Read The Sexy Vegan Cookbook Online

Authors: Brian L. Patton

The Sexy Vegan Cookbook (15 page)

BOOK: The Sexy Vegan Cookbook
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2 focaccia rolls, sliced in half

8 tablespoons hummus (see Golden Beet Hummus recipe,
page 179
, or use store-bought)

½ medium cucumber, thinly sliced

1 roasted poblano pepper, halved (see Tip,
page 96
)

1 medium heirloom tomato, cut into ¼-inch-thick slices

1 tablespoon fresh basil chiffonade (see WTF below)

1 small handful arugula

Lightly toast the focaccia, and spread 2 tablespoons of hummus on each toasted focaccia half. Top two of the focaccia halves with the cucumber, poblano, tomato, basil, and arugula. Then place the other two focaccia halves, hummus side down, on top.

WTF
is basil chiffonade?

To get these fancy-schmancy ribbons of deliciousness, stack several leaves on top of one another, roll them up like a cigar, and thinly slice them.

THE QUOTE-UNQUOTE TUNA MELT

A late-night, post-bar, greasy-diner classic. If I had a nickel for every time I drunkenly ordered a tuna melt with a side of Denver omelette at 2:30 in the morning, I’d have
sooo
many nickels.

Makes 2 sandwiches

One 15-ounce can chickpeas, drained and rinsed

1 stalk celery, diced

1 tablespoon minced red onion

1 tablespoon capers, drained and chopped

½ teaspoon seaweed powder (see WTF,
page 63
)

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

3 tablespoons vegan mayo (see WTF,
page 42
)

1 tablespoon Crazy Shit (see recipe,
page 194
) or sweet pickle relish

Salt and pepper

2 tablespoons vegan margarine

4 slices bread of your choice

4 slices vegan cheeze or 2 tablespoons Not-zzarella Sauce (see recipe,
page 214
)

In a medium bowl, mash the chickpeas with a fork, potato masher, or your very clean hands, until about 70 percent of the beans are mashed. Add the celery and red onion, and set aside.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the capers, seaweed powder, mustard, lemon juice, mayo, and crazy shit or relish. Add the mayo mixture to the chickpea bowl, and mix everything together. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Heat a skillet over medium heat. Spread ½ tablespoon of margarine on one side of each bread slice and flip the bread slices
over. Put 2 slices of cheeze or 1 tablespoon of not-zzarella sauce on the other side of 2 of the bread slices. Top the 2 cheeze-covered bread slices with the chickpea mixture and the remaining 2 slices of bread, margarine side up. Place the sandwiches in the hot skillet. Cook for 5 to 7 minutes per side, or until each side is golden.

THE PORTLY FELLOW

If this sandwich were a person, he would be a round, top hat–wearing gentleman in an old-timey suit with a pocket watch, monocle, and cane. And despite his size, he would eat sandwiches in a dainty fashion. That makes me smile.

Makes 2 sandwiches

2 portobello mushrooms, stemmed and wiped clean

2½ teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil

2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar

Salt and pepper

½ cup sliced red onion

2 ciabatta rolls, halved and toasted

½ cup Sun-Dried Tomato and White Bean Spread (recipe follows)

1 roasted red bell pepper, halved (see Tip,
page 96
)

1 small handful baby arugula

1 medium tomato, sliced

http://youtu.be/5khX9zv_fPo

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Coat the mushrooms with 2 teaspoons of the oil, the vinegar, and a pinch of salt and a pinch of pepper. Place the mushrooms in the smallest roasting vessel that will hold them. The smaller the vessel, the more of the delicious mushroom juice that will collect during cooking, so make sure the vessel has sides. You can make one out of foil if need be. On a baking sheet, toss the onion slices with the remaining ½ teaspoon of oil, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of pepper, and spread them out. Roast both the shrooms and the onion for 15 to 20 minutes, or until soft. Remove the mushrooms and onion from the oven, and let cool, making sure to reserve any mushroom juices that have accumulated. Cut the shrooms thinly on the diagonal, so that you create wide, flat slices.

Now you’re ready to assemble! Remember those shroom juices you were trying to preserve? Drizzle them on the bottom half of each of the ciabatta rolls (if there’s not enough, don’t get your butt-hole all a-pucker — just drizzle some additional oil and vinegar on the ciabatta to compensate), and smear the top halves with the bean spread.

Assemble each of the sandwiches from the bottom up in the following order: bottom ciabatta half, sliced shrooms, roasted pepper, roasted onion, arugula, tomato, and bean-smeared ciabatta half.

SUN-DRIED TOMATO AND WHITE BEAN SPREAD

This is also a great dip for chips or veggies. Store extra in a sealed container in the fridge for up to a week.

Makes about 2 cups

2 cups drained freshly cooked cannellini beans or one 15-ounce can cannellini beans, rinsed and drained

4 medium basil leaves

2 tablespoons chopped sun-dried tomatoes

1 tablespoon sun-dried tomato oil or extra-virgin olive oil

¼ cup water

1 clove garlic

Salt and pepper

In a food processor or blender, puree the beans, basil, sun-dried tomatoes, oil, water, and garlic until smooth. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

THE FAT ASS

This is the one you whip out for the big party. The Super Bowl, the Oscars, the Grey Cup (I’m winking at you, Canada), etc. Get a long roll and quadruple this recipe, and jaws will hit the floor.

Makes 2 sandwiches

Two 6-inch hoagie rolls

½ cup Kajillion Island Dressing (see recipe,
page 197
)

6 strips Tempeh Bacon (see recipe,
page 32
)

8 ounces Basic Seitan Slices (see recipe,
pages 24–
25
), about 16 slices

½ avocado, thinly sliced

½ cup shredded green cabbage

1 medium tomato, thinly sliced

Cut the rolls open lengthwise, leaving a “bread hinge,” and smear each roll with ¼ cup kajillion island dressing. Assemble the sandwiches from the bottom up in the following order: 3 strips of bacon, 4 ounces of seitan slices, half of the avocado slices, ¼ cup of cabbage, and half of the tomato slices.

BOURBON TEMPEH SLIDERS

If you’re only making one batch of these sliders, I recommend that you eat them alone. If someone walks in on you, you’d best get into an elbowy defensive position and prepare for battle.

Makes 6 sliders
BOOK: The Sexy Vegan Cookbook
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