The Seek (16 page)

And Kyn knew it was true. Sweet Tabi had tried so hard. After losing her own mother, it was like she had needed to throw her softness and sweetness and mother-missing into something. And that something had been Kyntura. But Kyn just wasn’t wired together that way. She couldn’t just lose her mother and fall into the arms of the nearest mother substitute. Especially not when she the substitute had been a thirteen-year-old girl. Kyn had wanted to be Tabi’s friend; Tabi had wanted to love and nurture and protect her. It had worked out okay, but there had been some fraught moments.

Kyn closed her eyes briefly and thought how those fraught moments had become more and more as Kyn had stomped through her teenage years. And all of it had led to that day; the day after her eighteenth birthday.

‘I’m sorry, Tabi,’ she said finally. ‘I really am so sorry for what I did, for how I did it.’ Something deep in her chest burned as she said the words, and her hand sneaked up to rub at the spot. ‘It was bad. It was immature, and selfish, and — ’

‘Sh.’ Tabi cut her off, putting a finger to Kyn’s lips. ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She stopped, her hand over her mouth. ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, it did matter. I grieved you, so badly. And then I was angry with you, and…’ She touched the side of Kyn’s face gently. ‘But the thing is, Kyn, the world…the universe…is just so full of bad things. When good things happen’ — She shrugged — ‘sometimes you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.’

Kyn looked hard into the dark eyes of this beautiful woman who had been her friend for so long. She screwed up her courage. ‘Thanks Tab,’ she said. ‘I don’t deserve it, but thanks.’

Tabysha shrugged a little. ‘I see things better now,’ she said. ‘Since Asha came back and I know more about what really goes on. I understand why you couldn’t contact me, once you were…’ She said the next words like she had something bitter in her mouth. ‘…an Avenger.’

Kyn nodded dumbly. It was true. No contact. Avengers don’t fight and die if they have people they’d rather be with.

Tabi pushed on. ‘And I think I also get some of why you went away. It was so hard for you.’ She reached out to squeeze Kyn’s shoulder and Kyn fought hard against all the instincts that had been bred into her for the last ten years; all the instincts that reviled against human touch. Tabi continued, seemingly unaware. ‘You were all alone, even among all of us. You lost everyone.’

Kyn swallowed hard. No tears.

‘And you were so damn angry.’ Tabi’s voice cracked. ‘And I just couldn’t make it better, no matter how hard I tried.’

Kyn stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Tabysha. ‘It wasn’t your job,’ she said softly into her friend’s neck. ‘No-one said you had to save me.’

‘But someone had to,’ the older woman said.

Kyn shrugged. ‘I’m here,’ she said, forcing her face into a grin. ‘I’m alive, mostly. And I’m not so angry anymore.’

Kyn knew it wasn’t really true. The anger and the fear bubbled away in her all the time, spilled into her dreams and knocked at the door of her brain whenever it was idle. But now she had an outlet.

And that made all the difference.

But enough of this. ‘Tab,’ she said. ‘You know I’m going down today, to the one they’re calling Eden 13?’

‘Yes, of course,’ Tabi said, her eyes widening. ‘I clean forgot to tell you, honey. I’m coming too.’

***

The training rounds on Earth Five were nowhere near as sophisticated as those at Avenger Central, but they’d have to do. Today was all about mental toughness anyway.

Kyn stared them all down as they knelt in front of her. She tried to push away the fight she’d had with Tabysha. She had enough to think about without worrying how she was going to protect Tabi as well. Why were all the people she cared about so damn stubborn?

She turned her attention back to the Avengers. This is why they severed all contact. Loving people was way too distracting.

She had them kneeling because she wanted them to listen, and to remember that she was their Magister.

‘You are going to see things out there that you have never seen. Things way, way worse than those Hydrentians. You get it?’

‘Yes, Magister.’ Twelve voices barked in time.

‘Today we are going to work on extraction — the formations, the pairings, the routines. I need it to be as familiar to you as your own sorry faces.’

‘Do we know what —’

She cut Kendis off. ‘Pre-brief later. I’ll give you the detail then. For now it’s all about training. I need automaticity from you, Avengers. I don’t want you thinking about the mission details right now, not yet. I want you drumming these moves and counter-moves into your skulls, so far and so deep you could do them in your sleep. No distractions. No thinking about the mission. Not now. Check, Avengers?

