The Seventh Mother (8 page)

“Oh, Emma,” he whispered. “Oh, babe, I can’t stand that you had to go through all that. I can’t stand that you lost your baby. I wish I could give him back to you. I wish I could kill the bastard you married, or your father, or the damned prophet! I wish I could kill them all!”

I leaned into his chest and cried, more relieved than I’d ever felt in my life. He knew, Brannon knew, and he still loved me.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“Don’t!” His voice was loud. It shook with anger, and I stepped back.

“I’m sorry,” he said more gently. “I just can’t stand for you to apologize for things that weren’t your fault. You were just a kid, Emma.”

He took my chin and raised it, so that I had to look him straight in the eyes.

“You were a child, and someone should have protected you. Your father should have protected you. Your mother should have protected you. None of it is your fault, and you have
nothing
to apologize for.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

“Oh, babe,” he crooned, hugging me tightly. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. We’re together now, and I will never,
never
let anyone hurt you again.”

“I love you,” I said into his chest. “God, Brannon, I love you so much. And I love Jenny, too. I just feel so lucky to have you guys.”

“Shhhh,” he said, pulling me toward the bedroom.

We left our steaks mostly uneaten on the table and made love as the last of the late afternoon sun streamed through the small window. And after, I lay with my head on his chest knowing that finally, I was safe. I was home.

O
n Christmas morning, Emma and I went with Mrs. Johnson, Lashaundra, and Malcolm to Happy Days for breakfast. Daddy and Mr. Johnson both had to work the night before, so they were still sleeping.

“You can’t even stay away from us on Christmas?” Resa grinned at us as we walked in.

“I’m just glad you’re open,” Emma said, hugging her. “We had to get the kids out before they woke up Brannon and Michael. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to you, hon!” Resa hugged her back, then hugged me and Lashaundra. Then she hugged Mrs. Johnson and Malcolm.

“I’m surprised so many people are out on Christmas morning,” Mrs. Johnson said. The restaurant was about half full.

“Well, a lot of folks are like you,” Resa said, showing us to a table. “Their men work nights, and they got to get the kids out of the house in the morning. We do pretty good business on Christmas.”

“Order’s up!” Harlan’s voice called from the kitchen, and Resa disappeared to the back.

“Hey, Emma, can I get some coffee?” A man sitting in the next booth grinned at her.

“She ain’t working today, dumb ass!” Resa swatted the man as she passed, carrying a tray.

Emma smiled and sat down beside me.

“How long have you been working here?” Mrs. Johnson asked.

“Just a month,” Emma said.

“Well, it seems like everyone knows you.”

I looked around the restaurant, and Mrs. Johnson was right. Everyone there did know Emma, and they knew me, too, because I came in with her so often. I grinned at Jerry Burns and his wife, Coral, sitting in the booth across from us and they smiled back.

“Merry Christmas, Jenny,” Coral called.

“Merry Christmas, Mrs. Burns!”

It felt good to be someplace where everyone knew me. It felt like home.

“Goddamn it, woman! Look what you done!” A man’s voice rang through the restaurant. I looked toward the front and saw Damon Rigby rise from his seat, wiping coffee from his lap. Standing before him, Merilee held a coffeepot. Merilee was the oldest waitress at Happy Days. I guessed she must be in her eighties, but Emma said, no, she was only fifty-nine.

Merilee immediately began wiping off the table. “I’m sorry, Damon,” she said. “Let me get you a fresh cup.”

Mr. Rigby simply glared at her, then glared at his wife.

“Get your coat, Shirley,” he yelled. “This place has gone to the dogs!”

He stared hard at Merilee, then turned and stared directly at Mrs. Johnson and Lashaundra.

Mrs. Johnson said nothing. She simply returned his stare, her eyes never dropping. After a long minute, Emma rose and stood between them.

“Let me get you some more coffee,” she said, walking toward Mr. Rigby.

But he only pushed her aside and stomped out the front door, his wife still struggling to get her coat on.

“Goddamn it, Shirley!” His voice boomed from outside. “I said let’s go!”

Mrs. Rigby started digging through her purse to pay the bill, but Merilee touched her hand, shook her head, and smiled. “Go on, Shirley. It’s on the house.”

Emma came back and sat down in the booth. Resa stood with her hands on her hips, glaring at the front door, then went on with her order. Eventually, people went back to their breakfasts, talking in low voices about what a jerk Mr. Rigby was.

