The Selfless Sister (23 page)

He ignored her shallow greeting and frowned with concern. “So you’re all right? I was worried. God only knows what Edgerton might have done.”

“I am fine.” Why had he not even touched her, or looked at her in the manner he did last night? “But what of Alex?”

“Edgerton’s bullet struck his arm. He has lost some blood and is in considerable pain, but he’ll recover. And Alethea?”

“She’s fine, physically, but I can only imagine the turmoil she’s going through right now. Edgerton sent her off to Scotland at dawn this morning.”

“I’m not surprised.” Douglas’s frown deepened. “I trust he gave you no trouble last night. I’ve been sick with worry and wasn’t sure how best to contact you. I detest skulking around in the woods like this, all to avoid Edgerton Linley. Had you not heard my shots, I swear I would have come to Southfield and pounded on the door.”

Had she not been so perturbed, she might have laughed at the vision of Edgerton’s astonished face upon the butler’s announcement that a Belington was at his door. “Then thank heavens I heard your shots.” Douglas’s blunt honesty had put her to shame. She would no longer claim she was simply “out for a stroll.”

He had been staring at her face. Now he stepped closer. “That mark on your cheek—was it Edgerton?”

“Yes.” Upon seeing the instant look of rage that suffused his face, she hastened to add, “But it was only the once. He won’t do it again.”

“Damn the man!” Fury in his eyes, Douglas directed his gaze toward Southfield. He appeared so angry Lucinda was afraid he might throw caution to winds and depart to do damage to Edgerton at any moment. “There is nothing to be gained—”

“If he touches you again, I’ll kill him.”

“He won’t.” Douglas always seemed so calm, collected. This was a side of him she had never seen before. Did this fierce reaction mean he had some feeling for her? But if he did, why was he holding back? Why had he not touched her, let alone kissed her? She placed a placating hand on his arm. “Douglas, please calm yourself. There’s something about Edgerton I think you should know.”

He seemed to catch himself and voluntarily subdued his fury. In a calmer voice he said, “We have much to talk about. I had to see you. I had to explain about last night.”

Her mind reeled with confusion. This was far from the impassioned meeting she pictured. “Does last night need an explanation?”

“I wanted to assure you that what happened last night will not happen again. You have my word on it.” His gaze softened. “You’re a beautiful woman, Lucinda, both inside and out, and so very tempting, but that is no excuse for my abominable behavior.”

“Oh, I see.” Despair tore at her heart. How foolish she had been to think he could love her. She raised her chin proudly. “There’s no need to apologize. What happened last night is of no import. The incident is already forgotten.”

He took a step back from her, deliberately, she thought, so he could distance himself. A look of pain crossed his face. “Don’t you understand? Under the circumstances, anything between us would be unmitigated disaster, as I assume you can readily see. We need only take a look at what’s happened to Alex and Alethea. I could never see you suffer as Alethea must be suffering now.”

“Oh, I quite agree,” she answered flatly, hoping she had disguised the misery she felt inside.

“Edgerton is a madman, of course, but a madman with the power to ruin anyone or anything that gets in his path.” Douglas’s expression darkened. “If he ever harms you again...”

“He won’t. I had a frank discussion with Edgerton. I let him know where I stand. That’s the key to handling Edgerton. You simply stand up to him and don’t let him bully you around.” She touched the mark on her cheek. “He’ll not ever strike me again.”

“I shall take your word for it.” Puzzled, Douglas continued, “What were you going to tell me about Edgerton?”

“Nothing.” What was the use? She felt so crushed that each word she said was like a heavy weight and she could hardly talk at all. “It was just a matter concerning the day little Marianne disappeared, but minor, really. It concerns the attic.”

“If you’re thinking Marianne might be found up there, forget it. The attic was thoroughly searched.”

“I...” She wondered how she could say the attic was not searched without revealing what Pitney had told her in confidence. After all, she had given her promise. She decided she could not say another word and lamely remarked, “I suppose you played in the attic many a time when you were little.”

