame de Mailly on Madame de Chaulnes: 'Marie-Paule always looks
 
miserable because her life really is a trial, poor thing. Well, for a start she is a daughter of the Duc de Luynes (this said with a significant look that I have yet to decipher) and then on top of that her husband is very strange indeed and cares more about his plants and trees than he does about her and as for his mother! Well, the old Duchesse has been a mortification to us all for many years now and is quite possibly the most annoying, ridiculous example of a sadly aging coquette that you could ever hope to meet. Of course she has never quite recovered from the blow of La Pompadour's little girl dying before she could succeed in marrying her to her awful son. Monsieur le Duc is apparently so in love with his plants that he has refused to be a husband to the poor girl and so she affects to always wear white in order to either advertise her virginity or shame him into taking action, I am not sure which. It is admirable of course but imagine the scandal should she ever step out in anything coloured.'

Madame de Chaulnes on Madame de Mailly: 'She is the same as all the rest of the Talleyrand-Périgord family: pretending to be utterly insouciant and with a smile for everyone but nonetheless convinced at all times of her own superiority. Be warned.'

8
th
May, later.

We have just returned from the cathedral, where Mass was celebrated by the Cardinal's handsome nephew, the Prince Louis de Rohan. Nothing could surpass the magnificence of Strasbourg Cathedral, which towered ominously over us as we walked beneath billowing blue, white and silver canopies from the Palais Rohan across the square to its wonderfully carved and embellished golden sandstone portals.

'It is said to be the tallest building in all the world,' Marie-Paule de Chaulnes whispered to me as we paused for a brief moment to stare open mouthed up at the enormous decorated spire. 'You can see the spire from many leagues away.'

'How impressive.' We continued walking. 'I do not think that I have ever seen anything quite so beautiful although beautiful seems like quite the wrong word somehow doesn't it?'

'Superb?' Marie-Paule offered.
 
'I grew up nearby at Dampierre and used to come to Strasbourg often as a little girl with my parents. I believed that God himself must certainly reside inside the cathedral.'

'I can totally understand why,' I said with a smile. I know that the other ladies think that she is rather ridiculous and affected but I feel very sorry for her and think that they are being very harsh. It must be horrid to have a husband who does not like you and I really don't understand why he isn't madly in love with her as she resembles the girls in Greuze's sad paintings and looks like she should be weeping over dead canaries or sobbing elegantly while clutching pink roses to her tastefully exposed breast. That sort of thing.

8
th
May, later still.

Prince Louis de Rohan is so handsome. I think it must be very distracting for the ladies of Strasbourg whenever he celebrates Mass as he does so in such a theatrical manner and with much dramatic rolling of his blue eyes and tender smiles upon the congregation. It was very chilly inside the cathedral this morning and yet I saw plenty of ladies, of varying ages, fanning themselves as though quite overcome.
 

He seemed to reserve his most winsome smiles for my direction but I pretended not to notice.
 

Sunday 13
th
May, Soissons, late.

I can't believe that almost a week has passed since I last wrote in my journal. I had thought you lost forever but it turned out that you were hidden at the bottom of a box, which was a massive relief as imagine the terrible scandal should anyone discover you! Imagine the horror should they then broadcast my most secret thoughts to the rest of the world!

Anyway, this has been a week of much travelling and celebration. Whatever fears I may have had about the French people's reaction to my marriage were entirely dissipated by the mass rejoicing and joy that greeted my progress across their country, resting at Nancy, Chalons, Rheims and now Soissons. Never before have I felt so loved, never before have I experienced such approval. I hope that it always stays this way. When I lie down to sleep at night my ears are ringing with the echo of cheers and the sound of fireworks exploding into the night sky.
 

In return I respond as eagerly as I can to their overtures. I return their smiles, gather their bouquets to my heart and listen attentively when they speak. When children come forward to present me with flowers, I kneel down at their level and look them in the face before embracing them. I can't help it. My heart is overflowing with love for all people and for the French in particular. I have gone from being the very least of Mama's daughters to the most important and I feel like a princess in a fairy tale.

