The She-Hulk Diaries (24 page)

Sven’s eyebrows drew together. “He was raised in privilege, Jennifer. He really has no comprehension of what life is like for those who must earn their own way, people like us who succeed despite the odds.”

It seemed a little unfair, so I said, “I would say that’s true if Ellis had joined his father’s firm, but science is a fiercely egalitarian field, and scientists are interested in results, not legacies. So far as I know, Ellis is well respected by his peers.”

“Let’s speak no longer of him. Tell me about yourself. I want to know everything—where you’re living now and what led you into the law.”

I told him the usual things, which seemed very dull when I edited out all the Shulky-related shenanigans. I desperately tried to think of something amusing. “One of my coworkers refuses to drink Joocey Jooce because she insists that something is wrong with the motto. She doesn’t think New Yorkers should be so nice.”

He laughed. “It’s an interesting social experiment. However, most visitors to the city want to experience the New York attitude as much as see the sights. What inspired you to move to a city with such an aggressive character?”

“I was offered a great job, and I saw the opportunity to start fresh here.”

“Are you speaking of the violent death of your mother?”

Even though news reports of Mom’s death are easy to find, I felt a little ooky that he’d looked them up. “There was that memory, and I wanted to live in a more intense city.”

“Do you find your life satisfying here?”

“Yes, especially right now as an attorney with a premier law firm, having dinner with my brilliant client, and about to embark on a truly challenging case.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. You’ll forgive me if I treat this as more than a business engagement.”

“Sven, I don’t date clients,” I said. I didn’t want him to think I was the kind of person who got involved with every client she defended, even though it had happened
once a few times
routinely, but only because it was the only way I ever met anyone.

He said, “I know you’ve made exceptions in the past. Make an exception for me.”

“Personal complications can impede the case.” For some reason I thought of Ellis accusing me of being bought.

“If you prefer that I withhold my feelings for you until the conclusion of the trial, I’ll endeavor to do so. I make no promises, because I find your beauty and brilliance intoxicating.”

I am not making this up. He actually said that. I had to dig my fingernails into my palms to stop my crazy urge to giggle. “I’m really very flattered, Sven.”

“I only speak the truth.”

I thought,
Woohoo! I’ve got a serious PFLOML candidate, flowers and candles on the table, music, wine, romantic conversation—yep, I just completed my Valentine’s Day date goal! I’m totally back on schedule
.

As we ate yummy food (rich beef soup, chicken paprika, duck with fruit sauce, potatoes and onion, strudel and plum dumplings), Sven told me about the dishes and translated the lyrics of the folk songs. He was elegant and so relaxed that I began to relax. He was telling me a funny story about the donkey and cart he’d had as a child when my aPhone buzzed.

“I’m so sorry, Sven, but I need to take this call. Please excuse me.”

I went to the hallway near the restrooms, where I could talk privately. “Jen here. What’s up?”

“Hi, Jen. Ruth said Shulky was available for anything in the area,”
said the night dispatcher at the Mansion. “We’ve got a situation, and I know you don’t want to bothered, but the scanner says that you’re the closest to it.”

He told me that an armed gunman had taken hostages on a tour bus and was demanding that his wife be moved up on an organ transplant list. The SWAT team didn’t want to risk charging in because of casualties.

My first
date
datish thing in eons, I’m wearing sleek boots, and She-Hulk has an emergency! I asked, “How long do you think it will take?”

“The bus is over by Sullivan and Prince.”

Shulky could take care of it, and I could still be back in time for dessert. I returned to the table, apologized for the interruption, and said, “Sven, I need to dash out for a brief but urgent errand. If you don’t mind, I could be back soon.”

“Not at all. It will give me the opportunity to have a glass of wine with Domokos. Would you like to take the car?”

“No, it’s close by and I enjoy the night air. Back in a jiffy!”

As soon as I was away from the watchful eyes of Sven’s guard on the street, I checked my aPhone for the closest passageway to the tunnel system. I hurried to the location and pressed my hand against a flat metal panel set into a brick wall. A hidden door slid open, and I ducked inside before it slid shut again.

I stepped into a changing cubby, stripped off my clothes, and hung them on hooks beside the sign that said,
YOUR MOTHER DOESN’T LIVE HERE. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF.

