The Shipmaster's Daughter (29 page)

She finally questioned him about his own health when Mrs. Evan forced them to leave and partake in supper.

“Reed, are you well?” she asked. Her hand gripped the banister as they descended the stairs. Across the wide staircase, he leaned on the railing in an effort to keep himself upright. “Did you hear me?”

His eyes opened and darted to her. The movement caused his foot to slip on one of the stairs and he stumbled. One knee buckled and then two and he collapsed onto the stairs in a graceless heap. Had Luciana not been so alarmed, she might have found it amusing. His long legs were sprawled out before him and he still clutched the banister with one hand. She rushed to his side. He protested when she grasped his elbow and helped him rise to his feet. When he was standing again, she let go.

“You are not well,” she said. “When was the last time you slept?”

He started off for the dining room again, his steps quick, a deep blush spread across his face. “That doesn’t matter.”

“It does! You cannot help Esther get better if you yourself are sick.” She grabbed his elbow, forcing him to stop. “Get some rest, Reed. I’ll sit alone with Esther this evening.”

His eyes met hers after a long moment of staring over her head. “I should be the one watching over her. She’s my daughter.”

“You’ve done nothing but care for her. There is nothing more we can do for the time being. Please don’t make yourself sick.”

“Do you promise not to leave her side?”

She nodded. “I promise.”

Sighing, Reed ran his hand down his face as he always did when stress threatened to get the better of him. Luciana fought back the urge to smile at the sight. There was a tremor in his hand that had been there since she arrived. She longed to reach out and hold him. She wanted to pass on some of her strength to him, but that was impossible. Not after what had happened between them, not after she’d left the way she did. She kept her hands still at her sides.

“I will eat and then rest, but there is something I would like to speak to you about this evening.”

Her heart skipped a beat. She hoped he didn’t want to talk about their falling out. At the intense look in his eyes, she knew he could mean nothing else.

“Really?” she asked. Her voice came out as a cross between a whisper and a squeak.

“Meet me in my office at quarter till nine. We can talk then.” He didn’t wait for her answer. He strode into the dining room and that was that.

Now she had only to wait in dreaded agony for the clock to reach the appointed time.

She knocked on his office door five minutes past eight-forty-five. While pacing the length of her room, waiting for the inevitable, she considered several times not showing up. She didn’t want to hear him yell, especially when she had done nothing to deserve his anger. More than that, she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep herself from crying. Somehow, by the grace of God most likely, she had managed to keep her tears at bay when he sent her away those few months ago. Maybe it was the shock or the anger that poured through her. But now that she was here again, if he—

Well, she would have to go in order to see what he had to say. Which was the only reason she went.

He opened the door and raised his eyebrow. “You’re late.”

She swished past him into the room. “Hardly.”

He closed the door and motioned to a chair. “Will you take a seat?”

Luciana shook her head. “I’d rather stand.”
So I can make a quick escape if I must.

He shoved his hands into his pockets, walking toward the window. For a long time, he didn’t say anything. He just stared at the rolling sea. Luciana took the lapse in conversation to glance around the room. As expected, nothing had changed. It still smelled of cigars and old books. The carpet was still worn and faded. When Reed turned around, she tore her eyes away from his desk.

He held his shoulders straighter, and his hair was back to its clean but rugged look. He looked rested, which put her partially at ease. Well-rested people rarely shouted right after waking up.

“I suppose you’re wondering why I wanted to speak to you.”

“Si.”
She gripped the back of the chair before her for support. Her fingernails dug into the cloth.

“About our last meeting—the evening of the party.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets and clasped them behind his back, taking a step forward.

Luciana could sense no anger or hostility on his person, but she kept her guard up nonetheless. “I have nothing more to say on my part,
Signore
Hargrave. I’ve made my case and you’ve chosen not to believe it.”

“You are correct,” he said. “I had chosen not to believe it—”

Her nostrils flared. A groan slipped past her lips. “Then why am I here? I do not want to listen to you ranting again.”

When she stopped, he snorted, barely able to conceal the smile which spread across his face. “Would you let me finished?”

Crossing her arms, Luciana sighed. “
Si
.”

“When we last stood in this room, I chose not to believe you. I was wrong, Luciana. What you told me was the truth and I was too blind and too proud to believe. After I kissed you, I thought I had betrayed Katherine and I was worried that—” He cut himself off, sighing shortly. He took her shoulders into his hands. “What Aliana said couldn’t have true because I have never heard you say a foul thing about anyone. All you’ve ever done is prove yourself to be kind and determined, if a little brash.”

Luciana swallowed. Was she hearing correctly? Her heart stalled in her chest. Her face lit aflame. This couldn’t be happening.

He brushed her cheeks with the backs of his knuckles. She willed with all of her might not to lean into the touch, to stay rooted where she was, but she swayed and felt her eyes flutter shut. This was too good to be true.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

She opened her eyes and looked up. When had he stepped closer? When had his hands moved to cup her face? She should leave. She should get out of this while she still had the chance. She wanted freedom. She wanted a life in the stupid little dress shop on Main Street with the company of an old man and his nearly-blind dog. Why was he making this so hard for her? Why was he making it so she couldn’t leave him again?

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I was horribly wrong and—and—” His face broke into a smile A smile so uncharacteristically Reed, so unhindered and joyful, it made her stomach lurch. “And I love you.”