Last night in Soissons there was a huge banquet followed by some oratory by students at the local college before we went to the opera. They spoke to me in Latin, which I smiled and nodded along with as though I understood every single word before, carefully primed by my Abbé, I replied with a few sentences in the same language. They had the grace to hide their expressions of surprise beneath wild applause. I may not be very clever but I always know what will most please people and that, I think, is far more important.

However, my journey is almost at an end as tomorrow we drive to Compiègne, where I will meet my husband and his family for the first time. I feel myself tremble with fear and excitement every time I think of it. It seems like such a long time ago now that I first heard talk of my betrothal to the Dauphin and now here I am in France and tomorrow we will finally stand face to face. It has taken me twenty seven days, almost a month to get here and now Vienna feels so very far away.
 

I wonder if he is thinking of me too? I am so impatient to meet him. I have his miniature lying on the desk beside me and I often pause to look at it and trace his painted face with my finger, imagining what he is like and hoping that he will like me.
 

I am so ready to fall in love with him.

Monday, 14
th
May, Château de Compiègne.

It is done. I am here. I do not know what to think or what to say.

The morning seems so long ago now. I will always remember that I was shaking with fear as my ladies in waiting dressed me for my first meeting with the Dauphin and his grandfather, the King at Compiègne. Madame de Noailles was very quick to make it plain that the meeting with the King was the most important thing but we all know that it is his grandson's approval and love that I must win.

'Will they like me? What will they think of me?' I kept asking as Mesdames de Chaulnes and Mailly turned me this way and that, pulling out my yellow silk skirts, patting my powdered hair into place, spraying me with violet scent and fastening my diamond studded lace choker around my throat. 'Will
he
like me?' I held out my arms so that they could clasp diamond and pearl bracelets around my slim wrists. 'Will he think that I am pretty?' I ignored Madame de Noailles exasperated 'chut'.
 

Madame de Mailly smiled kindly and patted my hand. 'You are worrying far too much. He will think that you are delightful.'

'And the King?' I held on to Madame de Chaulnes' shoulder as I slipped my feet into a pair of pale pink silk shoes with beautiful sapphire buckles. 'What will he think? Will I please him?' I turned this way and that in front of the mirror, still not quite used to the sight of myself in the thick red rouge that was applied to my cheeks every morning. I have pleaded with them not to have it but it is 'expected of me' according to Madame de Noailles and so, unwillingly, I submit.

They all exchanged a look, one that I was not able to decipher. 'Oh, he will be extremely pleased,' Madame de Saulx-Tavannes said with a laugh that was not entirely genuine. 'I would not trouble your lovely head about that!'

The minutes dragged terribly after this as first we were entertained by some notables of the city and then we all had lunch, which I could only pick at before we went to sit together in the pretty pale blue and gold sitting room next to my bedroom and waited to be called downstairs to the carriages. Madame de Mailly tried her best to distract me with a game of cards but my mind was very definitely elsewhere and the Dauphin was all that I could think or talk about until I am sure they could all have quite cheerfully slapped me.
 

Finally, the summons came and we made our way swiftly down the marble staircase to the waiting carriages. Mesdames de Noailles and Villars sat opposite me and as usual were keen to find fault with everything so that I left Soissons to a chorus of complaints and criticisms. Like Monsieur de Durfort, they think that Versailles is superior to everything. They really are such foolish creatures.

Our carriage took a road that ran alongside the Aisne river and I gazed out across the water, trying my best to still the wild, almost dizzying thump of my heart within my breast. In my lap I held a beautiful illustrated map that had been the gift of the Cardinal Rohan when we left Strasbourg. It detailed the route that I must take to get to Versailles and included tiny pictures of the places of interest that I might expect to see along the way although I think that I have probably missed most of them either because I was asleep or because I was talking to Madame de Mailly, who is so amusing and interesting. You would not believe the things that she has told me about the court at Versailles. I do not think that I will ever be able to look the people involved in the face!