I sat on the bench and tugged off my boots, which took valuable extra seconds.

I preferred to shift slowly and enjoy the transition, but now I was in a rush. I felt the disconcerting jolt as my body stretched and grew dense.

Shulky didn’t bother with shoes, but raced down a flight of steps to the tunnel system. Her bare feet pounded toward her destination. She used another hidden door to exit onto the street and then picked up speed.

Drivers on the street jammed on their brakes so they could stare. An
SUV crashed into a cab, and Shulky used the damaged vehicles as stepping stones to cross the street.

Ahead at an intersection, cops were pushing back a crowd of onlookers. A dozen cherry tops strobed in the night, and ambulances and fire engines idled nearby.

“Coming through,” Shulky shouted, and she noticed that a big shiny tour bus had been parked at a crazy angle and was up on the curb with its front door open.

Everyone turned toward her. “She-Hulk! Shulky’s here!”

She couldn’t bask in their attention, because she was concerned by the police officers’ tense body language. The cops pointed her to Sergeant Denny Tavert.

“She-Hulk! Thanks for coming.”

“Denny, honey, we got to stop meeting like this. Where are the hostages?”

“Hey, I’ll use any excuse to see you, sexy green mama. He’s got them in there.” Denny pointed across the street to a Joocey Jooce shop. The shop had its metal security gratings rolled down and blinds closed.

“Joocey Jooce again,” She-Hulk said, and asked the sergeant for the details.

Denny said, “He’s got about fifty hostages, plus the driver and a tour guide. His name is Burton Symonds, and he says he’s keeping them until his wife Bonnie is taken into surgery and given a new kidney. He left her at Bellevue ER before coming here.”

“What about a back door or basement entrance?”

Denny said, “It’s locked down. There’s a steel security door at the back, and the only entrance to the basement is through the shop. We’re scouting out the roof, but we don’t want to make Symonds panic and turn the place into a shooting gallery. It’s got the standard Joocey Jooce layout.”

“With so many hostages, he must be keeping them at the front of the shop. What’s next door?”

“It’s a jewelry store, and the owner unlocked the door for us, but it’s
got reinforced walls. Symonds would have lots of warning in the time it would take us to cut through them. He gave us an hour to give him an answer, and we’ve only got ten minutes left.”

“That’s enough. Can you push this crowd farther back and provide a diversion so I can go in?”

“Sure thing, She-Hulk. Do you want backup?”

“Thanks, I can handle this, but keep the ambulances running.”

Shulky edged into the shadow between two fire trucks and waited out of view. In seconds, a line of cops herded the crowd away, and the pump truck let loose with a blast of water in the other direction. While the onlookers watched the action, Shulky raced into the jewelry store, shutting the door behind her.

She couldn’t hear anything through the reinforced walls, so she gave up on her brief flirtation with subtlety and delivered a powerful kick to the wall.

The drywall shattered, beams splintered, and the steel caved. She swiftly punched out room for her head, and then barreled into the Joocey Jooce store so suddenly that the hostages gasped in unison.

The young man with the AK-47 didn’t have time to aim before she’d plucked it up, momentarily suspending him from the weapon.

Then he dropped and rolled on the floor. He swiftly pulled a Glock from his jacket. He jumped up and waved the gun wildly.

She-Hulk leapt between the gunman and the terrified hostages, saying to them, “Everyone get out of here!”

“I’ll shoot!” He pointed the gun at her, his arm shaking.

“You can, Burt, but you’ll only piss me off. You
really
don’t want to piss me off.” She twisted her head and told the hostages, “I said, out!”

Someone said nervously, “Uh, the door’s locked.”

“Geez, just use the giant hole in the wall. Don’t pinch any of the jewelry. Tell Sergeant Talbert to give me five minutes.”

The hostages scrambled out through the broken wall, some of them sobbing with relief.

When they were gone, a look of hopelessness came over the gunman’s
face. She was just fast enough to flick the gun out of his hand as he lifted it to his mouth.

It skittered across the tile floor. He covered his face with his hands, and his knees buckled.

Shulky caught him as he fell.

She set him on one of the tangerine-colored benches and then sat beside him, stretching her shapely legs out front. “You can’t do that, Burt, because Bonnie needs you.”