“You all right?” Emma asked softly.

“I’m fine,” Mrs. Johnson said, nodding at her. “Not the first time, won’t be the last time. Now”—she smiled at her children—“what do you-all want for breakfast? You want pancakes, Malcolm?”

After a huge breakfast, we walked around downtown for a little while. Colored lights twinkled from the trees and lampposts under a light dusting of snow. Finally, we headed back to the trailer park. Lashaundra hugged me and made me promise to come over later so we could compare notes on what we got for Christmas. Then Emma unlocked the trailer door and tiptoed inside.

Daddy was already up, drinking coffee. He’d turned on the Christmas lights, and the room sparkled in shades of blues and greens.

“Merry Christmas, babe!” He rose and wrapped his arms around Emma, then pulled me into the hug. “Merry Christmas to my two best girls!”

“I didn’t think you’d be up yet,” Emma said. “If I’d known, we’d have waited for you.”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He smiled at her and kissed her cheek. “It’s Christmas, and I feel like I’m a kid.”

“Can we open presents?” I asked, fully expecting him to say no, we should wait until later.

Instead, he laughed and nodded. “Sure, honey. Let’s open some presents.”

I ran to my bed and pulled out the two packages I had wrapped in bright red pepper.

We sat in the tiny living room, where our little Christmas tree held center stage. Looking around the room that morning, I was happier than I ever remembered being. I had a friend. People in town knew me. Emma and Daddy were happy. It felt like we were a real family.

“Here, open this first!” I handed Daddy a box.

“Hmmm,” he said, shaking the box and holding it to his ear. “What is it?”

“Open it and see!”

“No clues?” He grinned at me and I shook my head.

“Well, okay then.” He tore off the paper and opened the box Emma had found to disguise the shape of the lure.

“Hey!” He grinned again. “That’s great, Jenny. How did you know that’s just what I wanted?”

He opened his arms and I ran into them and we hugged.

“Now you open yours,” I said, handing Emma another box.

“You got something for me?” She took the box and kissed my cheek. “Honey, you didn’t need to do that.”

I just smiled at her, watching her unwrap the present.

She opened the box and took a sharp breath. Then she held up the glass ornament of a horse, and tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Oh, Jenny,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful! Thank you!”

“Daddy helped me choose it,” I said.

“It’s perfect!” Emma rose and carefully hung the tiny horse on the Christmas tree. Then she stepped back and admired it, not even bothering to wipe away the tears dripping from her chin.

“Now you!” Daddy handed me a box wrapped in gold and blue, with a big gold bow. “Open this first. It’s from Emma and me.”

I tore away the wrappings and opened the box. A beautiful blue sweater with a matching hat and gloves lay inside.

“They’re really pretty. Thank you.”

“Now this one.” Daddy handed me an even bigger box wrapped in green with a red bow.

“What is it?” I asked, taking the box.

“No clues!” Daddy said. Emma laughed.

“I love it!” It was a purple parka coat with white fur around the hood. “Thank you!”

I ran to hug Daddy, then hugged Emma, too. It was the best Christmas I’d ever had.

“Wait,” Emma said, winking at Daddy. “I think there’s one more.”

She pulled a smaller box from behind her, this one wrapped in red, and handed it to me. “I hope you like it.”

I held the box for a minute, feeling its shape, wondering and then hoping. Finally, I tore away the paper and shrieked.

“The Traveling Pants books! All four of them! Oh, wow! That’s . . . you’re the best, Emma!”

I hugged her tight, felt her tears plop down on my head. Then I hugged Daddy, too. It really was the best Christmas ever.

I tore away the plastic wrap, pulled the books from the box, and immediately opened book two.

“Hey, you!” Daddy’s voice interrupted me. “It’s not time to start reading yet. There’s another present here. This one is for Emma.”

But she was holding a present out to him, too. He looked surprised, then took the package and smiled.

“You didn’t need to get me anything,” he said.

“I know.” She kissed him. “But I wanted to.”

He tore away the gift wrap and a grin spread across his face.

“How did you know I liked Edgar Allan Poe?”

“You told me once it was the only thing you liked in high school.”

He rose and hugged her. “Thank you, Emma. I love it. I love that you remembered that.”

He opened the book and read something written on the first page, smiling.