Her remark made Douglas laugh. “When I was a little boy, the servants had me so frightened of the ghost of Sir Giles I never set foot in that attic. Eventually I grew too old to believe Sir Giles could actually be rattling around up there, but by then, I was long past the time I’d want to play hide-and-seek.” Puzzled, he regarded her. “As you know, the attic was thoroughly searched at the time of Marianne’s disappearance. It would be a waste of time to search it now, although anyone could
because it’s not even locked anymore. But to what end? The family is ruined, the damage is done.”

But it’s not too late
, she thought, and damage can sometimes be repaired. But judging from his indifferent attitude, it would be useless to argue further.
Let it go
. “You’re right. After all, what’s to be gained after all these years? Especially now that your parents are both gone, Gregory is gone—”

“Gregory.” After repeating his brother’s name, Douglas bowed his head as if in deep thought. When he raised it again, he appeared to have fallen into a dark, reflective mood. “Once again the old tragedy rears its ugly head. Have you any idea how it has haunted me? How it has affected my life? And all because a little girl disappeared one day, and after that nothing was the same.” An ironic smile crossed his lips. “So much time has passed, there’s no harm in telling you now.”

“Telling me what?”

“Gregory is alive.”

Alive! She had to let Douglas’s astounding words sink in a moment. “I am shocked. You mean he didn’t kill himself?” He nodded. “But if he’s not dead, then where is he?”

“I have loathed having to keep lying all these years, but there you have the truth of it.” Douglas made a sad grimace. “My brother, Gregory, is indeed still alive. My father confided the truth to me when I was just a child–said I was the only one in the family, other than my mother, to know. For years, he supported Gregory, sending him a stipend each month through his solicitor.”

“But what happened? Did Gregory fake his own death?”

“That was a false rumor. Gregory did indeed shoot himself, but it was merely an accident. Gregory is tough
. He would never have contemplated suicide. All the same, when the false rumor of his death was reported, he chose the easy way out and let the rumor stand as fact. Of course, I have continued to provide him with the stipend, so he’s been living in fairly comfortable circumstances in the south of France for many years now, under an assumed name. He paints, and is quite good at it.” Douglas raised an ironic eyebrow. “And, by the way, he still claims his innocence.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“Once, not long after my father died, I made my way to France to visit my supposedly dead brother. Of course, at the time he left, I was too young to remember much about him except I did recall what a charming fellow he was, and how handsome. When in France, I found he still cuts a noble figure. I asked him to come home, but he refused—said he would not set foot on England’s shores until he was proven innocent.” Douglas laughed at the irony. “As if that could ever be possible. I tried my best to persuade him. After all, Gregory, not I, is the first son. I pointed out that Ravensbrook Manor is rightfully his, but he laughed and said he didn’t care. I even reminded him that Lady Perry, with whom he was madly in love, was still single, still beautiful.” Douglas paused to remember. “My words brought tears to my brother’s eyes, but still he would not weaken. ‘I’m but an exile,’ he said, ‘France is my home now and I shall die here and never come back.’”

Lucinda asked, “Did you ever hold out the hope that some day Gregory might be proven innocent?”

“Why do you think I’ve never married?” She frowned in puzzlement. He asked, “Don’t you see the deception? I am not the titled first son, and I won’t have some young woman marry me thinking that I am. All my life I’ve lived with the knowledge that if, by some miracle, Gregory’s name should be cleared, he could come back, reclaim his title, and I would become but a second son again.” He smiled grimly. “Without, I might add, a penny or an occupation to my name. I have hated living this...this...masquerade, but my father insisted. I had no choice.”

At last
she knew why he’d never married and why he’d backed away. Now she must be equally honest with him. Despite her hesitation at breaking Pitney’s confidence, she decided she had no choice but to reveal what Pitney told her about the attic. She started to speak, but Douglas interrupted. “Alex is waiting. I must go. My brother is a terrible state. We’re about to leave for London, but I had to see you and explain.”