“Why? What can I do for her?” he said. “She was on the ReplaceMax list, next in line, and they took her off.”

“They had to shut down the list because the organs were defective. People were dying.”

Burt looked up and said sorrowfully, “She’s dying
now
. We had nothing to lose. I could have shot everyone in here, and then there would have been lots of available organs! An organ for everyone who needs one. That’s what I should have done.”

“So you kill lives to save lives? Would Bonnie want that?”

“What do you care, She-Hulk? Don’t you have somewhere better to be, some party with billionaires and superheroes?”

“Billionaires are overrated, but superheroes always rock,” she said, and was happy to see a flicker of a smile. “We better go out now. You’ll be arrested and put under suicide watch. Do you have a lawyer?”

He gave a bitter laugh.

“It’s okay,” Shulky said. “I’ll call one of my pals to meet you at the police station. We’ll also get a social worker to make sure that Bonnie is getting good care.”

Burt squeezed his eyes shut. “If only she’d stayed on the regular kidney list, she’d be at the top of it by now. But her doctor thought she was a great candidate for a ReplaceMax organ. He promised she’d be better than ever because the new organ was supposed to make all of her organs healthier.”

“Project Mimic,” Shulky said. “I’ll ask that she be placed back on the regular list, prorated for the time she’s already waited.”

“I already asked and they said no,” Burt said.

“I think planet Earth owes me a favor or two,” Shulky said. “One last thing. Why did you bring the tour group in here? Was that always your plan?”

“I was going to make the driver take us to the hospital.” Burt gazed around at the shop. “Then I saw the Joocey Jooce. Whenever I get a smoothie, people are always so nice, and I feel better for a few minutes. I thought that everything would be okay if I came here.”

“Next time, play nice, Burt, and don’t take hostages.”

She led him to the front door and said, “Get behind me,” and then shouted, “Sergeant Talvert, have your team stand down. We’re coming out.”

She nodded back at Burt, and then kicked, sending both the entrance door and the safety gate slamming down to the pavement. The crowd beyond the barricade was silent as she escorted Burt to the sergeant.

As Burt was cuffed and put in a police car, Shulky leaned in to gently squeeze his shoulder. “We’ll look out for Bonnie for you.” She shut the car door, and the crowd began cheering and chanting, “Shulky! Shulky! Shulky!”

She waved to them and took Denny aside. In two more minutes, she’d made arrangements for Burt and Bonnie. She would have liked to sign autographs and pose for pictures, but I was saying, “Come oooonnn already!” so she waved good-bye then raced away into the night, too swift for anyone to follow her.

As soon as she was back in the secret changing cubby, she shifted back into me. I rushed to put on my silk top, suit, wiggle into new panty hose, and yank my boots back on, before quickly sneaking back outside. I patted my hair and it seemed fine. I reached into my bag for my lip gloss and touched it up while I speed-walked back to Sven’s restaurant.

The security guard opened the door for me, and as I walked in, I saw Sven coming through the kitchen door.

I smiled and took off my coat to hang it on the rack—and noticed that my ruffled shell was on inside out and backward, showing the
HAND WASH COOL WATER
label. I was already in forward momentum going to Sven.

I placed my hand flat over my chest and faked a cough. Then I pivoted my torso and grabbed a napkin from another table, shoving it into the collar of my top.

Sven looked puzzled, and I said, “I hope I’m not getting a cold.”

He said he’d turn up the heat, and I claimed that only my chest was cold, which sounded ridiculous even to me, and he offered to send someone for a shawl, which made me feel very old ma’amish. I insisted that I was fine and said I hoped he hadn’t had to wait long.

“No, and I’ve taken the liberty of ordering dessert for us.” He signaled, and the waiter brought over an assortment of tiny pastries, each scrumptious.

Why didn’t I eat scrumptious food all the time? Next year, when I make my resolutions, one of them will be to enjoy gracious dining, instead of eating whatever has the shortest prep time, like peanut butter on crackers and Count Chocula from the box. I will make a practice of having linen, candles, flowers, wine, as I banter cleverly with the impossibly handsome and attentive love of my life! And then we will tumble together, smooching madly, and make love on the hand-knotted silk rug in front of the fireplace of our deluxe loft/apartment/brownstone/etc.