“No reading yet!” I called out. “If I can’t start reading, you can’t, either.”

“Okay!” Daddy laid the book aside and handed Emma a small box, wrapped in silver with a pink bow.

“For me?” She took the box and held it for a minute, just staring at it. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes sparkled. Then she carefully pulled the wrapping paper off to reveal a small jewelry box.

For just a second, she paused, staring at him. And I let myself think, in that second, that he’d bought her a ring, that maybe they would get married, that Emma would be my mom forever. I swallowed hard.

She opened the box and pulled out a heart-shaped locket made of silver. My heart sank, my eyes stung, a huge lump rose in my throat.

“Oh, Brannon,” Emma said, her voice shaking. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s inscribed,” he said, turning the locket over.

“Brannon and Emma, Jenny and Andrew.” Her voice was so soft I could hardly hear her.

I opened my mouth to ask who Andrew was, but they were kissing now and I had to look away. When I looked back, Daddy was smiling at me over Emma’s shoulder. Then he raised one finger to his lips as if to shush me and winked. I tried to smile back, but I felt like throwing up.

Because I knew then what I didn’t want to know. Emma wasn’t different from Jackie or Trish or Cara or Ami or any of the others. At least she wasn’t different to Daddy. He’d given her the same gift he’d given each of them in turn.

Emma wouldn’t stay. None of them ever stayed.

W
e celebrated the new year with the Johnsons and a few other families from the campground. We all rented rooms at the Holiday Inn Express, ate dinner together, and then the kids played in the pool. The staff even kept the pool open until midnight for us.

I sat in a lounge chair, watching Brannon laugh in the hot tub with a young woman who worked at Amazon. She was pretty, with long jet-black hair and flashing dark eyes. I watched as she touched his shoulder, laughing at something he’d said.

“You okay?”

Angel plopped down into a chair beside me, dripping from the pool.

“Yeah,” I said.

She followed my eyes and took my hand. “I think he’s crazy about you.”

I smiled at her. “I hope so.”

“Why don’t you put on your suit and go in?”

I shook my head. “I’m crampy and bloated and I feel like I’m going to start my period any minute. Plus, my boobs hurt.”

I wrapped my arms across my chest, still watching Brannon and the woman.

“Could you be pregnant?”

I shook my head again. “No, I’m just PMS-ing. We always use a condom.”

“Well,” she said, eyeing the woman in the hot tub, “I wouldn’t worry about her. She’s not his type.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Seriously, she’s got kind of a hard edge,” Angel said. “From what I’ve seen, she’s not Brannon’s type.”

“Where I’m from, we’d say she looks like she’s been rode hard and put up wet.” I said it without thinking, and immediately felt bad. I didn’t know anything about the woman, after all.

Angel laughed. “I think that’s a pretty good description.”

She stood and yelled at the pool, “Lashaundra, you stay close to your brother!”

I smiled, watching her. She was a good mom.

“Can I ask you something?” I said as she sat back down.

“Shoot,” she said.

“What was Jackie like?”

She paused for a long minute, then said, “She was nice, friendly. She joked around a lot, teased Brannon something awful. We liked her. She was good with Jenny.”

“Do you think Brannon loved her?” I glanced back toward the hot tub, where the dark-haired woman was standing, squeezing water from her hair. She wore a tiny string bikini, and her breasts were just level with Brannon’s eyes.

Another long pause.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t mean to put you in an awkward spot.”

“It’s okay.” She turned to look at me and smiled again. “I don’t know if he loved her or not. They seemed happy, but . . . well, she’s not here, is she?”

“She left him for another guy.”

Her eyes widened; her mouth opened and then closed.

“I . . . really?”

I nodded. “Brannon said she got a job at a gas station and fell for the man who owned it.”

Angel shook her head. “I can’t believe that,” she said softly. “She was crazy about Brannon, and about Jenny. I don’t remember her working anywhere.”

We sat in silence for a while, then Angel said, “But we weren’t really close or anything. I mean, I didn’t know everything about her, obviously.”

She touched my hand, then took it and squeezed it hard.

“I think Brannon is crazy about you. And I think Jenny is, too. What’s past is past. Let it rest.”

I nodded and squeezed her hand back. “I know. I’m just . . . I’m PMS-ing, like I said. It makes me think crazy things.”

“Like worrying about that rode-hard woman?” She grinned and winked. “I understand, I get that way sometimes, too. But deep down, I know Michael would never cheat on me.”

