The Simple Gift (8 page)

Sleep

Occasionally

I find Old Bill

asleep on the gravel

beside the carriage,

an empty bottle beside him.

I try to wake him

and help him inside

into the warmth.

He swears

and coughs

and his breath smells

of beer

and cigarettes.

We stumble into the carriage

and he falls on the seat

still swearing

at me for waking him

and at his luck for

being found

smelling badly

asleep

on the gravel

beside the train tracks

by a kid

who can't leave well enough

alone.

Need

I help Old Bill

because of Ernie

and Irene

and their friendliness.

Because when I was

twelve years old

and my dad had chased me

out of the house

with a strap,

I'd hidden in the neighbour's

chook shed, waiting for night

when I could climb

through my bedroom window

and sleep,

hoping Dad wouldn't wake angry.

After an hour,

our neighbour came out

and placed a bowl of soup

and some bread

on a tin

outside the chook shed door.

She left me dinner

and walked away.

I ate my fill

and waited till late.

A few weeks later

that neighbour moved away

and I never thanked her,

and that's why I help Old Bill,

for no reason

other than he needs it.

The mop and bucket

Last night

with my hated mop in one hand

and bucket in the other

I walked to Billy's table.

I stood there and he smiled,

sipped his lemonade,

and waited.

I asked him

for a date

on Saturday,

a picnic,

anywhere he wanted,

and I felt foolish

holding the mop and bucket

trying to look confident,

and he said yes

he'd love to

and I said

I'd love to as well

and I went back

to mopping

trying to act as though

nothing had happened

even though

we both knew

it had.

Caitlin

It's simple really.

I have more clothes

than I'll ever wear.

I have a TV and a CD player

in my room

which has its own bathroom

which is always a mess

full of make-up and lip gloss

and moisturiser and special soaps.

I have a large desk with a computer

and next month,

when I turn eighteen,

my own bloody car.

And I'm not a spoilt brat OK,

but I am spoilt,

spoilt to boredom,

and I'm smart enough

to realise that none of this

means anything

except my parents are rich

and think I want this stuff

or need this stuff

and I know what I really need

and it's not in my bedroom.

And it's not able to be bought

in any damn store.

Lunchtime

Friday lunchtime

with Petra and Kate

under the maple tree

behind the library.

I tell them about tomorrow

and Petra giggles

and says,

‘Outdoor sex, how romantic'.

We all laugh,

thinking if only it were true,

then Kate

comes right out and says it,

‘I had sex once'.

Grateful

Petra and I stared at Kate.

She didn't look to be joking,

or proud,

or even happy.

We waited.

‘I had sex once.

A year ago now.

I can't tell you who with.

And before I had sex

I thought it would be so easy,

so clean – that's it –

clean and special.

It wasn't.'

I'm looking across the schoolyard

at the Year 9s

playing netball

and two girls

arguing over a shot.

I'm afraid to look at Kate.

‘It was uncomfortable,

it hurt,

it was too quick

and too messy

and we both felt stupid.

I closed my eyes and tried

not to think of anything

as he unravelled the condom

and threw it away.

That was it.

Messy, quick,

and a condom flung in the bushes.

I had sex once

and I've been too scared

to have it again.'

The girls at netball have stopped arguing.

They link arms

and walk into class

as the bell rings.

The three of us are quiet.

And for once

we're all grateful that

lunchtime is over.

No hurry

The knock is so quiet.

I'm not sure if she's there,

but I open the carriage door

and she says hello and

holds up a picnic basket

full of food, good food,

not takeaways,

not cold burgers,

but bread and cheese

and half a roast chicken,

and peaches, grapes, watermelon,

and a packet of Tim Tams

and a bottle opener for the beer

and on top of all the food

is the mobile phone

switched on

should her dad ring.

She's at Petra's, right.

Caitlin and I

walk to Bendarat River

and my favourite bend.

The sun is sparkling Saturday

and I've scrubbed my clothes,

at the laundry this time

with real detergent

bought with the money I earned.

I left the ring in the carriage.

I'm in no hurry.

It's in my hiding place,

safe,

waiting for the right time

when I'm certain

it deserves a showing.

I'm in no hurry,

it's Saturday.

The picnic

We ate everything.

We took our time,

lying on the blanket,

a sip of beer,

a slice of cheese,

some roast,

and slowly one chocolate biscuit

after another

in the quiet sunshine – 

we couldn't stop ourselves.

It was warm,

it was delicious,

and the beer worked its magic.

We both stretched out

on the tartan blanket

and we drifted

asleep.

Our first date

Billy and me

and we slept together

only

we really did just

sleep together

content

to waste the hours

close.