‘Yes, Magister!’

Kyntura felt a sigh build deep in her bones. ‘Okay, so get up.’ She had thought long and hard about the pairings. It was always such a fine balance, understanding their allegiances and their motivations. Your best friend was usually not your best partner, out there on the ground or the rock or the ice, with the wild things hunting you down. But sometimes, a certain amount of attachment helped.

Partner pairing was personal, chemical. It always reminded Kyn of something an old boy had once told her when she was still tiny, back before the world had gone to hell, back in Sweetheart. He had worked on their farm, as a chicken sexer. Chicken sexing was an almost magical skill. There were some aspects of chickens that leant one way or another — boy or girl — but no definitive list you could point to, hand on heart, and say that this or that made them one way or another. But some people — for some reason no-one quite understood — could pick up one of those scrawling, cheeping little things, turn it over in their hands, and say with ninety-nine per cent accuracy what it was. Magic.

Kyn liked thinking abut that story, because it reminded her that no matter how technologically advanced we became, there were some jobs only people could do. And no matter how far removed from home and hearth they were, floating out here in the great void of space in these crazy ships that tried to mimic home, there were some jobs only humans could still do. And one of them was pair Avengers for battle missions — one with another, to offer the perfect complement; to be the other eyes and ears you could not have behind you. The person who would save you or sink you.

She moved quickly through the group, tapping them and motioning to others. As she came to the last four, she hesitated, and mentally crossed herself, hoping this was not a mistake. It was a risk, for sure, but hopefully, hopefully not a mistake. Four sets of eyes studied her while she hesitated. But she would not be rushed. She was the chicken sexer here; she had to probe her instincts, check she had read them right.

‘Kendis, Mirren,’ she said finally. ‘Over there.’

Kendis smiled and Kyn almost changed her mind. But one look at Mirren assured her she’d made the right choice. The girl was closed as tight as a drum, not a single expression flicking across her face at the news that the boy she had beaten would be her partner. Kyn knew now she was right. They were light and shade, these two. And she remembered the other things — their grace, their agility — they would make some formidable team if they could learn to read each other’s bodies, and anticipate each other’s choices. As they would need to, to survive.

But still. Kyn watched them walk over to the corner of the round to which she had motioned. They were side-by-side, and their arms brushed lightly. Kyn frowned, wondering if it was an accident, or deliberate, and if the latter, who had instigated it. She followed them, watched them eye each other as they stood on either side of an almost-out-dated helio. Their faces were neutral, but she stood between them and knew she wasn’t imagining the frisson.

Jesus Christ
. The last thing she needed was to be feeding some Romeo and Juliet routine on this mission.

‘Avengers,’ she spat.

Their eyes pulled away from each other’s and met hers.

‘Just so we’re clear. Avengers do not have relationships. With anyone.’ She smacked one balled fist into the palm of her other hand to underline the point. ‘Including and especially each other.’ They looked at her calmly but there was no answering surprise. No outrage. No smartass rejoinder from Kendis.

‘Yes, Magister,’ Mirren confirmed lightly. ‘Of course, Magister,’ Kendis echoed.

Then they were back to looking at each other. It was what they were supposed to be doing, what she wanted them to do; size each other up for the training round she would shortly order to start.

So that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was that Kyn could tell. She could tell they liked looking at each other. Something about the slow-dawning brightness in Kendis’ old eyes. Something about the slightest of flushes on Mirren’s sweet baby-doll face. Kyn’s eyes flicked across their bodies. Loose, ready, as they should be. But also a little puffed, a little focused on emphasising the beauty of their bodies, each to the other.

Kyn mentally rolled her eyes and stalked off.

She stood at the centre of the round. ‘Today we are practising three-sixty fighting,’ she said. ‘You will fight back to back. You will be each other’s eyes and ears. I will match your pair with another pair and you will fight team on team. Your aim is to get the other team down and keep them there. But’ — She paused, already hating the taste of what she was about to say — ’you also have to be careful, just this once. I need you whole later today.’

Her words were a sobering note dropping into the thick haze of testosterone that coated the room before a fight.

‘Go.’