We both turned to watch as her husband swam toward Lashaundra and Malcolm, surfacing just in front of them and splashing them both.

“Yeah,” I said. “Michael is a keeper.”

Long after midnight, Brannon and I climbed into bed. In the bed next to us, Lashaundra and Jenny were already asleep. I knew Malcolm was staying the night with a friend. We tried to trade off with the kids, those of us who lived in the trailer park, giving each other time alone. There’s not much privacy when you live in a trailer, after all.

“Did you have fun tonight?” I asked, resting my head on his chest.

“I’d have had a lot more fun if we’d just stayed here in the room.”

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead.

“We could still have some fun,” he whispered. “They’re out for the night.” He nodded at the bed where the girls slept.

“I have cramps,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s all good, babe.”

He kissed me and turned out the light. Within minutes, he was snoring with his back to me.

I lay awake, staring at the dark, listening to Brannon snore, and wondering at how far away I was from everyone and everything I’d ever known.

It was the start of a new year, and it felt like the start of a whole new life, somehow.

After a while, I rose cautiously and went to the bathroom—still no sign of my period. I stared at myself in the mirror and wondered about my mother and Clarissa. Were they okay? Was Clarissa already married off to some old man? For a brief instant I thought about calling them, but the thought went by as quickly as it came. As much as I missed them, as much as I wanted to know they were okay, I couldn’t bring myself to call. I still couldn’t risk Micah knowing where I was. Even all these years later, he scared the hell out of me.

I tiptoed back into the room and knelt by the bed. Officially, I had left the church. I
had
left the church. But sometimes it felt like the church hadn’t ever really left me. Part of me still wanted to talk to God, to believe there was a God, to believe I mattered to God. I would never admit it to anyone, but I still prayed a lot. And I thought about my mother and my sisters every single day.

Dear God, please take care of Mama and Clarissa and Elizabeth and all of them. And please bless Brannon and Jenny and Angel and Michael and Lashaundra and Malcolm and Resa. And please, God, if you have an extra minute, please let everything be okay with me and Brannon. Thank you, Lord. Amen.

I climbed back into bed and winced at the weight of the blankets against my breasts. Maybe I would pick up a pregnancy test at the pharmacy this week. Just to be sure.

Two days later, I left Jenny with the Johnsons and drove to the nearby drugstore, glancing around to make sure no one saw me as I stood before the array of test kits.

“Excuse me?” I said as the pharmacist walked by. “Do you know which of these is the most reliable?”

“They’re all pretty much the same,” the woman said, smiling at me. “Basically, you pee on the stick and watch to see what color the stick turns. It’s pretty simple.”

I picked up a box and handed it to her. She smiled again and rang up the purchase.

“Are you excited?” she asked, handing me my bag.

“Um, yeah,” I murmured. In reality, I was more scared than anything.

“Well, good luck,” the pharmacist said. “And you have a blessed day.”

I stared at her stupidly for just an instant, then stammered, “Thanks, you too.”

This was a Southern thing, for sure. Even in Colorado City, people didn’t tell complete strangers to have a blessed day. Still, it made me smile a little.

I drove back to the trailer and locked the door behind me. Brannon was asleep and Jenny was still next door with Lashaundra.

As quietly as I could, I closed the bathroom door. I felt like I should pray, but I wasn’t sure what I would even pray for. So I just said, “Please, God.” That’s all.

I sat in the tiny bathroom staring at the test stick while the color slowly changed from white to blue. I checked the stick against the picture on the box and then checked again—definitely blue.

My mind seemed to spin in a thousand directions at once. I was pregnant . . . again. I was pregnant with Brannon’s baby, a baby I desperately wanted. But what would Brannon say? We’d never even talked about having kids.

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and rocked back and forth, watching snow fall outside the small window. And I let myself hope that it would be okay. Brannon was great with Jenny, after all. Hell, he was probably the world’s best dad. Surely he would love this baby, too.

I patted my belly and smiled at the thought of the tiny life growing inside.

“Don’t worry, little baby,” I whispered. “Mama is here and I will always protect you and I will always love you, no matter what.”

A banging at the trailer door startled me to my feet. Shoving the test kit back into the box, I buried it deep in my purse. Then I put my purse in the drawer under the sink and went to let Jenny and Lashaundra inside, out of the cold.