Luciana should have known she wouldn’t get out of this without crying. Moisture filled her eyes as she shook her head. She felt like her chest was being torn in two. God, she loved him. More than anything she wanted to return the words. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t—No. She
wouldn’t
sacrifice what she had made for herself for him. It was selfish, and she figured it would cause them both more pain than prosperity, but she was a stubborn woman. Her father had left Italy to build something great. With his death, he had left that task to her and now she had that chance. She couldn’t leave it.

“Forgive me?” he said, his voice filled to the brim with hope.

Luciana pushed his arms away. The warmth his hands had given her left, leaving her feeling cold. “I can’t do this,” she said, her voice louder than she intended. She backed away, slashing her hand through the air. She couldn’t look at him. She was too afraid to see the confusion and hurt.

“What?” He stepped forward. She stepped back. “Luciana, I don’t understand.”

She blinked rapidly in an effort to ward off her tears. “I don’t expect you to.” She pressed a hand against her stomach. “I think I may be sick,” she breathed, latching her hand onto the arm of the nearest chair. Dots swam before her eyes.

He touched her shoulder and she broke. The dam would hold the water no more and her tears ran freely down her face. He attempted to gather her into his arms, but she pushed against the strong wall of his chest, tearing herself away.

“No!” she cried. “I can’t. I can’t.”

“You can’t what? You can’t forgive me?”

She turned her eyes to him, refusing to acknowledge the concern that played across his face. “I can’t stay here.”

“Why not? I thought you said you loved me?”

She held her hand against her mouth to muffle her sob. “I do.
Mon Dio,
I do love you.” She shook her head and stepped toward the door. “But I can’t be with you like this.”

Reed lunged forward and grabbed her shoulders in his hands again. When he spoke, panic filled every word. He had unraveled so quickly from the normally calm and collected Reed it frightened her.

“What is it? Is it Esther?” She shook her head. “Jack? Aliana? Why can’t you be with me? I’ve made an ass out of myself I know, but—” He smoothed his hand against her hair. His eyes turned watery as he blinked. “I told myself I would be fine without you. But having you here again, I know that’s not true. No amount of apologizing will make up for what I did, but I love you.”

His final words so perfectly mirrored her own from the day he’d sent her away it made Luciana stop for a moment. She stared into his eyes. His steely gaze filled with love and hope and worry all at the same time. She could spend a lifetime looking into those eyes. She happily would. And he was offering her that lifetime.

Did she really want to give him up again because of her devotion to Sam and the store?

She straightened her shoulders and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Reed returned to his full height, eyebrows raised in anticipation. Gently, she took his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles.

“And I love you,” she said, her voice cracking, “but I can’t be with you. And I can’t expect you to understand that.”

Reed’s jaw clenched. He looked away, his lips set in a tight line. “That’s your choice then.”

“
Si
, it is.” She gave his hand one final squeeze before dropping it. “I’ll go sit with Esther now.”

“You don’t have to—”

She held up her hand, already moving toward the door. “I promised.”

“And you keep your promises?”

“Every time.”

“Then promise me this: Think about it. Whatever it is that’s holding you back, think about what it’s costing us.”

Luciana’s throat tightened and she sniffed, gripping the doorknob. She shouldn’t promise. She shouldn’t promise. It could lead her giving it all up and ruining what she had built. Leaving Sam and wondering what—

“I promise.”

Oh, she was damned.

Chapter 32

W
ithin the next two days Esther showed clear signs of returning to health. Her appetite returned and the number of violent coughing fits she experienced each day slowly diminished. Reed couldn’t be more relieved. The doctor said that, while pneumonia killed children and the elderly most often, he often found that children fought the hardest against it, too.

And, my, how Esther had fought.

“It will be a week or so before she returns to her full health,” the doctor assured Reed when he was shown to the door. “Don’t force her to do things she’s not ready to do yet.”

Reed pumped the doctor’s arm up and down, causing the poor man to wince in pain. “No, of course not. I wouldn’t dream of it, sir. Thank you for your help.”

The doctor turned around before Reed could shut the door and return to Esther’s bedside. “And my bill?”

“Call my office in London.”

“But I—”

“Call my office, sir. Thank you again!” He shut the door and turned on his heel, rushing across the floor. When he stopped short at the base of the stairs, his shoes skidded across the marble.

Luciana would want to know what the doctor had said. Only he wasn’t thrilled about the prospect of telling her. Even though she deserved to know and she would find out one way or the other, her rejection still stung. She hadn’t even given him a clear reason for her refusal. Not that he had proposed anything. He had merely set his heart at her feet to have it stomped upon.

He let the matter go for the time being. She promised she would think about her decision and he could always hope she would change her mind. He couldn’t imagine himself falling for anyone else, though, if she did choose to leave. Falling for her had happened by mistake, but now that he had, it was clear there was no one else for him but her. They fit each other well, she with her brazen and unrefined ways and he with his too-practical mind. Her sharp wit challenged him to step out of his comfort zone and he liked to think his generosity and friendship had made her feel at ease in a brand new country.

All he could do now was hope she accepted his heart.

He turned toward the conservatory. When he reached the door, he rapped on the glass panes twice. The humming from within stopped and he heard the padding of bare feet as they crossed the floor. When she came around the corner and saw it was him, the contented smile flew from her face and was replaced with a look of worry. She opened the door and motioned him inside.

Reed stepped into the humid room and almost regretted recommissioning the repair of the space. After Luciana left, he thought about demolishing the whole wing. The only person who used it was Esther, who tried in vain to finish the monumental project on her own. It was her determination that caused Reed to drop the pretty penny on getting the place fixed and thriving again. He shrugged off his jacket, draped it over the back of a nearby chair, and rolled up his sleeves.