Her throat ached with defeat. “You’re leaving?”

“Yes, today, for an indefinite stay.”

“It’s all a horrible mess, isn’t it?”

“God, yes,” he said in a thick, grudging voice, “a mess in so many ways. There’s not only you, but I must get Alex to London, where my own doctor can take a look him. He doesn’t want to go, of course. Did you know, gunshot and all, he wanted to follow after Alethea? In his desperation he would have followed her clear to Scotland, had he been able. I was obliged to use all my powers of persuasion to convince him such a course would have been sheer folly.”

“He must be devastated.”

“Devastated hardly begins to describe Alex’s frame of mind this morning. The poor fellow is beside himself.”

Before she could reply, Douglas pulled her to him in a move so swift she had no time to think. She heard his breath come fast as he buried his face in her hair and whispered, “Ah, Lucinda, if you only knew...” He brushed a kiss against her hair, her forehead, her cheek, and then, as if forcing himself, he drew in a ragged breath and thrust her away. “Goodbye
. It’s all about honor, you know. I cannot possibly expose you to our family tragedy.” He heaved a sigh that was almost a shudder. “I must leave quickly else I’ll be tempting fate again.” He turned and was gone.

On her way home, Lucinda felt such desolation she could hardly bear it. Obviously Douglas had feelings for her, yet all the same, he had rejected her. Now she knew why.
Not only did a dark cloud hang over his title, she had only to look at the fate of Alex and Alethea to understand why any man of intelligence and good sense, of which Douglas had both, would keep away from her. Far away. But she was hurt, nonetheless. Was it fantasy to think love should always find a way, regardless?

But did Douglas love her? Last night she could have sworn he held a deep affection for her. The problem was, she had nothing to judge by. She’d had many suitors who proclaimed their love, but their shallowness and foppish speech were so different from Douglas’s brusque manner there was no way she could compare. Douglas was his own unique self, a man not to be trifled with, nor even flirted with. Perhaps, if he didn’t have so many demons to fight, she could understand him better.
Just now, he had finally opened up to her, revealing his secret, yet he still remained an enigma she couldn’t completely understand. Despite her gloom, she laughed aloud as she pictured Douglas proclaiming his love like those foppish beaus she’d had in the past. Never in a million years! But in Douglas’s case, it wasn’t necessary. What did she care for some silly fop’s insincerity? She would settle for a simple
I love you
from Douglas, whispered in his own blunt, quiet way.

But he had not said those words.

So what was the use of even dreaming? It was obvious she should not pursue Douglas but just let him go and wipe him completely from her mind. Or at least try.

What a muddle she was in! Lucinda felt a sudden yearning to confide in her sisters. If she did, she knew what Bess would say:
be practical, forget Belington
. But doubtless Catherine would say:
If you love him, go after him, dear sister. Forget what others think you should do, follow your heart.

But how could she? If she had the sense of a goose, she knew whose advice she should follow.

* * *

During the next few days, Lucinda remained heavy-hearted, discouraged, and utterly defeated. Aside from spending time with her aunt, she stayed mostly in her room, sketching a little, reading, but mainly gazing out the window in the direction of Ravensbrook Manor
, and, despite her resolution to wipe him from her mind, thinking of Douglas.

So this was love. She remembered Catherine once telling her that she knew she was in love with Robert when she started thinking of him every minute of the day. But her sister’s romance had a happy ending, Lucinda thought forlornly, as opposed to her own.

You must stop this moping about him
, she would tell herself sternly. Tomorrow she would pull herself together-wipe all thoughts of Douglas from her mind—go bird watching in the woods—take the curricle into York and go visiting. But when tomorrow came, she was still moping.

A week had passed since Douglas left. Lucinda was in her bed chamber when the butler announced that her father had arrived and was awaiting her attendance in the small salon.