She made her way over to Rexas and Reetor — the little redhead smartass and the big, dark intellect. Of all the groupings, this was the one of which she was most confident. She understood clearly what they would get from each other. It was pure yin and yang. Rexas was light, but a superb fighter. He reminded her a lot of Jedro back in the day. Reetor was pure learned skill, his beautiful physicality matched by that impressive brain.

But today, something was off with him.

She moved a little closer as they sparred with their allocated team, trying to pinpoint the problem. There was something almost-imperceptibly sluggish in Reetor’s movements. She studied his face. And a glaze in his eyes she had not seen before. She called the fight to a halt and motioned Reetor to come with her, drawing him into a briefing chamber nearby.

‘What is it?’ Her hands were on her hips.

‘Nothing, Magister,’ he said, meeting her eyes heroically.

‘Bullshit,’ she snapped. ‘I need to know.’

The big young man shuffled a little on the spot, keeping eye contact.

Kyn worked hard to pinpoint what she had seen. Not a tremor. Not quite. ‘Are you afraid?’

‘No, Magister!’ The boy’s voice was deep like a man and rang with the edge of truth. He took a breath. ‘I’m…’ He rolled his shoulders a little as he searched for the word. ‘…I feel uncertain, since the Hydrentians.’

Kyn walked closer to him, wishing she could sniff out the problem. His eyes were closed, and the sight shot a thought into her brain. ‘Dreams?’

His eyes flicked open and they were wide and a little wild. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘How did you know? Did someone hear?’

Did someone hear?
It must have been bad.

‘No,’ she said. ‘It’s just…normal.’

Reetor shook his head this time. ‘No,’ he said, casting his eyes down. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Why not?’ Kyn reached out and tipped his chin up. She needed to see his eyes.

‘They make me feel crazy,’ he said. ‘The dreams.’ He lifted his hands as though looking for the right gesture to explain what he was feeling but dropped them again and shrugged. ‘They make me want to run.’

Kyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘Don’t run, Reetor,’ she said.

He nodded, but his head was heavy.

She pressed on. ‘They’ll find you. There’s nowhere to go.’

He nodded again.

Kyn stepped very close to him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. ‘I will be there, Reetor. I have never been there before, on any of my trainees’ missions. But this time I will be there. You will be under my protection. I will do all I can.’

His eyes flicked up at her again at her words. ‘I meant what I said,’ he said, his eyes flashing with truth. ‘I am not afraid.’

Kyn ran a hand through her buzz cut, feeling the soft prickles comfort her like an old friend. ‘What then?’

Reetor smiled a small smile that opened something up inside Kyntura. She had to press her fingernails into her palms to stop her from puling him into her embrace and hushing him like a baby. ‘I think I’m going mad,’ he said.

***

She had assured him.
We all feel that. It’s normal, a part of this thing we do
. But she knew it wasn’t true. She knew some didn’t. She did, she sure as hell did. But she wasn’t Reetor — she knew she didn’t have his kind of brain. Big and beautiful, and prone to too much thinking. Reetor would never dance off the madness; he would never be able bury it in fight and fury. A brain like that — it would chase him and chew at him. God help him, the poor kid.

But at least he was still there when she wrapped up the pre-brief three hours later.

‘Any more questions?’ She folded her arms across her chest, thinking,
You poor bastards. What have we gotten you into?

Tyrin, the big laid-back blond who’d almost lost his lunch during the fire fight in transit, raised a hand. ‘Tyrin,’ she acknowledged.

‘Permission to summarise, Magister?’

She nodded.

‘We are to go to this star.’ He waved a hand. ‘The one they call Eden 13. We are to relieve the unit there currently while the Explorers finish their observations.’

Kyntura nodded again.

‘There have been raids,’ the boy went on. ‘And heavy losses, although we are not sure why. It does not seem to be an inhabited planet.’

‘Possibly one mined by others for its resources,’ Kyn confirmed. ‘Or maybe these folks just don’t like us getting too close.’

The boy pushed on. ‘They’re new to us, these others,’ he said.

Kyn touched the crystalair to show the group the image that had been captured of the ones they called Haitites. Their long, lean bodies glowing orange as they moved in battle formation across a sandy surface. ‘We know they are good fighters,’ she said. ‘Possibly the best we’ve seen.’